...x...
Her eyes were puffy, her lips swollen when she eventually awoke. She heard PJ and Jump playing in the garden, and to her horror, saw the time. Her heart was leaden and a sinking dreadful feeling washed over her. Dragging herself to the bathroom, she bathed her poor face in cool water. By the time she had made herself up, the damage did not look so bad. As she went down the stairs, her heart sank as she saw a letter addressed to her lying on the hall table.
In his distinctive writing Raoul had written: Kris,
How can one apologize? I was a thoughtless animal last night. I can't begin to think what possessed me, and I certainly don't want to face you today, so I'm leaving for town. I won't be back for the weekend. It would probably be better if I fly back to Greece as soon as possible.
I sincerely hope this will not influence you into leaving. I rely heavily on your looking after PJ for me. She loves you, and you are doing a good job with her. I told her about her mother this morning. Being too young to remember her, she is not troubled; otherwise, I would have stayed.
Raoul
She leaned her head on the banisters and started to sob uncontrollably. She felt a little hand worm its way into hers and felt the soft fur of the wriggly puppy against her legs.
"Don't cry, Kris. Jump and me don't like it if you cry."
Wisdom of the ages shone out of the little girl's eyes as she looked solemnly at Kris, who blessed her for not asking why she was crying.
Later in the day, Luke phoned. "What the dickens is going on? Raoul phoned at the crack of dawn and arrived looking like a thunderstorm about an hour ago. He's giving everyone a hard time here. You are all right, aren't you? Has he been giving you hell, too? I suppose he has his problems and we have to be sympathetic, but I have never seen him act like this. I need to give you a few addresses in case you need us urgently. Got a pen?"
"I'm fine," she managed, trying to sound light-hearted. "Now, don't you go eyeing any Greek goddesses while you are away or you will be in trouble when you get back. I expect your every move is being monitored, OO7 and all that." She laughed. "Thanks for the addresses, but we'll be fine, I'm sure."
Later that night, she started to feel lonely and sad. Silent tears shone on her cheeks as she sat by her bedroom window. A few minutes later, Lauren called.
"Kris, love, what on earth's the matter?" She could hear the strain in her friend's voice as she answered the phone. "Luke called me, and asked me to give you a bell this evening; he thought you might be a bit miserable. You sure sound it. Tell your Auntie Lauren; I'm sure I can help."
Kris nearly started to cry again, but steadied her voice as she said, "Oh, it's nothing really. Raoul came back after his wife's funeral and there was strain at this end. Anyway, Luke should have told you he's gone back to Greece, so I'll be back to normal by tomorrow." How could she tell her best friend what had really happened? The desperate violence of his forceful loving and the coursing feeling of her own sexual frustration still ran through her. She couldn't comprehend why he'd been so angry. Raoul, oh, Raoul, what went wrong?
"Kris...Kris, are you there? Gracious, girl, I thought the line had gone dead. Listen, I can get off early this weekend, how about I come and stay with you a day or two? I need a break and would love to nose throughout the place without the Lord and Master there."
"I would love that, Lauren; we can talk when you come. I'm glad you suggested it. See you tomorrow, my friend."
...x...
Kris had her feelings well under control when Lauren arrived, and planned the days so they could make the most of the sun and the lovely countryside. They decided to go on a picnic while PJ spent some time with Mrs. Cree. They all scrambled over the rocks and crags on the hills near the lake. The water was glorious and they swam and tanned, drank wine, ate junk food and laughed plenty.
Kris pushed Raoul's sensual onslaught below the surface for a while. As they sunbathed by the pool, Kris closed her eyes. She could still feel his hot fervent kisses, and the satin feel of his body as the kikoi fell away. She sat up, restless, and tried to shake the vision away.
Lauren was a pick-me-up and Kris felt much better for her visit. They had touched on the subject of the upset with Raoul, and Lauren had seemed satisfied when Kris had told her about the note -- the part about him being happy with her care of PJ.
"It must be a bittersweet time for him, poor guy," Lauren said. "I suppose he can get on with his life now. Don't you go getting ideas." She laughed. "You listen to me, you are not to get bogged down in the countryside. Don't forget, this is not your child. You are doing a job, and you mustn't cut yourself off from your friends and your own life. What happens if he gets married to Isabella, or whomever, and they want to run this place and take care of PJ as a family? Don't lose sight of that possibility, Kris. I don't want you to get hurt; you're too nice a person."
"Don't worry, Lauren, I'll keep an eye on the way things are going and let you know. You are right, though; I must come and see you guys more often." She didn't mention the last time had been a bit of a disaster, but of course, if she did go fairly soon, there would be no contentious encounters, with Raoul being overseas.
She chastised herself for being a fool. Raoul had been severely traumatized and obviously acted under strain, only to have regretted his emotional weakness later. It was unfortunate that she had been available at the time. If only he had come to her under different circumstances.
A little voice in the back of her mind still questioned why he had come back alone. Why hadn't Isabella been with him in his time of grief? She had assumed that if anything happened to his wife, he would marry Isabella.
She remembered Luke saying that he was not happy at the thought of such an alliance, and that he felt Isabella was an iceberg, mentally and physically. Luke also said that he felt Raoul needed someone warm and responsive as his wife had been. He cared deeply for the older man, but was not happy about the hardness and cynicism Raoul had built around himself, as though it was armour. And he certainly didn't feel Isabella was doing anything to break it down.
Luke phoned twice in the next three weeks. Raoul had asked him to find out how PJ was keeping. Without asking too many questions, she gathered that Raoul was driving everyone mad, keeping their noses to the grindstone, cruise or no cruise. He worked long into the night, shunning any onboard relaxation.
One morning she found an envelope on the hall table with familiar handwriting. Her fingers trembled as she opened it. Enclosed was a cheque for her clothing allowance, salary, and household expenses with a curt note that said she should buy PJ and herself something using the leftover money. The substantial amount took her by surprise, and for a moment, she felt it was conscience money. Was he buying her off? Immediately, she felt angry.
...x...
Time passed pleasantly enough. She kept herself busy by entertaining and attending to the guests that arrived for the weekend.
After a rather formal weekend, she decided to stay with Lauren for a couple of days. PJ was going to stay with one of her new friends and Kris was free to go and enjoy herself unencumbered. The break would do her good.
"Heavens, Kris, you look awful. A brandy ginger will do you no harm. Besides, you're as pale as a ghost. Are you okay?" Lauren's concern was immediate the moment she had entered the flat.
"I haven't been feeling too good. I think I'll pop into Dr. Risden tomorrow. He'll probably give me a tonic, or something." She gratefully accepted the proffered glass and sank into a comfortable armchair.
She had a niggling feeling in the back of her mind and wanted to have a check up. She wasn't usually overdue, or did she feel nauseous as often as she had. She had a dreadful sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. It couldn't possibly be. No! No! No! Her mind kept trying to push away the thought as if unwilling to accept what could well be a fact.
The next morning, she dressed in a red flowing full-length skirt with a tight slenderizing waistband. Then she took special care to fix her hair and make u
p perfectly. She knew that if she looked nice, then she felt happy. Taking a deep breath, she left the apartment and made her way over to the doctor's office.
Dr. Risden had been looking after her for many years and suddenly the force of things hit her. The thought of his gentle face looking at her with unbelieving eyes made her stop dead in her tracks. She couldn't go to him. Why hadn't she thought of that before she'd made the appointment? She was already in the waiting room and her brain went numb for a moment. What to tell him?
"Mrs. Castell, please go through." The receptionist beckoned her inside. Dr. Risden was beaming at her from the surgery door.
"What a nice surprise. It's been a while since I saw you last. Nothing serious I hope? You look the picture of health." He pressed her hand and pulled a chair out for her.
"Well, actually, I feel a little silly calling on you. I have been working hard recently, the hours have been rather long, and I am overtired and not sleeping well. There's also been quite a bit of tension surrounding work and I thought maybe you could give me something to calm me down a bit."
"Ah, my dear, I'm sure I can help. Let's take your blood pressure first." Naturally, it was fine. His inspection of her eyes and throat also passed scrutiny. "Vitamin B and a few light sleeping pills, and you will be fit as a flea again, young lady. Give it a few days, and if you don't feel easier after a few good nights' sleep, then we'll do more thorough investigations. I'm sure we only have to break the pattern of sleeplessness, and things will right themselves."
He wrote out a script and she left with a quickly beating heart. Now, she needed to find a doctor that she didn't know so she could find out the truth about what really troubled her. It was a good thing she'd insisted on no blood work to be done. She didn't want to take the chance with Dr. Risden, just in case.
For a moment she considered a pregnancy kit from a local pharmacy, but decided against it. Although they claimed to be accurate and inexpensive, she wanted the word of a certified doctor when it came to something this important.
She remembered a married friend of hers who had once spoken about her doctor and gave her friend a call.
"Karrie, hi! I wonder if you can help me. I need some sleeping pills, or a tonic from a doctor. Mine's away on holiday and I remember you saying your doctor was pretty good. I'm here for a couple of days, so if you could give me his name I can make an appointment." Her friend didn't seem to perceive her excuse as lame.
With the name firmly in her mind, she gave the office a call.
"You are pretty lucky, Mrs. Castell. We've had a couple of cancellations. Otherwise, the doctor would not be taking on new patients today. Can you get here in about half an hour?"
The doctor was a young man with a quizzical expression, but he tried to put her at ease. She told him how she felt, along with a record of her monthly cycle.
"Hum," he said, with his head tilted to one side. He looked directly at her, and she flushed red instantly.
"Oh, you don't understand, I'm not married. I...I was widowed a little while ago, and I don't have a boyfriend." Just how stupid can you get? she scolded herself. How can he help if you withhold the facts?
Before she could speak again, the doctor said, "Tell me what you do first of all, plus a little about your lifestyle, eating habits, and so on." Mechanically she filled him in with her daily details.
"Of course, the symptoms point to pregnancy, but obviously, from what you say, that can't be the case. I feel it is all stress-related brought on by your marital trauma, no doubt, as well as your change of lifestyle. I'll give you a vitamin booster, and then if you can come and see me in about two weeks, I am sure we can get to the bottom of things."
Numbly, she thanked him, wondering at her foolishness. Served her right. How could she expect the doctor to help her if she simply said, "I don't feel well, make me better...but I'm not going to tell you what's wrong with me, you have to guess."
She returned to her flat, wanting to be alone. Sitting down with a cold dead feeling inside her stomach, she decided to take stock of the situation in a rational manner. Her first thought was to run away, and then a solemn little face swam before her eyes. She would have to resign, of course, and then no one would suspect the reason. Maybe the doctors are right, tension, and stress; that's all it is. You're lost if you try to kid yourself, a little voice said inside of her. She had enough money to move away, start fresh, and go overseas perhaps. Too many people knew her here and, of course, Raoul's reputation was at stake. Furthermore, what about the baby? She would have to have an abortion....
Her mind screamed to a halt. Never! The thought was abhorrent, and she knew she would never entertain such an idea, no matter who tried to persuade her. She would have the child and put it up for adoption straight away. The dark passionate eyes of the baby's father came into her mind, and almost as though it were yesterday, she felt the desire of the baby's creation.
No, she could not even go that route. Whatever Raoul's feeling for her, she had to admit she was in love with him. She would keep the baby and face the consequences. If she moved far enough away, he would never even know. Suddenly, she felt that she could not face Lauren's bubbling gaiety, and the inconsequential chatter of their friends, so she decided to head back to the lake, and the solid stone house in which she felt at home.
Knowing she would have no chance if she phoned Lauren's office, she dashed off a note and left it on her friend's bed. She would call later with an excuse.
She felt calmer as she neared the village after the long drive alone with her thoughts. Stopping for the vitamin tablets that had been prescribed, she felt at least they would do no harm, and might make her feel a little less tired.
Once she settled into the house, she contacted Lauren. "I have some tablets from Dr. Risden. He doesn't think it's anything more than a bit of stress. He said to catch up on my sleep and to have a few quiet days, so I decided to come back. I actually do feel jaded, and with PJ away, I can snooze the days away. Sorry about our plans, but you understand, don't you?"
"Of course I understand. You sleep well...you've had a rough trot. Give me a call when you feel better."
During the next few days she relaxed a little and slowly felt her sanity return. It still came as a wrench to think about leaving the house, let alone leaving the little girl that had obviously grown to love and depend on her. However, she would have to wait until Raoul returned from the cruise before she gave her notice.
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* * *
Chapter Nine
A couple of evenings later, Kris noticed that PJ was pale and quiet. "You okay, kitten?" she asked, dropping onto the sofa next to the child.
"I don't want any supper; my tummy hurts." She climbed onto Kris' lap.
Kris stroked PJ's forehead, a frown puckering her brow. It was a little hot and she guessed that she was probably sick from something. The usual children's ailments were doing the rounds, so she was bound to catch them sooner or later.
Kris held her quietly as they watched TV, and when she realised the child was fast asleep, she gently carried her to bed and tucked her in. She kissed PJ's flushed velvet cheek before she left the room. The passage light would act as a nightlight, and Kris was sure she would hear PJ if she left her bedroom door open.
During the night PJ vomited and complained of bad pains in her stomach. Kris had no sooner settled her when she retched again and the spasms of pain returned. She slept fitfully for a while then the attacks grew more frequent. At about four in the morning, Kris contacted Dr. Grace. She hated getting the aged man out of bed, especially as she had never met him. He was just another name on the "emergency" list that Mrs. Cree had given her. He was most understanding, and said he would come over straight away, as it sounded a little more serious than a stomach upset.
As Dr. Grace's battered old car wheezed up the drive, Kris sat and waited downstairs by the front door for him as it sighed to a stop. She had hastily changed into a pair of slacks and a pullover and f
ixed her hair into a thick braid. She felt young and vulnerable as the old man crossed the gravel.
She held out her hand. "Hello, Dr. Grace. I'm Kris Castell."
He shook her hand firmly and winked. "Oh, I know all about you, Mrs. Castell. This is a small village, you know. Don't look so startled; it has all been good, m'dear. When is that man going to marry you then? Time he settled down with somebody solid instead of those flashy ladies that come here from time to time. He's getting too old for that nonsense, mind you. You are no mean looker yourself, my girl, so don't get me wrong."
Before she could protest, he rambled on about something else as they climbed the stairs.
"Now, let's see the patient," he spoke as they entered the room. "Hello, young lady. I haven't seen you for a while, 'eh?"
He examined her gently. "I think it is a clear case of appendicitis." He turned matter-of-factly toward Kris. "I'm not a big one for whipping things out as they subside sometimes and never return. What I would like to do is to put her in hospital and keep her under observation. If she gets worse, we can do something. Raoul is gallivanting overseas again, isn't he?" He chuckled at her surprised expression. "I have known this family for years, my dear -- don't worry. Mrs. Cree told me." He bent his head conspiratorially. "You'll have to get him back here to sign papers before we can do anything, if it becomes necessary. I'm sure he would like to be around."
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