I nodded. “Yes, it’s normal. We have to be checked.” I shivered. I could feel the bile creeping up my throat.
“Checked?”
“To make sure. To confirm that we’re infertile.”
He dropped his hand from my face.
I rolled my eyes, trying to ease the panic in my mind. “It’s all sort of silly, really. So unnecessary. Many of the girls get their hopes up that they will be different; they don’t want to accept one day our kind will be gone, extinct. I think the council only conducts it to give us some small amount of hope. It’s stupid I even have to go. I don’t need or want the hope.” I knew my attempt at easing the tension sounded more like bitterness. I also knew James wouldn’t miss it.
“Did your sister know then, when she…”
I could tell he was uncomfortable asking the question.
“No. She knew it was a risk. They told her during the inspection. Some of my people think your kind lie to us. Some believe the council tells us we can’t bring forth new life in order to discourage us from trying to save our species. My sister believed that. She was wrong, as you can see.”
“And you, what do you believe?”
“I believe history has proven there are other, faster ways of getting rid of a group of people. If the council wanted us gone they could easily do so. You know that.”
He didn’t reply, just nodded.
“We are the weak. Nature has decided the strong will stay and the weak will go.”
His hand was on my cheek in the briefest of moments. My eyes met his. “Please don’t speak like that. I don’t like to think of a world without you in it.”
“I don’t think you will have to worry about it so much,” I said with a small laugh. “I think we will both be long gone before the end of my people. Well, maybe. I’m not even sure what the average life span is for your kind.”
He shrugged. “Depends. Though I guess we average ninety to one hundred years.”
My eyes grew wide in amazement. “Wow.”
The average life span for our kind was fifty. He could live twice the time I would on this earth.
Another difference.
“Can’t we talk about something lovely? Something besides the naturals and chosen ones?” I begged. “Or can we at least talk about how we’re the same? I am so tired of knowing how odd I am.”
“Yes, you are odd,” he said, tapping my nose with his finger. There was an amusing air to his words and I could feel the stress begin to leave. “Hmm. And how do you think we are alike?” he asked, stretching. It was getting late and I knew it would be time to leave soon.
I bit my bottom lip. “Well, we both love to read and listen to music.”
“Yes.” He laughed. “We both love reading and listening to what others have demanded that we should not be allowed to.”
I nudged him with my elbow. “Very true. And what do you have to add to our list?”
“We both don’t get enough sleep.”
I scrunched my nose. “What a compelling addition. I can see I’m going to have to do all the work.”
“Fine, fine, I can do better,” he said, holding up his hand.
I crossed my arms in front of my chest, feigning mistrust.
He cleared his throat. “We both have a serious lack of logical thought when it comes to the other.”
I could feel something inside of me want to crawl away; this was not a conversation I could have. I just wanted it to be easy. I wanted to spend time with him without thinking of anything but us. And it was then I knew he was right. I nodded.
Without warning, he pulled me into an embrace. I could feel a desperate longing connected to it. He moved his face so his lips met mine and I craved them. We were kissing with a passion I had not yet experienced, and we were touching. He pulled me from off my knees practically into his lap. His hands ran up my back and into my hair. I leaned against his chest. Every time one of us pulled away to breathe, I wanted to tell him to stop. No. I didn’t want that, but I should have wanted it.
His hands began to slide down from my hair to my neck.
I didn’t want him to stop. I felt all warm and lightheaded. Tingling.
I couldn’t do this.
I roughly pushed him off of me and scooted away, drawing my legs against my chest. My eyes were glued to my feet, refusing to look at him. He was silent; I half wondered if he even existed at all. I could only hear my own ragged breath.
“I am so sorry,” he whispered.
I couldn’t speak, only nodded once.
“I think you should go,” he replied.
I stood up and headed toward the door.
I turned to face him. “We have to remember the rules, James. If we can’t then I won’t be able to come here. And I don’t think I could keep myself from wanting to see you.”
His back was toward me, his hands curled into fists. His voice sounded so far away. “Yes, I can keep my promise.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow night,” I said, once more heading for the door.
“Tess?”
I couldn’t turn to face him. I kept my hand on the doorknob as I answered. “Yes.”
“Can you do me a favor? Ask around, maybe your supervisor, and see if anyone has heard anything about Frank.”
I could have told him right then what I had seen and done. But I simply nodded and left. I lied to the one person I had asked to be honest with me.
And there are always consequences.
Chapter 25
“You have to stop moving around so much.” Louisa sighed, clearly frustrated by my inability to remain a statue while she measured.
“This is stupid,” I muttered. Spending so much time altering my uniform for Templeton seemed like a waste of a Sunday.
“Ugh, cheer up! I can’t believe you actually get to attend an event with the creators tomorrow,” she chirped as she pulled my skirt tighter.
“I don’t really consider anything about my time at Templeton fun, Louisa.”
My sister shook her head, motioning for me to take off the skirt. When I handed it to her, she sat on the cot and went to work. “I would gladly take your place. It must be so cool to be surrounded by all that glamour and wealth. This stupid, dingy compound is all I can remember. And the boys! I wouldn’t mind looking at them all day.”
I took a deep breath. This sisterly love thing was new for Louisa and me, and I didn’t know exactly how to do it. I gingerly took a seat next to her on the cot, thankful our bunkmate Grace was off somewhere. “Templeton isn’t what you think it is. That place isn’t an escape from here.”
“Of course you would say that. No offense, but you’re not exactly the type of girl to enjoy a place like Templeton. I don’t know why they won’t just let any girl from a family volunteer to work there. Why does it have to be the oldest? Besides, as one of the last born, I’m about as special as the chosen ones.”
Louisa brought this up at least once a day. I should have stopped her then, told her about all the horrors I had seen at Templeton. But I couldn’t. I saw the excitement in her eyes. Why not let her have it? She would never go there—I’d make sure of that. Why destroy the dreams of a thirteen-year-old girl? Dreams were all she had left.
“Here. Good as new,” Louisa said, handing me back my skirt. “You’ve really got to stop losing so much weight.”
“Thanks.”
I only had Sundays left at the compound now. I would dedicate them all to her.
“Here, I got you something for your birthday. I didn’t forget, you know,” she said.
That made one of us.
Louisa placed a bright yellow ribbon in my hands. “For your hair. I traded Grace laundry duty for two weeks to get it. Wear it tomorrow to the picnic.”
It wasn’t my style at all. It would match Louisa much better, but I loved it. I smiled and was happy to see Louisa return the smile as well.
It was a start.
…
Only the “real” Templeton girls, those of us l
ucky to have the back of our necks forever graced with two slash marks, were allowed to wait on the attendees during the event that celebrated the matching of chosen one and committee. I guess the council figured we wouldn’t dare reveal any secrets. The third slash mark was always in the back of our minds.
Even those like James and George who had gone unselected would attend. The chosen ones were dressed sharply in tweed trousers and dress shirts, some of them even donning vests. Like they’d stepped out of one of the books James and I loved to read.
The girls carried around trays, stopping and smiling at council members and chosen ones alike. The members of the council stood out like sore thumbs, their faces a sometimes disastrous display of uncontrolled genetics. Their skin sagged with age. And while they were dressed in the finest clothes around, their faces were covered in wrinkles and liver spots—the science they’d used to create the world couldn’t save them from time.
It was rumored that naturals used to cut up their own faces to appear younger, but such surgeries were now seen as superficial. Only the chosen ones could remain sublimely beautiful. It was odd to see them in person. Like they were some Gods who descended down from Mt. Olympus to mingle with us humans. These were the men who reigned over everything.
You never would have guessed it by looking at them.
I moved around the massive lawn as quickly as possible. Each table was decorated with crisp white tablecloths and a bouquet of wildflowers. In the center of the lawn a space was cleared for some sort of event. A group of council members played on violins while everyone mingled. Apparently, scientists and doctors weren’t the only ones selected for the council. They kept the artists for themselves, too.
I didn’t try and chat with any of the boys like most of the other Templeton girls, though I knew it would be easier for me if I did. The more I looked closely at Templeton, the more I saw how the system worked. Julia had been right. You did your job, flirted with the boys, allowed them a little touch or kiss, and you got what you wanted. Extra food. A cigarette here and there.
In some ways, it wasn’t so different than James and me. But in the important ways, it couldn’t be more different.
The clinking of silverware against glass pulled me from my thoughts. I followed the other more experienced girls who hustled to stand in a line opposite the speaker, who now rose up. Council member after council member stood with their selected chosen one like it was a giant game of show and tell. They would list their committee, and the chosen one would demonstrate his ability.
Something I’d never seen before. The only reason we were allowed to watch this was because we were permanent Templeton girls. Templeton’s secrets were now our own. None of us girls knew what a third mark would mean for us, but the threat of one was enough for us to fall in line. Or at least pretend to.
The things the chosen ones could do were mind-boggling. These weren’t the ones flashed before my eyes as a child. Who had changed the design without informing the naturals? A boy could move from one side of the lawn to the other in the blink of an eye. One second he was there, and the other he was gone. Another launched himself in the air like it was nothing. Part of me wondered if he could actually fly. Was he holding back? Were they all holding back? One merely twitched his fingers, and almost every glass shattered into a million pieces.
At each demonstration, the council and girls cheered in amazement. I didn’t. I couldn’t. What had we created? If the chosen ones were the weapons of the council, how could we ever hope to rebel?
Did I even want to rebel?
When the crowd broke up to mingle after the show, I felt a gentle tug on my hand. Looking up, I saw James. Relief flooded me. He wasn’t scary like the rest of them. He placed a finger over his lips and glanced toward an archway created by a row of trees—it could keep us hidden.
When I was sure no one was watching, I made my way to meet James. As soon as I reached him, I wanted to throw myself into his arms. To remind myself that he was human like me. I needed to hear his heartbeat.
We didn’t speak at first. I self-consciously tugged at my yellow ribbon.
James sighed. Apparently, he didn’t find today’s proceeding particularly celebratory either. “If my people were never created, yours would not suffer. You would have a much different life.”
“And who is to say that life would be better? Maybe it would be. Maybe not. The war changed us all, and honestly if it wasn’t for your people I don’t know that any of my kind would have survived. You can’t control what life you’re born into.”
“I wasn’t born,” he said harshly, bitterly. I wondered if my undying hatred had seeped into him. Hadn’t I once thought this very thing about him?
“I’m a freak,” he continued. “You are marvelous, innocent. How can I accept a world that dictates the manufactured over the natural?”
The pain in my chest was pulsing. I placed both of my hands alongside his face. “Your body may have been produced, or manufactured as you say, but your soul, your being, that comes from God, and he has given you a miraculous gift. He has given me a miraculous gift. We are so lucky to have each other. Don’t forget that.”
His brow wrinkled with thought. “You speak of my soul with such certainty. I hope you’re right. But where did this hope come from, when you’ve denied it so long?”
I pulled away. Not because his question bothered me, but because it actually took some time to consider. What reason had I to hope?
My heart beat wildly against my chest. It was because of this. Because I had finally realized what power it had over me, and I welcomed it. It was because I knew that I was loved without having to hear the words—because for better or worse, I was alive. And I would never again allow myself to shrink away from life. It was meeting my self, my true self, not the self I had taught myself to create. I didn’t know her completely yet, but I did know that for once in my life I was welcoming her into existence. I hoped…because it brought me joy to know that my greatest exploration, my greatest adventure would be discovering who she was.
How could I possibly put all of that into words? Words never seemed to be enough to encompass what I was feeling or thinking these days.
“I think, well, maybe I’m…” I stumbled.
I took a deep breath before continuing, feeling the weight of James’s eyes on me. “I don’t really know how to explain it,” I admitted. “I just don’t think I would survive very much longer without it, especially when you’re gone. Maybe it’s my secret weapon, my gift,” I said, trying to lighten the tone.
I reached up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear and James caught my wrist. He ran his thumb gently over the numbers lasered there.
“Did it hurt?”
“No,” I replied. Not physically, at least. It was a deeper pain, the pain of entrapment.
“Maybe our intentions were good, but somewhere down the line we got too damaged,” James offered.
“Perhaps. Sometimes I can’t really blame the chosen ones, not completely. I blame us. I blame my people for allowing it to happen. We let ourselves get taken in; we let ourselves be fooled by the propaganda. I blame our own ignorance.”
“You were just a child, Tess.”
His words were simple but they stung. Who could I blame then? My parents? Their parents? Had the series of events long before been set in motion? Could all of it have been stopped?
I opened my mouth to speak when we both heard someone call James’s name. He leaned down, gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, and hurried off. Our time still wasn’t our own.
Chapter 26
It was supposed to be a milestone in my life. I would officially be told I had no future. It certainly wasn’t a day to be taken lightly, but that was exactly what I tried to do. To think of anything besides the fact I was going to the medical center.
I could feel the sympathetic eyes of Louisa follow me all Sunday morning. It was strange. I’m not sure how she knew I was getting inspected, but she seemed to feel sorry for
me. Maybe the sympathy was also for herself—soon she would be the one to go to the medical center. Soon it would be her time to realize that a part of her had long ago died.
Even Robert seemed aware of the fact. He placed himself opposite me at the breakfast table, quiet for a long while before speaking. I’m not sure why, but I felt a small sense of comfort having him there.
I held my neck to the side in an effort to alleviate the stiffness from my perpetual lack of sleep. Robert noticed, and it was then that he first spoke.
“You look horrible.”
I cringed. “Thanks. Good morning to you, too.”
He sighed. “Sorry, that was rude.”
I gulped down some water to keep myself from falling back to the days when I’d considered him a friend, a brother.
“I just meant you look like you haven’t slept in days. I’m sure today has you worried, but it’s all very normal. You’ll only be there a few hours and then, God willing, you won’t have to go again.”
That was a small comfort. Most illnesses were dealt with inside the compound. It was only for severe injuries or inspections that one had to travel to the center. That’s all a sector needed to survive—compound, training center, and inspection center. That was our civilization, everything we could ever dream of.
“I guess it’s my rite of passage or something,” I mumbled, stuffing a piece of pancake into my mouth.
He merely nodded.
I looked around and lowered my voice before asking my next question. The cafeteria was filled with people, and I didn’t want anyone to hear the questions I needed to ask him. “Robert, was she nervous when she went?”
They had already been sweethearts when Emma went for her inspection. I remembered seeing him around during our early days at the compound. At first, it was obvious that he was trying to ignore my sister, but as time went on we saw more and more of him. This didn’t upset me at first. I thought he was merely her friend, just as Henry used to be for me. In fact, I enjoyed his company, even when he was being irritable and aloof. These moods became less and less frequent as he continued to hang out with us. I even thought that maybe he was my friend, too.
Chosen Ones (The Lost Souls, #1) Page 16