by Fel Fern
Graham began to cry from his crib and the two men moved aside so she could reach him. Jen meant it when she told Eli and Nix she wasn’t sure she could make it without their help. Raising Graham on her own felt so daunting, and she didn’t know if she had the strength in her to do what needed to be doing.
Jen wasn’t weak-willed by any means. Mating Diego had tied her heart and soul to him, and when Diego had left, it felt like half of her had been brutally torn away, leaving her other half to wilt. The women pard supported her the best they could and she couldn’t even begin to repay Lex and the other women, but they couldn’t truly repair the broken parts of her.
“I’m going to get Graham all settled, then cook us some breakfast,” Jen told them.
“I can help you with Graham,” Eli said, getting off the bed.
“And I’ll cook breakfast,” Nix added.
Jen raised an eyebrow at Nix. “You can cook?”
“Of course,” Nix sounded insulted. “You just don’t let anyone in your kitchen.”
Jen had to smile. “Then we’ll look forward to breakfast.”
True to his word, by the time they swung into the kitchen, Nix had breakfast all set up.
“Smells and looks good, but does it taste good?” Eli mused, ignoring Nix’s growl.
Jen set Graham in his high chair, amused when Nix handed her Graham’s baby food in his favorite cat bowl. Seeing Nix, hair ruffled, shirtless, and dressed in his boxers in the midst of domestic bliss never failed to make Jen smile.
She didn’t doubt he’d make a good father and from what little she learned from Lex, he’d been a devoted dad before his family had been murdered.
Her heart had ached when Lex told her Nix’s tale. Dissuading him from exacting his revenge was futile, because Jen believed Nix needed this. He deserved to avenge his wife and child so he could move on. All Eli and she could do was make sure he didn’t destroy himself in the process.
“At least he didn’t shift in the middle of the night again,” Nix said, nudging a spoonful of mashed carrots and peas to Graham’s lips. The cub dutifully swallowed, waving his chubby fists at Nix for more.
“He shifted while we were in the tub,” Eli complained, showing Nix the Band-Aids on his forearms. “Scratched me up good, too. It’s unfair that you’re Graham’s favorite and you’re not even a werecat.”
“Nix has a way with kids,” Jen said thoughtfully. “What are your plans for today?”
“Meeting up with Lex,” Nix said, wiping Graham’s chin.
While they never discussed it out loud, Jen knew the sole reason Nix had delayed his task was because he wanted to make sure she and Eli were settled. She patted his arm. “Be careful.”
Nix snorted. “Oh yeah. Noah threatened to skin me if anything happened to Lex.”
“Sounds just like Noah,” Jen said, glancing at Eli who fumed silently at his plate.
Eli wanted to involve himself with Nix’s affairs, but Nix firmly refused. Now that the two men were mated, Jen wondered if Nix felt the tension in Eli. She just hoped Eli wouldn’t do anything hasty.
Chapter Six
“Nix, you do know we’re being followed by your mate?” Lex unhelpfully pointed out.
To remain unobtrusive, they parked their bikes at a nearby safe neighborhood and walked the rest of their way to the worst part of the city. Despite Nix warning Eli to stay away that morning, the persistent wereleopard continued to tail Lex and him.
“Yeah, I know.” Nix grunted, exhaling his smoke.
Eli had been terrible at following them, but Nix could tell Eli was nearby just from the mating mark. An invisible thread connected Nix to Eli now, and Nix decided it could either be a damn inconvenience or be useful.
“Do me a favor and pretend you didn’t notice him.”
“Why? It’s better if you just cued him in on what we’re doing,” Lex reasoned.
What Lex said made a whole lot of sense and he’d be able to keep a close eye on Eli if he was with them, but damn Nix couldn’t shake off his anger.
“Can you drop the fucking issue? You’re acting like some nagging old woman,” Nix said. “Besides, what I do is none of his damn business anyway. If he had any brains he’d be heading for the hills and looking for a way to break our accidental mate bond.”
Lex fixed him a searing glare. “Accidental or not, he’s your mate now, Nix. He can’t help worry about you.”
The truth in her words hurt like any knife to the gut. Mating Eli meant the wereleopard was now on the receiving end of Nix’s emotions. Despite how hard Nix tried to cushion a decade worth of hate and vengeance, he hadn’t been that good of an actor.
Knowing Lex wouldn’t drop the issue, Nix halted and stared at the tree Eli hid behind. “Eli, why don’t you come over and join us instead of playing hide-and-seek?”
Pretending not to hear Nix, Eli remained hidden. Nix glanced at Lex, offered her smoke and took a fresh stick himself while they waited for Eli to show himself. After a few minutes, Eli let out a frustrated curse and sullenly joined them.
“How the hell did you know?” Eli demanded.
“Easy. You’re a terrible spy and you’ve forgotten we’re mated,” Nix said dryly, grabbing Eli’s arm.
He had a whole speech prepared, but he couldn’t remember a single word of it once his hand closed over Eli’s skin. Nix’s breathing quickened as their beasts rose and settled beside each other comfortably.
The seedy neighborhood they were in fell away from his vision. All Nix saw was Eli and all he felt was Eli’s unbelievably warm skin under his fingertips. He pulled Eli close. Eli didn’t pull back. His submission made Nix’s cock stir under his jeans.
Lex cleared her throat politely. Breathing hard, Nix let Eli go. Fuck. He needed to focus. This was the exact reason why he needed to do this alone. Eli, Jen, and Graham posed as unnecessary distraction. They got in the way of what he needed to do. It was an awful way of thinking, but it was hard reality. Nix needed to deal with his demons before he could think about anything else.
“Just don’t get in the way,” Nix told Eli.
“I won’t,” Eli said defiantly. Nix clenched his jaw, quelling the urge to grab Eli’s shirt and silence those kissable lips.
“Come on. The apartment’s nearby,” Lex said.
She led them to the back exit of a run-down building that looked no different from the other graffiti-covered apartment buildings in the neighborhood. A few junkies and worn out whores lingered on the first floor, but Nix doubted they’d cause them any problems. Lex took them to a grubby apartment on the seventh floor.
The place came equipped with basic furniture, but was otherwise skeletal. A scarred table and two plastic chairs faced two windows with heavy drapes. Nix walked to the windows to survey the view. With his enhanced werewolf vision, he didn’t need binoculars.
He had a perfect bird’s eye view of the building opposite them. Another run-down clone, except the entire third floor had been rented out and used as a drop-off point for the Blue Bastards and their business. Nix didn’t recognize anyone yet, but a torrent of buried anger washed over him, so intense it made him snarl.
“Easy, big guy,” Eli said, suddenly by his side and beginning to rub his back.
Nix wanted to lash out at Eli. To tell him he didn’t fucking know the first thing about his past, but his touch was distracting and admittedly, helped cleared his head a little.
Damn. What was Eli doing to him?
“There are other drop-off points in the city, but according to reports, this location seems to have the most activity,” Lex said.
Nix understood what she meant. Despite being the middle of the day, there was a flurry of activity inside the rooms. Among the bikers wearing their blue patches were other men he assumed were their dealers.
“Where do you get your information anyway?” Nix had to ask.
“Easy. From the local werewolf pack,” Lex answered.
“Isn’t that dangerous?” Eli asked worriedl
y.
“They’re very forthcoming actually. The Bastards are eating a huge chunk out of their business, so they want them gone. Don’t worry, Eli. Lars knows about this.”
Eli didn’t look reassured. He stared out the windows and said quietly, “You really want these men gone don’t you? I can feel your murderous rage.”
“Finally scared you, didn’t I?” Nix couldn’t help but ask.
Eli blinked, tearing his gaze from the view to look at Nix steadily. “Sure I am, but you must have your reasons and I also want to make them pay for whatever they did to you.”
“They murdered my wife and daughter,” Nix said tonelessly.
Eli looked stunned. Nix suddenly wondered why he blurted the burden he’d been carrying so long so easily to the young wereleopard. He’d want nothing more than to blame it on the mate bonds, but he couldn’t. Eli had an open and easy way about him that made it easier to talk and unburden his emotions. Jen had the same effect on him and Nix didn’t open up easily to anyone.
Spending time with Eli and Jen had made Nix aware of how small his old world had been and how much he’d isolated himself from reality and from people. Perhaps the fates, or whoever was out there, had sent Eli and Jen his way for a reason. Nix decided it was about time he stopped fighting so hard. Didn’t he deserve some measure of happiness?
After so long, Georgina and Maddy’s faces had become blurry in his memories, much to his shame. He couldn’t even remember their exact features and the only photos he’d kept had similarly become indistinct and dog-eared with time.
You knew you were also digging your own grave when you set yourself on this path long ago, a nasty voice inside his head whispered.
“Then it’s settled,” Eli’s confident voice made Nix blink.
“What?” he asked dumbly.
“We’ll deal with them.”
Nix warily studied Eli, noting how he placed an emphasis on the word “we.”
“There’s movement. Huh. Looks like someone came by. Never seen this one before, although he looks vaguely familiar,” Lex said.
Nix and Eli peered out the window again. Lex had been right. The bulky and medium built man swaggering through the apartment reminded him of someone, but Nix couldn’t place a name to him. Sensing the sudden conflicting mess of emotions coming from Eli through their mate bonds he turned, concerned. Eli’s entire body grew rigid and when Nix touched his arm, it felt unbelievably warm. Eli’s beast hovered near the surface of his skin, eager to be let out.
Eli growled. “That fucking unbelievable bastard.”
When Eli began to shake with rage, Nix quickly shook his head at Lex who was about to approach him. He grabbed Eli’s shoulders, forcing Eli to look at him.
“Calm down. Breathe. Tell me what’s bothering you.”
“Don’t. I’m not a fucking child, so stop treating me like one.” Eli snarled.
“I don’t see you as a child, but losing your temper is helping no one. Do you recognize the guy?” Nix asked calmly.
“That’s my fucking brother. After disappearing for months without a word except one recent postcard saying he wants to see his kid when he’s born, he comes back to Leopold City without telling me or Jen?”
Nix squinted at the man again, and noted the physical similarities between Diego and Eli. He also noticed how Diego wore the same blue patch.
“Your brother rides with the Blue Bastards?”
“Diego’s always been ambitious, but not this stupid. My brother’s gone. I don’t know who that stranger is,” Eli hissed, shoving Nix’s arm away. He began to stride to the door.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Nix demanded.
“Diego owes me some explanations. Fuck. Screw explanations. I’m going to pummel him until he bleeds.”
Before Eli disappeared out the front door, Nix caught up to him.
“Move away, Nix. This is my problem.”
Knowing Eli wouldn’t budge, Nix slammed him against the wall and gripped his wrists.
“Wrong, kitty. This is our problem now. Heading there without a plan is suicide. If you stupidly get yourself killed, ever think what’s going to happen to Jen, or to me?”
The anger clouding Eli’s eyes cleared a little, and then he swallowed. Every shifter knew when their mates died, it felt like half of their soul had been torn apart. Nix had never quite recovered when Georgina died, and she hadn’t even been a shifter, which was why he could very well imagine the pain Jen had gone through.
Fuck. Nix wanted to join Eli. Crossing the street, making the bastard who’d left Jen and Graham howl in pain was tempting, but Nix contained himself.
They stood like that for a few minutes, with Nix pressed so close to Eli he felt the rise and fall of Eli’s chest while he gathered himself.
“I’m sorry. You’re right,” Eli eventually mumbled.
Nix felt Lex’s hand on his shoulder. “I’ll leave you two to settle your personal business. I’ll see what else I can dig up.”
Nix thanked her and waited until the door slammed shut. He awkwardly gave Eli some space.
“So what now?” Eli asked. They both looked out the window again. Diego seemed to finish whatever he was there for, and left with two other bikers.
“We regroup, find out more, then make plans,” Nix said.
Eli let out a sound of disgust. “Sounds tedious.”
“I’ve waited for a decade, a few days is nothing.” Nix sighed. “What will we tell Jen?”
Eli bit her lip. “It’s tempting to tell her nothing at all, but I promised her I wouldn’t keep secrets from her. Besides, she deserves to know.”
Nix nodded in approval. Whether he liked it or not, Eli, Jen, and his fate were irrevocably tied. He didn’t know the depth of Diego’s involvement with the Bastards, but he needed to learn more.
As they headed back, he remembered the ugly voice in his head.
“Hey,” Eli said as they took Nix’s bike back to the apartment.
“Hmm?” It was hard to concentrate with Eli sitting so close.
With Eli just in front of him and his back pressed against Nix’s front, Nix breathed in the familiar scent of his new mate. An ache began to fester in his heart. Nix had done his fair share of ugliness over the years he wasn’t proud of.
If Eli and Jen could accept him, accept both his past and his flaws and still want him, why couldn’t he fight for a future with the two wereleopards?
I began digging my own grave the moment I swore I’d avenge Georgina and Maddy and made myself a dead man walking. What right do I have to drag Eli and Jen down to my own ruination?
“Don’t think so damn much. It isn’t like you,” Eli said.
“Yeah? And you know how I’m like?” Nix teased back.
Eli snorted quietly. “I’m learning. Give me time.”
I wish we had all the time in the world, kitty, but it feels like my days are numbered.
Chapter Seven
“Diego’s back in town?” Jen whispered, aware she just repeated the words Eli and Nix echoed.
Draped over her shoulder, Graham let out a satisfied burp. Having just finished his bottle, Graham directed sleepy eyes at her when she consciously ran a hand through his curls. If Jen still believed in a God, she’d demand why the hell he’d throw this in her face at the point in her life. She had been ready to move on, to see if she really had any possible future with Eli and Nix. Her resolve wavered at the news of Diego’s return.
Was this divine punishment for thinking she could never truly escape her former mate?
Nix dragged a chair out from the kitchen table, his brows drawn with concern. “Why don’t you have a seat, sweetheart? Let the information sink in?”
Eli did no better, sliding up beside her. “Let me take Graham.”
Suddenly, all her newfound apprehension and the twisting bundle of nerves inside her disappeared, replaced by something else. Heated anger. Anger was good. It helped her think past her insecurities and glare a
t the two men.
“I’m not going to fall apart,” she snapped, softening her voice when Graham clutched at the fabric of her sweater, his eyes shifting from sleepy to curious. “So stop treating me like I’m about to break. Diego already broke me the day he left, but I’ve managed to pick up the pieces and came out stronger for it.”
“Don’t you think we know that, Jen?” Eli dragged another chair out, collapsing on it, his brave persona crumbling.
Jen felt a prick of guilt. Diego’s return shook him up, too, in ways that was no less painful or harmful.
Jen warily sat on the chair Nix offered, letting Nix take Graham and settle him into the crib nearby. She reached out to clasp Eli’s cold hands in hers, hoping to offer him some measure of comfort. Her leopardess reached out for his cat, nothing sexual in the way they’d touched and caressed each other.
She felt her resolve returning, covering her protectively like an armor. “We’ll figure this out. You, Nix, and I. We’ve come this far, haven’t we?”
“You’re strong. Always have been stronger than I,” Eli said, giving her a weak smile.
Jen frowned, leaning back, and felt a pair of hands on her tense shoulders. She didn’t pull away or resist. By now, she knew the feel of Nix’s large hands. Hands she knew had been capable of both gentleness and violence, but she had always been fine with that.
Jen shook her head. “That’s not true. Without your help and Nix’s, I don’t think I could’ve have done this on my own.”
“Wrong, kittens,” Nix said, beginning to massage her shoulders until all the tension leaked out. “All of us are weak, that’s why we need each other to be strong.”
Eli let out a choking laugh. “That so, big wolf?”
Jen tilted her head to see the heavy and serious expression on Nix’s face. Seeing she looked up at him, seeking explanations, his mouth broke to a smile.
“You find that hard to believe, too, Jen? Well let me put your pretty little head to ease. Fear is what’s keeping us back. Fear of the inevitable, fear of failing, and fear of the future.”
Nix leaned in close, tracing his nose to the curve of Jen’s neck. The contact of flesh sparked the flame inside Jen, made her leopardess purr and Nix’s wolf howl impatiently. Nix was right. She’d been terrified of what that tiny flame could become, and the news of Diego’s return didn’t help. Jen was tired of waiting, of being afraid, so she sunk her fingers into Nix’s hair, pressing him close in encouragement.