I’m glad when 2.30 p.m. finally arrives and I can get ready to go out. I’m already dressed in jeans and a T-shirt and anything else would seem silly for a barbecue, so I give my hair a quick brush and grab my hoody. Then I put Picasso’s lead on him and together we walk over to Nat’s house.
By the time we get there it’s 3.10 p.m. I can hear voices coming from the back garden and so I ignore the front door and head down the path at the side of the house. Pushing open the wooden gate I step on to the lawn. And stand very still.
Nat’s garden is heaving with people. I recognize most of them from school but they’re not people that we’d normally hang out with. For a split second I think I’ve got the wrong house by mistake and I’m just about to turn and drag Picasso away before we’re spotted when a voice yells my name.
‘Erin! You made it!’
I squint into the crowd of people standing on the patio, and as faces turn to look in my direction I see Nat shoving her way through and then running across the lawn towards me. I raise my hand in a greeting but to my surprise she grabs me in a hug and then air-kisses each side of my face.
‘Happy birthday! I’m so glad you’re here!’ she squeals. ‘We all thought you’d been abducted by aliens! LOZ! Guess who’s here! It’s Erin!’
This last bit is shrieked at high volume, so now everyone is aware of the fact that I, Erin Edwards, am in the garden. But who on earth is Loz, and why would they be interested in my arrival? I look over at the house to see Lauren, my other best friend, tottering down the steps and across the grass in an insane pair of high heels.
I laugh, starting to feel relaxed. It’s so good to see my friends, even if they are acting even crazier than normal. I take in Nat’s short, sticky-out skirt and glittery purple eyeshadow, and Lauren’s cut-off shorts that would look a bit much even with trainers, never mind heels, and think I’m starting to understand what’s going on here.
‘Guys! You never told me it was fancy dress!’ I whisper to them, glancing around at everyone else. Nobody looks like they’re here for a barbecue. Goodness knows how they’re going to manage when we start having a water fight or kicking a ball around.
Lauren turns to Nat with a questioning look on her face, but Nat just shrugs her shoulders back at her.
‘And who ARE these people? Have they gatecrashed or something?’ I ask them. ‘Don’t you think you should get your parents to tell them to leave?’
Nat bursts out laughing. ‘Oh, Erin, I’ve missed your sense of humour so much! Thank god your dad has finally seen sense and let you have a life!’
I’m not sure what to think when she says this, but before I can say anything Lauren comes and stands right next to me.
‘I thought I told you to make an effort with your clothes and stuff,’ she whisper-hisses into my ear.
I turn to her and grin. ‘Yeah, but if you’d told me it was fancy dress I’d have known what you were going on about, wouldn’t I?’ I tell her.
Lauren shakes her head. ‘It’s not fancy dress, Erin,’ she says, sounding frustrated. ‘Stop saying that. You’re going to make yourself sound really dumb in a minute.’
I’m trying really hard to keep up with what’s going on here, but my brain just can’t figure it out. Lauren obviously thinks I’m being deliberately stupid, but I’m really not. I’m obviously just actually genuinely stupid, because for the life of me I cannot work out why all these random people are standing in my best friend’s garden and why everyone except me and Picasso is dressed like they’re going clubbing.
‘So why are all these people here?’ I ask slowly. Nat bursts out laughing again.
‘Because they’re our friends, of course,’ she says.
I must look confused because Lauren scowls at me. She doesn’t think I’m being hilarious, which would be reassuring if it wasn’t for the fact that I can tell she’s getting cross with me.
‘You’ve not been around,’ she tells me. ‘There’s been loads going on this summer. Haven’t you been looking at Facebook?’ I shake my head, not wanting to tell her that it hurt too much, knowing that they were all getting on with fun stuff without me. ‘Well, we’ve been going to Youth Club and we’ve met loads of cool people. Some of them are sixteen and they get us drink from the supermarket!’
‘Proper drinks, not cola,’ adds Nat helpfully. ‘You know, with alcohol in it.’
‘Great,’ I say weakly. Except I’m not sure that it is. ‘So what’s with the clothes? Are you going out after the barbecue?’
‘No,’ snaps Lauren. ‘This is what normal people wear, Erin. You know, if they want to not look like a geek.’
‘Oh,’ I reply. ‘So are you saying that I look like a geek because I’m in jeans and a T-shirt?’
‘Yes, but don’t worry,’ says Nat. ‘We’re here to help! I’ve got loads of new stuff in my room and we’ll get you looking gorgeous in no time!’
‘Oh, I don’t …’ I start, but Nat has grabbed Picasso’s lead from my hand and is crouched on the floor, tickling his tummy and making silly baby noises at him.
‘Loz – take her upstairs and get started. I’ll be with you in a minute,’ she tells Lauren.
‘I need to get some water for Picasso,’ I say feebly.
‘I’ll do it,’ says Nat, stroking his back with long, firm strokes. Like the traitor he is, Picasso stretches out even more than his normal, extraordinarily long self and makes a sound that’s almost like a purr. Sometimes I swear that he thinks he’s actually a cat. He’s unusual like that. Dachshunds are supposed to be suspicious of anyone who isn’t their owner, but Picasso is just too daft to be wary of anyone.
Before I can protest, Lauren has put her arm round my shoulder and is leading me towards the throng of people milling about in Nat’s garden. We push our way through, Lauren greeting people every two seconds while I look around in the pathetic hope that there might be somebody there who I know to say hello to. But there isn’t. I think I see a boy from my maths class, but I’ve never spoken to him in my life before, so it’s not like I can just start up a conversation with him now.
Anyway, Lauren is obviously keen to get me inside before my fashion crime is noticed. She opens the back door and we step through into the kitchen. It’s quiet in here and I relax, realizing that I’d been holding my breath as we walked through the garden.
But there’s no time for chilling out and chatting. Lauren marches across the kitchen and into the hall.
‘Come on,’ she says to me. ‘We’ve got work to do.’
I follow her upstairs and into Nat’s room. It looks different from the last time I was in here and I look around, trying to work out what has changed. The first thing I see is a huge poster above her bed. I burst out laughing.
‘Since when has Nat been into them?’ I ask Lauren. The poster shows five members of a boy band, posing and looking at the camera as if they are in love with it. The hair-gel brigade, we used to call them.
‘Duh – since everyone was into them,’ says Lauren, opening the wardrobe door and pulling out several hangers with clothes draped on to them. Her voice makes it clear that I’m saying something she thinks is stupid. Again. I decide to stop talking.
That lasts about ten seconds, though, because I think of something I really, really want to ask her.
‘Lauren,’ I say, trying to sound casual.
‘Yeah?’ The clothes she has piled up in her arms muffle her voice.
‘What’s with the whole “Loz” thing?’ I ask.
She flings the clothes on to the bed and looks at me.
‘It’s my name,’ she says, sounding a bit defensive.
‘But we’ve never called you that before,’ I say. I know this is probably dangerous ground, because I can see Lauren’s cheeks getting hot, but she’s one of my best friends and I’ve NEVER called her Loz. Not ever.
‘Kieran thought of it,’ she says, not looking at me.
My brain whirs as I try to make sense of this.
‘Kieran Peters?’ I
ask her. ‘Are you serious?!’
‘He’s actually really nice, Erin.’ Lauren is giving me her stern face now and I want to laugh, except I’m too shocked.
‘Er … Earth to Lauren. He’s a bully and a try-hard and he thinks he’s better than everyone else. And he treats girls like they’re a piece of rubbish. Tell me you’re not going out with him. Please!’
Lauren’s face is flushed a deep red, but she stares at me so hard that for a moment I don’t recognize her.
‘You don’t even know him,’ she tells me. Her voice is quiet.
‘That’s the whole point,’ I howl at her. ‘I don’t want to. And neither did you, before.’
‘Before what?’ says Lauren. ‘Before you got yourself grounded and wasted your entire summer holiday? Before you started moping around the place, going on and on about your awful life? Before the only thing you could talk about was your mum leaving? The rest of us have got a life, Erin. And things change. They just do. Deal with it.’
I stand there, listening to Lauren’s words and feeling shock roll over me. She’s never spoken to me like that before. I don’t know what to say to her so we stand in silence, looking at each other and wondering how it has come to this.
‘I’m sorry about what I said about your mum,’ says Lauren eventually. ‘I know it’s been really tough.’ I nod, still unable to speak. ‘I just couldn’t stand you talking about Kieran like that. He’s OK, you know – once you understand him.’
There is no part of me that has any desire to understand why Kieran Peters behaves the way that he does. I just know that I’ve heard the way he talks about people and I was there last year when he punched a kid from Year 7 in the face and broke his glasses. And I’ve read too many bits of graffiti on the bus stop outside the school gates, where he writes about the girls he’s dumped. Kieran Peters loves himself more than he could ever love anybody else in the whole wide world, and I can’t bear to watch Lauren build him up only to be flung down when he gets bored of her.
But I can tell that she doesn’t want to hear anything I’ve got to say. And best friends stick together, through thick, thin and Kieran Peters. I need to learn to keep my opinion to myself, I guess.
The bedroom door opens and Nat comes racing in. She takes one look at our faces and stops still, her hand flying up to her mouth.
‘You told her, then?’ she asks Lauren, who nods.
‘Oh, I’m so glad you know!’ shrieks Nat. ‘It’s been horrible keeping secrets from you, but Lauren wanted to tell you herself. In person. I think it must be true love!’
Nat giggles and I wonder about the possibility of an alien abduction.
‘Anyway, we can’t stand around here all day gossiping,’ she says, clapping her hands together. ‘Loz, Kieran’s looking for you.’
Lauren takes a step towards the door but Nat stops her. ‘I told him you’d be down in ten minutes. He said to tell you he’d be waiting for you!’
Lauren grins – a daft, goofy grin that normally I would tease her about. Now, though, I stay quiet. Nat picks up a dress from the bed and holds it in front of me.
‘Try this on,’ she instructs me. I look down at myself and snort.
‘Are you joking?’ I ask her. ‘Please tell me you’re joking. I am NOT going out in public wearing THAT!’
Nat looks hurt. ‘Why not? What’s wrong with it?’
I raise my eyebrows. ‘Come on! It’s seriously short, it’s a colour that I can only describe as tangerine and it looks like someone has thrown a tub of glitter on it.’
‘I bought this last week with my allowance,’ says Nat. ‘I was actually being kind saying that you could wear it. It’s brand new.’
Oh. There’s not a lot I can say to this. Fortunately, Lauren takes pity on me.
‘Then you should definitely keep it for you to wear next week to Kieran’s party,’ she tells Nat. ‘Anyway, I think Erin would look amazing in that green top you’ve got.’
‘Ooh, yes,’ agrees Nat. One of the great things about Nat is that she doesn’t get offended very easily. Sometimes I think that’s because she doesn’t actually realize that she should be offended. Whatever the reason, it makes her a good friend.
Nat goes over to her chest of drawers and Lauren looks at me.
‘We OK?’ she mouths.
I smile at her. ‘Yes,’ I nod and give her a thumbs up. The three of us have been friends since preschool and we’ve had plenty of arguments before. This isn’t any different to those times. It’ll all be forgotten by tomorrow.
Nat comes back over to me and to show willing I pull off my perfectly fine T-shirt and slip on the green top she is handing me. Then I look in the mirror. I look like the backdrop from A Midsummer Night’s Dream, which was our school production last year. The top is mostly green but there’s something shimmery about the material that makes it look like a forest. The sparkly silver gems that are scattered over the front make it look like fairies are having a party on my stomach. I look utterly ridiculous.
‘What do you think?’ asks Nat anxiously.
‘Yeah. No. I’m not loving it,’ I tell her, clamping my teeth together to try and stop the scream of horror that I can feel building in my throat. I want this afternoon to go well, I really do, but it all seems to be going a bit wrong and I don’t know how to stop it.
‘Well, that’s because you’ve got the wrong trousers on,’ says Lauren.
Before I can stop them, they have made me change from my old, comfortable, practical-for-a-barbecue jeans into a pair of skin-tight, black leather trousers.
‘Yes!’ exclaims Nat. ‘Doesn’t she look perfect, Loz!’
‘You look great,’ Lauren tells me.
‘I don’t think this is really me,’ I tell them, my voice sounding strangled, which is odd as it’s my waist that is currently being so constricted by the tight trousers that I can barely breathe.
‘That’s the whole point,’ Lauren says. ‘This is the new you!’
‘These trousers look like they’ve been spray-painted on,’ I whimper. ‘I think they’re a bit small for me.’
‘They’re meant to be like that,’ says Nat. ‘It’s called fashion! Honestly, Erin, do you walk around with your eyes closed?’
Evidently yes, because I have never seen ANYBODY looking the way I look right now.
‘Right, come on!’ says Nat. ‘We don’t want to keep Kieran and Dom waiting any longer.’
‘Who’s Dom?’ I ask as we start down the stairs. ‘Don’t tell me you’ve got a new boyfriend too!’
Nat laughs. ‘Dom’s not my boyfriend, silly! I’m with Ashley – you know, Kieran’s friend in Year 11. I told you that on the phone weeks ago! The phone call where you hung up on me, actually.’
‘Of course you are,’ I mutter, but quietly so that they don’t hear me. That must have been the day that I was with Martha in the garden. The day that I left her on her own so I could chat to Nat. The memory makes me feel cold and I push it away. ‘So who’s this Dom, then?’
‘Just someone we think you should meet,’ says Lauren from behind me.
I stop exactly where I am and turn round to look up at her.
‘Oh no,’ I tell her, shaking my head. ‘I don’t think so.’
‘Come on, Erin!’ says Lauren. ‘We’ve spent ages setting this up. It’s your birthday surprise! Dom’s lovely – he plays football with Kieran and we thought it’d be really nice if we could all hang out together when term starts again.’
‘You’re trying to match-make me and you didn’t even tell me?’ I’m feeling really stupid now and feeling stupid makes me angry. I grip the banister tightly.
‘Well, would you have turned up if we’d told you?’ asks Lauren. I glare at her and she grins. ‘There you go, then.’
I move up a step, ready to push past her and return to the safety of Nat’s room and my own clothes, when Lauren deals the killer blow.
‘We just wanted to figure out a way to stay the three of us,’ she tells me. ‘Now I’
m with Kieran and Nat’s with Ashley. We didn’t want you to feel left out. You only have to talk to him. And we’ve made you a birthday cake and everything.’
I think for a moment. If I leave now I can kiss goodbye to being part of our group. Lauren and Nat are obviously moving on and they’re giving me this chance to move on with them. It’d be rude to walk out when they’ve gone to so much effort. What’s the worst thing that can happen?
Lauren can see that I’m not sure and she takes her opportunity.
‘We’ve missed you, Erin,’ she says. ‘Just come down and talk to Dom. He’s really looking forward to meeting you and we’ll be right there with you.’
‘You promise?’ I ask her, turning to look at Nat.
‘Absolutely,’ says Nat, and Lauren squeezes my shoulder.
I sigh and continue on down the staircase, thankful that at least my feet are larger than Nat’s and she had no choice but to let me keep my battered old trainers on. My feet are the only part of me that feel normal right now.
The next two hours pass more slowly than I can believe is possible. I may actually have to pay attention in my next physics lesson to see if there is some kind of phenomenon which means that when you are having the most boring time of your life, the clocks all slow down. I know that sounds super-ungrateful and that I don’t deserve to have any friends, but it’s just not much fun when all their time is dominated by needy, possessive boyfriends.
The second we emerge through the kitchen door, Kieran pounces on Lauren. It’s like he’s a cat who’s been waiting outside a mouse hole for the poor little mouse to leave its home. Nat dashes off to get more burgers for the barbecue and I am left standing alone and looking everywhere except right next to me where Kieran is slurping at Lauren’s face as if she is a Mr Whippy ice cream. It’s actually quite disgusting and I admire her self-restraint. If it were me, I would be wiping my mouth with my sleeve.
Things get worse when Nat returns with burgers, Ashley and a boy, who I can only suppose, is Dom. On the positive side, even Kieran cannot eat a burger AND slobber all over Lauren, so there is a brief commercial break from the love-fest that they seem to be starring in. On the negative side, Kieran does seem to feel that he is very capable of eating a burger and talking. And everyone always said that boys can’t multitask.
Five Things They Never Told Me Page 10