‘Right, I'm going to make a move, then,’ said Richard. ‘I'm going into town for a bit.’ He kissed Beth's cheek and winked at me, slapping the door-frame as he left the kitchen.
Beth licked her lips. ‘Kat, did you sleep well?’
‘Great,’ I said. Again.
She poured herself a cup of coffee, glancing at me. ‘Did you—?’ She stopped.
‘What?’ I knew what she was going to ask, though. My sore shoulder throbbed as my muscles tightened up.
Beth hesitated, holding the coffee and trying to smile. ‘I was just wondering – I mean, you've been home for a day now, and I just wondered if … if you've remembered anything. Anything at all,’ she added quickly. ‘Even if it's really tiny, it might mean something.'
‘No,’ I said flatly.
‘Oh.’ Beth forced a laugh. ‘Oh, well, it's early days yet … I'm sure it'll all be fine.'
I seriously could not bear another second of this conversation. Reaching into my jeans pocket, I pulled out the mobile and flipped it open, pressing the keys until I found the messages section again. I thrust the phone at her. ‘Look – I got a text from one of my old friends.'
Beth held the mobile at arm's length, squinting at it. Her face brightened. ‘Oh, Poppy! She sounds worried about you, the poor love. What did you say back?'
I leaned against the counter, crossing my arms over my chest. ‘Well … nothing. I don't remember her. Who is she?'
Beth handed the mobile back to me. ‘She's one of your best friends. So's Jade, for that matter. The three of you are practically inseparable. Plus I think there's another girl now, Tina, who you all spend time with.'
It sounded like I had been really popular! I hadn't expected that, for some reason. ‘Well … do you think I could meet them?'
Beth looked thoughtful for a moment, tapping her lip. ‘You know, that's a really good idea … They probably know you even better than I do. Talking to them might help you get your memory back.'
I glared at the clean dishes on the drying rack. Why couldn't she just shut up about me getting my memory back? OK, yes, it would be a good thing, and I wanted to have it back too – but was I really so awful the way I was now?
Beth rinsed her coffee cup out in the sink and gave it a wipe with the dishcloth. ‘I'll give Poppy's mum a ring today. And, Kat … what about seeing Nana and Jim meanwhile?'
‘Who?’ I said. Even though I remembered.
Her mouth tightened worriedly. ‘Nana and Jim, my parents. They really want to see you, sweetie. Just to – to make sure you're OK. They're very worried.'
‘I'm fine.’ I meant that my shoulder and forehead were fine, but Beth gave a short laugh that was almost a bark.
‘Well, I wouldn't say you're fine, exactly … would you?'
My chest tightened, and I looked away. Sorry, I forgot – the only thing that matters is whether I've got my memory back, right?
Beth waited for me to say something, and when I didn't, she sighed. ‘Kat, look, we could drive up to see them sometime in the next few days – they're only in Oxfordshire, it's not far. All right?'
‘All right,’ I muttered.
She squeezed my arm. ‘Good. And, Kat—’ She broke off, biting her lip.
‘What?’
‘It'll all be fine,’ she said softly. ‘I promise.'
I took a shower that afternoon. I wasn't actually supposed to take a shower, because of the bandage that was still on my forehead, but I was desperate to wash my hair – it felt like an oil slick had been spilled over it. I tipped my head back carefully as I rubbed the shampoo in, savouring the coconut smell.
Afterwards, I towel-dried my hair, staring at myself in the mirror. It was still a shock every time I caught sight of myself, like seeing a stranger looking back at me. A stranger who was starting to look sort of familiar, maybe, but still a stranger.
‘It'll all be fine,’ I whispered to my reflection. Echoes of Beth.
The girl in the mirror didn't say anything.
‘Well, Kathy, how are you finding things at home?’ Dr Perrin smiled her toothy smile at me, like she was about to snap me up in her jaws.
‘Kat,’ I told her, chewing on a nail.
She glanced down at her notes. ‘Oh, Kat – sorry. Right, how are you finding things at home, Kat?’ She smiled at me again, showing even more teeth. If that were possible.
I shifted on the sagging green sofa. I was in Dr Perrin's office at the hospital because, just my luck, she was going to see me once a week until my memory came back. Or until we had reached ‘a good status quo', whatever that meant.
‘Things are OK,’ I told her.
Dr Perrin scribbled something on her clipboard. Her honey-coloured hair was just as bright as before, framing her face in a hair-sprayed wave. ‘Can you expand on that?'
‘Um … well, they're OK. I mean, everything's going fine.’ Her desk and walls were filled with photos of toothily smiling people. I stared at a photo of a little girl in a fairy dress. Her smile would scare off a shark.
She tapped her pen against her teeth. ‘I see. Any memories coming back to you yet?'
‘No, not really.'
Dr Perrin leaned forward. ‘Not really? Does that mean you have remembered something?'
I swallowed, tugging at my sleeves. ‘No, um … it means no.'
Dr Perrin let out a breath, and then gave me a big smile. ‘Let's try to be precise, Kat. Now, then – what about your dreams? Do you remember any of them?'
I shrugged, thinking of a dream I'd had just the night before. I had looked in the mirror, and instead of my stranger-face looking back at me, there hadn't been any face at all – just a smooth, flesh-coloured blank. Goosebumps prickled across my arms as I remembered it.
I was not about to share this with Dr Perrin.
‘Is that a yes or a no?’ she was saying. ‘Kat, dear, we must try to be exact. We are investigators, working together to unlock your memory, and we can leave no stone unturned.'
I stared at her in disbelief. An image of the two of us creeping along with magnifying glasses flashed into my mind, and I cringed.
‘Do you understand?’ asked Dr Perrin.
‘Um, I think so,’ I muttered. Thinking, I understand that you are a total loon.
She crossed her plump legs, leaning forward. ‘Good. Because you see, your dreams could be very, very important in overcoming your memory loss; this has been proven time and again in cases like this. So it's essential that we—'
‘No,’ I told her.
Her eyebrows shot up. ‘I beg your pardon?’
‘I mean … the answer's no. I don't remember any dreams.'
She sighed, and wrote down something else. Another big, scary smile. ‘Fine. Now then, I'm going to show you a series of images, and I want you to tell me the first things that come to mind. OK? We're just going to free-associate. It'll be fun.'
It sounded like she was giving me an order: Have fun or else. I pressed back against the sofa, longing for the time to be up.
It was like that for the whole forty-five minutes. And I know it was forty-five minutes precisely, because I was watching the clock like a hawk. Finally Dr Perrin said, ‘Well, I think that's all for now, Kat,’ and I leaped up from the sofa.
She pinned me in place with her eyes. ‘You'll remember to keep a dream diary,’ she said sternly. ‘Every morning, without fail. We'll go over them at our next session.'
I gulped and nodded. Standing up, I could see that her eyebrows were drawn on with a pencil. I gazed at them, weirdly fascinated. Where had her actual eyebrows gone?
‘You won't forget,’ Dr Perrin said as she opened the door and showed me out. It wasn't a question.
Chapter Six
Kathy
23 January
I wonder how long this FAB buddy thing is meant to last for. Tina doesn't need me to show her to her classes any more, she knows where they all are. And she knows all my friends now. In fact, she's getting on so well with Poppy and Jade that
I feel like a total outsider. They've started walking to class with her too. Usually there's not enough space for all four of us to walk side by side, so guess who ends up walking behind.
Well, I might as well, I don't feel like talking to anyone anyway.
25 January
I got a C on my English paper. I usually get As in English. At least it wasn't maths, which Richard's already offered to help me with – NO, THANK YOU!
26 January
I asked Mrs Boucher how long the FAB thing lasted, and she said it would be nice if I kept doing it until the end of term. Nice for who??
I said, ‘But Tina knows her way to all her classes now,’ and she said, ‘Oh, you don't need to keep walking to class with her. Just be there as a support if she needs you.'
So that's one good thing, at least. Not that Tina will even notice if I walk to class with her or not.
27 January
Jade asked me how long I planned to keep sulking about Richard moving in. Then she said, ‘Or is it Tina's perfect life you're sulking about now?’ Poppy didn't say, ‘Oh, Jade,’ this time.
I said I wasn't sulking, I'd just got a lot on my mind. I could tell neither of them believed me.
At home things are pretty much the same as they were too. Mum keeps saying that I'm not making enough of an effort. It's not like I'm sticking pins in a Richard voodoo doll or anything! The real problem is that she wants me to play Happy Families with her and Richard, and it's just so not going to happen. I don't like Richard and I don't like him being here, so why should I pretend I do?
But to make an effort, I told him thank you for making dinner tonight. Big mistake. He thought I was his friend at last, and wanted me to go into the lounge with him so he could teach me one of his stupid card tricks. I said no thanks, and then got in trouble off Mum again for being ‘unfriendly'. I can't win.
I took Cat out tonight, and sat holding him for a long time. He didn't make me feel any better, though. I just kept thinking about Dad.
28 January
It's Saturday today. Normally I would have made plans with Poppy and Jade, but no one mentioned anything about getting together this weekend, so I didn't, either. I'm not actually that bothered about it, because I don't really want to see them anyway. I'm too busy sulking, ha ha.
I wonder if they're doing anything with Tina?
Later
Mum came into my room, and made me turn down my music. She said she wanted to talk to me, so right away I knew it wasn't going to be anything good. It wasn't, either. She sat on my bed and said that she really did understand how I must feel (I wish she'd stop saying that!) but that life has to go on. And that her life has moved on, and now it includes Richard, and she'd very much like for my life to include Richard too.
‘Can't you just try?’ she said.
I told her that I was trying, but that I didn't see why I had to include Richard in my life just because he was her boyfriend. I said it very calmly, but her face turned red anyway.
‘Because he lives here!’ she said.
‘Well, that's not my fault,’ I said back.
Big mistake, the row was on. She said she had tried to be patient, but I was being incredibly self-involved, and it was time I grew up a little and tried thinking of someone else for a change. On and on and on, with her face getting redder and redder, and I could hardly even listen to her because it was SO TOTALLY UNFAIR. God! She knew I didn't want him to move in, but she went ahead and asked him to anyway – and now she's all upset that I'm not happy about it! Well, whose fault is that?!
Finally I just lost it, and started shouting at her. I told her I never wanted him to move in, and I've had enough of him trying to talk to me and get on my good side, he is NOT my dad, and I don't want anything to do with him! I almost started crying, but I didn't, I managed to hold it in.
Mum looked like she was going to start yelling back at me, but then her shoulders slumped and she just sighed. She said, ‘Kathy, I can't change what happened with your dad. I'm sorry that things worked out the way they did.'
‘Worked out.’ That's a funny way of putting it, since our leaving was all down to her. I know that things weren't always that great, but surely we could have coped?? If she had really wanted to?? And then everything might have been different.
Anyway, she asked me to please try harder with Richard, and I said I would (just to get rid of her), and FINALLY she went away and left me alone. I turned my music back up again the second she did. I just want to block out the whole world.
Chapter Seven
Kat
Nana and Jim lived in a village called Upper Bagley. It was only about two hours away, but it felt like centuries. I spent the whole drive staring out of the window, wishing that Richard hadn't had to go to work that day. Beth kept tapping her fingers on the steering wheel and fiddling with the car radio, changing the station every five minutes or so.
Nana turned out to be an older version of Beth – and me, I suppose. Weird thought. When we got there, she gave me a quick hug and then held me away from her at arm's length, gripping my shoulders and looking into my eyes. I stiffened, waiting for the inevitable do you remember? questions.
She dropped her hands and smiled at me. ‘Would you like something to drink?'
I was so relieved that I said yes, even though I wasn't thirsty. Nana disappeared into the kitchen, and I was just thinking, Maybe this won't be so bad after all, when Beth steered me into the lounge.
A woman and two men sat watching TV. The moment we walked in, everyone's eyes snapped towards me and they all jumped up, beaming big smiles.
‘Kathy!’
‘Are you all right, love?’
‘How are you, Kath?'
Suddenly I was being passed about from one to the other, given bone-crunching hugs. The old man squeezed me the tightest, thumping my back like I was choking on something. I tried not to yelp as pain shot through my shoulder.
‘Now, what's all this nonsense about you not remembering anything?’ he boomed. ‘Eh? Are you saying you don't remember your Grandad Jim?'
‘Um …’ Completely panicked, I looked across at Beth.
‘I'm afraid not, Dad.’ She pulled off her coat and put it on the beige-coloured settee.
Grandad Jim stared at me. ‘You really don't remember anything?'
‘I'm sorry,’ I whispered. Fire crept up my neck and cheeks.
‘You don't remember me?!’ His eyes goggled as his voice rose. If he had been holding a cane, he would have thumped it on the floor.
‘She obviously doesn't, Dad,’ said the other man. He had thinning brown hair, and a crooked smile. ‘Sorry if we sort of attacked you before,’ he said to me. ‘I'm your Uncle Mark. Your mum's older brother.'
‘And I'm your Aunt Lorraine,’ offered the woman. ‘Rainey.’ Blonde hair and a bright blue jumper. She gave me her hand, and I shook it, trying to smile.
‘Oh, your poor head!’ she said, peering at my forehead. ‘Does it hurt?'
The bandage was off by then, but the stitches were still there, stark and black against my skin. I had tried to brush my hair over them that morning, which obviously hadn't worked.
‘Um, not too bad —’ I started to say.
‘This is ridiculous!’ bawled Grandad Jim in the centre of the room. ‘The girl can't have just lost her memory!'
Beth shrugged, looking tired. ‘Nevertheless … she has.'
Grandad Jim sank into a chair, glaring at her. ‘Well, has she seen a doctor? What's being done for her, what's happening?'
Beth sat on the sofa. ‘She's seeing a psychiatrist. But Dad, it's not—'
‘A shrink?’ Grandad Jim looked horrified. ‘But it could be a brain tumour! Has anyone checked ?'
Hugging myself, I perched on a round cushion in the corner, wishing it were a magic teleport system that would whisk me away. Beth looked like she was wishing pretty much the same thing about the sofa.
‘No, Dad, she definitely doesn't have brain damage. It's a psychol
ogical condition. This is what the doctors recommend.'
A psychological condition. There was a beat as everyone looked at me. I shifted on the cushion, trying to look as un-psychotic as possible. Thankfully, Nana came into the room just then, carrying a black enamel tray. A shiny silver tea set was spread out on it.
‘Ooh, the posh stuff,’ said Mark, jumping up to help her.
Waving him off, Nana set the tray onto the coffee table and handed me a glass of juice. ‘Here you go, love. Just how you like it.'
I struggled to smile at her. ‘Thanks.’ Then I took a sip of the juice, and suddenly my smile was real. ‘This is really nice!'
She nodded briskly, pouring herself a cup of tea. ‘Freshly squeezed. Nothing at all like that concentrated mess you get at the supermarket.'
‘What about the accident, then?’ barked Grandad Jim suddenly. ‘What happened with that?’ I froze, the orange juice chilling my hand.
Beth cleared her throat. ‘Apparently Kathy ran in front of the car … We think she was probably trying to cross against the lights.'
He looked aghast. ‘Cross against the lights? Surely she knows better than that!'
‘Maybe she was just in a hurry,’ said Rainey brightly.
For a few minutes, the only sound was the clinking of cups and saucers. Beth looked over at me and gave me a little smile. I didn't smile back. How could she have brought me here? She must have known what it would be like!
It got worse. After everyone had finished their tea, Grandad Jim hauled out about a hundred photo albums and even a couple of home videos, and everyone crowded around me, pointing out this person and that person, and my first Christmas, and on and on.
‘Look, Kathy, do you remember this?’ Uncle Mark pointed to a photo of me on a tricycle. ‘We went outside and I pushed you on it, all up and down the pavement. Remember?'
‘No.’ I thought the girl in the photo looked a bit fed up too. Maybe she had wanted to tell Uncle Mark to stop pushing her and leave her alone.
‘ Here's one you'll know,’ said Rainey, dimpling like she had the prize answer to a contest. ‘Look – who's this?’ She held up a photo of a man standing on the beach, wearing shorts and a blue T-shirt. His arms were folded across his chest.
Kat Got Your Tongue Page 5