She lay against his chest, snuggling into his warmth. His heart beat strong and sure, and she embraced her place.
Part II
Wine Country
Bliss
Sally snuggled into the crook of Derek’s arm and traced the ridges and valleys of his muscles. He held her gently and stroked her long hair, content to lay with her in their post-coital haze.
A sigh of contentment escaped her. “I don’t want to move. I want to stay here forever.”
He pulled her to him and kissed the crown of her head. “As would I, but it’s time to get up, beautiful. We have a long day ahead of us.”
“I don’t wanna,” she complained and squeezed her eyes shut, as if that juvenile act could make the outside world disappear, leaving her in bed with Derek forever.
“If you don’t,” he said with a low, rumbling laugh, “I’m going to turn you over and swat that perfect ass again. We’ll restart this conversation, but next time, it’ll end with ‘Yes, Sir.’”
“You wouldn’t do that?” She cracked one eye and dared to look at him, wondering if he was one: serious, and two: would follow through on his promise.
“You should know well enough by now to trust I’ll do as I say. How does your ass feel, by the way?”
She regarded him closely, that steely glint in his eyes had returned.
“It hurts.” She rubbed her bottom, which while it no longer burned, still felt warm to the touch. “Why did you do that?”
“Because you disobeyed a direct command.”
“How did you know I wouldn’t walk out, or worse?”
“Sally,” he said, “you never spoke your safe word. That’s how I knew. And you never said no.”
“But I fought.” She scrunched her brow. She’d kicked and screamed. “How could you be certain?”
“I made a choice to trust you. Why do you think I had you visit all those websites? There’s much you need to learn, but the core of what we do is founded in safe, sane and consensual practices.”
“SSC, I remember reading about that. But how did you know I wouldn’t freak out?”
In fact, the SSC mentality was the overriding theme in everything she’d read. She’d heard about safe words before meeting Derek. Who hadn’t? And she understood them conceptually, but it hadn’t been until moments ago that she’d been placed in a situation to experience what it meant, let alone respond. Not that she’d really had a chance to think. Everything had happened quickly, and before she knew it, the pain had turned into something quite unexpected.
“This is what I do,” he said. “I have a lot of experience with the lifestyle.”
There seemed to be more to that statement, but he didn’t elaborate.
“It’s what I want between us,” he continued, “because you choose to give that power to me. Embracing your role, and handing the reins over to me, that is a most precious gift and tremendous responsibility. I don’t take it lightly. Dominance runs in my blood, just as I believe submission runs in yours, but there’s more.”
“More?”
“Discipline and control form the cornerstone of what I seek. To control. To discipline. To cherish and provide. There are pitfalls. This is where trust enters the equation. I trust you to tell me if I ever cross that line, and you trust me to stop if that ever happens.”
“And pain?” That spanking had hurt. It still ached. And she wasn’t certain he hadn’t bruised her backside. Her ass certainly felt fuller and swollen.
“Discipline comes with pain,” he said, “physical, emotional, or both. But, to answer honestly, I prefer pain when disciplining, but I also seek pleasure.” The corners of his mouth lifted into a grin. “I think you experienced how that can change from one to the other.”
Hell, yes!
That fire in her ass? The bruising intensity of it had morphed into something completely unexpected. Again, she’d read about it. Over and over again, she’d read about the line between pain and pleasure. As a clinician, she intended to research it more. How many times had she worked with chronic pain patients who used neural stimulators to cause one type of pain to override and ignore a more chronic and unrelenting pain? Intellectually, she understood, but physically and emotionally? She hadn’t been able to embrace the concept until it had happened to her.
“You’re a sadist?” She sat up. “See, that’s what I don’t understand. How does that figure into all of this?” Honestly? She didn’t believe herself to be a masochist. Pain didn’t arouse her. She avoided it like the plague. Except, when he’d been spanking her ass. During that blaze of overwhelming agony, her body responded. Now, what did that say about her?
Much of the lifestyle confused her. She’d devoured his assignments with a hungry intensity for more. Many aspects of BDSM aroused her, and she’d taken notes on what she did and didn’t like. Her heart felt the concepts of transferring control. Her body yielded to Derek’s dominance, but her mind grappled and failed to understand. It wavered between granting consent and calling out abuse.
She had concerns.
He continued. “I’m sure you’ve guessed Warren and Ellen; Karl and Justine are involved in power dynamics, too.”
“I figured that out.” She’d connected the dots.
“They do things you’re not yet ready for.” He released her and rolled over, planting both feet on the deck. “Now, let’s get showered and dressed. If you haven’t moved by the time I get up, I’ll spank you again.”
“Derek, I need to understand.”
He twisted around and shook his head. “One step at a time, Sally.” Reaching out, he curled his hand around her wrist. “Let’s begin with your first rule.”
“Rule?”
“Yes,” he said. “When alone, in times like these, from here on out, you refer to me as Sir. That’s what I am to you. When we’re with Warren and Karl, you’ll do the same. I want you to embrace your new role.”
Well, this was sudden.
“I—”
He leaned back, supporting himself on his elbow. “Trust me. There’s much we need to discuss, pasts which must be shared, expectations which need to be spelled out, and that’s not even touching on, or understanding, our individual limits. This isn’t a game. It’s not something I keep behind closed doors. I embrace the lifestyle in every facet of my life. Warren and Karl do, too. We’re a tight-knit group and have evolved unique protocols amongst ourselves. Our slaves and submissives adhere to the expectations of the group. While I know it’s a lot to ask of you, especially considering you’re new, I need you to trust me to guide you.”
Her entire body shook with the implications of what he spelled out.
“I’m scared,” she admitted. “This feels…too fast.”
He nodded. “I know.” Cupping her chin, he glided his thumb across her lips. “Consider this your first test.”
“Test?”
“Trust me.”
She tried. God, she tried. And she would continue because, despite Warren and Karl, and whatever else, they had nothing to do with what Derek was building with her. She craved her connection with him. She feared living a life alone, but that fear wasn’t what drove her now.
For far too long, she’d cleaved to Thomas, subverting her desires for her husband’s needs. After Thomas’ death, she’d lost herself in grief. After five years, she was exhausted by it. She didn’t decide for Derek’s sake. She didn’t even do it for Thomas. His death bed wish had been for her to live a happy life and seek someone new, but that played no part in her decision. Her gut drove her. She made the decision not to trust Derek, but to believe in herself.
Submission was something she wanted to explore. It filled that aching hole in her heart. That emptiness had been attributed to too many things over the years. It was time she took control. If that meant handing it over to Derek? Well, that was her choice. Not Derek’s. Not Thomas’. It belonged to her.
“I need to know I’ll be safe.” When she thought about all the barriers keeping her from embracin
g her role as a submissive, as Derek’s submissive, that was her driving force. He could hurt her physically, mentally, and professionally. It was a lot to take in. She would explore her boundaries, trusting him to never push too far, and as long as he promised not to hurt her, she would bow to his command.
“I’ll never put you at risk.” He drew the backs of his knuckles across her brow. “You’re mine to guide, to train, and to mold. Trust me to shoulder that burden.”
“I’m terrified.”
“I know,” he said. “That you’re willing to voice your fears makes me certain we have a chance. The only thing I ask of you—”
“Yes?”
He placed a finger over her lips. “Is to never stop communicating.” He laughed. “And one more thing?”
“Yes?”
“Two really.”
“What?”
“Stop interrupting me.”
“Oh, sorry. What’s the second?”
“We may be equal partners in this, but together we’ve decided on distinctly unequal roles. I’ve said this already, but you’ll address me from here on out as Sir, or be disciplined.”
“Oh,” she said. “I’m sorry…Sir.”
He breathed out. “Fuck, if that doesn’t make my cock hard.”
And indeed, with a glance down, the evidence of his arousal couldn’t be denied.
“Should I…?”
He laughed. “I’ll take what I want, when I want. That is something else you’re giving up to my control. This isn’t the first or the last hard-on you’re leaving me with, but we really need to get above deck. We’ll be docking soon.”
“Docking?” When had they left port?
He ran his fingers through her hair. “Yes, it’s a short cruise across the Bay, and we have an eager crowd waiting.”
“Who?” Although she could guess. Derek’s friends were more than a tight-knit group.
“Come, let’s take a shower and get dressed.” He glanced at the clock on the wall. “Ellen has been dying to know which way you jumped.”
“Me?”
“You,” he said.
Derek’s face broke into a Cheshire cat grin.
Vulnerability
After a quick shower, Sally searched for her clothes and felt more self-conscious putting them on in front of Derek than she had when taking them off. With their passion banked for the moment, she couldn’t help all the questions popping into her head, and wondered if Derek would think less of her for still harboring so many doubts.
“A penny for your thoughts,” he said suddenly.
“Sorry,” She slipped on her panties and put her arms through the straps of her bra. Turning away from him, she fastened the hooks.
“Your brow wrinkles when you’re thinking.” He came to stand behind her, sweeping her long hair off her shoulder and gathering it together. Her hair was long, and the tips brushed her lower back, making her shiver. Although if that was from the hair tickling her skin, or from Derek’s soft nibble at her neck, it was hard to say.
“Just trying to wrap my head around what happened.”
“Which part?” The low rumble of his laughter caressed her skin and settled into her heart.
“The spanking.” She turned and placed her hands on his chest. “I mean, I get it, but I don’t. I don’t know why you did it or why I…”
“Why you liked it?” He completed her thought.
She bit her upper lip. “Well, that’s just it, I did, and I didn’t.” She blew out a harsh exhale and tucked her hair behind her ears.
“Well, two things happened there.” He gripped her shoulders and moved her to the bed. “One was the discipline which occurred, and the other was how your body reacted. Pleasure and pain are usually at war within our bodies.”
“But what happened?”
“For you, and others like you, for me as well, pleasure and pain are the same side of the coin, and a heady brew when combined.”
“Well, that’s what I’m struggling with. I get spanking with sex. I understand a little love tap, but discipline? I’m a grown woman. If you’re looking to treat me like a child, I’m not sure I’m interested in that.”
“You’ve agreed to submit to my authority, that means you accept my discipline.”
She wrapped her arms around herself, not convinced, and struggled to understand.
“Think of it this way,” he said. “Let’s use Ellen as an example, and I encourage you to speak with her. My only request is to include me in what you discuss. She’ll help you understand this path you’re on, but guiding you is my responsibility. I need to know your fears, your discoveries, the things which excite you as well as those you fear or dislike. Talk to her, because she has insight I don’t share.”
“Ellen is Warren’s submissive or slave?”
“Fully committed slave, but don’t misunderstand. Ellen is an incredibly strong and powerful woman. She owns a catering business and is considered by many to be a dominating force in her industry. But in her personal life, she’s given control to Warren.”
“See, that’s what I don’t get. How does that work?” She pressed her fingers to her temples, surprised by how much they shook. “I don’t know if I can even do that.”
“You just did. We’re exploring desires and boundaries at the moment. There’s no need to rush.” He cupped her hand in his and placed it against his chest after giving her knuckles a light kiss. The intensity of his stare had her blood thrumming in her veins. “You have a lot to learn before we attach labels.”
She melted beneath his gaze.
“Good, because, I’m not sure about most of this. I’m lost in a very complicated maze.”
He dropped her hand to his lap and stretched out her fingers, kneading her palm. “That’s probably the most honest statement I’ve ever heard. I treasure that.”
“My honesty?”
“Your vulnerability. It’s why I believe this will work.”
She both hoped and feared he was right.
He released her hand and stood suddenly, pacing the length of the master suite. “I want you to ask Ellen the story behind how she became Warren’s slave.”
“Okay.” She stood and pulled her shirt over her head.
Derek watched as she dressed, his gaze captive to her every movement. His hungry and possessive eyes made her feel coveted and beautiful. Possessed, even.
“Remember, we’re talking about agreeing to begin a relationship built with rules, structure, roles, and expectations clearly defined. Ellen expects Warren to lead. When he doesn’t, it leaves her off-balanced and adrift. He’s her center, and she relies upon him to fulfill his role. She needs a memorable, and physical, reminder of who’s in charge.”
Sally tugged on her pants and toed on her shoes. “And you want that with me.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement of fact.
His eyes were like ice, burning into her soul. “I do.”
Sally held her upper lip between her teeth. She lowered her gaze to the floor unable to meet his eyes. To admit to him what they both knew as the truth was impossible.
“Look at me.” He lifted a finger under her chin and forced her gaze upward. His eyes softened. “I hadn’t meant to talk about this with you so soon, but here we are confronting the truth. Within my personal relationships, I expect to lead. I demand obedience. I reward just as quickly as I punish, but I do punish. I need that authority. You may not see this need in yourself yet — but I do — and it may take time before you accept it. There’s something buried deep within you, and we’ve only just started to open those doors. Your darkest desires and fantasies will exist out in the open, with me guiding you. I’ll draw them out, pushing you, using force when necessary, but it will happen. You’ll find it the most amazing experience, liberating even, if you trust me enough to lead.”
Her body shivered as his words ignited a firestorm of emotions, passion being only one of them, and longing the most profound. There was also a sense of comfort, a letting go of sorts, where a
sense of pervading calm overcame her as he spoke. What would it be like to allow herself to be controlled by this man?
She swallowed, using the moment to gather her thoughts. His words sunk in and her heart beat so furiously she thought it would burst. “I’ll try, but Derek?”
“Yes?”
“I think I’m going to be sick.”
He brushed his lips over hers but didn’t pursue the kiss further. “Well then, it’s time to lighten the mood and grab some fresh air, but know this.”
“What?”
“I decided at the ballet what I wanted, and I get what I want.” The liquid warmth had returned to his voice as well as the smoldering intensity in his eyes. “Pursue. Conquer. And claim. There is nothing else.”
She shook her head with amazement. “How the hell do you do that? Make me feel all warm and gooey inside. I feel like I don’t even have control over my body anymore.”
“You don’t. I took that from you.” He said it so simply, so matter-of-fact, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
He had complete confidence, a sense of self-assurance she had never experienced in a man. Certainly, Thomas had never been like this. He had always asked her what she wanted to do. It had been exhausting to always decide how to have sex, what position to use, or whether to have sex at all. It spilled into the rest of their life. Thomas never had an opinion on where to eat, what movie to see, or where to shop. Even the color of their car was a decision she had to make. Thomas never asserted himself, and she didn’t understand until now, how empty that had made her feel.
She had been happy with Thomas. She had even described it as blissful, but now with Derek’s powerful, masculine presence, she realized there had been something missing from her life.
He folded her into his embrace. “I’ve given you too much to think about. I see it in your eyes. So, let’s not speak about any of this until later. Let’s enjoy the day.”
“Oh…okay.”
At Dock
Becoming His, Learning to Breathe: Part Two - The Collective - Season 1, Episode 8 Page 7