Beth resisted the urge to scream. She didn’t look at him, didn’t acknowledge the contact in any way. She did try to keep breathing and to pretend to be calm. Then she glanced at each of her children. They were both engrossed in the story and didn’t seem to notice the amazing thing happening right in front of them.
The heat inside of her intensified. She recognized the flames of desire, flames that until yesterday she’d only read about in books. With Darren the sexual wanting had been different. More quiet and steady. It was the difference between dependable heat and an out-of-control, raging fire. She’d never spent much time wanting Darren in her bed. She hadn’t imagined them making love, him touching her or holding her.
Unfortunately, in the past twenty-four hours, she hadn’t been able to get that image—and Todd—out of her mind. She wanted him. She wanted them to be together. Which was completely insane. She was not going to have sex with him.
Maybe all this heat was just a hot flash, she told herself. Maybe she was starting the change early. But the thought died as quickly as it had come to her. She knew the truth. It was definitely biology, but not that kind. It wasn’t about age, it was about the man sitting next to her.
He turned her hand until her palm faced up, then he laced their fingers together. Beth wanted to moan. This was so much worse than high school when her parents had been in the next room. She had to make him stop, or ask him to leave or something.
Before she could open her mouth, Matt made a comment about the movie. Todd responded and they were off and running, comparing different science-fiction worlds and stories, arguing about which was more ‘‘real.’’
When Beth was close to exploding, she jumped to her feet. ‘‘Who wants more to drink?’’ she asked.
‘‘I’m fine,’’ Matt said.
‘‘Me, too,’’ echoed her daughter.
Beth looked at Jodi in time to see the teenager smiling at her. Great, now she was entertaining her children with her dating practices.
When she resumed her seat, Todd again took her hand. She told herself she hated it, that she didn’t want him touching her. It wasn’t much of a lie and she didn’t bother spending any time paying attention to it.
She suffered in silence until finally the movie was over. Todd rose to his feet and stretched. ‘‘That was great,’’ he said. ‘‘Thanks for including me.’’ Before Beth could stand, he leaned down and kissed her cheek. ‘‘I know they have school tomorrow, so I don’t want to stay too long. I’ll show myself out.’’
‘‘But…’’ She got up and trailed after him. ‘‘You’re leaving?’’
‘‘I’ll be in touch,’’ he promised.
But she’d planned on walking him to his car. Weren’t they going to kiss again, like last night?
‘‘Bye,’’ he said, and was gone.
Beth stared after him, more confused than ever. Wasn’t she the one who didn’t want a relationship with anyone, least of all him? Shouldn’t she be happy that he was behaving so sensibly?
‘‘I’m going up to bed,’’ Matt said as he came over and gave her a hug. ‘‘See you in the morning.’’
‘‘Night, sweetie.’’
Matt turned to leave, then paused. ‘‘He’s not so bad.’’
Beth stared at her son. He was giving her his approval. Not that she needed it, but the gesture was very nice. She should probably tell him there was nothing to worry about. Todd was not going to be a part of her life. Instead she found herself saying, ‘‘I’m glad you think so.’’
Then she listened to the sound of Todd’s car starting and the silence after he’d driven off. She stood there for a long time and wondered why she suddenly felt so alone.
*
‘‘Beth, you owe me,’’ Todd said, his voice low and seductive and fifteen miles away.
Beth shook her head as she paced in her bedroom, the cordless telephone against her left ear. ‘‘I don’t.’’
‘‘I spent the whole day in your world. I have the blue hands to prove it. Now come see what I do. If the thought of that is too much, then let’s just go out to dinner. You can even pick the restaurant.’’
‘‘We can’t date,’’ she said, even as she wished they could. This was his third phone call in as many days and she was starting to look forward to talking to him. She’d never been the object of anyone’s desire before. Or, if that was a little strong, then the subject of male interest.
‘‘Why are you making this so complicated?’’ he asked.
‘‘Because it is.’’
‘‘I’m attracted to you, you’re attracted to me. Don’t bother trying to deny it, either, because your kisses gave you away.’’
She wouldn’t dare fight him on that one, she thought. If Todd knew anything, it was women. She wished she had the backbone to simply order him out of her life. But the truth was, she did want to see him again. She liked him. She liked being with him. She liked how he made her feel. But he also terrified her for a lot of reasons she didn’t want to think about.
‘‘I’m not ready,’’ she said. It was a lie. She was more ready than she’d realized, she just couldn’t handle someone in Todd’s league. He would date her until he got bored, then he would dump her. It was the dumping she didn’t think she could handle. Okay, that and the attraction.
‘‘You’re being difficult.’’
‘‘I’m…’’ She’d been about to say she was being honest, but that wasn’t true. ‘‘I’m doing the best I can, Todd. You confuse me. I don’t understand what you want.’’
‘‘You.’’
She sank onto the bed. ‘‘That’s clear enough.’’
‘‘Not just in bed,’’ he added, ‘‘although that would be nice. I want to get to know you better. I want to spend time with you. I like you, Beth. Is that so horrible?’’
How was she supposed to answer that? ‘‘I have to go,’’ she said.
‘‘Beth, wait.’’
‘‘No. Goodbye, Todd.’’
She hung up.
She was still sitting on her bed when Jodi walked in the room. ‘‘Mom, have you seen my—’’She stared at her mother. ‘‘What’s wrong?’’
Beth shook her head. ‘‘Nothing. Everything.’’ She drew in a deep breath. ‘‘It’s just Todd. He keeps calling and asking me out.’’
‘‘Gee, how terrible. What are you going to do about it?’’ She looked at her daughter’s smiling face. ‘‘You’re not being sympathetic.’’
‘‘I don’t see the problem.’’
‘‘I can’t figure out why he wants to go out with me.’’ She held up her hand. ‘‘I know, I know, I have a lot of wonderful qualities. I just wish I knew what it was he wanted.’’
Jodi plopped down next to her on the bed. ‘‘Maybe you’re a challenge. You know how guys get. They don’t want something until they can’t have it, then they’ll die if they don’t get it.’’
Beth stared at her daughter. Was it as simple as that?
‘‘You could be right. When this all started, the first thing I did was walk out on him at the restaurant. That had to be a huge blow to his ego. Maybe this isn’t about me at all. Maybe I’m just a symbol or something.’’
She ignored the disappointed voice inside that whispered she wanted it to be all about her. In fact, she needed it to be about her and not some male thing he had to prove. But wanting and needing didn’t make a thing so. Darren’s death had taught her that.
‘‘The best way to get rid of him is to give him what he wants,’’ Jodi said. ‘‘If you’re not a challenge, he won’t have anything to prove.’’
‘‘So I should go out with him.’’
‘‘Absolutely. He’s a nice enough guy, so it will be easy to like him. Once he thinks he has you, he’ll be finished.’’ And she would be left holding a slightly battered self, she thought grimly. ‘‘It could work,’’ she said. ‘‘Although I have to tell you, it’s very humiliating to be taking advice from my sixteen-year-old daughter.’’
Jodi laughed. ‘‘Anytime, Mom. Oh, I do have warn you about one thing.’’
‘‘What’s that?’’
‘‘If this isn’t about him reacting to a challenge, then all you’re doing is encouraging a man who already likes you. In which case, you’re going to be stuck with him.’’
I can live with that, Beth thought, thinking there could be worse fates in life than having Todd fall for her.
Chapter Nine
Todd found himself glancing at his watch and wishing the meeting would speed along a little faster. Then he realized it was barely after three in the afternoon so it didn’t matter if things went slowly, he still wasn’t going to see Beth until early that evening. But he was going to see her, and that was good news. After nearly a week of him calling her every day, she’d finally agreed to go out with him.
Todd tried to listen to the presentation on retail lease space availability projections for the next quarter. This was his business and he should be interested. After all, the less there was available, the higher the price on the remaining properties. This year was going to even better than last. But all he could think about was seeing Beth.
He’d missed her these past few days. Usually he saw his female friends on weekends and for an occasional midweek dinner. Work was his prime interest. If Beth had let him, he would have seen her every night this week. Despite their daily phone conversations, he missed her. He wanted to be in the same room with her and see her face. He wanted to talk to her and hold her. Hell, he even wanted to see her kids.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had it this bad for someone.
The irony of the situation was that she didn’t seem that interested in him. She’d refused several of his invitations. Even though she’d accepted this one, she’d insisted on dinner only, not agreeing to his request to come spend the day in his world. He suspected his disappointment at that was more about his desire to show off his ‘‘stuff,’’ be it the condo or his cars or his boat. He told himself there would be time for that later. For now it was enough that he was going to see her again.
The projection analyst finished her remarks and looked at Todd. He glanced at the pad in front of him…the one that was usually covered with questions. It was blank.
‘‘Good job, Teresa. You’re expecting a record-breaking quarter.’’
The petite brunette nodded, but her gaze turned quizzical. ‘‘Yes, Mr. Graham. I have a further breakdown, if you would like to see it.’’
‘‘Drop it by my office later.’’
‘‘You don’t want to see it now?’’
‘‘Not really.’’
There was no point in his trying to work his way through her information when he wasn’t in the mood to pay attention. He rose. ‘‘Let’s pick this up on Monday,’’ he said.
There was a moment of stunned silence. ‘‘Are you sure?’’ Teresa asked.
‘‘It’s Friday,’’ he told her. ‘‘A beautiful spring afternoon. Why don’t you let everyone go a little early today?’’
Her brown eyes widened. Todd understood her confu sion. He often worked until eight or nine at night and he expected his senior staff to put in an equal number of long hours.
He leaned toward her. ‘‘Just this once,’’ he murmured. ‘‘I won’t tell the boss.’’
Her mouth twisted as she tried to decide if he was serious or not. Todd walked into the hallway and figured they would all get it soon enough.
He paused by his secretary’s desk. Mrs. Alberts had been with him for nearly ten years. She was a few years older than him, with three children, the oldest of whom had graduated from college the previous year.
She handed him a slip of paper. ‘‘Here’s the list of restaurants. I can vouch for all but the last two. Those names came from several people in Personnel.’’
Her thick brown hair was cut in a wedge. She wore tailored suits and expensive jewelry and had an assistant of her own to help with his schedule and work correspondence. She delegated, bullied, protected and generally did an amazing job of taking care of him. He frequently told her that her husband of twenty-plus years was a lucky man. She usually agreed.
‘‘While these are all very nice,’’ she said, ‘‘They’re not your usual style.’’
‘‘I know,’’ he told her. ‘‘I want something different. Good food, but understated.’’ He hadn’t forgotten Beth’s horror at the last restaurant he’d taken her to. This time he wanted prices on the menus, easily recognizable food and an atmosphere designed to make her feel comfortable.
He scanned the list. There were a couple of Italian places, a steak house and two restaurants specializing in ‘‘American cuisine.’’
‘‘Whatever that is,’’ he said under his breath.
‘‘I took the liberty of making reservations at the first one on the list,’’ Mrs. Alberts said. ‘‘It’s quiet and they have booths, which are very private. The menu covers a wide range of Italian foods, their wine list is impressive, and while most people would consider it on the expensive side, I’m sure you’ll think it’s quite modest.’’
He shot her a look and she grinned at him. One of Mrs. Alberts’s best features was that she wasn’t frightened of him. She had no trouble expressing her opinion, regardless of how it might conflict with his. He frequently used her as a sounding board before large meetings.
‘‘Sounds great,’’ he said, and tucked the list into his shirt pocket. ‘‘What florist do you use when you order for me?’’
‘‘Occasions,’’ she said. ‘‘They do lovely work. Shall I order something for your young lady?’’
He wondered how shocked Mrs. Alberts would be if she knew his newest ‘‘young’’ lady was in her late thirties. ‘‘I’d rather pick them out myself,’’ he said. ‘‘Just give me the address and I’ll go down there.’’
‘‘Of course,’’ Mrs. Alberts said as she scrawled an address on a piece of paper.
He heard her questions as clearly as if she’d spoken them out loud. What was different this time? Why was he acting so strangely, picking out his own flowers, worrying about the right restaurant?
Because this time it matters, Todd thought, and knew he wouldn’t share that private information with someone who worked for him. While he and his secretary had an excellent business relationship, they never spoke of their personal lives, except in the most general of ways.
He took the paper. ‘‘Tell you what. Let’s both go home early today. It’s a Friday and we’ve been working hard all week.’’
She looked as shocked as Teresa had at the meeting. ‘‘It’s not even three-thirty.’’
‘‘I know.’’ He grinned. ‘‘Isn’t that great?’’
‘‘But Mr. Graham, you like to work late. Even on Friday.’’
‘‘Sometimes it pays to be the boss.’’
‘‘What about the phone?’’ she asked, the phone that at that moment started to ring.
He put his hand on the receiver to prevent her from answering it and shook his head. ‘‘Let it go to voice mail. I promise I’ll check in the morning. What could happen between now and then?’’
She looked at the still-ringing phone. Finally it was silent. ‘‘Are you sure?’’
‘‘Absolutely.’’ He headed for his office to collect his sports coat and car keys. ‘‘See you on Monday,’’ he called over his shoulder.
He went by his condo to shower and change, then found the florist and picked out a large spray of flowers for Beth. He wasn’t supposed to pick her up until six-thirty and it was barely four-thirty. Even so, he headed for Sugar Land. Instead of driving to Beth’s house, he stopped at the local mall and killed some time wandering around.
The mall was filled with teenagers and young families out for their Friday-night entertainment. He watched fathers helping their toddlers try on shoes, and a young couple window shopping for diamond engagement rings. As far as he could tell, he was the only man there alone.
These people lived i
n a world that was unfamiliar to him, yet commonplace for most people. This was Beth’s world. Her children shopped here, as she did. He could picture her walking purposefully while she worked her way through her list of errands. The image was oddly appealing, but nearly everything about Beth appealed to him.
Why? What was it about her that made him leave work early, then hang out at a mall just to kill time so he wouldn’t show up two hours before she expected him? Why couldn’t he stop thinking about her? She was a mature woman, a widow with two teenage children. She was attractive enough, but not a beauty. She was bright and funny, but so were hundreds and thousands of other women. Why her? Why did thoughts of her fill his head, making it difficult for him to sleep at night? Why did he want her more than he’d ever wanted anyone else in his life?
He didn’t have the answers to those questions. All he knew was that when he was with Beth, he felt as if he belonged somewhere…probably for the first time ever. She made him want to believe in things he’d never believed in before.
He walked around for another few minutes, then figured Beth would have to put up with him being early. He pulled into her driveway a few minutes after six. If she wasn’t dressed, he could always talk with her kids. He liked both Matt and Jodi and wouldn’t mind getting to know them better.
After collecting the large bouquet of flowers, he made his way to her front door and knocked. There was no answer. He rang the bell. And waited. Still no answer. He was about to return to his car so he could leave a message on her machine, when he heard a noise from inside. The front door opened.
Beth stood in the foyer. Her face was pale, her hair mussed. She wore a stained T-shirt and shorts. Her feet were bare. She looked tired and worried, and not the least bit happy to see him.
Disappointment filled him. He felt like a kid who’d been promised a remote toy car for Christmas only to find the box empty when he finally got to open it. He shifted the flowers from one arm to the other. ‘‘Hi,’’ he said when it became apparent she wasn’t going to speak first. ‘‘I thought our date was for tonight.’’
Beth and the Bachelor Page 11