by Daniel Bryan
The two of us are a pretty absurd duo, and the first time we really started joking around was over a pretty absurd premise. I was reading a book by Mantak Chia called Awaken Healing Energy Through the Tao: The Taoist Secret of Circulating Internal Power. It’s a long story, but I don’t sleep well, and at the time I really lacked energy. I could feel it catching up to me in my body, so I was reading this book that talked about taking your sexual energy up your chakras and then back down, circulating the energy to help you heal and be more vibrant. It’s a very Eastern way of thinking. In order for it to work, you have to stop ejaculating, which, as you can imagine, makes most people stop reading right away. But not me; I plowed through the information, some of it interesting and some of it ridiculous. I was showing the book to someone in the locker room when Glenn came in, and we got him involved in the discussion. At first he was put off by the conversation entirely, but soon he started to enjoy the ridiculousness of it. He grabbed the book and started thumbing through it, then immediately stopped at a little drawing of a naked man lying down and a sun, along with an arrow that went from the sun to the man’s perineum (otherwise known as the “taint”). The suggestion was essentially that to increase your sexual energy and, therefore, overall energy, you should expose your perineum to the sun. It was the most outlandish idea Glenn had heard in a long time, but for some reason he couldn’t stop talking about it. And neither could I. The first bond I formed with this towering man who had participated in some of the most twisted scenes in WWE history was based on the idea of us tanning our taints.
Another time, in Spokane, Washington, there was a separate coach’s office in the locker room. As the senior member of the locker room, Glenn claimed it and had his own little space. That day, for whatever reason, Cesaro and I had gotten the Petula Clark song “Downtown” stuck in our heads. While Glenn was sitting in his office, I blasted the song on my phone, tossed it into the office, and immediately closed the door. I hid underneath the window and slowly peeked my head up to watch as he picked up the phone, stared at it for a long time, confused, then looked up to see my stupid grin peering at him through the window. He shook his head in disgust. I had “Downtowned” him.
After our tag match on the show, I was the only person in the locker room. Earlier, I’d been ribbing Cesaro by stealing and hiding his chair every time he left the room, which would force him to go find a new chair. I decided to use all of those chairs to form a wall over six feet high in the middle of Glenn’s office, creating an enormous barrier that separated his bags from the entrance. I turned off the lights to the office, slid my phone back in with “Downtown” blaring on repeat, and waited.
When Glenn got back to the dressing room, he looked a little confused when he saw that the lights were off. As he stepped through the door and turned the lights on, he saw the work I had done. This whole thing could have gone very wrong; Glenn was a veteran, and someone of his status isn’t necessarily a person you should rib. But I didn’t think about that before I started. When Glenn saw the chair wall, I saw a flash of anger cross his face. He dropped his head, looked at the phone (still playing “Downtown”), and then just shook his head. I popped out with a big “I gotcha, Glenn!” thinking I was the funniest man alive. At first he didn’t think it was funny at all, but when he realized how much effort it took for me to build all the chairs so high, he came around and laughed at the ridiculousness of my hard work. Although it could have easily gone the other way, that was the moment when our bond became closer, from tag partners to friends.
The first several months of us teaming together was almost exclusively comedy stuff, the two of us being an odd couple who couldn’t stand each other yet would ultimately be successful. Because I’d done some comedic stuff throughout my career, like at Butlins with All Star Wrestling and places like Pro Wrestling Guerrilla in Los Angeles, I felt very comfortable in the role and enjoyed it more and more by the week. I was actually grateful for all that time spent in England developing my humorous style because it gave me experience and really helped me embrace this new side of my character in WWE.
But we weren’t always comedians. Kane and I got to do some really intense matches against the Shield, including the trio’s WWE debut match: a Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match in which Glenn and I teamed with The Ryback. I also had my first good WrestleMania experience alongside Glenn in 2013. Our match against Dolph Ziggler and Big E was only a little over six minutes, but we really entertained the fans. The entire MetLife Stadium was chanting “Yes!” at the end of it, and I was happy because I got to share that moment with Glenn.
On the European tour after WrestleMania 29, I teamed with the Brothers of Destruction, Glenn, and his storyline brother, the Undertaker, against the Shield. This was my first time being in the ring with the Undertaker, a wrestling legend I’d been watching since I was a kid. He is one of the most respected men in our industry because of his toughness, wrestling intelligence, and locker room leadership. It’s weird for me to say this, because I normally don’t get like this, but I really wanted to impress him.
Our generation of wrestlers has a reputation among the veterans of “not knowing how to work”—and that especially holds true for independent wrestlers, which, despite having been on the WWE roster for over three years, I still considered myself to be. I felt like I had to prove otherwise. That night, the Shield did a live event somewhere else in England and took a helicopter to our building after their match. They got straight off the chopper and went directly to the ring to wrestle us. (Ironically, Shield’s Dean Ambrose was the guy I did that with on the independents that one winter night, although I wasn’t in a helicopter.) None of them had wrestled Undertaker before, but they were unfazed while doing their thing inside the ring. Ambrose, Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns were wrestling machines that night, and they made us look like a million dollars. We had a great match, and the crowd was on fire for the entire thing.
Prior to the match, Vince told me he’d pay me several thousand dollars if I could get Undertaker to hug me. After we went off the air, I tried my damnedest. I grabbed the microphone and asked the crowd if they wanted to see me and the Undertaker “hug it out,” and they all exploded with “Yes!” in response. As soon as I got the mic, though, ’Taker started moving toward the back, and even with the crowd reaction and me chasing him, he still escaped without me giving him that hug.
After the show I thanked Undertaker and told him it was a really cool experience teaming with him that night. He seemed physically sore but happy as he thanked me in return, then told me he thought I’d been doing a great job and he enjoyed watching me work. It was a really nice compliment coming from somebody like ’Taker.
With a WWE Tag Team Championship reign that lasted 245 days, Glenn and I finally lost the titles to Shield members Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns at the Extreme Rules pay-per-view in May 2013. We teamed for almost another month after that, but we ultimately “broke up,” pretty much as if we were a couple. The period I spent with Glenn as Team Hell No was one of the most fun times of my career. The live events, the backstage skits, videos for the WWE app, photo shoots for WWE Magazine—all of it was fun. We even had a good time doing early morning media where I’d make outlandish claims about him being a Communist while he would tell everyone about my desire to have a composting toilet. I’m not sure we sold a single ticket, which is the purpose of the whole thing, but we had a good time. Not only that, but our partnership was a great learning experience for me as well, because throughout Glenn’s long, successful career, he’s seen what works and what doesn’t. He’s one of the smartest people I’ve met in wrestling. He’s turned me on to a bunch of his Libertarian craziness as well, which is an entirely different book, but I have to say that knowing him has made my life better.
One of the biggest compliments I’ve ever been paid was when Glenn told me that our teaming up was some of the most fun he’d had in his entire career as well, which says a lot. When he said that to me, I had to try really hard n
ot to get too emotional. I responded by telling him I was going outside to tan my taint.
20
FAME AND FAMILY
SATURDAY, APRIL 5, 2014—8:42 P.M.
The front row alone at the WWE Hall of Fame Ceremony seats Hulk Hogan, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, and John Cena. It’s uncanny. Sharing that row is an individual whom many believe has the potential to be a star of similar proportion, Daniel Bryan.
It’s not impossible to think that one day, years from now, Bryan may be among those distinctly honored at such an event. Yet the many matches and moments ahead—in the ring or otherwise—are not part of his present thoughts.
“I give very little thought to the future,” he admits. “Even in wrestling, I’ve never really had these long-term plans. It’s always been an incremental process, one thing after the next, doing things I’m inspired to do along the way.”
Bryan elaborates, “I have loved my career. I know that this—wrestling—is something I love, but I also know it’s not the only part that there is to love in life. I guess it’s my prayer to the universe to let me know when it’s time to stop wrestling, because if it’s left to me, I’ll do it until probably past when I should.
“Realistically, it’ll either be children—two, ideally—or when my body tells me it’s time that I will finally take my step back,” he confesses. “When Bri and I are both done, we’d like to just disappear—not from the planet, just from the spotlight. It’ll be just us and our family, living on a self-sufficient farm, if possible. I just want my place at the end of the world where my family can be safe.”
In the present, beside him, the “Braniel” families watch intently as Mr. T gets a “Yes!” chant for so profoundly expressing his love for his momma. Bryan’s mom subtly nudges him from his right side to acknowledge the crowd reaction and Mr. T’s words for his mother. Yet another wave of “Yes!”-ing begins during “the most anticipated speech in the history of sports-entertainment,” delivered by an icon who long ago widened the eyes of Bryan as a boy: the Ultimate Warrior.
The potent words selected by Warrior surely make an impression on those who isolate the spirit of the message. On the eve of WrestleMania 30, tonight has been a celebration of countless successes—from Warrior to fellow inductee Jake “the Snake” Roberts. In twenty-four hours, Daniel Bryan’s quest for unparalleled success will continue beyond WrestleMania 30. The variable, however, will be whether or not he’ll be taking two large golden prizes on the journey with him.
As the 2014 WWE Hall of Fame Ceremony concludes, the aspiring challenger and company—most notably, his mom, who’s enjoying this rare firsthand experience at a WWE event—regroup with Brie Bella, who’s spent the evening escorting the honorees. A body-to-body crowd of Superstars, Divas, friends, and family members like Betty Danielson marches ahead, with less than thirty minutes before WrestleMania Sunday is officially upon the WWE Universe.
In March 2013, Bri and Nicole came back to WWE after a ten-month break, and having Bri back on the road was fantastic. As traveling performers, we get to do and see a lot of incredible things. We can tell people the stories, but it’s not the same as a loved one being there with us, living through the experience together. If Sheamus and I do something awesome, it’s fun in that moment, but when I tell Bri about it, it’s just a story, not a shared experience. On the flip side, with her being back on the road, we have been able to do things we’ll remember for the rest of our lives. Bri also breaks me out of the mold of airport, gym, show, sleep, and she is really good about forcing me to do fun stuff.
For example, I’ve been to Paris probably fifteen times, but never once had I seen the city’s most famous attraction, the Eiffel Tower. On the April European tour after she came back, we did a show in Paris where we flew in that afternoon, had about an hour at the show, then got back to the hotel after the show around 11 P.M. and had another flight early the next morning. Normally I would’ve just gone to sleep, but Bri insisted we go out. Not only did I finally see the Eiffel Tower, but I got to see it just during the light show that happens immediately before they turn the lights off for the night. We also “locked our love” on the Lovers’ Bridge and had a nice romantic dinner afterward. I was exhausted, but these are memories I’ll never forget, and I wouldn’t have done any of it without Bri there.
Bri coming back was also helpful in enduring all the frustrations that come with being in WWE. Before she took time off, she was there for the two Sheamus WrestleManias, and her support was invaluable. Likewise, when she came back, Bri and Nicole were promised a match at WrestleMania. Their match—the Bellas teaming up with Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow to face the Funkadactyls (Naomi and Cameron), Brodus Clay, and Tensai—was scheduled to follow the CM Punk–Undertaker match, which went significantly over its allotted time. As a result, Bri’s match got cut right at the very last minute. Her situation was more heartbreaking than either of my ’Mania fiascos because at least I knew ahead of time. She was in her gear, pumped up and ready to go out for the biggest show of the year, then never even got to walk out. In brutal situations like that, having someone who understands to comfort you is so important. I suppose I need more “comforting” than Bri typically does. She just gets mad as shit.
Bri’s return to WWE and the road did, however, present one problem. A couple of months after we moved in together in San Diego, we decided to get a dog. We debated back and forth on what type to get; I really wanted something that would protect her when I was gone, but the apartment we lived in was relatively small. I thought a beagle would be good because of their loud howls, the exact reason why Bri was nervous to get one in our apartment complex. Suddenly Bri started to really like French bulldogs, and when she found a picture online of a little white French bulldog puppy, she told me it was the one. Bri was so adamant about it and the puppy was so cute, I said yes without hesitation. Shortly thereafter, we brought Josie home and instantly fell in love with her.
We faced a big dilemma when Bri decided to come back to WWE: We had nobody to watch Josie! Considering our travel schedules, if we boarded Josie while we were gone, she would spend more time in boarding than she would with us, and that just wasn’t acceptable. Bri even had friends who said they would watch her for us, but that would be a ton of work for them, plus, we also had the fear that Josie would start feeling more like their dog than ours.
Bri’s mom, Kathy, lived in Phoenix and loved bulldogs, especially Josie. (If we treat Josie like she’s our baby, Kathy legitimately treats her like her grandchild.) Weighing our options, we came to the conclusion that we had to move to Phoenix—an incredibly tough decision to make because, outside of Aberdeen, San Diego is my favorite place I’ve ever lived. My days off there were a joy, with the weather being so nice year-round and our proximity to the beach. Nonetheless, in May 2013, we moved from paradise to the desert, all for the love of our little French bulldog.
Back when she and Nicole first left WWE, shortly after Bri and I moved in together, a production company came forward to do a reality show on the two of them. I would be in it, if they could get it cleared by WWE, and so would Bri’s entire family. The girls have a pretty big—and hilarious—family, who mostly live in the small town of Brawley, California, and work in the farming business. The filming they all did was supposedly really good, but Bri and Nicole decided against going forward with the show because they were afraid it would force unnecessary drama into their close-knit family. Serendipitously, when WWE called wanting to hire the girls back, one of the main reasons was so they could star in their new reality show called Total Divas. I didn’t know much about reality television. For years, I didn’t own a TV or have cable, so I don’t watch much TV in general. What I did know was this: Reality shows are great for the networks because they are generally cheap to produce, they can film multiple seasons each year, and they don’t have to pay the talent residuals when they replay the show because they are paid one sum per episode. The networks can reair the show as much as they want without hav
ing to pay the talent anything extra, as opposed to having to send Mr. Belding money every time a rerun of Saved by the Bell is played.
Total Divas premiered on July 28, 2013, on the E! Network, with the goal of gaining WWE exposure to a different market of viewers, and it’s been very successful—even reaching an entirely new audience. One time, we were at a Chipotle near a live event and this very enthusiastic mother-daughter duo came up to us to say, “We. Love. Your. Show!” They didn’t know we were in town for WWE, and when we told them about the event, they said, “Oh! That sounds fun!” as if they’d never thought of the idea of going to a wrestling show before. They were clearly Total Divas fans.
Naturally, being a part of the series and filming it has its drawbacks. The crew often comes and shoots us on our days off, which is somewhat problematic considering our WWE schedule. In 2013, for example, I did 227 matches on 213 shows. And that doesn’t include travel days. When we film, they set up specific times for shooting, and given how very little free time we have, getting some necessary stuff done on our two days off per week can be nigh impossible—and I don’t even have to film as much as Bri does. Luckily, I’m only on the periphery of Total Divas, while Bri has to deal with the pressure of being one of the main stars and filming all the time.