by Jillian Hart
"I don't need your money, and you need it more than I do." She thought of him in the wilderness in the winter snow with outlaws hunting him, without enough cash to see him through buying food and lodging for any length of time. The thought of him cold and hungry, hurting and in hardship made pain whip through her. "What can I do for you?"
"Give Jack a home and make him feel wanted and loved. That's what you can do for me. The best thing I can think of."
"Absolutely not. It's yours, you keep it. You need it."
"Don't worry about me, beautiful lady."
She swallowed hard, understanding what he did not say. Tears stung her eyes but instead of acknowledging he was telling her he would die in those mountains, she gave him the gift of gentle normalcy. "Beautiful lady? Not even close. Now you're attempting to charm me once again so I will agree with you."
"Charm you? Of course I am, a beautiful woman like you."
She blushed, nothing but a fool wanting to believe his compliments. She wanted to be seen as that special to a man again, one she could fall so far in love with that there would be no escaping it, but wasn't it just her luck that this would prove impossible? What more could she do for him? "Keep your money. You may need it."
"If Brant wins and he gets the drop on me before I can bring him in, which he has done with many a bounty hunter and federal marshal attempting to arrest him, then I won't need this. I have to be practical and so, if I lose, and the chance is nearly one hundred percent, then this money would be his. I don't want that. You keep it. I worked hard for it."
"I won't accept it for myself." Saydee took one look at his furrowed brow and the sorrow etched on his face. His mouth turned down in the corners and hers did, too. "You have my most solemn vow that I will do my very best for your boy and you're not to worry."
"I'm grateful, I'll always be grateful that I found you in the storm. But this discussion isn't over. I don't intend to lose, so we will call a truce for now." Of course he would leave his money with her when he left, but he wasn't surprised she'd turned down his offer. That was Saydee, quality all the way. He reached out and his hand settled on hers, and her skin was like liquid gold, rich and woman-hot. His let his gaze fasten on hers and he saw in those blue depths her luminous heart.
Tenderly, he stroked his knuckles along the warm silk of her arm, drawn to her unlike no other. Since only a few inches separated them, his heart skipped a beat, realizing he only had to lean in a tad to kiss Saydee's soft, pink bow-shaped mouth.
What would her kiss be like? Sweet like she was, he decided. Longing for it, craving the sensation, he watched the tip of her tongue dart out and lave nervously across the luxurious pink of her bottom lip, as if she were aware of his wish. He drew in air, choked on it, too befuddled by pure hunger to breathe correctly, yearning for her heated kiss.
I'm crazy, that's what I am. I know better. A good man didn't start something with a woman that he couldn't finish. But need overwhelmed him for the first time in his life, he couldn't stop it, honest, he really could not. Like the unrelenting, fast-as-a-train edge of a mountain blizzard, hunger pounded through him and, blind, he closed the inch between them and claimed her lips with his. A groan broke in his throat at her heated-velvet kiss.
She was one hundred percent pure silk, responsive woman and forbidden passion. He drank her in, not bothering with polite niceties, pressing his mouth to hers until she gave a small, surprised sigh. He took the liberty of sucking her full lower lip between both of his and giving her a tender, sensitive little stroke of his tongue. She moaned and tipped her head back, surprising him when she splayed her hands on his chest. Her slender fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt, holding on tightly.
Clearly, she liked what he was doing, so he didn't stop. He slanted his mouth harder more completely over hers, caressing and supple. This time a soft moan rumbled through him and her fingers tightened, as if making sure he would not stop. Desire licked through his veins, thudding hot and thick, and he wrapped one hand around the back of her head, winding his fingers through her silken gold locks. Wanting more of a kiss, craving more, he caressed his tongue along the part of her lips, and she opened to him willingly as he dove inside, tasting angel food cake, tea and her sweet heat.
Man, she excited him. He gasped for breath, heart pounding as if he'd been running ten miles with an outlaw on his tail, rock-hard and ready. With restraint, Winn laid one large hand on the curve of her right hip and tugged her body into his. She came eagerly, pliable in his grip and swayed against him like a windblown sapling, and he steadied her with a hand on the small of her back, pressing her full length against his hardened length. Desire pulsed through him as her breasts pillowed his chest and he felt the soft swell of her stomach cushioning the hard ridge of his aroused member.
He grinned when her tongue worked a slow caress along his, tentative and tasting, and he deepened the kiss fully with teeth and tongue, nearly blind with pure lust as desire tore through him like a thunderstorm. He tore his lips from hers dragging in air, gasping and desperate to continue, but he closed his eyes and stepped away. It took all his might to fight down the urge to grab hold of the buttons marching down the front of her dress and unbuttoning them.
He counted to ten. He counted to twenty. It still wasn't enough. Desire lit him up like a sky full of lightning. He figured that he could count to a thousand and he'd still be blind with desire for her. Blood beat lava-hot through his veins in quick, hard strikes. Lust and need for her hammered through every straining inch of him, and his erection jumped in his too-tight denims.
He needed her more than air, and the relentless desire he felt rattled through him, shaking him from head to foot. The memory of her hot, soft body against his lingered, taunting him, and he craved once again the taste of her kisses, the feel of her need for him.
"Whew, well, that was a surprise." Her tender hand landed dead center on his chest, directly over his wildly beating heart. "I can't say that I've ever done that without an engagement ring on my finger, and even then it was the morning of my wedding."
"I'm sorry, I lost control for a moment there, and thanks for the reminder and getting me thinking right." The reality that he'd done wrong in kissing her hurt like a blow. Not that he was sorry, because he would never be, but she looked embarrassed, judging by the rosy blush of color high on her cheeks and aroused, too. Her blue eyes had dilated near to black, perhaps with desire, and that did nothing to diminish the hunger and lust coursing like fire through his veins. He cleared his throat, but it did no good, for his words still came out thin and raw. "I guess I misplaced my manners. Maybe you can find it in your heart to forgive me."
"I might just forgive you anything right now, because I have to ask you to do the same."
"I'll never mention how unmannerly and brazenly you kissed me. It will be our secret." Humor. It felt good, rumbling in his chest and lightening up the heaviness of his soul. He wasn't about to admit that the thoughts running through his head were anything but decent and certainly never polite. His whole body thrummed, shaking with the need to bed her, and the only thing he could do was to cool himself off, get back in control and act as if he wasn't feeling this way.
It helped that she withdrew her hand, leaving a tingling memory of handprint on his chest. What did he do to forget the way she'd been hot and responsive to him, or how she'd pressed her sweet body to his erection, unashamed, and remembering made him hotter than ever? Longing bolted through him and his gaze lingered on the rounded globes of her full breasts, which would be heavy and soft and fill up his hands. That top button at her collar snared his attention and he had to hold back to keep from popping it open and keep going.
Keep your hands to yourself, McMurphy. It was a help that she spun away from him and sashayed away, her golden hair swishing in cadence with her gait, taking her beauty, sexiness and elegance away. His head cleared, and he realized how wrong he'd been in kissing her, his loss of control was the issue. He stilled his trembling hands as
she turned at the hallway.
"I'm going to pretend that didn't happen. Just so you know. And you're a very good kisser, by the way." Her voice held a light note, soft as amusement, a little husky with the remainder of desire, and when she took another step the darkness engulfed her, veiling her from his view.
That woman was likely to be the death of him. Winn raked his fingers through his hair, wishing a hard, hot knot of regret wasn't gathering in his chest. He was no green boy, inexperienced and eager. He'd been burned enough times to know what happened when a man played with fire. The last thing he wanted to do was anger Saydee. He needed her. Jack needed her. He listened to her gait pause, the soft ringing knell fading into silence.
"Winn?" Saydee called him closer, staying out of his sight until he rounded the corner and she stood in the brush of the lamplight tumbling through her bedroom doorway. Her lush mouth softened, her lush pink lips kiss-swollen. "Don't you leave tonight if that storm lets up, not without saying goodbye to me. Okay?"
"You've got a deal." Lamplight burnished her with a rich golden glow that made him wonder what she would look like in that light, naked in bed beside him. Desire kicked fire into his blood, rendered him breathless and made him harder than ever with want for her. "Good night, sleep tight. I'm here to make sure you do."
"I feel safe with you around, for good reason." Tenderness warmed her heart, melting like butter on a stove, remembering being in the man's arms and pressed up against his iron hardness. "Good night, Winn."
Before she turned away, she took one last glimpse of him, of the single lamp on the table, wick turned down, backlighting him with a soft sepia glow, outlining his silhouette and rendering him nearly in complete shadow. She crossed her threshold, her whole body tingling with awareness and life, breathless and wanting him.
She pushed the door shut and alone in her room, she laid a hand on her heart, feeling its rapid beat. He wasn't the right man, but she couldn't stop the wish in her heart of wanting him to be. She sat down in the nearby chair and shook her head at herself. Winn McMurphy was the wrong man for her. And that's the way it had to be.
19
Had she gone to sleep? Winn thought so as he hunkered down in bed with the book he'd borrowed from the spare room. He'd moved the lamp onto the floor beside him, stolen a couple pillows from the couch and propped himself up under the covers very comfortably. It was the most leisure and softness he'd had since well before Brant and his small band had shown up gunning for him. In truth, Winn wasn't the type of man who spoiled himself with softness and ease in general.
Maybe it was because he had no woman in his life, no wife who made it her business to keep him in comfort. His mind turned to Saydee, and a smile touched his mouth. She surely had enjoyed their kiss, but she made sure that he hadn't gone farther than that lip lock. And that frustrated him and disappointed him now. He turned the page with a rustle, tipping the book to catch the lamplight, surprised that with what he faced ahead in his future, with the tough job he had ahead of him, that he could feel anything soft at all.
Jack gave a small cough in the next room, not congested but a reminder of how sick the boy had been. He squinted at the page, letting the words carry him back into the story and drown out his environment, the beat of the storm, the crackle of the fire in the stove and the muffled "ruff-ruff" of the sleeping dog lost in a good dream in bed beside Jack.
The new blizzard beat against the outside walls like a wild animal clawing to gain entrance, and he glanced around at this cozy, soft, porcelain figurines-and-lace home that Saydee had made here, a respite, a sanctuary. Just the kind of thing Jack needed and Winn was grateful, darn grateful, for that. He never should have kissed her.
He didn't know how much time he had here now, whether it be for just the night, another day or a few more at most, but he couldn't start wishing for what could have been between him and Saydee. No, he couldn't allow that. His heart couldn't take it. She was too good and too special. He'd never been prepared for that. Nor would he ever be.
It might be wise to make a vow to himself. That for as long as he was here, he would be a perfect gentleman. Under no circumstances would he kiss her again. He wouldn't touch her. He'd be wise to toss out all the wishing and yearning and every bit of his desire for her.
Jack was the issue here and, besides that, it was the right thing to do.
Troubled, he turned his attention back to his book and read late into the night.
* * *
"You know I have questions. Don't think I didn't put two and two together." Aunt Peg's surprise visit apparently wasn't unplanned. She frowned the instant she set foot inside the mansion's schoolroom's doorway. "I can hear your charge, little Emilyleigh, is taking her music lesson."
"And doing very well considering she doesn't like to practice." Saydee attempted to joke, but her heart started knocking hollowly against her ribcage. "It's a pretty serious thing to see you here while I'm at work, dear aunt."
"That's hardly true at all, my dear. I visit all the time. We have a tea party scheduled today, you know how Audrey likes to throw them. Fortuitous, it was, that the last blizzard only lasted a day, otherwise we all would have had to reschedule."
"Yes, the cooks have been in a flurry all morning, and all yesterday despite the impenetrable storm."
"Well, it was worth well worth it, I'll wager. It smells like paradise in here. You know how I love a tasty crumpet." Aunt Peg narrowed her eyes, full of questions that remained unasked and pushed a lock of carefully coiffed ringlets out of her face. "Whew, I'm a bit windblown from the drive over, and I need a moment to primp."
"Yes, by all means, go ahead and help yourself to the mirror." Saydee gestured from her teacher's table at the head of the pleasant, spacious, well-appointed room toward the beveled mirror hanging on the wall, reflecting the white landscape outside, the sharp sunshine and the flickering barren branches of trees whipping in the high wind. Dreading the interrogation to come, she took a long, sustaining breath. "I suspect I know what you're about to say. In my defense, I've done nothing wrong."
"Oh, I don't doubt it, I'm absolute about that, but I can't say that Nola didn't warn me that I couldn't continue on with my nosiness and busybody ways." Aunt Peg marched to a military-precision stop in front of the wall mirror and made a crisp, quarter turn, With Parisian skirts swishing around her New York, handmade, personally tailored-for-her shoes, she squinted at herself in the mirror. She fluffed her ringlet bangs. "Goodness, it's toasty warm in here, so very comfortable after being out in that awfully inclement wind. Brr, I'm still frozen clear through. Nola made me promise to hold back my better instincts and stop barging into your life."
"She did?"
"So, I'm attempting to stop being such a worrier, always imagining the worst, but I've tried it before and I'm just not good at not worrying, no good at all. Are you sure you want to take this as a warning. I'm planning on bringing you some more pumpkin preserves. We have such a big gourd crop this year."
"It was a good crop, you'd said last week."
"I was attempting to prepare you for the canning I've taken upon myself to do for our household and for others, including yours."
"That is generous of you, Aunt Peg."
"I try to be always thinking of others, especially when Stan plants so many gourds. I like to be generous and share. So prepare yourself, that's all I can say."
More than a bit of good humor and comedy twinkled in the older woman's eyes, and Saydee was never quite sure what to think, since her aunt was vastly different compared to her sister, Saydee's cold mother. "I will, thank you."
"No need to thank me, dear, I'm happy to do it." Peg's quick wink said she wasn't going to blame her, either. "Did you enjoy the cake?"
"More than I should have, thank you. If you keep baking and sending over treats, I'm going to have to go up two sizes and make new dresses, just like it happened to Nola."
"It happens, dear, then maybe you'll be fashionably shaped enough to catch your
self a nice man. Don't think I don't have my motives!"
Saydee laughed right along with her aunt. "The cake did not last long," she confessed, and it was the truth. Throughout the day-long blizzard, she'd been trapped in close quarters with his hot, slow-burning presence, those hard-to-read, heartfelt dark eyes and the unalterable truth of his impressive, tender kiss unspoken between them. Oh, yes, and they'd eaten the cake, the cinnamon rolls she'd baked and an entire pot of chili.
Not that he had spent too much time talking to her or attempting to get close to her again. No, he'd been very clear about keeping his distance, both physical and emotional. Not that she blamed him. She'd caught up on her reading, spent time sewing and tried not to notice as he spent time at her kitchen table with maps of the area, sitting quietly and talking with Jack and heading outside to take complete care of her horse. She'd found last week's newspaper and he'd poured through it with great interest.
Had he been as troubled as she was? She'd spent the entire blizzard unable to forget how good his kiss had felt. Why couldn't she forget it, even long after it had ended? Even now, her skin felt on fire just from remembering being near him, and it seemed as if there was a logical solution to it.
Aunt Peg marched over, heels ringing like a metronome. Wood creaked beneath her quick-stepping gait, and she swished to a stop in front of Saydee's desk. "Why, I don't have much time at all to talk with you, just a quick hello and to make sure you are well. You look a little peaked. The croup is going around, did you hear? I'm sure now you will do nothing but worry over little Emilyleigh coming down with it."
"I've already prescribed cod liver oil and extra tea with plenty of honey. Both sure do seem to work wonders."
"Now I worry about how hard you work. Are you sure you won't reconsider and move into the neighbor's cottage? It is finally coming free in a few months, their renter is leaving, and we will be so much closer and the rent much cheaper for you. Nola and I can help you out more then."