by Jillian Hart
"It was awful. Awful nice." A glint of mischief shone in his eyes. He lifted a mittened hand to rub the horse's nose. "I wish you didn't have to go."
"Me, too." Winn fell silent, sad as he threaded the leather strap into the buckle and pressed the steel tongue into the buckle hole. Jack kept gently rubbing the gelding's velvet-soft nose.
Finally the boy blew out a sigh. "Do you know what they said to me?"
"No, what?"
"Well, after they smiled and they laughed and they made more cocoa. Aunt Peg said she promised to make me her special peppermint candy sugar cookies."
"Yep, that sounds awful to me. How can they torture you like that?" His smiled welled up, and it sure felt good, a real solid feeling, a satisfaction to know his boy would be that well doted on. The power of the family's kindness made his eyes burn and his throat ache. "Do you think you can survive such treatment? It might be tough to endure."
"I bet I can do it, Pa, especially if those cookies are real delicious. I bet they are. But it isn't gonna be easy without you and I know I'm real lucky, I know that. I'm real scared of what an orphanage would be like."
"I never want that for you, Jack. Only Saydee is good enough."
"She surely is." A big tear spilled down one cheek, and he bowed his head ashamed that he'd let his sorrow show so much. He gave a watery sigh, his face unhappy, as if there were no real comfort at all.
The horse blew out his breath, gave a concerned nicker and lipped Jack's chin and then his nose, as if attempting to fix his sadness. Saydee's Romeo leaned over the top of his stall gate, stretching his neck as far as he could go, pressing against his gate so hard the hinges groaned. The horse's tongue lapped the top of Jack's knit hat. Such caring from the horses who would be looking out over the boy, and that made Winn's chest fill up and he had to look away.
"You can't worry about me, Pa." Jack drew his spine up straight, standing full of determination, forced to be older and wiser than his years. He reached up both hands to pet each horse's nose, but his little boy voice rang with vulnerability. "You have to not think of anybody but you. Saydee's right. You have to try hard to come back to us. You've got to do all you can, so you don't need to worry about me. I can take care of things here. I'll be fine here."
"You've grown up on me, little boy." He straightened up, every buckle secure, and laid a comforting hand on the gelding's flank. Such a good horse, such good people, but he would not give false reassurance to his son. This was a one way trip. He was giving his life so that Jack was free to live his.
"I reckon you'll like it here." Winn reached up to fluff the gelding's fetlock over the bridle's headpiece. "I figure living with Saydee will be akin to living in a good storybook."
"That's what Uncle Stan said, if I played my cards right. That he'll help Miss Saydee spoil me up good."
"I know Saydee is going to do that. And guess what? She's going to have help with Aunt Peg and Cousin Nola too. Something tells me those women have hardly gotten started."
"Do you mean there'll be more?"
"Oh, I think you can count on it. You've got a good chance here in this place with these people. What you do with it, and do for them, is up to you. You make it a happy life here, okay? And make sure you give more than you get, not just in things but of the heart. Don't you forget that, now, promise me."
"I promise, Pa." Jack sighed, gave each horse one more pat on their noses and stepped back out of the way.
Winn curled his gloved fingers around the cheek strap and gave the horse a gentle tug, leading him toward the barn door. Jack trotted ahead and heaved it open, letting in wind and snow and sad gray daylight.
His enemy's vindictiveness had robbed him of the rest of his fatherhood raising Jack, but worse than that, would take away of a part of Jack's childhood and leave him an orphan, and Winn knew he could never do anything about that. He would not be returning. His heart felt broken with icy grief, inevitable and beyond repair.
"I know that you'll treat Saydee well, but I've got more to tell you and I wasn't counting on getting company this afternoon." He brushed snowflakes off Jack's dark tousled locks peeking out from beneath the knit woolen hat, banking the tenderness in his heart. "Find a way to make Saydee your stand-in ma, and her family your family. They make a pretty fine one, don't you think?"
Jack eyes filled with pooled tears and he nodded.
"Find a way to make it true, in your heart and in their lives. Be the boy they can't help but adore, the boy I know you are, so good, Jack, so good." The great hope he had for Jack's future warmed the frozen places in his heart. "Getting a chance with Saydee like this is a gift, the best one I can give you. Make the most of it, please, so I know I've done a good job as your pa. I've done all I can for you, got you the very best."
Jack wrapped his arms around Winn's middle, and he held his boy gently, with all the strength he had held back. "Let's make this light and easy, a happy day, not that I leave but that you get to stay."
Maybe he was too young to really understand, but there would come a day when Jack was a man all grown up and he would understand because he'd become a father too. And he would remember this day and the words spoken straight from his pa's heart.
A footstep crunched in the snow, boot treads making a squeaking sound, and Winn looked up to see tears in Saydee's eyes. He hung his head and felt stupid. "How long have you been standing there?"
"Only a little bit. I didn't want to interrupt. It seemed like a private moment." She stood in the lee of the entrance where lantern light fought its way through the snowfall to gleam softly like liquid bronze in the soft golden curls tumbling down from beneath her knit hat and wool hood.
He longed to twine his fingers in her silken, long locks again, curl his hand around the slender line of her nape and kiss her senseless, to never let her go. But he cleared the ache out of his throat and said instead, gruffly, "It's too cold in this wind. What are you doing out here? You ought to be warm and safe in the house."
"Oh, I see, you think as the man here that you can boss me around. Well, but I'm here to boss you and see if you need anything, so I can do it for you. I escaped while my aunt and uncle are busy getting ready to leave and won't miss me." She took a waltzing step back, looking so dear haloed by the falling snow tumbling all around her. "Also, you should know that I have a pack for you to take on your journey. Don't leave without it."
"I noticed what you were doing, packing food and a few necessities for me, and I sure appreciate it." He tried his best to keep his great affection for her out of his voice, but then she gave him a part-frown, part-smile that was so dear and adorable, cute and whimsical, that his heart forgot to beat. And a little thrill of victory rumbled through him as he reached out to brush snowflakes off the rim of her knit cap, ready to tumble down into her eyes, so he saved her from that. "I noticed all the trouble you went to. That was a lot of work just for me."
"It's my pleasure, and I want you to have food for your journey." She looked down leaving much unsaid, and he felt the same and he made himself as frozen as the air on the wind as it cut through his layers of clothing, making him start to shiver.
He felt watched and looked up, noticing Aunt Peg standing in the large kitchen window, looking warm and cozy behind the glass and burnished with the lamplight's golden glow. He gave a nod of acknowledgement and the older woman nodded back, giving a steadying smile, full of expectations for him toward Saydee, no doubt, which would involve a wedding ring. He wished he had a future to offer, but he felt the gelding nudge his elbow and so he turned his attention to the horse standing in the falling snow.
"Let's get you moving, handsome fellow," he said thickly, not liking the emotion that made his voice crack. He took a step, leading the gelding by the bridle bit and fell in alongside Saydee, tromping through the snow with a slow, easy-going gait to accommodate her shorter stride, heading toward the back steps.
"Hey, there! So that's where you disappeared to." Stan closed the door and followed his
wife and daughter down the steps. "I should have figured it out and snuck out to help you."
Peg gave a soft chuckle. "You were having too much fun reading aloud. He thinks he impresses me." Warmth filled her words and adoring words. "And he isn't wrong."
"I was happy to do it, and you have a real gentleman of a horse here." He patted the beautiful gelding, leaving him standing next to Jack, who patted his neck, while he offered Peg a hand. In she went, dappled with steadily falling snow, and settled on the front seat of the sleigh reaching for the wool robes. He straightened up to see Saydee tossing him a soft smile of approval. He sidestepped to get out of Stan's way, who'd been helping his grown daughter into the sleigh's back seat.
"Now that I've got my girls all tucked in," Stan said. "I'd best get them home before this turns any meaner. Whew, look at it coming down!"
"It's been a real harsh set of storms," Winn agreed, watching the older man settle into the sleigh. "I hope the roads are good for you driving home."
"I'll enjoy the challenge." Stan winked, letting his wife tuck the warm blankets around him. "It sure was a pleasure getting to meet you and your son."
"The pleasure was ours." He laid his hand on the top of Jack's hat. "It's a good thing to meet such fine people."
"You stop trying to charm me by complimenting my relatives," Saydee spoke up, stealing a look at him that shone like stars in a midnight sky. "I think my aunt and uncle approve of you."
"Then they are not as good of people as I thought," he quipped, and made everyone laugh.
"True," Peg joked. "We're a good bit better. We know quality when we see it."
"True, my dear aunt," Saydee's warmth mesmerized him, held him on the spot while Stan touched the brim of his hat and gave the reins a snap.
"Keep warm, Saydee, and Winn, don't you stay too long. These roads will be impossible once dusk hits. I'd hate to see you struggle back to town." Under the false impression that no one corrected, Stan drove away with a smile.
"Have fun, you two," Nola's amused bell of a voice carried on the wind as the veils of snow stole them from sight, and Winn shivered again but not from the cold.
29
"I'd better get Jack in, my uncle's right, the temperature is falling fast." Saydee reached out to take Jack's mittened hand, stealing his son away from him. "Let's get you warmed up. Your pa should have sent you straight back in the house."
"He's good at sneaking out, just like me," Winn explained. "I'm a decent bounty hunter for a reason."
"Glad to know you come by it honestly." Her eyes sparkled at him, amused, as she followed the boy up the snowy steps. "Thieves and crooks can say the same."
"True." She made him laugh, liking the high regard he saw light up in her when she looked at him.
The wind gusted as hard as a horse's kick, knocking him forward a few steps and slamming the door Jack was struggling to open. The crack of the wood into the frame was drown out by the pummeling wind and snow, cruel in its force, heartless as it battered the side of the house and Winn's back as he tromped up the steps to try to shield Saydee from the sudden burst of frigid arctic wind and needle-sharp stinging snow.
"Let me get you inside." He caught hold of her hand, sheltering her with his body as he reached over Jack's head and wrestled open the door against the resistant wind. He braced his arm, surprised at the vehemence of the storm, as Jack stumbled into the lamplit vestibule along with a shower of snow.
"Go on," he told Saydee, unable to fight the warmth stealing through him from touching her. He guided her through the door. "I've got the animals to check on."
"I hear that steel in your voice. You're strong enough now to think you can go anyway, aren't you?"
"I just need a break in this wind, that's all. It'll happen." He hated letting go of her, but he couldn't let the inclement wind in or the heat out. "I'll be back soon. Stay in the house and wait for me."
"Don't talk to me like that, like you care." She stood in the brush of the lamplight, painted with gold and lemon hues, so sweet his heart ached with the way she looked up to him. "Or I'll get used to it and fall for you."
"We can't have that." He took a step back into the cold and dark, into the snow and storm. "Best compliment I've ever had."
"Good, it's just the truth and I'm getting better at giving them. I'm learning from the best at it, you." Her singular warmth and rare high esteem followed him out into the cold as he closed the door, unable to trust himself to answer, and it was a tender warmth that lingered, that the ice and storm could not diminish.
He looked up to see a faint blur of motion and shadow through the pounding snow and unrelenting terror of the blizzard. Stan's horse pulled to a stop and Winn fought the battering wind to grab hold of the gelding's reins, relieved the man, his wife and daughter had returned, unable to continue home.
They were stuck here for the night.
* * *
Saydee looked up from the counter where she wrapped sliced bread, well cooled and so fresh her mouth watered. The stove lid rattled, a chill swept into the kitchen and a snowy shadow stood against the closed door. She tucked the bundle into her biggest saddle pack. There, the last of the food was stowed and ready for him. "Winn, I'm glad you're in safe. Thanks for taking care of Uncle Stan's horse for him. The poor gelding was half frozen."
"So were the people. Where's everyone?"
"Thawed out and upstairs with Jack. Both the stovepipe and the chimney heat the extra rooms up there, and it's awful cozy. Maybe you want to help my uncle pull out the extra mattresses? It sure would help."
"Sure. I noticed you hid mine somewhere and Jack's too."
"I can move fast when I see my aunt out the window."
"I never doubted you." He shrugged out of his jacket and shook out the snow. "Don't think I can't see what you're doing there with the saddle bag."
"Don't think I care about you or anything." Saydee winked, stole the broom handle from him before he could start using it and swept it across the snowy floor. "Go on, grab the cup of coffee I have set out on the table for you and go stand by the fire, if you dare. You might be discovered by someone and questioned. Don't think my family members won't try to learn all they can about you if they get the chance."
"I appreciate the warning, but I have already dodged them with best of my ability and my luck may not hold. If they corner me, I might have no recourse but to answer their questions."
"I see that grin. You like them."
"Nope, not at all. I'm grinning like this because I'm thankful for a good cup of coffee."
That made her laugh. She swished the small pile of snow into the dustpan with a few efficient sweeps. "They're good people. They took me in no questions asked when I wrote to ask if they wouldn't mind if I came to town. Aunt Peg took it upon herself to find me this house to rent as close to them as she could find and a job to pay for it, not that I wasn't welcome to live with them, but I figured what an imposition I would be."
"You? Nope, not at all, I can't imagine you as anything but a gift."
"Keep speaking like that, and they'll expect you to marry me. They already do, as you've heard." She upended the dustpan into the little pail by the door. "I'm not sure how I can correct your mistaken identity until after you leave. Even after I've tried three times but they are so thrilled and excited for me they keep talking right over the top of me."
"They'll figure it out down the road. They just seem so happy to think you have a courting man ready to marry you."
"They truly want me happy."
"Who can blame them?" He studied her over the rim of his cup before he took a sip. "It's what I want, too, you happy."
"I'm content enough in my lonely life." She put the broom and dustpan away and thoughtfully closed the door. "Being on your own isn't the same after you've been widowed."
"That is true, or widowered." He took another sip watching her with wide eyes full of genuine shadows that darkened. He swallowed. "With a loss like that, I've never been the same."
"Nor have I."
"Even if it wasn't a real happy marriage, we never got to finish trying and we had wanted it that way."
"I know that feeling, too." She bowed her head. "Then you also know what a marriage should be."
He could only nod.
"You loved your wife." She took a step toward him.
"That I did, but I was young, truth be told, and I didn't know what I was doing. I just wanted my own wife so badly, someone to love and to love me, a real family of my own. I probably did everything wrong trying to do it right. She didn't know much either, having grown up in several different orphanages. She was moved to ours a few months after you and your brother left. That's how I met her and got to know her when we were older." He paused, needing time before he could say more. The pain of her loss had faded much like a candle's wick burned to a stub. That had been a hard loss when all light had been taken from his world. "It was a lifetime ago, or at least it feels like it."
"I know that pain. Like me and Carson, you were just two kids in love who didn't know what they had and didn't know how to handle it right, but you tried."
"True, and failed at it, but I put my heart into it."
"So did I."
Silence fell between them, but not as distant as it might have been. The vast sense of loss ebbed away so that it was smaller inside him, and he suspected for her it did the same. "I didn't mean for you to sweep up the snow I brought in, Saydee. I'm used to cleaning up after myself. You might want to try and wait so I can do it. Do me that favor would you? I want to make your life as easy as possible."
He peeked into the saddle pack she'd packed for him, and his punch of surprise didn't register to her as she knelt down to pet her dog, who'd come up to politely wag at her.
"Are you left out?" she said, leaning in to kiss his forehead. "I thought you were upstairs, sweet good boy, but I'm glad you were keeping an ear out on me and on Winn."