by J. L. Beck
No matter what it is, I won’t doubt Amara ever again. I will find her and bring her back home with me. I don’t care if my body is healed or not, I’ll be ready.
25
Amara
“Get up, you stupid bitch.” I hear the voice before I can register what’s happening. Cold water falls on me, dousing any further movements. I’m strong, really strong, but this shit is wearing on me. They keep me in a fucking hole, threw me in here on day one. A deep hole dug somewhere in the middle of nowhere.
Every time they come to torment me, they wear masks, so I can’t see their faces. That fact gives me a sliver of hope. If they don’t want me to see who they are, surely, that means they are planning on letting me live.
I might not know who they are specifically, but I know they work for Mack. Mack. Just saying his name causes my blood to boil. I’ve never hated anyone as much as I do him. Matter of fact, I don’t think I’ve ever hated anyone at all. I didn’t know real hatred until now.
At least he hasn’t done what he promised that day he took me. I think he threatened to rape me to scare me and taunt Enzo. Thinking of Enzo makes my chest constrict. The last time I saw him, I thought he was going to die; I was sure of it for days. I only know he is alive because I heard Mack talking to some of his men.
I’ve had very little given to me since I arrived, and I know there is a purpose behind this. They don’t want me to get comfortable. They don’t want me to feel at home. Food is sent down in small rations—just enough to keep me from starving to death. Crackers, peanut butter sandwiches, and small bottles of water are my only sustenance throughout the day.
Once in a while, if I’m lucky, a bucket of water is sent down so I can clean myself. On those rare occasions, I also get a change of clothes.
The clothes are never my size and always have a distinct smell to them, which only makes me feel dirty all over again. They want to break me with their words until I am nothing, but I refuse to give them the satisfaction. At night, as I lie my head on the soiled mattress with springs poking out while wrapped up in a worn blanket, I hug my pillow, thinking of my life before all of this.
“Was that really fucking necessary?” I growl, unable to hold back my anger a second longer as I look up to the only place allowing light into my darkness—the entrance to my own personal hell. I held onto hope in the beginning that Enzo would come and save me, but after so long of dealing with this shit, that dream has slipped away. I know if he was coming, he already would have, and for some reason, the thought only stokes the fire to get out of this fucking hole that much more.
“Was it needed?” he mocks, laughing down at me, his voice making me want to vomit. “Of course, it was needed. Your stupid ass wouldn’t wake up.” I clench my fists, digging my nails into the dirt-covered ground to the point of pain. But I don’t whimper. I don’t even wince. The point of this hole is to shatter me until I no longer recognize the person I once was. Make me break. Make me forget about my life outside of this place. What they didn’t take into account was, instead of it breaking me, it built me up. It made me stronger.
“Weird, I didn’t hear you say wake up. All I heard was you call me a stupid bitch. Clearly, you’re the bitch, but you do know you are also the stupid fucking one, right?” I narrow my eyes, locking my own with his. His mask is firmly in place, figuratively and literally, but I can tell that one day I am going to push him just enough to reveal himself.
I watch as he throws the bucket down, dirt swirling around in the air as it lands by my feet. The water that hasn’t sunk into the dirt yet flings up once more, splashing over my legs and the dirt walls.
“You’re lucky the boss wants you alive; otherwise, I would’ve fucked that pretty pussy already. Then I would’ve slit your throat and watched you bleed out.” Somehow, I manage not to cringe, not even a tiny bit. I remain completely unfazed by his need to instill fear in me. I’m not scared of them. I know I should be, and there is probably something seriously fucked up in my brain, or I would be.
I force a smile. “You’re stupid because when Enzo comes for me, you’ll be running for the fucking hills.” I’m not sure why I say it, even I don’t think he is coming anymore. Still, maybe, just maybe, this guy believes me.
“Listen up, bitch. Whenever he comes for you, which he won’t, it will be to kill you. Have you forgotten you’re the enemy in his eyes?” He’s mocking me. His eyes promise all kinds of things, and I know, if he ever gets his hands on me, he will try something.
Enzo won’t kill me. I know he won’t. He is an evil man that has killed countless people, people who may or may not have deserved to die, but he wouldn’t kill me.
He is dark, cruel, and sometimes I hate him… but something inside of me loves him, too. Something inside me tells me he is still the same person who held me every night as I cried because I lost my mother. Something inside of me doesn’t allow me to believe he would do such things.
“You know nothing about Enzo.”
“I know he has more blood on his hands than anyone I know. I know he’s vindictive and willing to do anything in his power to seek revenge. I know, no matter what you think or want to believe, he isn’t coming for you. I know he doesn’t love you, and it was all a game—”
“Stop.”
“Why? Because you know it’s true, and it might actually pull you from whatever delusional place you are in your head? Enzo hates you. You are nothing more than his enemy.”
Instead of luring myself into a deeper conversation, where he would make me feel like I was beating my head against rocks, I simply zip my lips. Allowing what he said to bother me would just bring more self-doubt, and given the situation I am in, it is the last thing I need.
Unfortunately, my silence doesn’t stop the jerk from taunting me further.
“Did you hear me, bitch? I said you’re the enemy. Your father killed his mother. What don’t you understand about that? E.N.E.M.Y. That’s what you are.” He spells the word out as if I am a dumb fuck who can’t comprehend what he is saying.
“I know how to fucking spell. I don’t care if he thinks I’m the enemy, my father didn’t do shit.” I’m astonished. After everything, I’m still sticking up for my father.
An evil laugh leaves the masked man’s mouth, and I narrow my eyes at him. From this distance, I can’t make out his height to weight ratio, and even if I could take him, I don’t have the slightest clue on how the fuck I’m going to get out of this hole.
“You know nothing about your father, do you?” He isn’t really asking a question. I know he is about to tell me something I don’t want to hear.
“He’s my dad, and he loves me, that’s all that matters.” I have nothing more to say, so instead, I look at my feet covered in dirt from the ground. I feel dirty, used, and abused, even though no one has touched me. Yet.
“You hear this, Dale? Little ole bitch here thinks her dad is the good guy in all of this.” I can hear his gruff laughter, and it makes me smile. He doesn’t even realize he just used his friend’s name. So far, they have been very careful not to use any names.
“Yes, Dale, did you hear it?” I taunt, making sure he notices his slip up.
“Fuck you, bitch. Just in case you forgot, you have no one on your side. Everyone hates you,” Dale yells down the hole.
“If that’s true, then why am I alive?” My statement shuts both of them up. “I’m alive because I do mean something to someone, and Mack or whoever is behind keeping me here knows that. He wants to use me as leverage. So fuck you!”
Neither asshole says another word after that, and I am glad for the momentary peace.
Wrapping my arms around my now wet body, I shiver. This hole is cold, now more than before, a bottomless pit of nothing. It only serves as a place to hold me captive from the life I once lived. From the life I’d grown to know in just a few short weeks—a life with him.
I need to find a way out of this mess, out of this god for-fucking-saken hole.
Staring
at the small intricate roots weaving through the wall of my prison, I wonder what plant they belong to. I’m too deep for a flower, but maybe it’s the very far roots of a tree? An oak tree, strong and beautiful. Soaking up the sun and fresh air every day while I’m stuck in this fucking place.
How the hell did I get down here anyway? They probably fucking threw me… wouldn’t put it past them. Everything hurt when I first woke up.
I cringe when I hear Dale’s voice. He has become the cruelest in the last few days. Almost like he is punishing me for learning his name. He’s constantly throwing water down at me, withholding food, and playing other mind games for his pleasure.
Dale is talking to someone. As I listen closer, I realize that it’s not any of my usual guards. It’s someone new. A tiny spark of hope forms in my chest. Maybe someone kinder, someone who would help me. It’s unlikely, but I have to at least try.
“Is there a chance I could possibly get a shower someday… like soon… maybe?” I yell up, hoping for the new guy’s pity.
“A golden shower, maybe?” Dale jokes.
“A regular shower would work.”
“Only if you suck my dick first.” Dale laughs.
“No, thank you, asshole…” I mutter under my breath, throwing myself against the dirt-covered wall. Where are we exactly? There is no way they can keep me in here forever. Someday, I will have to be released, right? Anxiety creeps up on me fast. What if I’m really down here until I die? What if this place is the last I ever see?
I dig my nails into the dirt as if to root myself into the wall. I can’t think this way. I’ll be okay. I can do this. I’m strong. My breaths are coming in and out at an outrageous pace, my chest heaving with every inhale as I sink to the ground. My chest feels as if my lungs are going to collapse at any second, the dirt surrounding me becoming my grave.
“Calm down, piccolo.” I hear those words every time I close my eyes. His deep voice basks me in a river of heat. Just thinking about him causes my heart to beat erratically.
I can do this—I have to do this. Standing up, I pace the small hole. I need to find a way out. I need to do something even if it’s dangerous. If I don’t, I surely will die down here.
Quietness surrounds me. The only sounds I hear are the chirping of the birds, and my own heartbeat. Where the hell did they go? Someone always stays up there. They haven’t left me alone once.
“Hey, fuckers, why so quiet? Are you making out up there or something?” I scream, hoping for some kind of reaction, but I’m only met with more silence.
“You are all a bunch of cowards. You think you are a man because you can keep me in this hole?” I continue on, my voice holding so much anger and hate.
Minutes pass, and realization kicks in that they really did leave me alone. Fear wraps around my throat, making it hard to breathe. Did they leave me to die? No, that can’t be true. They are just playing more mind games. They are up there, I know it.
“Answer me, cowards. I’ve taken on bigger fucking men than you. You’re all sad excuses of the mafia, FBI, or whatever the fuck it is you do…”
More quiet, great. I huff out a breath just before I hear the new guy’s voice. “You are really fucking mouthy…”
He has no clue. “Come down here and say that. We’ll see how mouthy I can be…” I’m baiting him. Looking up, I find him standing at the edge of the hole, looming over me like he holds my life in his palm.
“I figured after weeks in here, I’d find you broken. I guess I was fucking wrong.” He chuckles. I’m certain he hasn’t been here before, but there is also something familiar about him. The mask he is wearing is muffling his voice, but I’m certain I know that voice.
“No one will break me, especially not cowards like you all,” I snap at him.
“Now I understand why your own dad wants to get fucking rid of you.” His words hit me hard. I love my dad more than anything, and I know he loves me, even if he has made mistakes.
“My dad never wanted to get rid of me, and even if Lorenzo doesn’t come for me, I’m going to get out of this fucking hole, and when I do, you better be running.” I know, when faced with danger, being fearless is what I need. If I weren’t that, I would grow weak, my mind would enclose on me, and the worries and doubts would eat away at anything left.
“That’s great and all, but until the moment comes, do you think you could possibly keep your yap shut?”
“Fuck, no, I can’t,” I all but snarl, and then I scream. High-pitched scream, not because I think someone might hear me. No, I’m merely screaming to annoy him.
“Shut the fuck up!” he growls, then disappears from my view.
“Nope. I think the world would love to hear my voice.” Then, I scream again, not caring that my throat already hurts.
“Fuck…” he growls and throws something down to me.
I jump back as a ladder tumbles down the side of the hole. Is this real? Is he really giving me a way to get out?
Hesitant, I stare at the rope ladder, knowing it could be a trick. No, it has to be a trick. He wants me up there to hurt me, and I have no way to stop him from it. I have no weapons, and my self-defense moves look like a toddler walking with an open cup.
“You coming up to show me your kick-ass moves, or are you staying in the hole?” Is he actually giving me a choice?
Instead of saying anything, I walk toward the ladder and grab one of the round wooden pieces. I tug on it roughly, making sure it is secure.
As I pull myself up, it becomes apparent how weak I am. My limbs hurt, and my muscles ache from the simple act of climbing this ladder. I’m exhausted, physically, and mentally. I want to go to sleep and not wake up for days, but I know I can’t. I need to make it out of here first. I need to fight a little bit longer.
Gathering all the strength I have left, I push myself to continue up. Small step by small step, I come to the top. The brightness of the sun burns my eyes for a moment, making black spots cloud my vision as a ball of anxiety rolls around in the pit of my stomach.
Gripping the topsoil and feeling the grass blades against my fingers sends a shiver down my spine. I feel as if I can finally breathe. I allow a sigh to escape my lips as if I might finally be free. Free. I want to snort. It’s such a dumb thought because I know I’m anything but. I’m not even close to being free, simply because I made it out of this hole.
“She arrives,” the asshole in a black mask says, and again familiarity hits me. I know him, I just don’t know where from. His feet are less than a foot from my hands, and suddenly fear grips me by the throat as my mind works through every scenario possible.
What if he pushes me back down? I clamp my jaw closed, forcing the thought away. If this fucker pushes me...
The man steps back, allowing me to move upward on the ladder until I am almost out. Leaning forward, I pull myself out of the hole and through the dirt and grass, but there is nothing to hold on. My foot slips from the top step, and I start to slide back down.
A shriek rips from my chest as I dig my fingers deep into the dirt. For a moment, I think I’m going to fall back into the hole, breaking my fucking neck for sure. My heart stops, and pure terror paralyzes my body.
In a flash, the new guy lunges for me and grabs my arms. He pulls me up like I weigh nothing, and releases me in the next instant. I slump to the ground, trying to catch my breath.
As relieved as I should feel, my muscles ache, and fear lingers as I find myself in a compromising position on all fours. I pull myself from my knees, getting my footing ever so slowly.
“Oh, no, you don’t…” Asshole smirks as he grabs my shoulders. My knees wobble as his hands push me down, keeping me in place.
“Let go of me,” I grit through my teeth. I’m so over being treated like dirt. Crouching down on his heels, so we are eye level, I take in his familiar-looking eyes. They are a deep green, and within them are the answers to the questions I long to know.
One of his hands leaves my shoulder and reaches for my
face. His thumb grazes the bottom of my chin. I flinch away, turning my head away from him.
“I know why he wants you… Your defiance can be smelled from miles away.” His breath is cool against my face, and all I want is to turn and spit right into it. My emotions are all over the place, but one thing hasn’t changed—I’m mad as all fucking hell.
“I’m not defiant, asshole. I’m just not one for being held in a hole in the ground, having buckets of water thrown on me, and being talked down to like a fucking dog. Defiance isn’t even the word to describe how you make me feel.” I’m seething.
Shaking his head, he grabs his mask and pulls it off.
“Eli…” I gasp, not sure if I am happy or scared to see him. Did Enzo send him? Or is he working with Mack? He seemed surprised by Mack’s betrayal, and he was shot, but he seems fine now. Was that all an act? Did he betray Enzo as well? Shit, I don’t know what to believe.
I watch as the side of his lips lift into a half-smile.
With a blink of my eye, he is standing again, his voice raised as he laughs at me. Confusion settles into my bones. What the hell is he doing here?
“Your face. It’s hilarious.” I listen to him talk while coming to a stand as slow as possible.
“Do you even know why you’re here?” Eli asks as if that is the most prevalent question right now.
“I think we went over this already, but let me tell you why I think I’m here.” I pause a moment surveying the land. There is a clearing with trees on all sides, and we are deep in the woods. My breaths come in as pants as my eyes catch on an old rotting stump off in the distance.
“You were saying…” He mocks, his eyes glittering with amusement, and though I can see this is all funny to him, there is a darker secret being kept in his eyes.
“You know why I’m here. You know something…” I growl, not caring if my accusation gets me thrown back in the hole. Crossing his arms over his chest, he looks down at me.