“I hope he comes to his senses long before I did.”
She moved to the door at the side of her desk, unlocked it and came out to stand beside Luke. “We can let bygones be bygones, can’t we, Luke? You kept your mouth shut about my operation, and I appreciated that. I always liked you.”
She placed her fingers on his arm, walked them up to his shoulder and slipped them into his hair at the nape of his neck. “I’ve got some good stuff at my place. I’ll share. It won’t even cost you.”
It was what he wanted, wasn’t it? This was why he’d come here. To forget. To close his eyes and slip into that sweet stupor that made everything tolerable. His body trembled at the thought of it.
God help me. What am I doing?
Emma’s face appeared before his mind’s eye, followed by his mother and father. He was free now. Free to go where he wanted. Free to live a worthy and decent life.
Forgetting Emma was impossible. It would be hard to see her married to another if she chose that path, but it would be harder still to have her know he had fallen so low again. Seeing her happy would be enough for him.
Newfound warmth spread through his body. He didn’t have to do this alone. God was standing beside him, offering His comfort and His strength when Luke’s failed.
He lifted Maggie’s arms from his neck. “I’ve changed my mind about a room.”
“You’re welcome to stay with me. I’m on my own at the moment.”
“None of us are really alone, Maggie. God is with us always. I forgive you for the lies you told about me and my brother. I pray you find the peace that I have now.”
“Well, la-di-da. You got religion, did you? Take it someplace else. My clientele won’t appreciate it.” She turned her back on him and reentered her cage, snapping the door shut behind her.
He left the building and walked outside with a light heart. He didn’t have to be a slave to drugs. He was free. It would always be a struggle, but for the first time he believed it was a battle he could win with God’s help.
He didn’t have to return to Bowman’s Crossing. It might be easier for Emma if he didn’t, but he would visit his family often. The solar installation school he had read about was here in the city. Maybe he should start there.
After he got a letter off to his family letting them know his plans.
To Luke’s surprise, Jim Morgan was still sitting in his car at the curb. His face lit up in a bright smile when he caught sight of Luke. With a casualness that belied his racing heart, Luke opened the passenger’s side door and slid in the front seat.
Jim pounded Luke’s shoulder with his fist. “I knew you didn’t belong here. Thank God you realized it. It’s really a merry Christmas Eve now. Buckle up. I know exactly where to go to celebrate.”
* * *
Emma’s father sat at the kitchen table nursing a cup of coffee. Emma sat across from him waiting for him to speak.
He looked up with bloodshot eyes. There were still traces of tears on his cheeks. He’d lost more weight while he was gone. Her heart ached for him.
He pushed his coffee aside. “Wayne is right. We’ll have to pray Roy comes home. That’s all we can do. He has to come home on his own.”
“I’ll pray but I’ll look, too. I have to try.”
“It should be me going to Luke.”
“You’re tired. You’ve had a long journey. You need to rest up. Alvin is looking forward to you watching his school program and hearing him sing. It’s all he has talked about since you’ve been gone. You can’t disappoint him.”
“You should be there, too.”
“I will be. In spirit. Lie down for a little while.” She glanced at the clock. It was almost eleven. She helped her father to his room, saw him settled and then raced out the door on foot. Her father would need their buggy later.
It took her twenty minutes to reach the river. She was out of breath but once she entered the covered bridge, she got her second wind and ran all the way to the Bowmans’ front door. Breathing heavily and worried about what Luke would say to her, she knocked on the door, then pressed a hand to her pounding heart.
She looked up when the door opened, but it was Samuel. “Emma, what’s wrong?”
“I must speak to Luke. It’s terribly important.”
“I’m afraid Luke is gone.”
She closed her eyes. “I forgot about his parole meeting. When will he be back?”
“He’s not coming back.”
Her eyes flew open and she saw the sadness etched on Samuel’s face. Her blood turned cold and stopped flowing. “I don’t understand.”
“Luke has gone back to his Englisch life in the city.”
“He can’t be gone. I need him.” A loud buzzing filled her brain. She watched in stunned surprise as the ground rushed toward her face.
* * *
Emma, Emma, Emma. The tires on the road hummed her name as Jim’s car flew along. Luke’s friend hadn’t stopped for the past two hours. It turned out the place Jim decided Luke should celebrate Christmas Eve was in Bowmans Crossing. Luke hadn’t protested once since he figured out what Jim was up to. Home was where he wanted to be on his first night as a truly free man. A move and a new career could wait until after the holidays.
Leaning back in the seat, he drummed his fingers on the armrest in time with the tires.
“Are you thinking about Emma?” Jim glanced toward Luke.
“All the time, it seems.”
“What’s going to happen with the two of you?”
“Nothing. If she is happy, that’s all I need. I wish I were the man who could make her happy, but it wasn’t meant to be. It seems God has other plans for my life and for hers.”
“You’ll see her tonight. She’s not going to miss the school program and neither should you.”
“I’m going. I promised Hannah I would be there. Thanks for making me keep that promise. You are welcome to join us.”
“Thanks, but no thanks. I’ve got an aunt in Millersburg who is expecting us for dinner. As soon as I drop you off, I’m collecting Brian and we are on our way.”
“It’s good to have family close, isn’t it?”
“You’ve never met my aunt or tasted her cooking. We’re grabbing a bucket of fried chicken on the way.”
As Jim sped on toward Bowmans Crossing, Luke couldn’t get his mind off Emma. He realized he wouldn’t be able to do that until he had the chance to tell her exactly how he felt about her.
He loved her. He always had and always would.
If she didn’t want him, he would bow out of the way. He’d go to school and afterwards he would return to work with his family and try to live a good Amish life. One centered around his faith and his family. It was amazing how those simple words filled his heart and his mind. Once the plain way of life had seemed like a trap. Now it felt safe and welcoming.
It was almost noon by the time Jim dropped Luke at his own front door. He stood outside looking at his home and tried to imagine the shock on Samuel’s face and the joy on his mother’s when they saw him. He had a lot of apologizing to do.
He pushed open the door and saw the kitchen was empty. He heard the sound of voices and followed them to the living room. Stepping inside, he realized his entire family was gathered there. Samuel saw him first. His eyes widened in astonishment. “Luke, you’re back.”
“Bad pennies always do that, right?” He set his suitcase down.
His mother gave a glad cry and rushed to throw her arms around him. He held her tight, savoring the smell of cookies that clung to her. “I’m so sorry for the hurt I caused you. I’m home for good, mudder,” he told her softly. “I will take my vows as soon as possible. I have found forgiveness in God’s grace.”
She drew back and cupped his face with her hands. “I see that in yo
ur eyes. Welcome home. Emma arrived a short time ago. She needs you.”
Rebecca and Mary stepped aside and he saw Emma lying on the sofa. He rushed to her and dropped to his knees, taking her cold hand between his own. There were tears on her face. “Darling, what’s wrong?”
“Oh, Luke, Roy has run away. Can you find him? Do you know where he’s gone?”
Chapter Fifteen
Luke was here. God be praised. Emma held her breath as she waited for him to answer her question. He shook his head. “I don’t have any idea where Roy could be. He didn’t confide in me.”
She closed her eyes against her pain and disappointment. “When I heard you were gone, too, I thought maybe he was with you.”
“How long has he been missing?”
“Since the night before last. Help me sit up.”
He did, his face a mask of worry. “Are you ill?”
She shook her head. “I was so worried I forgot to eat and the shock of hearing you were gone, too... I guess I fainted.”
“You scared me out of a year’s growth,” Samuel said without malice.
She tried to smile, but failed. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Luke said, slipping his arm around her as he sat beside her.
She looked into his beautiful eyes. “Did I hear correctly? Did you say you plan to take your vows?”
“I did.”
“You called me darling.”
“You had better get used to it. Unless you don’t welcome my attention. If that is the case, I apologize.”
She cupped his cheek. “I find I do welcome your attention.”
“That’s the sweetest thing you have ever said to me.”
There were a hundred sweet things she wanted to say to him, but all she could think about was her brother. “Have you any idea where Roy might go?”
“None. Do you think he might have hitched a ride out of town?”
“He took the bus. He purchased a ticket to Columbus and then on to Cincinnati. Does that help?”
“It helps a great deal. At least I know where to start looking. Noah, can I use your phone? I need to hire a car to take me to Cincinnati.”
“I’m coming with you.” She wasn’t going to wait at home. She couldn’t.
Luke looked as if he would object, but then he slowly nodded. “If you feel well enough.”
She turned to Luke’s mother. “Anna, if I could have a cup of tea, I would be very grateful.”
For the next half hour, Emma sipped her tea and ate a thick ham sandwich while Luke tried to find someone to drive them to the city. He drew a blank on every person the family knew who provided rides for the Amish. Timothy had gone to her father and filled him in on what was happening.
“We can try Nick,” Mary suggested. “I know he’ll do it for me.”
“Might as well try.” Luke dialed the number of the sheriff’s office and spoke briefly with someone on the other end. He hung up and looked at Emma. “Nick is tied up at an injury traffic accident. He can’t get away.”
“What about Jim?” Emma asked.
“He’s on his way to Millersburg. But...”
“But what?” she demanded.
He tipped his head to the side. “I know where he keeps the spare keys to his old Jeep. Are you still afraid to ride with me?”
“Ja, but I’m coming, anyway.”
He smiled and her heart grew light. “That’s my girl.”
If only she could be.
“I’d better call Jim and tell him my plan.” He started to dial the number, but ended up shaking the phone. “Noah, your battery is dead.”
Noah took his phone back. “I meant to charge it last night and forgot. I’ll hitch up the buggy and drive you to the Morgan place. I can use the phone at the booth to contact Jim after I drop you off.”
It only took a few minutes for Noah to bring the buggy around. Luke’s father, who had remained quietly beside his wife, spoke up as Emma and Luke got in. “Be careful, sohn. Are you breaking the law by doing this?”
Luke gave him a thin smile. “I have a driver’s license somewhere. I’m pretty sure Jim will say it’s okay for me to borrow the car, so it isn’t stealing. If I get pulled over, I’ll have a lot of explaining to do, but I don’t think I’ll go back to jail.”
How could she ask Luke to jeopardize his freedom? Emma bit her lower lip. “Is it worth the risk?”
Luke squeezed her hand. “For Roy, ja, it is.”
Noah drove them to Jim’s place. Luke found the key and the old green Jeep roared to life. Emma got in the front seat.
Noah opened Luke’s door and took Luke’s straw hat, replacing it with his ball cap. “You’ll be less likely to get stopped if you don’t look like an Amish dude driving a stolen car.”
“Danki.”
Within a few minutes, they were driving down the highway. Emma watched the scenery flying past. “Do you think we can find him?”
“Maybe. It’s a big city, and it’s easy to simply disappear. I did for a while.”
Emma looked toward him. She had to know why he’d left. “Did you ever think about me after you were gone?”
* * *
Luke’s stomach lurched. How could he explain? That episode of his life contained all the shameful things that he had done. More than she knew. How could he make her understand that she—that her memory—had saved him?
“Did I think about you? Only every day.”
He glanced her way, but she kept her eyes down, refusing to look at him. “How can I believe that? You never wrote. Not once.”
“I wanted you to forget me. I thought it was easier that way.”
Her gaze shot to his. “Forget you? You wanted me to forget you? Luke, I fell in love with you when I was twelve. I had been in love with you for years. I was just waiting to grow up so we could marry. And you thought I could forget about you? Why? Because my love couldn’t have been real? No, you made it clear how much you cared about me. I was nothing to you. The big wild world beyond Bowmans Crossing was what you loved.”
“You’re wrong, Emma. I did love you.”
“You had a dreadful way of showing it.” Her voice was ice-cold.
He gripped the steering wheel even harder. “Don’t you see? I did it for you. You belonged in Bowmans Crossing. I never did.”
“I belonged with you. Or at least that was what I believed when I was young and foolish. I cried myself to sleep every night for a year. I prayed every night that you would come back. Then I heard you were in prison. I prayed for a letter, a word, anything. Why would a person do that to someone they love? Then I realized I knew the answer. You never loved me. I was a fool.”
“Emma, I’m sorry.”
She wrapped her arms around herself. “Then don’t tell me you thought of me every day.”
He wanted to take her in his arms. “I did think of you. I believed that leaving you behind was the only unselfish, honorable thing I ever did in my life. Will you listen to me? Will you hear my story?”
“What can you say that will undo all my pain?”
“Nothing. I hurt you and I’m so, so sorry.”
“Was there someone else?”
“Nee. There was never anyone but you. But from the time I was little, I knew I didn’t belong. I didn’t fit in. Samuel was the best possible son. I was the worst possible son. Samuel could do no wrong, and I could do no right. Even when my other brothers came along, that didn’t change. I think I hated Samuel as much as I loved him.”
“Siblings don’t always get along,” she said quietly, and he knew she was thinking about Roy.
“Most of the tension was my fault. I couldn’t get Daed’s attention by being better at anything, so I got his attention by being a problem. Samuel never wa
nted anything but to work beside our father and take care of the family. I didn’t have the gift for woodworking that they shared. I wanted to know how things worked. I wanted to see what made a machine work. I wanted to understand how men used machines to alter the world. I knew I was going to leave the Amish as soon as I was old enough, but then I noticed you.”
She looked out the window. “We’ve known each other since we were toddlers. We went to the same school for eight years. What do you mean you noticed me?”
He chuckled. “It was during the Christmas play our last year at school. Do you remember it?”
“Of course. It was the highlight of my eighth-grade year. You played a miser without family or friends and I was a poor widow begging shelter on Christmas night.”
“I don’t remember your lines, only the way you looked at me when you begged me to let you come in out of the storm.”
“‘Kind sir, you know me not, but I am a cold and hungry widow. Can you not spare a crumb of bread on this feast day?’”
“That was it. I turned you away, but the look in your eyes stayed with me long after the play was done.”
“I must have played the part of a cold, hungry widow very well.”
He laughed. “Your eyes were green daggers of loathing.”
“For your character’s actions, not for you.”
“So you say now.”
“All right, maybe I was upset with you.”
“I’ve always wondered why.”
“Because you had asked Mae Beth Shetler if you could walk her home after the singing the week before.”
“She turned me down.”
“Because she knew I liked you.”
“I did ask to drive you home at the next singing.”
“It was about time. But I couldn’t make you stay when it mattered, could I?” She turned her gaze on him again.
“None of what happened was your fault. Samuel and I had one of our big rows.”
“You told me about it when you came over that night. You said you had decided to leave for good.”
“And you surprised the life out of me when you said you wanted to come with me.”
An Amish Noel Page 17