by Roya Carmen
Love,
Tamara
“Ooooh,” Izzie cooed. “Your brother has two girlfriends. What a dog.”
I laughed— the whole thing was kind of silly.
“We have to read the others,” she chirped. “I think he’s cheating on Alison.”
“No.” I put my foot down, and scrambled to stuff all the letters back in the envelope. “Let’s just put everything back the way it was.”
She grabbed one of the porn mags and flipped it open, not too interested. “Boys are such pigs. My brother has these too.”
“Oh no… little Abe reads porn mags.”
She laughed out loud. “No, Danny… you idiot.”
I grabbed the other one and flipped through, intrigued by the images of big breasted women dressed in nothing but little panties or nothing at all.
Izzie took the magazine with her, and stretched out on Jake’s bed.
I wondered why I didn’t look like that yet, doubting that I ever would. Their breasts were so perfect and round, and their legs so long and smooth.
“Hey, check out the tits on her,” Izzie said. “I wonder if that’s his girlfriend.”
I dropped the magazine, and jumped on the bed. I looked out the window, and sure enough, Gavin was standing there with a buxom brunette. They were talking, standing close, a little too close for my liking. He kissed her on the cheek and she smiled before stepping off his porch. She wobbled on her slutty high heels as she made her way back to her car, a small silver sedan. She waved goodbye before getting in. He waved back, a huge grin plastered on his face.
My stomach hardened at the sight of them, and I couldn’t quite breathe properly. The foreign sensation shook me to my core. I didn’t immediately recognize it, not until hours later.
I was insanely jealous.
“Let’s put all this stuff back, and get out of here before my brother gets back.” I was shaking as I collected all my brother’s secrets, and attempted to place them just as they had been. My brain was full of Gavin and that woman as I slid the drawer back in. I couldn’t stop thinking about her; about her big tits, her high red heels, and her long legs. She looked like one of those girls in Jake’s porn mags. How could I have been so foolish? Of course, that was the kind of woman Gavin would like, all curves and sex. He wasn’t interested in a kid like me.
Well, I wasn’t a fucking kid. And I would show him.
To this day, I still can’t believe the series of events that followed that day. It wasn’t me at all. It was what I recognize today as the green monster.
“Let’s go to your house,” I blurted, out of nowhere. “I’m bored with my place.”
Izzie shrugged. “Sure… if you want. I don’t care.”
I had a plan in mind. It had come to me in a quick flash. Truth be told, I was completely out of my teenage mind.
And the first step was to go to Izzie’s.
19
It’s Wednesday afternoon and I’m buried in work, busy writing the report for the Perez case. I’ve written hundreds of these kinds of reports, but it never seems to get any easier. I’ve never been one for reports and essays.
My stomach is growling, but I’m determined to finish this section before I eat. I steal another almond chocolate from Pauline’s bowl. Pauline is a colleague, another social worker, and she’s out at the moment. As I pop the almond in my mouth, I study the pictures on her desk. She has a nice family; a smiley little girl and a boy, about thirteen or so. And her husband is kind of hot. They seem happy. I sigh at the sight of my desk. No pictures. I don’t have a husband or kids, not even a pet. I’ve considered bringing the photo of me and the girls, the one we took a few years back at Mischa’s birthday dinner.
I’m still standing over Pauline’s desk when George bursts in. George is a family law attorney, one of the many lawyers we work with. He’s representing Madison’s aunt in this case, and he and I have gotten to know each other a bit. He’s been a regular around here lately, always friendly, always chatty. Pauline commented that she’d never seen him around so much, and proceeded to shoot me a playful wink.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she was on to something. He always seems overly friendly, and a little too interested. But perhaps that’s just his personality. It’s hard to decipher these things when you don’t really know someone.
He’s all smiles. “So how’s today treating you, Abby?”
I shoot him a quick smile. “Busy.”
“How’s your report going?”
I take a seat at my desk, and get back to it. “Moving along.”
“I look forward to it,” he says. “We’ll go over your statement next week.”
“Sure. I’ve done this dozens of times,” I tell him. “I’m an old pro.” Yes, I’ve been in court more times than I can count, and it never gets any less nerve-wracking.
George stands for a beat, biting at his bottom lip. He looks dashing as usual in his grey suit. On the shortish side, he has an athletic build. And although he doesn’t seem too old, he’s what the ladies would call a silver fox. He has nice eyes, but something about his smile turns me off. He’s a charmer, that’s for sure.
“Have you eaten yet?” he asks. “I know a place around the corner. Amazing chicken parm.”
My stomach says yes, but I can’t accept the invitation. I don’t want to lead the man on. He’s nice enough, but I’m just not attracted to him, not in that way. And for me, that’s just something that doesn’t change with time. Either I’m into someone or I’m not, right off the bat. And as much as I’d love to have pictures on my desk like Pauline does, I’m not that desperate.
I feign regret. “Sorry, I’m too swamped, and I have a roast beef sandwich waiting for me.” The thought of that homemade sandwich does not excite me in the least. My stomach is churning, silently protesting.
His face falls for a beat, but then he’s smiling again. “Maybe some other time then.”
I nod. “Sure… maybe.”
“Well, I’ll let you get back to work. I’m here to speak to Melanie.”
I smile, glad to be rid of him. “Yes, she’s right in her office.”
He waves as he moves along, leaving me to it. Leaving me to my report… and my thoughts.
My thoughts always turn back to Noah. I miss him. I want him back in my life. The sex was amazing, and I crave it. I long for the feel of his skin on mine.
I shake my head. It’s extremely difficult to focus when all you can think about is sex.
Should I push? I know he wants me as much as I want him. But there’s something keeping us apart, and not knowing what it is is driving me insane.
Unfortunately, I’ve never been a very persistent person. I never make the bold moves. I always play it safe.
I’m tired of playing it safe.
I can be bold.
I’ve been bold before.
I’ve rushed home from work, and it’s full steam ahead with my plan.
I rummage through my kitchen cabinets, and hastily whip up a batch a blueberry muffin batter. As soon as I stick the muffin tins in the oven, I dash to my bedroom where I feverishly rummage though my closet for the perfect outfit, the one that says sexy, but not trying too hard.
I finally settle on a blue shirt dress and my favorite brown belt. I pull out my brown Mary Janes from the bottom of my closet, the ones with the sexy four inch heel. I scurry over to my vanity table and refresh my makeup, unfasten my hair clip and let my tousled locks fall over my shoulders.
I like what I see. And I’m hoping he will too.
When I hear the timer go off, I run back to the kitchen to fetch my muffins from the oven. They’re still hot as I carefully insert them in the cloth covered basket.
The muffins are a pretext, and he will know that as much as I do.
I knock on his door. I can’t believe I’m trembling. I bite my bottom lip as I stare at the floor, wondering if he’s even home. I tell myself that it doesn’t matter if he isn’t. I’ll just share the muffins with
the girls. But not Claudia. She’s on a diet again—
The door swings open, completely catching me off guard.
He steals my breath away. That’s because he’s shirtless, in nothing but grey sweats. His hair is wet. He’s probably just out of the shower.
Damn.
He doesn't say a word. A slow smile traces his lips as we both stand at his doorway like idiots. I fumble as I hand him the basket of muffins. “These are for you. I just baked them. They’re still hot.”
He grins playfully. “Thank you for thinking of me.”
I nod quietly, suddenly very shy.
“I was actually just thinking, ‘I could really use a muffin right now,’” he teases.
I stare at the floor again. I am so transparent, it’s embarrassing.
Stop teasing, invite me in, and fuck me senseless already.
That’s what I really want to scream, but instead I say, “Well, you’re in luck because I make the best muffins.”
He licks his bottom lip as he studies me for a long beat.
We both know why I’m here.
He takes a step forward, and closes the distance between us. My heart hammers as he leans down and whispers, “Get in here, gorgeous.”
He wraps an arm around my waist, pulls me inside, and slams the door behind us. My whole body melts into him in anticipation of what’s about to happen. He drops the basket on the floor, and presses me against the wall. His hot breath on my neck is pure heaven. “I missed you,” he breathes. “So bad.”
I close my eyes as my whole body heats up. A hand at the small of my back, his intoxicating gaze and a few words. That’s all it takes to completely undo me. “I… missed you too,” I finally manage to say.
He slides his hands under my shirtdress, grabs the flesh of my thighs hard, and hikes me up against the wall.
Fuck.
“Nice choice.” His skilled hand travels between my thighs. His smile is impish when he reaches my sweet spot. “This dress… easy access.”
I throw my head back, delighting in his touch. But I don’t want to come yet. I want him inside me.
I’m aggressive when I pull his sweats over his rear. My hands stroke and play for a beat. The man has a perfect ass.
He groans into my shoulder as his erection finds its home between my legs. “Ugh,” he groans. “Let me go get a condom.”
I wait eagerly as he pulls away from me, dashes to his bedroom, and quickly returns. He doesn’t waste a single second. He pulls down my panties as fast as humanly possible, and sinks into me. He feels so good, I lose all my senses. There is only him. Me. And this amazing feeling.
How can I ever let this go?
20
We were hanging in Izzie’s room, and I was a ball of nerves. Izzie was flipping through a Seventeen magazine and didn’t notice me losing my mind. I bit my lip, wondering how I could get her out of the room. She looked pretty comfortable, stretched out on her bed.
“You think you could get me something to drink?” I asked.
She studied a fashion spread closely. “Uh… you can get it yourself. You practically live here, Abby.”
I growled silently. “Pretty please…” I pleaded, and right on the spot, knowing Izzie as well as I did, I decided to turn the whole thing into a game. “You can get me anything you want, and you can blindfold me,” I suggested. “And I have to guess what I’m drinking.”
She bolted up, very excited. “That sounds like fun.” She bounced off the bed and reached for the collection of scarves and belts hanging on her wall. She pulled out a long blue scarf, and eagerly wrapped it around my eyes. I couldn’t help but smile. Her excitement was contagious. My heart pounded enthusiastically in anticipation of what I was about to do. Unlike Izzie, I’d never stolen before.
“Don’t move an inch,” she said. “I’ll be right back.”
I didn’t waste a second. I peeked to see if she was really gone and did not hesitate. I slid open the top drawer of her dresser… very quietly. I rummaged through the mess of underwear, searching for the elusive black lace panties I knew she owned. She had shown them to me. I had been surprised, even envious at the time. I didn’t own such underwear, and the sight of them aroused me.
My breath hitched when I found them. I quickly tucked them in the pocket of my jeans. I sat back on the bed, and adjusted my blindfold. I waited for her impatiently, my heart pounding like a jackhammer.
“Okay, I’m back,” she cheered, and handed me a glass. I took it carefully and brought it to my lips. I felt bad about stealing the undies, but I knew for a fact that she had stolen them herself from Marshalls. I chalked it up to karma.
I sipped the concoction she’d made and winced. “What is this? Pickle juice?”
She laughed. “Yeah… pickle juice mixed with peach juice, and a dash of lime juice.”
Strangely enough, it wasn’t all bad. I pulled off the blindfold and took another sip. “It’s not horrible, actually.”
She stole the glass from my hands. “Let me try it.”
She scrunched her nose as she ventured a taste, and shook her head in disgust.
“What? You’re the one who made it.”
“It’s disgusting.”
I checked my watch, and feigned concern. “I need to go. It’s almost six, and I need to make dinner.”
She shook her head. “I can’t believe they make you cook every night.”
“It’s okay. I don’t care. I actually like cooking.”
I stood up to leave, her panties burning a hole in my pocket.
“Okay, bye.” I waved as I turned to leave. She eyed me with curiosity, as if she could tell I was up to something.
My pulse raced as I ran all the way home. When I got back, my dad and brothers still hadn’t returned. I took the opportunity to quickly run to my dad’s closet. It was small, and held nothing but a single suit jacket, dress pants, two button shirts, three ties, and a nice pair of shoes. On the other side, was my mother’s stuff, stuff I’d told my dad I wanted to keep, at the tender age of nine. Her wedding gown, two pretty dresses, a red suede jacket, a tall pair of black boots, a pair of blue heels, and a small box of jewelry.
I searched through the box and fished out a pretty gold necklace. I grabbed the red jacket and the tall black boots.
I hurried to my room and closed the door. I pulled Izzie’s panties out of my jeans pocket, stripped down, and slipped them on. Surprisingly, they were a perfect fit. I pulled out my ponytail and tousled my hair. I dabbed on some red lipstick, eye shadow and mascara. I never wore much makeup, but desperate times called for desperate measures.
I shrugged into the red jacket, which fit relatively well, but the sleeves were slightly too long. I slipped on the high heeled boots, and again they were slightly too big, but they would certainly do the trick. My heart pounded against my ribcage as I stole one last look at myself. I I had to hurry and leave before the boys got back. If Dad saw me all dolled up in Mom’s jacket, he would be very suspicious, with reason.
I dashed to the back door and stepped out, wobbly on my heels. My heart was pounding as I made the trek to Gavin’s place, a route I hadn’t walked in a while. I banged on his back door, trembling. I closed my eyes and drew a long breath in an attempt to calm myself down.
Magnum barked, and I wondered if he was alone. Was Gavin still there?
Following what seemed like an eternity, he finally opened the door. His eyes were wide with surprise, and he stood motionless and speechless for a long beat. “Abigail…”
“Can I come in?”
He stood like a statue. “What are you wearing?” he asked. “What are you doing?”
“Can I come in?” I asked again.
“Uh… sure.”
I slowly made my way in, and we found ourselves cramped in his small hallway. Magnum pawed at me, excited. I scratched the top of his head. “Nice to see you too, buddy.”
Gavin shot an arm out and gestured to the kitchen. “You go back to your bed, Magnum.�
� Magnum stared at the floor, turned around and obeyed his master. He was such a sweet dog.
Gavin stared at me in disbelief. “What are you doing here, Abigail?”
I closed the door behind us, and leaned against it seductively, not taking my eyes off his. He was in sweats and a t-shirt, feet bare.
“You look different…” he said, his words almost a whisper. He definitely liked what he saw.
I smiled playfully. “I’ve missed you…” My words were meant to be flirtatious, but I certainly wasn’t very practiced in the art of seduction. Most of what I had learned was from watching Izzie in action. I was attempting to channel her. I was, after all, wearing her trashy panties.
He couldn’t take his eyes off me. I pulled at the loop of my belt seductively, not breaking eye contact. I wanted to see his reaction when he finally saw me, when he finally discovered the woman I’d become.
He stood, helpless, watching me as I pried the belt loose, as I leisurely undid the first shiny black button. Then… the second. And finally… the last one. When I slowly pulled off the jacket and let it fall to the floor, he swallowed hard. I was in nothing but the lacy undies and tall boots. I felt vulnerable, exposed. My breasts were not as big as his trampy friend’s, my hips not as curvy. He closed his eyes, but just for a fraction of a second. His gaze was greedy, desperately wanting to take me in.
His lips parted open, but no words escaped. His eyes traveled over me with no apology, down the length of body, over every small curve. He shut his eyes once again and rubbed at his face. “Abigail… you can’t do this. You can’t be here.”
My heart was pounding so hard, I thought I might die. “Open your eyes, Gavin,” I begged. “Open your eyes and see me. I’m not just a kid anymore.”
He took a step back and looked at me again. He indulged in me a few delicious seconds before lowering his gaze and turning away. “You need to go, kid.”