by A. F. Dery
He said nothing, feeling numb, even while his finger throbbed. Finally Grace broke the silence.
“I don’t think it will need to be sewn. I’m putting a bandage on it now.”
He sat meekly while she did so, then to his surprise, she threw her arms around him, pulling his head down onto her shoulder. He froze there a moment, confused and uncertain, then to his horror, he felt himself starting to weep like a child. He buried his face against her, hating himself for his weakness but utterly lost to it. He felt her hand in his hair, stroking it.
“You’re not ruined. We’ll figure this out, Hadrian, we will,” Grace murmured. He lifted his wet face, squinting as hard as he could into the darkness, wanting desperately to see again for just one moment, to know for sure if there was a contempt for him on her face that matched his own.
He saw nothing, but felt her kiss his forehead, as he once had hers. A warmth, a wordless yearning, flooded him as he moved unthinkingly to put his arms around her, reaching for her.
Then, before his hands or arms could even touch her, there was chaos. A torturous screaming filled his ears, like a beast being flayed alive, and the only thing he was sure of was that it wasn’t coming from Grace. She pulled away from him and he shot to his feet, brushing past her to put himself between her and the sound.
“Get out of here, Grace, and shut the door!” he shouted over the din. His only thought was to get her away from whatever was causing the unholy sound.
“Not unless you come with me!” she yelled back, grabbing his arm. She pulled him and he followed, both breaking into a run. She released his arm out in the hall and a second later he heard the door slam behind them, muffling the screams.
“My god, what was that? What was making that noise? Did you see anything?” he demanded, bewildered. “Did another animal get in? Was the wolf attacking it?” It was the only explanation that sprang to mind, though his imagination shied reluctantly from trying to imagine what kind of creature could have been screaming like that. It truly defied description.
“N-no…is there no way to bar this door? No way to lock it? Maybe I can move something heavy in front of it…” Grace sounded frantic.
“So something IS in there? Talk to me, Grace, please.” Hadrian held out his hands pleadingly.
“I-it’s the wolf,” Grace said, her voice barely audible over the muffled screams. “It’s…I don’t know…something horrible is happening to it…its body was stretched all out in this awful way and it was having some kind of fit…I really…it was horrible…I feel sick…”
“Could it have eaten something bad? Gotten into the herbs?” Hadrian asked, still worried but relaxing somewhat. It was sad if the beast was poisoned, particularly after the help it had been in procuring meat for them, but from the sounds he had heard, he had feared much worse.
“He…it’s not poisoned, Hadrian. You don’t understand. Its body was…it wasn’t right…his bones looked like they were sticking out through his fur…oh no,” Grace said and he heard her rush past and into the bedroom, then her being sick.
He started to follow her, concerned, when he noticed the screams had stopped. He thought he could hear panting on the other side of the door, nothing more. He made his way carefully to the door and pressed his ear against it. Yes, just panting.
He heard Grace come up behind him and he turned to her. “It’s stopped. But still alive. I can hear it breathing. Are you all right?”
Grace let out a shaky sounding laugh. “I’m fine. It’s the wolf who isn’t. That isn’t really a wolf, Hadrian, it can’t be…wolves…don’t look like that. Even sick.”
“They don’t normally sound like that either, I don’t think, but there’s no really telling what they might sound like if they are in enough distress. Something might be really wrong with it. We need to check. If we can help the poor creature, we should.”
Grace was quiet for a moment. “You didn’t see what it looked like…but you’re right, just the same. If it IS really a wolf, then we need to help it, it helped us after all.” She sounded scared, her voice tremulous. He wondered just what this wolf had looked like to her.
“You should stay here,” he said quietly. “Or go in the bedroom. Let me check on it and I’ll call you if you can help.”
“No, you won’t be able to see what he looks like now. I don’t want you going right up to him if he’s still…well, I don’t want you going right up to him. He doesn’t really seem to like you much even when he’s not…off. I’ll come with you and describe him for you,” she told him, her voice growing firmer as she went on. He felt her hand slip into his, cold and trembling. He squeezed it very gently.
“All right,” he agreed. “Let’s do it then.”
He went to the door and pushed it slowly open.
“Let me look before we go in the room,” Grace whispered near his ear. Her breath tickled his skin and sent shivers scrambling down his back. He nodded mutely.
She moved a little past him, still holding his hand, then went very still.
“Grace?” he murmured, squeezing her hand again.
“It’s…it can’t be…this is impossible…” her voice was very faint.
“Grace, please tell me what’s in there,” he urged.
“I…you may not believe me, Hadrian…I don’t believe me…but it’s…it’s a man in there. I don’t see the wolf anywhere.” Her voice was rising as she spoke. “I don’t understand. How could he get in here without us knowing? What did he do to the wolf? Did he…could it have been magic?”
She abruptly let go of his hand.
“Grace, what are you doing?” Hadrian asked anxiously. He heard her go into the room and he tried to follow, but walked straight into the door, which she’d pulled closed right behind her. He rubbed his sore nose and immediately went to pull open the door again.
“Grace,” he heard an unfamiliar, husky voice croak pitifully as he stepped inside.
“What did you do to him?” Grace demanded. Hadrian had never heard her sound so angry. “How did you get in here? Are you some sort of mage, is that it? It’s pathetic, that you would try to rob a blind man and murder a defenseless animal!”
“Grace…no…you don’t-” the voice rasped, but a cracking sound cut it off. Then another one.
“Grace?” Hadrian froze where he stood, unsure of what was going on and hopelessly confused. He felt damnably helpless. “Grace, please say something.”
“Hadrian, it’s all right…I don’t see the wolf anywhere but there’s a man…do you have any rope?”
Hadrian frowned. “What just happened, exactly?”
“I hit him with the chair,” she answered coldly. “He’s unconscious now and I want to make sure he’s tied to it before he comes back around.”
Hadrian raised both eyebrows.
The chair Grace tied the intruder to was decidedly wobbly, by virtue of having just been used as a bludgeon. She hauled him onto it with some difficulty, as he was much larger than she was, and larger than Hadrian as well, both tall and muscular in build. If he had not been sprawled on the floor when she’d come in, she would have had quite a time of reaching his head to bash him on it. Shaggy ash blond hair hung around his face, obscuring it almost completely as his head lolled in unconsciousness.
Grace was not a large woman by any means, but her anger and sorrow lent her strength as she worked. She felt sick and sad and furious all at once at the thought of the poor wolf being horribly tortured to death by dark magic. Her eyes burned with tears as she thought of how she’d failed to come to the creature’s defense after all he’d done for her. She’d been absolutely petrified at what she had seen, but that was no excuse. I ran, again. Once again, someone needed me, and I ran. The litany of self reproach looped endlessly in her mind as she bound the man with vicious tightness.
“I don’t understand how anyone could have come in here undetected, even with magic,” Hadrian was telling her from where he stood nearby. He looked perplexed, his brows knit together in
thought. “You would have seen him, I would have heard him. The wolf would have smelled him. It just makes no sense. And even magic would have left something behind of the wolf.”
“Who knows what foul magic he uses, Hadrian. Nothing like what you’ve ever studied, I’m sure. He’s clearly the worst kind of filth. He would have robbed you at best…he’s naked, Hadrian. He took his clothes off somewhere before he came in here.” Grace gave the ropes another vicious and unnecessary tug, darkly satisfied when her captive flinched even in unconsciousness.
“Naked? He’s naked?” Everything from bemusement to disgust to anger passed over Hadrian’s face, then abruptly it cleared, replaced by surprise. “Oh. Oh, that does explain everything then. You’re mistaken about him, Grace.”
“How can I possibly be mistaken about a naked intruder and a disappeared wolf?” Grace wanted to know. She glared at the intruder, daring him with her eyes to wake up so she could smack him again with her broom, which she’d brought back with her when she’d gone to find the rope.
“Grace, I think he is the wolf,” Hadrian said slowly.
Grace gave Hadrian an appraising look, but he appeared as serious as he sounded. “That can’t be,” she said flatly. “There’s only so much that magic can do.”
“You’re willing to believe that it can torture an animal into nonexistence without even a trace left behind, but not that it can turn a man into a beast?” Hadrian shook his head, his voice gentle. “It’s possible, Grace. You’re right that it’s not the sort of magic I study. I’m not even certain he ever studied it, perhaps it was some sort of curse someone else inflicted on him. But he should be able to explain it to us when he wakes back up, if you didn’t bash him too hard.”
Grace looked back at the bound intruder uncertainly. “He’ll wake up,” she said eventually. “We’ll see what he has to say for himself.”
“You’re not convinced, are you?”
“No I’m really not,” she admitted. “But you do know more about these things than I do, so if you say it’s possible, then it’s possible. I still think my version is possible, too.”
“Well it is, I suppose, except for the part about there being nothing left of the wolf at all,” Hadrian said thoughtfully. She suspected he was trying to be gracious and chose not to continue pressing her argument.
A short time later, the man in the chair stirred and groaned. He strained momentarily against his bonds, likely trying to raise a hand to pat his bashed head, then his eyes flew open and a very wolf-like snarl left his lips, causing Grace to back away a little out of an abundance of caution. She gripped her broom warily with both hands. His eyes widened as they fell on her and the snarling stopped at once.
“Grace,” he said again. His voice was very hoarse and low.
“How did you get in here?” she asked him stonily.
“You know how,” he said with some trouble.
“What did you do to the wolf that was in here?” she asked, taking a step closer to him. The broom shook slightly in her hands.
He eyed it warily. “I didn’t do anything to it…I am the wolf, Grace.”
She froze, looking to Hadrian. The man’s gaze followed hers and his expression hardened, a growl erupting from his throat.
“He’s fooled you, Grace,” the man growled. “I couldn’t sit by and watch it happen. This man isn’t who you think he is, who he wants you to think he is…he is no one you should pity, no one you should care for. He can only hurt you.” He spoke slowly, every now and then stopping as if trying to collect his thoughts, or choose his words.
Grace frowned, lowering her broom as she looked back at him. “How can you say that? Hadrian, does this man know you? Does he sound familiar at all?”
Hadrian shook his head wordlessly but the man went on in a husky rumble, “He doesn’t know me…but I know him, and I know what he’s done. He’s a murderer, Grace. He’s killed hundreds of people…women and children among them. My brother among them.”
Her eyes widened. Slowly she looked back to Hadrian. He looked as though he could have been made of stone, he was so still. His face had gone absolutely white, his mouth slack.
“No,” she whispered. “It’s not true. It can’t be. You’ve mistaken him for someone else.”
“I haven’t,” the man insisted. “Ask him. Ask him, and see if the coward…will answer truthfully for himself.”
“I don’t have to ask him,” Grace said uneasily, without taking her eyes off of Hadrian. “I trust him. He’s taken care of me since I came here, since you brought me here. He could have hurt me at any time, but he didn’t.”
“That doesn’t change what he’s done. He knows it. I think you know it, too. This man never would have earned…your trust if you’d known the truth about him.”
“He’s right,” Hadrian said quietly. His lips barely moved. “He’s right. All he’s said is true. I don’t know who his brother is, but it wouldn’t surprise me if…I’m sure I must have killed him. Why would he make something like that up?” Hadrian bowed his head, his hands clenching at his sides. “I tried to tell you, Grace, that I wasn’t what you were thinking…”
“No, Hadrian…I mean, how? You’re not like that. There must be more to it than that. How could one person kill hundreds of people? Even the warlords have troops. Do you have troops, Hadrian? Where are they?”
“I used magic,” Hadrian said. “I killed people with magic.” The words came out slowly. His ruined eyes blinked rapidly as he gazed off at nothing.
Grace felt as though she’d been struck. She stared at him, unable to speak, chilled to her core.
“I-I’m sorry, Grace. I didn’t want you to know, I knew it would frighten you if you knew, and I didn’t want you to get hurt-”
“You…you killed people…hundreds of people…with magic…and then came up to this tower to, what, to study? To research more ways of killing people?” She barely recognized her own voice. “And I was going to help you continue this…this…madness?”
Hadrian shook his head, surprise reanimating his face. “No, no, Grace, that’s not what-”
“I told you what I did, and you…you didn’t say a word about this…”
“No, I didn’t. What I did, you must see it is far worse…I didn’t want to scare you…”
“Well you did! You have! I am scared! I knew I didn’t know you all that well, but I thought it was well enough to know that you’re not the kind of man who would do something like that…not after the way you treated me,” Grace’s voice broke. “And you would have helped the wolf, too, if he’d really been a wolf. Someone like that just doesn’t go around magically slaughtering people. I don’t understand this.”
“Grace-”
“No, no, I don’t want to hear about it anymore.” To her embarrassment, she felt tears starting and she couldn’t stop them. Her stomach roiled. “The two of you can keep each other company, for the rest of winter for all I care. You’re a fine pair!”
The man in the chair started. “How…why would you say such a terrible thing?” he sputtered. “I brought you here-”
“To a mass murderer!” Grace cried. She saw Hadrian cringe and it stabbed at her.
“I saved your life-”
“No, he did. You were content to stay a wolf while he did all the work of saving me. And you lied to me. You lied to me by…by acting like a wolf! You were in my bed with me! You watched me bathe and dress and lord knows what! I don’t care if you were cursed, you could have shown me some sign that you weren’t what I thought you were, but you didn’t, then you have the nerve to accuse Hadrian of the same thing! Neither of you were what I thought! Enjoy each other!”
She stormed from the room, barely able to see now through her tears and narrowly avoiding knocking Hadrian over, who still stood frozen exactly where he’d been the entire time. He made no response, no move to stop her, and somehow this omission made her chest ache intolerably.
She went straight to the bedroom and lowered the bar across the
inside of the door, then wedged the chair against it for good measure before collapsing on the bed in frightened tears. She’d been so upset that at some point in her tirade she had even dropped her broom without noticing. She felt terribly alone, stuck in this tower for months yet with two men she apparently couldn’t trust.
She tried not to think of the look on Hadrian’s face, the sadness in his voice. She hadn’t been able to interpret that strange stillness at the time, but now it came to her, unbidden, as she was doing her best to block it out. Resignation, that’s what it had been. He was resigned to her reaction, resigned to what he expected would come next.
Somehow that hurt more than she thought it would.
CHAPTER FIVE
The man in the chair was in a state of confusion. His focus when Grace had been present had been clear: protecting her from the Murderer, who was still standing as if made of stone across the room from him, staring blankly at nothing. Somehow, that purpose had managed to pin down his thoughts like butterflies to a board, and he’d been able to handle it. The words had come out of his mouth comprehensibly, even though they felt strange in his mouth, his voice alien to his own ears and nothing like what he vaguely remembered.
Now that she had gone, his mind was whirling, and everything was wrong. Everything looked wrong, smelled wrong, felt wrong. His very bones felt wrong, and the skin stretched over them. His mind drifted in and out of coherent thought: his thoughts very rarely took the form of words when he was a wolf. They were more like pictures and impulses, usually married to action in one form or another. But now the words were coming back, with all the pictures and memories and feelings they brought with them. Without Grace and without that purpose, they were a baffling jumble that made his head ache even worse than it had when he’d come to. He couldn’t even concentrate on the man across the room, to growl at him as he dearly longed to do; he was in a different kind of agony in his head than he had just been in his body as his humanity returned. It came tumbling through his mind in jagged pieces that didn’t seem to quite fit together, the wolf in him recoiling from the tight bonds that held him to the chair and the sense of captivity they brought, and both man and wolf repulsed by the blind man in the same room and feeling an odd sense of grief to have lost Grace’s presence.