by Parker Skye
“Well, fuck,” Izzy replied, unable to add anything else that might bring Ryan any comfort.
“I just wish Adam’s father’s body had never been found. If it hadn’t, then none of this shit would be happening right now,” Ryan groaned out dejectedly, rubbing his fists into both eyes hard enough to bruise. The air in the room sparkled with energy and Ryan’s head flew up, eyes widening in surprise. Izzy practically glowed with energy, his violet eyes almost silver instead of their usual violet.
“Your wish is my command, Master.” Izzy said in a robotic monotone. Logan walked into the room seconds later and sniffed deeply. “Why does it smell like ozone in here?” he asked. Izzy couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out.
Chapter 27
Ryan
“What the hell is so funny?” Logan growled out, hands on both hips. Before giving Izzy even a second to respond, he turned his glare on Ryan, yelling, “See, this is why he doesn’t belong here, Ryan. He doesn’t understand what it means to be pack.”
“Knock it off, Logan. He’s not going anywhere unless I go with him, so unless you want to figure out how to handle this on your own, I’d suggest you shut your mouth,” Ryan responded, voice still in monotone, refusing to rise to the bait again.
“Oh, that’s how it is now, huh, Fearborn? Picking a broken mate over your pack. That figures. I always knew you were destined for tragedy,” Logan said, grabbing a soda from the fridge and storming back to his room before Ryan could respond. Seeing the distraught look on Izzy’s face at Logan’s harsh words, Ryan apologized for Logan. “Sorry he’s taking out his worry on you, Izzy. It’s not your fault any of this has happened.”
“Actually, it might be more my fault than you realize,” Izzy admitted, chewing on the corner of his lip with the hoop. Ryan used his thumb to gently pry Izzy’s lip from between his teeth.
“That’s ridiculous. Now, stop hurting yourself like that. It doesn’t help anything. It just makes you bleed,” Ryan chided him softly.
“Why do you care?” Izzy asked sulkily.
“Why would I not? I love your overly pierced face. Seeing you hurt yourself when you’re nervous or uncomfortable hurts me, too.”
“But, I told you I don’t feel the same. How could you still care what I do or what happens to me?” Izzy continued. Ryan rolled his eyes dramatically and huffed out an exasperated sigh. He crossed his arms tight across his chest defensively before answering.
“Just because you don’t feel our connection, doesn’t mean I’m just going to give up and walk away. I still care about you. I still want you to be with me, but I’m honoring your need for space. That doesn’t mean I could ever stop loving you, though.”
When Ryan slowly turned his head in Izzy’s direction, he saw the electricity dancing again in the D’Jinn’s eyes. Damn, if only that meant Izzy felt something for him, too. He could swear the corners of Izzy’s mouth were turning up in a smile he was trying to hide. Before Ryan could do something stupid, like jump the D’Jinn who had already rejected him, the key in the front lock startled them both upright. Ben shouldered through the front door, pulling Adam along by the hand. A single chirp from a police siren sounded from the street and Adam turned to wave to the driver with his other hand.
“Logan! You better get out here!” Ryan yelled, unwilling to take his eyes off his friends. He had no idea what was going on, but he was positive it was all Izzy’s doing. Before he could talk himself out of it, he dragged Izzy into a tight hug and whispered ‘thank you’ in his ear. The press of Izzy’s cheek against his own was heaven.
Logan came running from his room, apparently expecting to head to battle. His shirt was off and he was in the process of unbuttoning his jeans as if preparing to shift. He froze when he saw his brother and mate standing calmly in the kitchen. “Well, hello, brother. Are you about to give my mate a show?” Ben asked smiling wide.
Logan simply crossed the floor and wrapped Ben in his arms. His relief at having his brother back safe and sound was obvious. Adam looked on fondly, until Logan wrapped him up into the hug, too. Adam pretended to hate it, but even Ryan could see his hidden joy at being included. When they were finally free from Logan’s unexpected show of affection, Adam’s stomach rumbled audibly.
“I love you so much, Adam, even if you are eating us out of house and home,” Ben gushed, his pleasure at being reunited with his mate palpable.
“I think we could all use something to eat, but I’ll be damned if any of us have the energy to cook tonight. Anyone have any special requests?” Ryan asked, opening up the pizza app on his phone. Izzy tried to argue about being willing to make something, but Ryan made sure to reject that suggestion whole-heartedly. He knew the D’Jinn was just as tired, if not more so than the rest of them. He was obviously used to working himself into the ground for his masters, but not under Ryan’s watch. Four pizzas on the way, Ben finally sat down and explained how they had been released.
“So turns out, the body they found was mistakenly identified as Adam’s father. Detective Black assumed it was him since it was where the informant said Charles would be, but they hadn’t confirmed his identity officially yet. His autopsy wasn’t even close to being complete. I have no idea who it was, but it wasn’t Adam’s father,” Ben said, smirking as he took another drink of soda while leaning on the bar.
“Yeah, the police chief actually came and apologized to us personally for the confusion. I think he was afraid we were going to sue the department or something. Apparently, Detective Black and his partner are in pretty big trouble over this. I gathered it wasn’t their first time to jump the gun with too little evidence,” Adam added, putting an arm around his mate’s waist.
Ryan could feel the residual fear radiating off both his friends at the thought of being forcibly separated. If it hadn’t been for Izzy’s intervention, they might very well have never stood in the same room together as free men. Ryan decided in that moment that he better run to the store and stock up on earplugs. Their relief was likely to be expressed in very loud and private ways over the foreseeable future.
Ryan returned from his shopping trip to find the house dark. Various levels of snoring sounded from all corners of the small house. Ryan had never been more relieved to be surrounded by the cacophony. He could pick out Ben’s low grumble and Logan’s occasional mumble easily, having heard them enough over the years to have memorized their individual sounds. Adam’s was more of a breathy sigh and Ryan had heard it rarely enough in the last few weeks to know how exhausted Adam must be to be snoring at all.
Ben quickly brushed his teeth and changed into a pair of cut-off sweats. He tried to be silent when climbing into bed, not wanting to disturb Izzy any more than needed. He placed his newly purchased earplugs close to his pillow, expecting he would need them at some point during the night. Hearing the mates celebrate their freedom once the sheer exhaustion wore off was not going to be easy to endure; not with his own mate less than a yard away but unattainable. He forced himself to stop staring at the Izzy-shaped lump who was curled up in the fetal position on the sofa. Turning and facing the wall instead, Ben failed to quell the single tear that crept down his cheek to leave a damp spot on his pillow. He clenched his eyes shut and pretended to sleep until hours later, his body finally succumbed to exhaustion.
Chapter 28
Izzy
Ryan’s tense breathing finally evened out and Izzy was relieved he was asleep. While he was thrilled Ben and Adam were no longer under police scrutiny, seeing them so happily wrapped around each other had been a new level of torture Izzy had never had to endure before. Keeping his distance from Ryan was becoming more difficult as the evening wore on. It was as if their souls were tied together by gossamer cordage and someone was pulling in the slack. Needing relief from the sensory overload, Izzy closed his eyes, exhaled through the magick, and found himself again in the clearing.
Crickets sang all around and the faint cool breeze soothed his overheated flesh. He walked around the circle of
stones and found the one with a natural staircase leading to a flat area that just called for quiet contemplation. Izzy sat, one knee pulled into his chest while the other dangled over the edge. He couldn’t stop himself from twiddling with the hoop in his lip again. He knew it was a terrible tell, worse than chewing his nails, but it had become such an ingrained habit, he had little hope he would ever be able to stop doing it.
The carpet of tiny flowers filling the center of the clearing had started to fade, to be replaced by hardier versions of vegetation for the area’s harsher summer weather. But still, the floral and earth scent was almost overpowering and Izzy found himself comforted by its mere presence. He closed his eyes, resting his chin on his bent knee, and breathed in deeply. He felt the tension in his shoulders start to lift but it did nothing to heal the pain in his heart.
“You really are a fool, Ezhekiel,” the cold voice said, it’s speaker so close Izzy could feel her breath brush over his cheek. He couldn’t help the startled jump accompanied by the decidedly unmanly squeak.
“Boo!” the fae said quietly, obviously taking great joy in mocking the D’Jinn.
“What are you doing here? I thought you said everything you needed to earlier,” Izzy said frowning. He was too tired to deal with the fae’s threats anymore tonight.
“I just came to remind you that your time with the wolves is limited. Don’t do anything stupid, like falling in love again. You will only end up hurting your wolf even more.”
“Why do you think I’m here now? I’m well aware of the stakes,” Izzy replied. “Now I’d like to be left alone, if you don’t mind. I’ve had a shit day and I just want to sit here in peace.” He expected the fae to argue, but when he turned to glare again, she was already gone.
Izzy took himself back to the sofa just as the first rays of sunlight were peeking over the horizon. Thankfully, the house was still bathed in the fog of sleep. Even the master bedroom was silent other than the faint rustling of sheets.
Ryan had obviously had a fitful night, the fitted sheet almost completely off the air mattress and bunched underneath his spread eagled form. One pillow had fallen between the top of the mattress and the wall behind. His fists were clenched tight and his breaths seemed more shallow and ragged than before. Izzy hoped Ryan’s rest hadn’t been too disturbed by his absence. It wouldn’t have been fair for both of them to have been awake all night, unable to turn their brains off enough to sleep.
Finally admitting it was time to get up anyway; Izzy rose and started getting breakfast ready. Adam and Ben had another day of school and he suspected Logan would find an excuse to leave the house again today. He wondered if Ryan would go with him this time or if he would continue to torture them both with their enforced nearness. Of course, Ryan didn’t know that Izzy was in as much pain as he was himself. He still believed the lie that Izzy had spoken so easily; just one more in a lifetime of lies. If it was all the same as before, then why was this lie so much more painful? Why was this deception so much harder to maintain? He needed this job to be over before he lost what little was left of his sanity, but the thought of never laying eyes on Ryan’s face again was almost more than he could bear.
The smell of cooking bacon was better than any commercial alarm clock, Izzy decided, when he noticed all four werewolves starting to stir. While they all consumed the same hearty breakfast, it was as if a wall had been built in between the two sides of the kitchen. On one side, the table with the happy people, laughing and joking around. Adam and Ben both talking about their plans for the day. Logan was talking with them about the club they had planned to go to that evening, too.
On the other side, Ryan and Izzy ate in silence, neither daring to look in the other’s direction. Izzy really just pushed the food around on his plate, unable to stomach much more than a few bites. Ryan, in contrast, managed to clean his plate so fast Izzy wondered if he was part vacuum. He was up and headed for the shower before Izzy had managed to finish his cup of coffee.
A steamy, yet gloomy, Ryan was back in record time, hair still dripping. He had dressed in a sedate grey polo and jeans with beat up cowboy boots. Even his attire looked exhausted. Izzy’s heart clenched at the picture he made. He wanted to change his mind. He needed to let himself love Ryan like he’d never needed anything before. But to give himself any hope was pointless. And to give Ryan false hope was cruel. He rose quickly from his seat at the bar and started cleaning the kitchen in self-defense. This morning, no one argued with him and no one tried to help. He knew then his time with the wolves was coming to an end in more ways than one.
Chapter 29
Ryan
Ryan couldn’t stay there today, not and watch Izzy pretend he didn’t notice Ryan falling apart. He’d never expected his mate could be so heartless and cruel, but it was the only explanation he could fathom. Ryan felt like he was being slowly papercut to death. Each wound was nothing but a million of them built up with each second he was forced to keep his distance from his mate. When Izzy finally left him, Ryan didn’t know how he would continue going on.
Finally acknowledging Ryan’s building distress; Ben cornered Ryan as they were all climbing into the SUV. None of the wolves had been willing to be left behind this morning, not with the memory of Ben and Adam’s arrest the morning before so fresh in all their minds. The school that had seemed a virtual sanctuary before was no longer safe.
“Is Izzy still avoiding you?” Ben asked, quietly. They had no secrets from each other, but Ryan appreciated Ben’s candor. He didn’t think he had the strength to have another group discussion about his choice of mate this morning, like he actually had a choice in the matter. Ryan simply nodded in response, tightly crossing his arms over his chest and staring at the garage floor.
“I’m sorry, Ryan. I wish I knew what to do to fix this.”
“Me, too, Ben. It’s all I can think about but I can’t do it anymore today. I just need to get out of here,” Ryan replied. Before Ryan could step back, Ben had him wrapped in a tight embrace. Ryan was embarrassed to feel the starting of fresh tears and pushed back. “Come on, we better get you guys to school. You’re going to be late.” Ben placed a firm hand on his shoulder and squeezed, offering what little comfort he could. Ben climbed into the back and slid across the bench into the seat next to Adam.
Ryan was thankful for Ben’s willingness to drop the subject for now. He stared out the front passenger window as they drove the short distance to Adam’s high school. Logan continued to chat excitedly about their evening plans and Ryan groaned internally knowing there was no way he was getting out of going. Logan’s night out had been delayed for one reason or another too many times now. Ben and Adam’s release served as the perfect excuse for a celebration.
Once Adam and Ben were safely inside the school doors, Logan pulled down a side street and parked at the curb. “Ready for a long, boring day of surveillance?” Logan asked jokingly.
“Better than sitting around the house and watching Izzy pretending I don’t exist,” Ryan replied grumpily.
“Tru dat,” Logan agreed. “You know what you need, Ryan?”
“Don’t tell me. To go to a club and get drunk tonight?”
“Exactly! It’s so lucky for you that’s what we’re doing tonight, isn’t it?” Logan replied, slapping one hand on Ryan’s shoulder jovially.
Ryan huffed out a laugh at the naked truth in Logan’s words. They both climbed from the SUV, each carrying a light bag stocked with snacks and water. Now that the engine was off, the inside of the vehicle was already heating up uncomfortably. Damn Texas heat. At the end of the block, they separated to better cover more approach vectors. The next seven hours passed slower than a kidney stone, but finally the bell rang and their pack was together again.
Ryan couldn’t wait to get home and shower the day off again. Shifters could tolerate weather extremes much better than their human counterparts, but even they couldn’t avoid sweating buckets in ninety-five degree heat. To add to that, the humidity was so high,
Ryan wondered if he’d breathed more water than he’d had to drink. The cold air blowing full-blast from the vents had goosebumps breaking out all down his arms.
“Geez, guys, can you open a window or something? It smells like wet dog in here,” Adam complained, holding his cupped hand over his mouth and nose. Logan raised his left arm above his head, purposely putting his armpit in the path of the blasting air, forcing more of his fragrant stench into the backseat.
“Oh, God, please! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Adam cried out, pretending to gag. “I’ll never complain about your manly aroma again, just please stop!”
Ryan barely smiled at their antics, his brain still focused on his own relationship drama and his body too worn out from a day baking in the sun. He felt Ben’s hand grip on his shoulder again, but was too exhausted to even turn around. He closed his eyes and rested his head on the window for the short ride home.
They arrived home to find the house empty. Izzy’s blankets were folded neatly on the sofa as they were every morning, but Ryan felt his absence more deeply than if he was just taking a walk around the block. He knew deep down his D’Jinn was gone. The note on the kitchen counter confirmed what he suspected. Two words scribbled on a post-it note. For a Dear John letter, it was dreadfully lacking.
I’m sorry.