by Corri Lee
Prayed that it wasn’t as dark as my own.
We drove on in silence until we reached a building that seemed to pop up out of nowhere. Close to Connie’s cottage, the plinth-like structure stood four stories high and three rooms wide, more of an office block or apartment complex than anything.
Behind twenty foot high black wrought iron gates, a motion sensitive light mounted above the metal door of a garage lit up. In turn, it triggered two long lines of up-lighters that marked the boundaries of the path up to the house like an airport runway.
On either side of the driveway, perfectly trimmed green lawns ran right up to the solid brick walls running around the other three sides of the house. To the far left was a huge oak tree; to the right, a demountable unit and a sizeable swimming pool surrounded with wooden decking and a cabana.
It screamed luxury and expense, and we weren’t even out of the car.
“This is my dream house.” Blaze pulled up right by the garage and jumped out, quickly rushing to my side to help me. I understand why he’d lust after the place, even if it was ridiculous to call it a ‘house’. It was too huge for such a small word.
“How did I not notice this when we were here for Christmas?” The eastern and western walls of the obelisk were fibreglass covered with an eye-catching cerulean reflective film. The other two walls were solid brick but mounted with wooden planks painted black, separated by a strip of solar panels. My eyesight sucked, but not that badly. “And what is this place—a government facility? Am I going to get shot if I try to enter without ID?”
“Yes. It’s a government facility. A super-secret government facility protected by cloaking technology. You can only see it because I micro-chipped you.”
“You’re joking, right?” I looked up at Blaze dubiously, really not sure whether to believe him. “You didn’t really micro-chip me?”
“Emmeline!” Laughing, Blaze wrapped his knuckles against my skull. “Yes, I was joking! It’s a normal house, just really big. And you probably didn’t notice it because we came at it from a mirrored side. It can seem almost invisible sometimes.”
Part of me didn’t believe him, purely because it was so ostentatious and ultra-modern. Cloaking really didn’t seem all that crazy. “You’re telling me someone lives here?”
“Maybe. Come inside and see what you think.”
I thought I’d died and woken up on another planet. Despite the futuristic façade, the inside was warm and opulent. We entered at the foyer, which had gleaming hardwood floors and an elaborate industrial style staircase decorated with twinkling lights. The majority of the wall space was taken up by hung canvases, one of which I recognised as a piece I’d given to Henry a few years back because he’d practically begged for it.
“The fuck? Is this one of my dad’s places?” It was so unlike him; so contemporary and alternative. While he preferred deep mahogany woods with the classic Tudor masonry, this place had Alpen lodge like pines and clean white walls with no distracting embellishments. The only similar point was the chandelier, but even that was a little too edgy with it’s black crystal beads.
“Not for a long time. He gave it to me on my eighteenth birthday.”
“The fuck,” I repeated, spinning around to stare at Blaze. “This is yours?”
“Ours.” He swiftly darted forward to grab my hand and led me through to the ground floor rooms. “If you want it.”
I learned that the exterior of the house was deceptive and made the building appear much larger than it really was. The fixtures inside were so big and the rooms so huge that the four floors were entirely necessary.
Ground floor: entrance, kitchen and dining room, the latter two as long as the widest wall. Many of the surfaces were treated glass—the kitchen work surfaces a more rugged black marble, and the hardwood floors spread throughout.
The first floor was an entirely open-plan lounge area, the space broken by support pillars covered in lights like the staircase. I noticed that the house was completely kitted out with top-range appliances and furniture, plus the most obscenely massive television I’d ever seen wired up with a multitude of games consoles. Basically ready to move in. Funny that.
“And this place is yours,” I clarified, checking out a cabinet already crammed with video games. Blaze never stood far from me, always close enough to see my face. He looked so comfortable just milling around, it was easy to believe he owned it.
“My name is on the deed, yeah, but I’ve only been here a few times. It’s hard to believe that when Henry turned it over, it was the same size as my mother’s cottage.”
I nearly dropped the photograph I was holding; a mystifying shot of Blaze and I dancing at the masquerade mixer. I could have sworn that there were no cameras allowed inside the venue that night... “You’re shitting me.”
“Nope. Instead of gifts for birthdays and Christmases, Henry has been offering to make modifications to the place. I’ve been picking whatever I wanted for eleven years and so far...” He splayed out his hands. “It’s come to this.”
“That’s insane. You’re insane.” It had to be worth millions yet it had been sitting unoccupied for twelve years? “But you’ve been here recently. See?” I waved the picture at him. There were too many personal effects around for it to be completely unused.
Wrapping himself around me from behind, Blaze bound his arms around my shoulders and rocked me. There was no hint of his erraticism from the drive over, just a neutrality that spread outwards from his body into mine. “I’ve been here to dream, Emmeline. Calling it my ‘dream house’ is somewhat ambiguous. I’ve had it built in my perceived image of the perfect home; I’ve come here to imagine the perfect life. But it was also a dream that I’d ever get to live here, an unrealised one at that. You could give me that.” He tipped me back, forcing me to look up at him and see the longing in his eyes. “Nothing would make me happier than coming home to you and my children in this house.”
“Jeez...” He was breaking my heart. Natasha hadn’t just infringed on his career, she’d kept him from this house, too. I’d been given the unwarranted power to let him have the life he so dearly wanted, or I could say I hated the place and force him to live in a substandard house I approved of. “You make it hard for a girl to say no, Blaze.”
“So maybe I can make her say yes.” Suddenly bouncing with excitement, he dragged me back towards the staircase. “Come and see what I asked for this Christmas.”
We bypassed the second floor of bedrooms and went straight up to the top floor of the house. It was open plan like the lounge, but the lounge hadn’t made me gasp the way this did.
Easels and drawing desks sat around the perimeter but were just an afterthought compared to the huge square table in the middle of the room that doubled up as a light box. Wall mounted glass-doomed storage cabinets and wheeled trolleys were fully stocked with all the essentials an artist could need, particularly an artist with official business to do.
Boxed off from the rest of the space by frosted glass screens was a mini office with two computers and a loaded printer. Hung on the wall above the monitors was a picture of Blaze and I after our reunion at Esme’s winter ball, both of us damp, limp, but effervescent with adoration for each other.
“You okay?”
I shook my head and rubbed over the ache in my heart. “I’m winded, Blaze, from you nailing me right in the feels. This is amazing.”
“And it’s yours.”
Blowing out a shaky breath, I sagged back against Blaze and tried to figure out how I wasn’t completely freaked out by all this. Conversely, I felt quite comfortable and at home. Blaze rested his chin on my head and held me close to him, humming with the same kind of satisfaction.
“When I saw you drawing in the bookshop that first time, I imagined watching you paint in here, wearing nothing but one of my shirts rolled up at the sleeves.”
“Oh, really?”
“Mm-hmm. From the moment I knew I’d spend my life with you, I also knew that this stu
dio would be my Christmas ask from Henry.”
Talk about making a foregone conclusion... “So what’s for your birthday?”
“Nothing. Yet. I was kind of hoping it would be a joint decision with you.”
A little groan of helplessness left my throat. I really did love the house, but my life was in London. I’d left Cardiff to find myself and built up a little safety net of friends who understood my quirks and needs. Wasn’t leaving that all behind and moving back into the heart of the motherland going to be a step backwards?
I decided I needed to sleep on it. My head wasn’t in the best place to make huge decisions and I hadn’t yet seen the whole house. Blaze seemed happy with that and showed me the bedrooms we’d skipped—one over-large master bedroom and three unfairly big guest rooms, all with their own bathrooms, soft cream carpets and chocolate brown satin sheets—before taking me back out into the real world for a little shopping.
I missed the house as soon as we’d left it but, as I’d expected, we had wedding stuff to do in the city. In a much better mood, I could smile genuinely to the planners and give real heartfelt opinions on things as trivial as seat covers and centrepieces.
We ate dinner out and shopped for some extra clothes for the next day. Back in the house, he took me down to the demountable unit that was actually his own soundproofed studio; then toasted marshmallows on the permanent brick barbecue near the pool.
When the world was just me and Blaze, it felt complete. It was other people that made it feel fractured and precarious. My outlook could be completely different depending on my company and I had to think that might be an omen. Maybe it was time to leave the Old Smoke. It was only the people that kept me there...
When I fell asleep that night, it was to the sound of Blaze’s husky voice singing in the shower. I wasn’t especially tired, just in such a state of relaxation I pretty much melted into the mattress and passed out.
The only times I could think of that had compared in awesomeness were times we’d, once again, been alone or with strangers. I felt Emmeline Tudor passing away into non-existence and a different version of me breaking through. Emmeline Valentine.
The light that poured into the room the next morning was pale but warmed my skin. Feeling unusually well rested, I opened my eyes and was hit with the vista of rolling green hills for as far as the eye could see. Connie had to be our closest neighbour but it wasn’t like she was only a stones throw away, not by a long shot.
It was almost maddeningly quiet and sensually lazy. In contrast to London’s stark concrete and constant noise, this was... paradise. Henry and Blaze had stolen some bits of Heaven and reassembled them in the middle of a field. That was the only explanation for me lying in a bed in the middle of a fairytale castle.
Blaze was still fast asleep, sheets pooled around his waist and an arm up framing his head. His lips parted on slow, deep exhales and occasionally twitched into a little smile. Whatever it was he was dreaming of, it looked to be good.
I decided not to wake him yet, not until I’d figured out the percolator in the kitchen so I could bring him coffee. On the way down to the ground floor, I checked out the lounge again. Just to see how awesome it was after a good night’s sleep.
Photographs of us were everywhere. Almost too many. Even pictures from childhood were tucked away in display units, like we’d known each other forever instead of just for a matter of months. More and more of my artwork kept surfacing, mostly smaller abstract pieces I’d left behind when I moved from Cardiff. Nobody walking in for the first time would realise it was an empty house. It already looked like a family home.
Family. Hmm... Still wasn’t sure about that one. I didn’t doubt for a minute that Blaze would be a great dad but I didn’t want him to have to compensate for me being a crappy mother. When most of the past nine years had been spent loving a man with whom I had no future, stuff like that hadn’t even crossed my mind. But with Blaze...
The percolator was idiot proof and I soon had two cups of sweet, creamy coffee in my hands. Getting back up to the bedroom without spilling was a challenge but I managed it, not finding it too much of a problem until I found a picture of Blaze and Regis. My step faltered, caught off guard by the image of a gorgeous emerald eyed four year old staring in veneration at his father. He looked to be the same sort of age as Blaze was now and jeez, did they ever look alike. And happy—so, so happy.
I got it. Blaze wanted to love the way he hadn’t been loved after Regis’ time had been cut short. He’d been so young, so maybe didn’t consciously realise that was what he wanted, but I was pretty sure I had him figured out.
And weirdly, that didn’t scare me.
I’d made up my mind. I quickened my pace to get back to the bedroom faster and set the coffee down on the stand on Blaze’s side of the bed. Then, slowly lowering down onto the bed next to him, I brushed my warm fingers over his torso until he stirred.
God, he was gorgeous. Even sleep-mussed, he oozed sex appeal and the first glimpse of those stunning eyes always felt like a sucker punch. I couldn’t believe he was really mine.
“Hey,” he rasped, catching my hand and pulling it to his lips. “You look like you slept well.”
“Let’s do it,” I said with no preamble. “Let’s move in, start a family—whatever you want.”
He blinked, looking adorably sleepy. “Am I still dreaming?”
“No. No more dreaming. Let’s go get our shit and move in.”
“And kids?” Blaze wriggled up to sit and grabbed his coffee, though it looked like my proclamation had livened him up better than any caffeine kick. “You want kids?”
“Kid. Singular. I’m only committing to one right now and I’m not going to promise I’ll be any good at it...” God knew my upbringing had been weird enough to not know where to start. Daniel’s dad had stepped in as mine, while Henry had been taking care of Blaze, it seemed. “And I don’t think I’m up for the job at all but I’m trusting you to know better.”
“Emmeline.”
In one swift movement, Blaze had downed the whole mug of coffee, set it down and pulled me into his lap. Hands and lips all over me, he whispered words of thanks and praise so enthused they made my chest tight.
There was nothing I wouldn’t have done for him in that moment. If it came down to it and Natasha hadn’t killed herself first—or if she’d not even tried—I thought I might have gone to her room a thousand times if it meant being able to give Blaze the life he craved. They say the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Well, I’d happily play God for him. It was worth the threat of eternal damnation just to see him so overjoyed.
Stretched out on a sun-lounger, I admired my new home from the comfort of the poolside cabana while Blaze rattled around in his studio. It wasn’t an overly bright or sunny day, but it was nice enough to sprawl out and make believe.
We could have been at a luxury Caribbean resort. The gleaming house had more than enough style for that to be a feasible fantasy. A few palm trees and steel drums, and the illusion would have been complete.
“What do you think of a rooftop garden?” Heading toward me with a guitar in his hand, Blaze cocked his head curiously. “It would be nice, don’t you think? We wouldn’t be able to take full advantage of one this year, but next year would be great. Me, you and Junior staring out across the countryside from the highest point of our ivory tower.”
“Cupcake...” Kneeling next to me, Blaze took my hand and rubbed his thumb over my knuckles. “You think maybe we’re rushing this?”
You’re kidding me. After I’d battled with myself to give him what he wanted... “You’ve changed your tune.”
“I haven’t, honestly. I’d love to just go and get all our boxes from the hotel and devote the next couple of months to trying to impregnate you.”
“Smooth talker.”
He smirked and shrugged shamelessly. “Joking aside, you made some valid points yesterday. Things aren’t all that stable at the moment and we’ll be away for a fe
w months. It’s the wrong time to start a family.”
“Um...” I arched my back so my hips lifted up off the lounger. “I’m not a scientist like you, but I’m pretty sure it might be a bit late to take it back. Unless you were planning to recover your genetic material...”
“No, gross. Once it’s out of my cock, I don’t want it back. It’s yours; you can keep it. You earned it.” I laughed and shoved at his shoulders. “But it’s easy for me to say I want kids, Emmeline. You have to do the hard work and you shouldn’t have to if it’s not what you really want.”
“I want what you want.”
“That’s the point. You’re not a yes man; I don’t want you to lose yourself for fear of losing me. I’m not going anywhere, no matter what you will or won’t do for me.”
I had no idea where this was all coming from but the fact that it was being said made me feel a lot better about the decisions I’d already made. He’d removed the pressure I was feeling, which meant I knew whatever my gut told me was going to be all me and not coming from a sense of duty. It was exactly what I’d needed to become resolute.
“So maybe we don’t force it,” I suggested. “We don’t go out of our way to make it happen but we don’t do anything to stop it, either. I admit, I’m in no rush to be a mother but I’m happy to just go with the flow. Que sera, sera.”
“Really?” Something in my face or tone must have settled him, because he leaned forward cheekily and pressed a loud smacking kiss to my mouth. “Told you I could get you ready for it.”
That probably wasn’t true. Chances were that I hadn’t magically become ready for parenthood and I’d fooled myself into thinking it was okay so I didn’t have to face his disappointment. The delusion would only last until the dream became a reality and I was sat there with swollen ankles and morning sickness, which would spark a whole new array of problems for us.
Fuck it. So many times, Blaze had offered those two words in times of crisis. So what if that all happened? It wasn’t happening yet. We’d deal with it when the time came.