by Henry Hack
“That could certainly be an option in the very near future.”
●
Harry awoke Friday morning to a variety of aches and pains all over his body. He hadn’t realized exactly where he had been hit, but he could certainly pinpoint the spots now with great accuracy. The nurse arrived, gave him his pain medication and called for breakfast. By the time he finished eating, the pills had kicked in and the pains diminished. The nurse returned and announced, “You have a visitor, Mr. Cassidy.”
Susan! She’s here. “Bring her in, please,” he said.
She looked at him and said, “I’m afraid it’s not a her – it’s a him.”
A minute later Inspector Peter Gregorovich entered the room. He came over to the bed and said, “How are you feeling, Harry?”
“Not bad, sir. I’m grateful for the visit.”
“I know you wanted to see Sergeant Goldman. When Father Ryan called for her she was not in the office, and the receptionist transferred the call to me.”
“Couldn’t you get in touch with her?”
Gregorovich reached over and placed his hand on Harry’s. He said, “Son, Susan is not coming to see you.”
“Why? What happened?”
The inspector reached inside his jacket pocket and withdrew a tape recorder. “I want you to listen to this. It will tell you why.”
“Where did you get this?” Harry asked when the tape had finished telling its tale.
“From Sergeant Goldman. She told me she made this recording last Saturday evening in the bedroom of her home.”
“That’s correct, but there’s a piece of that tape, right at the end, which seems to be missing. This tape you just played ended when I said, ‘If you love me I’ll survive.’ However, she then asked me when I planned to come forward and I told her I’d come see her and you, and put it all on paper at the appropriate time.”
“You’re saying she erased that part? Why would she do that?”
“To show you she finally cracked me. Maybe she thought I wouldn’t go through with my part and come clean, that I’d chicken out.”
“Would you have backed out?”
“No, sir. That’s why I asked to see her this morning. As you can see, my part in this case is over. I was prepared to put it on paper for her right now, and I’ll do the same for you – right now.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Why? I confessed to Father Tom and I confessed to the woman I loved. But I have to confess to the Department to be truly absolved of my sin.”
“Did Father Ryan tell you that?”
“Yes, sir.”
“You know, I’m a Catholic, too, and I strongly disagree with his assessment and his conditions for absolution.”
“How so?”
“I’ve reviewed every detail of the Winston case and your part in it, especially the medical opinions concerning his injuries, and ultimate death. My conclusion is you made a bad error in judgment, but when that error is placed alongside your entire career, it shrinks to insignificance.”
Gregorovich popped the tape out of the recorder and looked at it closely. He then withdrew a metal object with a square hole in its middle and passed the micro-cassette through it several times in each direction and turned it upside down and repeated the procedure. He said, “I’ve just erased this tape completely with this powerful magnet.”
“Inspector, why are you doing this?”
“You’re a hero, Harry. You have taken six shots to your body. That is atonement, in spades, for any past sins you may have committed in the Winston case. This case is closed. Permanently.”
“I’ll still have to live with myself and my conscience.”
“We all have to do that, don’t we? None of us is without sin. By the way, I didn’t tell you this, but tomorrow morning the police commissioner will be here to promote you to detective – detective second grade. That’s sergeant’s pay. Let me be the first to congratulate you.”
He smiled and shook Harry’s hand very lightly. “Good-bye, Harry. I wish you a speedy recovery and an even better career on the Force in the years ahead.”
“Thank you, Inspector. You’re a stand-up guy, and I’m going to tell that to the police commissioner tomorrow. You can count on it.”
“Thanks. As they say, it wouldn’t hurt.”
●
That afternoon the visitors poured in – Uncle Mike, Aunt Mary, Captain Snyder, the cops from the Nine-Five and the Seven-Six, the people from his beat – they all wanted to see their hero. And with every new face that entered, he looked for Susan, even after the cold, hard fact of her betrayal became perfectly clear. He knew he got what he deserved. He was bitter when Peggy betrayed their marriage and left him, and then he turned around and betrayed Richie Winston. Now he got it back again from Susan. Jesus, he lived in a world of Judases, and he was one of them.
Pop and Nick came in and filled Harry in on the status of the case. Pop said, “The material we found in the apartment, which belongs to a guy named Ahmed, shows that they planned to launch some type of attack on the city. Most of the diagrams and papers are written in Arabic. We got a couple of guys from the Joint Terrorist Task Force involved and they took all the stuff and may take over the case.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Maybe we put their plans on hold for awhile with the shooting,” Nick said.
“You know the details of the shooting are coming back to me. How many of the bad guys did I get? I know the guy on the flyer got away, but I know his name.”
“You do?” Pop said.
“Yeah, he was standing over me when someone called his name – Ziad – and said they had to get out of there.”
“He and two others got away before back-up arrived. They haven’t turned up in any hospitals and there were no blood trails, so the assumption is you didn’t hit them. You killed one, wounded a guy named Abdul in the arm, and put three in a kid who told us his name is Mohammed. Neither one is talking to us yet.”
After Pop and Nick left to fill in the JTTF guys on what they had just learned, Harry turned down the lights and found the remote for the TV. A shadow in the doorway caught his eye, and there stood a woman in silhouette. “Susan, you’ve finally come.”
The woman walked in and said, “I’m sorry, Harry. It’s not Susan. It’s Rita.”
“Oh,” he said the disappointment obvious in his voice.
“Susan isn’t coming today. Susan is never coming. I’m sorry.”
“I understand. Gregorovich filled me in on everything.”
Rita bent over and kissed Harry gently on the forehead and said, “I believe you’re worth saving. I’m happy you’re alive. I know you’re devastated about Susan, but I’d like to come see you again. Would that be all right with you?”
He looked at her, almost as if seeing her for the first time. He said, “Yes, Rita, yes. I’d like that very much. That would be very all right with me.”
●
Pop and Nick, having been tipped off by Inspector Gregorovich to what was going to occur, arrived in the hospital lobby on St. Patrick’s morning dressed in suits and ties. Pop spotted Harry’s Uncle Mike who was with his wife, Mary. “Hello, Chief,” he said. “Come to see our hero?”
“Yes, I have, Detective Hunter.” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “The police commissioner called me to be here. He’s givin’ Harry the gold shield, and on St. Patrick’s Day, I might add.”
“That’s great. We were told to be here and we kind of suspected that’s what it was about. This is my partner, Nick Faliani.”
“Please to meet you, Chief. Harry always speaks highly of you.”
“Does he now? He’s a good lad, my nephew.”
Captain Snyder came in and said hello and they all headed up to Harry’s room. He was happy to see them all.
“Harry,” Uncle Mike said, we’re all proud of you, and the police commissioner himself is comin’ to see you shortly.”
“No kidding. How come?”
> “Why, you’re a hero, of course, you have to know that.”
“I don’t feel much like a hero laying here.”
Just then a man in a suit and tie and a camera in his hand came into the room. He identified himself as Detective Palmer from the Department’s press office and said the police commissioner was on the next elevator. A minute later, Commissioner Banks came in with the chief of patrol and chief of detectives right behind. Introductions having been made all around the commissioner asked, “Where’s your shield, Officer Cassidy?”
“I’ll get it,” Pop said. “I put it with his wallet and other items in the closet.”
Pop handed it to Harry. He grasped it and stared at it, noticing the heavy, dried blood stains on its face. He turned it over in his hands inspecting it, seemingly pondering its significance.
“How long have you had that shield, Harry?” Banks asked.
“Eleven years, sir.”
“Give it here. It’s time to replace it – with this.”
He reached into his pocket and withdrew a brand new, black-leather shield case. He unsnapped it, displaying a shiny, gold detective’s shield, number 4725. He laid it gently on Harry’s chest and said, “Congratulations Detective Second Grade Harold T. Cassidy. You did a fine job, and are very worthy of this promotion.”
All in the room applauded and Harry said, “Thank you, Commissioner. “I’ll carry it proudly, and I assure you, I will never betray this shield.”
The photographer snapped pictures of Harry with the police commissioner, the chiefs, Uncle Mike, Pop, Nick, Captain Snyder, as many as they wanted. Finally, the session was over and the commissioner turned to leave.
“Before you leave, sir,” Harry said. I’d like to have a word with you alone.”
When the others had left the room, Harry said, “I don’t want to overstep my bounds sir, I’m only a police officer…”
“No, you’re a detective now.”
“That’s a nice designation, sir, but aren’t we both police officers first and foremost?”
“That we are, son, and proud of it I still am.”
“Then cop to cop, I’d like to say you have two of the finest superior officers – good cops – I’ve ever had the pleasure of working for and dealing with – Inspector Peter Gregorovich and Captain Daniel Snyder.”
“Cop to cop, I agree with you. But let me say, it’s the first time I had someone say a good word about an Internal Affairs boss.”
“He’s a stand-up guy, Commissioner, and so is Captain Snyder. Someday when you’re mulling over your next batch of promotions, try to remember their names.”
“Coming from you, Harry, I consider that a first-class recommendation. I won’t forget. I have to be going now, the parade you know.”
“Good-bye, Commissioner – and you be careful out there on the street.”
Banks smiled and said, “I will. Thanks for your concern.”
Soon they all left except Uncle Mike and Aunt Mary. The TV was tuned to the channel that carried the parade. Aunt Mary said, “We have another surprise for you, Harry. Peggy and the girls got in this morning from Pennsylvania. They’ll probably be over around lunch time.”
“That’s great,” he said, but reflected sourly he had to get shot in order for Peggy to bring his kids to see him.
The parade was going smoothly with the commissioner and the chiefs walking by the reviewing stand with the NYMPD contingent, the pipes and drums playing a medley of Irish songs. It was a beautiful March day, with a slight breeze from the northwest and a temperature near sixty. He could almost smell the scent of the fresh spring air through the hospital room’s sealed window. He remembered Peggy used to bring the girls in to watch the parade and they would spot him either marching, or on a fixed post, and yell, “Daddy! Daddy!” and he’d smile and wave back at them.
He dozed off and awoke to Aunt Mary’s hand gently shaking his uninjured shoulder saying, “Harry, Harry, look who is here to see you.”
He opened his eyes and looked over. Peggy was at his bedside looking as pretty as ever, but somehow drawn and thinner. She had what appeared to be a genuine look of concern in her blue eyes. Patty, his look-alike, and Lizzy who was getting to be an image of her mother with the blond hair and blue eyes, stared at him. They were not waving and shouting, “Daddy! Daddy!” but were quiet and obviously nervous.
“Hi, Peg. Hello, girls. Cheer up. Come give your dad a kiss now. They came closer and kissed him and he hugged each one with his good arm. How have you two been?”
Patty, the six year old, said softly, “Daddy, were you really shot?”
“Yes indeed,” he said. “Want to see the holes?”
“Oh, Daddy,” Lizzy said. “E-e-w – gross.”
“Were there a lot of them?” Patty asked.
“Yup, a room full of bad guys.”
“And you got them all?”
“A few of them.”
“Wow,” she said. “Are you a hero?”
“No, honey, it was just part of the job.”
Peggy rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. “Just part of the job? I see you haven’t changed much.”
The girls warmed up and soon chewed their father’s ears off with stories of friends and school and Pennsylvania.
“Girls,” Peggy said, “you’re wearing your father out now. He needs his rest.”
Mary took the hint and said, “Mike and I will take the girls for a little walk. Give you and Harry some time alone.”
“Thanks for bringing the kids over to see me, Peg. I’ll give you some money to help with what you paid for gas.”
“You’re too much, Harry. I get three-quarters of your salary already, and now you want to give me more?”
“Hey, I just got promoted. I’m rich.”
“We sure didn’t have the same perception of money, did we?”
“No, Peg, we didn’t.”
“Yeah, it didn’t take much at all to keep you happy.”
“I’m just a basic kind of guy.”
“You know, some good came of you being shot. It finally got you off the street and off this lousy Job.”
“What makes you think I’m leaving the Job?”
“Isn’t this what you guys always dream about? The line of duty injury that gets you the three-quarter tax-free pension for life?”
“Yeah, the winning ticket in the policeman’s lotto.”
“Well?”
“What would I do? All I know is being a cop.”
“There’s private security. They’d snap you up with your background and education, and you’d probably double your salary.”
“I don’t care about private security, or the money.”
“No, but Patty and Lizzy might when college and weddings come around.”
“Don’t lay the guilt trip on me, Peg. The girls will do just fine.”
“I see you haven’t changed much at all. I’d better get going.” She bent over and kissed his cheek. “Good-bye, Detective Cassidy. You know, I once loved you very much. You were my knight in shining armor.”
“And I loved you, too, Peg. I loved you like crazy.”
Harry had dozed off for a half hour when Rita stepped into the room.
“How are you feeling?”
“Not bad, but tired. Come, sit by me. We’ll watch the end of the parade.”
“When I came through the lobby I saw a woman and two young girls. The smaller one bore a strong resemblance to you.”
“That was Peggy and my two girls. They came from Pennsylvania to see me. Patty is the one looks like me – she’s six. Lizzy is eight.”
“And Peggy is a beautiful woman. You sure can pick them, Harry – first Peggy, then Susan.”
“Yeah, I’m real lucky, Rita. I sure can pick them, all right.”
●
On Sunday, Rita sat by Harry’s bedside. “Any word when they’re going to let you out of here?”
“They changed all my dressings this morning and the doctor checked all my w
ounds. He said I’m healing nicely. Notice, I have no IV’s in me anymore?”
“I didn’t even realize they were gone.”
“The doc said they would change everything again on Wednesday morning, and if they still look clean with no infections, I can get out of here.”
“That’s wonderful. Then what?”
“He wants me home at least two weeks, then one month light duty in the office when I go back to work.”
“What do you think about that? You know, being a detective and being out of your little corner of the world?”
“Scared, Rita – terrified of the change. I don’t know if I’m cut out for this assignment.”
“I’m sure you’ll do fine.”
“Maybe so, but right before you came in I dreamed about my old beat. I was in my uniform, walking along Hempstead Avenue. I chatted with the good people and kept an eye on the assholes, and I was happy, truly happy.”
“You were happy because you were back in your black and white world where everything was clear and well-defined. You were in control and you were secure in your confidence.”
“Yes, and I wonder if I should be back there. Now I’ll be living and working in a gray world, with no resolution and no finalities.”
“What you don’t realize is your beat is also no longer black and white. The Winston situation proved that. Sorry to bring it up.”
“No, you’re right. That changed me. That changed everything. I guess things wouldn’t be the same even if I went back.”
“No, they wouldn’t. As that famous saying goes, once you leave, you can’t go home again. But now, I’m going home so you can get some sleep. I’ll be back around seven, if that’s all right.”
“That’s fine, Sue…forgive me, Rita.”
“I understand. How are you with that? Is the hurt going away?”
“I think that hurt will take a lot longer to leave than the hurt from these bullet wounds. I still can’t believe what she did.”
“Nor can I. She took me by complete surprise.”
“Don’t you end up like she did. Get out of that infernal Internal Affairs office and get out on the street. Meet some real people and stop chasing after cops for taking a free hot dog from the pushcart guy.”
“I have often thought about that myself. Now let me go home and let you have a good night’s sleep. You need it if you want to get out of here on time.”