by Sarah Gerdes
Danielle knew what the call meant. It was 2 am in Oregon. Nothing good happened at 2 am.
“Danielle, in your office?” Lars asked her, his tone even, but his eyes betraying all that he knew.
She nodded and spoke to Ulrich. “Please leave me some flexibility in the schedule.”
Danielle asked for Glenda to hold her phone calls and she closed her office door. “Danielle Grant here,” she said into the phone.
“Danielle, its Dr. Killen. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this…” Danielle put her left hand over her eyes, feeling the tears seep through unchecked. All she could do was nod. Her father, her hero, was gone, and he was never coming back.
“Danielle, I want you to know that his last words were of his love for you.”
Danielle could barely breathe. When she finally spoke, her voice was a hoarse whisper.
“I wish I’d been there to hold his hand.”
“Your father said to tell you not to feel bad you weren’t here. He said he was happy you are living your life. That’s what he wanted.”
That obstinate, headstrong man that he was, still telling her what to do from his deathbed.
Danielle didn’t know how long she sat at her desk, her head in her hands, the tears falling, but she knew she had to regain her strength and make flight arrangements. She just needed one more minute to pull it together.
A knock at the door went unanswered. She kept her head bent as she heard the knob turn.
“Can I get you anything?” It was Glenda. Danielle looked up.
“I need the earliest flight to Portland. I don’t care what it costs. Just enough time for me to go home and pack.”
“Can I get you a driver?”
“Yes please. And could you let Ulrich know that I’ll need to leave for a week, maybe more or less, I’m not sure.” Danielle didn’t know the protocol for transferring clients to someone else’s management, if the clients had to be notified or what. She mentioned this to Glenda who said she’d take care of it, closing the door behind her.
Danielle ears were ringing and her head was pounding
It’s just shock. The same thing happened when mom died. Just breathe. Breathe.
She slowly rotated the chair to face the water. She hoped the view outside would help calm her, but an excruciating pain made her gasp and she doubled over in her chair, feeling as though a knife was being shoved in her side. She gripped the desk with her left hand as she heard the door open.
“Danielle?” She fell forward, a vague pain in her forehead and the sound of screeching as the chair slipped backward. A part of her braced for her shoulder to hit the floor but the hurt didn’t come.
“Glenda..!” Lars shouted, his subsequent words incomprehensible because they were in German. Strong arms held her and she groaned when another slice of pain went through her.
“What’s happening?” he asked urgently.
“The baby…” she said, and then her world went black.
When Danielle woke, a nurse was putting another blanket over her.
“You were shivering,” she said kindly, in a lightly accented English. Danielle tried to focus her eyes. She was on her back, in a hospital room, her left arm hooked up to an IV. Above her to the left was a flat-screen television that was off, the blinds of the room were open and outside she saw snow falling in little specs. She remembered the phone call, her father, and the pain. Her right hand went to her stomach. Her vital readings spiked, causing the nurse to look at the monitor and then back at her.
“The baby is alright,” the nurse said soothingly. “You went into shock. The doctor will be in shortly.” Danielle didn’t remember riding to the hospital, and she asked the nurse when she had been admitted. “About five hours ago,” she answered. “Tell me if you need anything for the pain in your head. You hit yourself pretty hard when you fell down.”
Danielle felt torn between relief at hearing the baby was unharmed and stress over not being able to leave for Oregon. Just then a tall man in a white physician’s uniform entered her room. His short grey hair a stark contrast to his black, metal glasses reminded her of Johanne. She was comforted by the similarity. He introduced himself and asked her how she was feeling.
“Queasy, but otherwise okay.”
“That’s good. You hit your head hard enough to suffer a concussion and your blood pressure dropped to the point where the baby went into arrest. You spent several hours in the ICU until you and the baby were stabilized. We tried to find the name of your obstetrician in your wallet but couldn’t,” his continued. “I’ll be happy to call your doctor if you can provide me with that information.”
Danielle told him the woman’s name, and then asked him how long she’d need to remain in the hospital.
“Another day, depending on your vitals. You don’t want to take any chances at this stage.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“You have a visitor waiting. Two, actually. But the person who checked you in and provided your health insurance information and gave us a picture of your overall health is Lars Egle. He’s asked to see you when you are ready.”
“Yes, he can come in,” she said immediately.
Danielle told herself to remain calm as the door opened. Lars approached, looking every bit the managing director of a world-class investment bank. His eyes darted across her face, absorbing her overall appearance.
“Thank you,” she said, smiling faintly.
Lars pulled the chair from under the side table and sat next to her. “You aren’t going to thank me for long,” he said seriously. “I had to do something today I didn’t want to do, but in my defense, it was an accident—or rather, accidentally done.” Danielle stared at him, wide-eyed. The vitals on her right started to jump and they both looked at the green monitor screen.
“Danielle, this is non-negotiable,” he said in his business voice. “You have to hear me out, so breathe deeply and focus.”
“Okay, I’m breathing. But I still want you to know I’m grateful you caught me. And checked me in.”
Lars took a breath. “You have no known relatives here, no guardian. I was able to use my relationship with the head of the hospital to get you admitted but they wanted next of kin.” He paused. “They…were concerned about certain unforeseen circumstances. Situations that would involve the baby.” Danielle heard the pulsing of the monitor increase its speed. “I acknowledged I wasn’t the father, but when they asked, I told them I did know his identity.”
Lars took her hand in his. “Andre didn’t answer my call. I had to get in touch with Georgy to ask him to call me back.” Danielle envisioned Georgy’s fury at his son. “Thank you, by the way,” he said, squeezing. “Andre said you called him several times, but that he didn’t return the call. He also admitted he threw away your letter.”
“I kept my promise,” she said faintly. She’d given Andre a chance and he’d proved he was too immature to respond.
“I know, and ironically, I had to have the conversation with him instead of you. He’s here now. Down the hall in the reception area.”
The monitor on her vitals increased slightly. “What?”
Lars touched the eternity ring he had given her, lightly circling the diamonds that stretched from one end to the other. “He’s your closest family member,” Lars said regretfully. “Technically, the closest living family member, by virtue of being the father of your child. He’s able to make decisions for you that I can’t.”
Danielle felt sick. It wasn’t right—not this way.
“Was he…surprised?”
Lars raised his eyebrows. “Catatonic is a word that would apply.”
“Did you tell him…all the other circumstances of this situation?”
“I told him that I had all the love for the baby you are carrying as if it was my own, because I thought of it as my own. He is fully aware of how much I love you. He also now knows how I feel about parental guardianship and the necessity of only having one father, not two.”
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Danielle waited. “And?”
“There was no and. I left him and am here with you.”
Danielle’s heart twisted with all the love she felt for this wonderful man. But she had to keep those emotions buried deep now. For the sake of her daughter.
Lars waited a few moments, stroking her hand. “Danielle, he’s waiting to speak with you.”
Danielle gripped him tightly, unwilling to let go. She felt all the self-pity and anger and regret for making the noble but hard choice.
His thumb touched her ring, and he rubbed it knowingly. “You opened this a little early didn’t you?”
“I wanted you with me the moment you left.”
Lars moved toward her, his cheek barely touching hers, and she felt his lips move as he spoke.
“And I’ll still be loving you when I leave here.” He brushed her cheek once, and she heard him inhale deeply, as though absorbing her scent up one last time. Her right hand curled around his neck, her lips next to his.
“And I’ll keep my promises,” she said to him.
CHAPTER 54
Danielle watched the snow fall until her eyes hurt, trying to put off seeing Andre, the source of so much pain.
Coward, her father said. No one forced her to sleep with Andre. She thought of her father at length then, missing him desperately and wondering when she was going to be able to fly home.
“Ms. Grant,” said a nurse standing in the doorway. “Andre Mettler is still waiting to see you. Shall I send him in?” Danielle glanced at the time. He’d been here approximately three hours. She sighed and told the nurse that would be fine. Might as well get it over with.
She was still staring out the window when the door opened and she forced her head to turn. Andre hesitantly approached the bed.
“I’m sorry Danielle.” The words sounded odd. He’d never apologized to her during their relationship.
“For what?” He had so many things to be sorry for. Andre’s eyes, the ones she’d once cherished, changed color at her cold tone.
“All of it.”
That was very broad. She just wanted him to leave. She looked down at her hands. She didn’t have much else to say. What she did determine, however, was to get his name the hell off any paperwork regarding her health and the health of the baby just in case something happened. Maybe she’d put Georgy’s name on it instead.
“I’m sorry about your father. Lars told me.”
Danielle looked out to the falling snow. This month had already broken records, and it wasn’t finished yet.
“Lars loves you a lot,” Andre said without jealousy. Danielle couldn’t help looking at his face. He appeared…humble. “Do you want me to go?”
Danielle traced the IV, saying nothing. The scent of his cologne made its way to her nose, and she rubbed it, shaking her head a little.
“I smell again?” he asked, trying to break the tension. But she wasn’t in the mood to joke.
“I’m sensitive to most colognes and perfumes now,” she said, still looking down, even as she realized she was never bothered by the colognes that Lars wore.
“I see,” he said. “My…father told me about your conversation with him. I’d like you to know that I never stopped loving you. Ever.”
She didn’t want to hear any more from him. “Thank you for coming,” she said abruptly, giving him the briefest of glances.
“Just listen, Danielle,” his voice changed, half-pleading, half-earnest. She raised her eyes to his, feeling cold and closed. “I wanted to marry you so badly and I was so hurt, and…devastated. I didn’t think of you, I couldn’t think of you,” he continued. “But I had to watch over you at the club and with Giles, because I still cared.”
“Really? Caring meant bringing another woman to our company event?”
“That was a mistake on my part.”
“You think? And I guess your caring for me couldn’t have risen to the level of using your fingers and calling me. Or being civil to me at the restaurant. Or throwing away my letter?”
His blue eyes didn’t leave hers, and he nodded. “I know. I didn’t want to make it worse—what I thought would be worse—”
“And now it is,” she finished for him. He’d had his time to talk.
“Okay, I’ll leave,” he said, turning away but then pausing. “But let me ask you this,” he said turning back quickly. “If you detest me so much, how can it be that you want my daughter—our daughter—to know me? To know my family? It certainly won’t be good if you are so angry with me that all she hears is vitriol.”
“Because I do the right thing Andre, no matter how hard it is and how much it hurts.” She had finally found her voice and was determined to use it. She’d had months to think of ways she could have responded to him in his apartment, and now, through unforeseen circumstances, she was getting the opportunity to speak. “I never considered not having you in her life, or your parents. That doesn’t mean I will always be happy about it, nor does it mean you and I will have much of a relationship in the process. I can only hope we can become friends to whatever degree possible and enjoy something beautiful that we have created.”
“And that’s it?”
Danielle’s mouth dropped open. “Are you kidding me?” Her voice rose with the pulsing monitor. “Do you have any idea of the hell that I went through after you turned your back on me? And now, the hell that I’m going to go through, as a single mother, with no relationship to speak of with any man because I’m honoring you, the person who deserves it the least?”
Andre’s shoulders moved back, the force of her statement catching him off-guard.
“Lars—”
“Lars is a wonderful man,” she cut in, her voice still loud. “And far more deserving of you to have this child,” she continued, wholly unconcerned with his feelings. “And as to your worry about vitriol, no matter what you choose to do or say, I will never, ever, utter a bad word about you to our daughter or anyone else. Those are the morals I learned from my father and they will never change.”
Andre’s eyes lost a little life as she spoke, and if she had been in any other frame of mind, perhaps if her father hadn’t died…perhaps if Lars hadn’t just left her…perhaps many things. But Andre stood there, taking it, not backing away or leaving.
Instead Andre stepped towards the bed, resting his hands on the side.
“Danielle, if the business restriction hadn’t come up, or didn’t exist at all, would we still be dating? Would you even have gotten to know Lars better or even dated him once?” Danielle tried to avoid looking at him but couldn’t. Lars had essentially said the same thing. It was the confluence of events that had stripped her of a perfectly healthy, normal and wonderful relationship with one man, accelerating her into the arms of another.
“I thought so,” Andre said. “And I know you hate me for not waiting, but I was hurting too.” She didn’t want to hear about him hurting. “Danielle, I want to try again. A child deserves two parents—together—as a family unit. All it takes is love. Do you think you could just try? A little?”
Danielle felt like she was in the middle of a war and it was starting to get ugly on the frontlines. Lars had been right, again. Andre still wanted her. But she was going to hold her ground, out of pride and a sense of justification as well as for Lars and all he represented. To give Andre a chance made her feel like she was being unfaithful to Lars.
Danielle maintained her defenses as she started talks of a truce. “You want me to start speaking with you again?” He nodded. “By phone and email?”
“Lars told me that he’d talked with the partners. You can still keep your job if we are together, but you’d have to give up all of your non-Mettleren accounts. The one exception to that is Lars said the partners still want the MRD-funds they’ve placed with you to remain. Max and the guys would be out, as would everyone else. If you can live with that, you keep your job and we can be together. He’ll put it in writing. No penalties. No firing. Just us, living.”
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br /> Danielle gulped, feeling the sting of tears. That man…that man loved her so much. It wasn’t right. It just wasn’t right. She put her right hand to her eyes.
“Please leave,” she whispered.
Andre gripped her free hand. “You would rather be here in a hospital room, alone, and then attend your father’s funeral, also alone, than be with family?”
“What other choice do I have, Andre?” she seethed at him. “I have no family.”
“Let me be there for you and with you,” he said just as forcefully. “You are part of my family!”
“NO!” she practically shouted, ready to kick him out, then felt something that stopped her. She gasped, clutching her stomach.
Andre froze. “Are you okay?” Danielle glared at him as she slowed her breathing. She grudgingly nodded “May I ask how far along you are?”
“Five months, give or take.”
The muscles in Andre’s jaw flexed. “April?” She watched him as he worked through the dates. She’d become pregnant at the very end of their relationship. She would have the baby right around her one year mark at MRD. If only he’d waited.
Andre lifted his arms and sat at the edge of the bed, the furthest he could move away but still be in her personal space. “Will you allow me to be involved in any way during this time?”
She sighed, exasperated. “I don’t even know if I will be able to keep her Andre, and all this drama will just add to the pain that we must endure.”
“So,” he began cautiously, as if his words would make the difference between keeping and losing the child inside her womb. “Assuming you can carry the baby, will you allow me to be involved?”
Danielle had no quick comeback. “What are you thinking?” she asked, her voice sounding as weary and wrung out as her heart.
Andre’s look of angst increased, and she saw him backing down, not wanting to pressure her. He knew he had no rights. Everything that would be done would be so on her terms, not his. “Doctor’s visits. Ultrasounds. Shopping for items. Think about it, please,” he encouraged, his voice holding an edge of desperation which tore at her soul. “And if you need anything that you can’t get or do because you’re working, I’ll help out.”