I had to centre my mind: closing my eyes, I called upon the other me to take over.
It was time to walk on stage and perform to an audience who knew me as nothing but the son of King Carter, future heir of Minato.
I couldn’t show weakness beyond these four walls. A prince must always show strength, even in the times of despair and mourning.
I allowed my heavy eyelids to open, my mind made up. I could feel Stryker brush against my mental walls, feelings of encouragement and determination lingered as his presence came and went. I gripped the knob firmly before turning it to open the door before me.
Time to face reality.
Chapter One
My conscious resurfaced again; the coldness still present against my essence.
It felt like I was floating in nothingness, but I couldn’t grasp what was going on.
There was a feeling creeping within me.
I’m lonely.
~RYDER~
I allowed my body to lean against the black wooden wall, peering at the sunset; its slow descent helped calm my anxiety.
I continued to fight the current battle I was having with my eyelids, trying my best to keep them open. When was the last time I slept?
I sometimes wished I was like Daniel. It didn’t matter where he stood or laid, he could sleep without a struggle. I didn’t know if that was a blessing or a curse.
In my case, I wish I could close my eyes and not be plagued by the nightmares – my body frozen in place as I watched King Aspen’s hands around Makoto’s throat, her eyes going dull as her life faded away, or the scene of Midnight covered in blood as she plunged into the lava below.
To think it’s been a week and a half since I’d slept longer than five hours. It was only due to Daniel’s angel forcing me to sleep that I even got that much.
I seriously hated when he did that. Not because I slept like a log, but because I never saw it coming.
He’d perfected the spell so well that with a quick snap of his finger my eyes would grew weak, and there would be nothing stopping my body from falling into a deep slumber. I sometimes was glad he was my best friend and not my enemy. He’d be a difficult opponent to face.
I continued to allow my mind to wander as I watched the sun disappear beyond the horizon. If only Mako was here to see this. She’d be sitting on the couch back at our house in Knightwood, watching the sunset before dinner.
It became such a habit, myself and the others took turns sitting next to her on the patio as we enjoyed the multi-coloured sky above; waiting for the stars to appear.
I loved holding her in my arms, my hand aimlessly venturing through her long, brown locks as we sat in silence, enjoying the various noises coming from the forest.
The best moments were when I kissed her. I always took a moment to enjoy her taste, surrounded by her addictive, vanilla scent that made me want her more. We’d gotten so used to kissing one another; her hesitation and self-consciousness were no more as she’d press her lips against mine.
I let out a frustrated breath; my hand brushed through my messy black hair, which seriously needed a cut. I needed to shave as well; my usual clean-shaven streak had been broken ever since the practical exam.
If it hadn’t been for Matthew placing the incantation on her before we entered Realm One, we would be facing a completely different scenario.
I couldn’t possibly imagine how much worse the situation could have become – Makoto and Midnight being stripped of their ability to fight King Aspen due to the loyalty mark, resulting in him taking her back to the facility we spent cycles trying to locate. She’d be an experiment once more and the rest of us would probably be among the stars above.
I didn’t have time to deal with the little specs of hair. It didn’t matter if she wasn’t here to brush her hand against my chin before kissing me. I had no one to impress. It was as if my purpose in this world had vanished, leaving me with nothing but an empty shell.
I felt a hand press against my shoulder, causing me to jolt out of my daze.
My wide eyes locked onto a pair of gold ones, their usual vibrant appearance was now dulled and weak as they gazed into me.
“Ryder. You seriously need to sleep.” Daniel’s voice was filled with concern as he frowned at my rough appearance.
He didn’t understand my struggle. How could you sleep when your mind was in overdrive, multiple emotions and thoughts barging in whenever they felt like it? You’d think my emotions could be considerate and show me some damn mercy.
“Where’s Marcus and how’s Elias doing?” I questioned, avoiding his suggestion as I pushed myself off the wall to walk towards the brown, side table. I allowed myself to lean against it as I faced my best friend.
His long, blonde locks were tied up into a small ponytail, his gold rimmed glasses relaxed on the top of his head. I had to admit, his overall appearance was disheveled for him.
He never wore anything with a wrinkle, yet his casual white shirt needed a good ironing, and messy, tied-up hair was a clear indication of the internal battle he faced.
He wore dark blue jeans and his white, indoor slippers; even though, I had reminded him on multiple occasions that he could walk barefoot in this section of the castle.
I sought comfort in the small detail, a sign that he too was still hanging on, if barely.
“Marcus is on watch duty and Elias is resting. Karen says the poison is almost out of his system. Thank the Starlight gods he’s a fairy shifter. They’re the only species who could survive such a strong poison. If only he would stay in bed for longer than fifteen minutes, he would heal a lot faster, and don’t get me started on EliaseAnne,” Daniel explained, his hand removed his glasses from his head before a sigh escaped him. I smirked at the mention of Eli.
Elias had been hit with a lightning spear during our battle. Thankfully, it missed its original target, Mako and Elias’ heart, but I guess the King figured a spear wouldn’t kill off our princess. So, Nephilim poison was added to the tip of the spear.
Nephilim poison was an extremely strong, toxic substance. A small dosage would be enough to paralyze someone permanently, let alone kill them if such toxins reached the target’s heart. Elias was simply lucky that fairy shifters could weed poisons out of their blood stream at escalated rates. Didn’t mean he didn’t face some struggles.
We had gotten him here in the brink of time for Karen and the other healers to stabilize him. Now that he was able to walk again, he was eager to get out of that medical center.
We all knew he hated anything resembling an experimental ward, medical centers included. Eli was no different.
Elias could at least tolerate the checkups and procedures, but Eli would do anything to get the hell out of there before someone even laid a finger on her. It wasn’t her fault she reacted that way.
If you were once a male spirit, becoming an alternate spirit guinea pig and being accidentally changed into a female, you wouldn’t let any person with a medical background touch you...or in Eli’s case, be anywhere near you.
I’m thankful to the Starlight gods for summoning Elias and Eli to come to Heila before his father could continue to force the experiments on them.
King Arthur was still investigating the matter, having promised to send a few scouts to assess what King Kingsley was up to. We all feared he was going to become the next Blair Aspen, using Elias as his prodigy. We all believed what Elias explained had happened and he had the scars to prove it, but we needed enough evidence to prove it to everyone else. That was just another issue we’d have to face.
I heard footsteps entering the room, breaking me away from my thoughts. My tired eyes glanced up to see Marcus’ large frame; his sapphire eyes looked exhausted.
I felt Stryker’s anxiety brush through me as I gulped. Marcus quickly shook his head, placing a hand firmly on my shoulder.
“Kai’s there. I was forced to go take a nap or run or something. I honestly think Karen just doesn’t like me growling every five minutes,�
�� he confessed, scoffing as his hand returned to his side. He turned his glance to Daniel before giving him a nod in greetings.
I sighed, as I pushed myself from the table.
I felt myself waver before a pair of hands stabilized me. I blinked my eyes, trying to ignore my spinning surroundings. The dizziness will pass, no big deal.
“Fuck, Ryder. You need to sleep.” Daniel swore; his eyes glared at me as Marcus held me up.
“Well, my bad. I wish I could fucking sleep anywhere like you,” I snapped back; my sudden frustration oozed into my deep voice. I felt a wave of sadness hit me, causing me to groan.
“Fuck. Sorry, Daniel. I’m just—” I tried to find an excuse for my actions, but I couldn’t.
I seriously couldn’t handle this for much longer.
Marcus pulled me into a hug; his hand patted my back as my head rested against his shoulder.
“Ryder. You need to stop this. You’re hurting badly. I know out of all of us, you feel our emotions the strongest , but don’t forget we can feel yours. We know you’re struggling and it’s painful. You always allow us to rely on you, so can’t you do the same just this once?” Marcus whispered.
I struggled to find the words as I tried to shut down the clutter of emotions ready to spill out of me, sadness and fear the strongest.
I attempted to fight the stinging in my eyes as I held back the sob that wanted to escape me.
I was the leader; I had to be strong. I couldn’t let them see such weaknesses. I had to pretend everything was okay.
I heard another pair of footsteps enter the room. I knew I should get my act together before anyone besides, my best friends, saw me in this state, but I couldn’t stop the rollercoaster of emotions that climbed upward inside me, the heavy weight ready to tip over the edge. Another hand landed onto my shoulder.
“Ryder, let it go. We won’t judge you. No one else is here but us. Let us be here for you; the way you’re here for us. We know you’re hurting the most. We get it,” Elias’ calm voice whispered as his grip tightened.
His words were enough to trigger the tears I’d been holding back as the sobs broke out.
“I don’t want to lose her. I just got her back. After all these cycles, I finally got her back from his clutches and now she’s on the verge of death! I failed her as a knight...I didn’t even tell her directly that I loved her. If she...if she doesn’t make it, she’ll never know. She’ll never know how loved she was in her short life. It’s all my fault. I didn’t see the signs that she wasn’t replenishing her magic. She didn’t even tell me about Midnight. I should have never allowed us to go to that exam. It was clearly a trap, yet I allowed us to go because she wanted us to. I vowed to not put her in danger, but look what happened,” I cried, the cascade of emotions crashed through me and leaked into the bond. I couldn’t hold back anymore. It was killing me.
I heard Elias cursed before his arms wrapped around my back, joining the embrace. I could feel all their regret and sadness. I could even feel Kai’s concern from such a distance. Why did the gods burden me with such a role, yet they couldn’t make me strong enough to protect the people I cared about the most?
“Ryder. You need to trust in Makoto and Midnight. They’ve dealt with a lot of shit. They’re stronger than this. She won’t succumb to this either, but she needs your moral support. You have to believe the Starlight gods will heal her. Everything happens for a reason. We just have to pray that Mako survives this. We can’t give up on her,” Elias consoled me.
I nodded, unable to find the words to agree.
I knew he was right. I couldn’t give up on our Firefly. She was our light, and I wouldn’t allow the gods to let her dim away.
If all it took was another prayer out of the multiple prayers I’d said in the last two weeks, I would do it. Anything to see her beautiful, turquoise eyes again.
Oh, Starlight gods. Thy beings of power and divinity. I plead for your divine intervention. Please give my love, Makoto Heart, strength, to fight her battle and survive. Revoke the shackles preventing her from awakening. Provide her with strength to open her eyes. You created us to protect and defend the darkness that is brewing, but we need our Queen to guide us along the path to victory. Please...if you can hear my desperate plea; bring her back to me...to us. In stars, we trust.”
I allowed my mind to drift, unable to fight the exhaustion that seeped into my bones from all the sleepless nights. At least the darkness welcomed me with open arms, as my mind faded away; the multiple emotions ceased to exist.
How much time had passed?
Minutes? Hours?
I was unable to determine how long since I’d awakened to the darkness.
But, I felt yet another feeling take form within me; sadness.
The coldness seeped into my soul as the loneliness took hold, causing the sadness to grow.
I have no home to return to.
I wish I could feel warm once more.
I tried to remember something, as the time continued to pass, but I couldn’t remember anything.
My mind was nothing but a jumble of mush.
Was my purpose to be one with the darkness?
~DANIEL~
“Shit, Ryder!” Marcus swore as he held Ryder’s limp body in his arms, preventing him from collapsing on the floor.
I rushed over to them as Marcus laid him onto the black floor; Elias assisted to keep his head in alignment. I called forth my angel spirit; his power burned through me as I allowed my eyes to scan Ryder from head to toe. I sighed, relieved with the results.
“Exhaustion and sleep deprivation. It was only matter of time before his body gave up on him. He hasn’t been sleeping longer than two hours a day for three days straight.” Elias sighed; his hand aimed for the door.
I felt the sudden burst of wind as his hand emitted a soft green light; the heavy metal door closed gently.
I couldn’t sense anyone in this part of the castle, but knowing Elias, he didn’t want to take any chances.
It would be bad for Ryder’s overall image if any of the maids or guards saw him collapsed, on the ground. We’d just be worrying his mother, not to mention his father would just make him miserable. He had enough on his plate.
“I wish he would rely on us, just like he lets us rely on him. I don’t know how he handles dealing with all our emotions before his own. Not to mention Stryker’s. I bet he’s struggling to not cause any havoc for Ryder’s sake. He’s most likely worried about Rose,” Marcus acknowledged.
The five rays of light that ascended into the sky following our fake death act, was nothing but a decoy; such events part of Midnight’s plan in feigning our deaths, but after the multiple body scans, we couldn’t detect any of her spirits.
It was as if she was an empty vessel, just lying there on life support. It took a week before she was able to breathe on her own; Karen applied oxygen only during the times her saturation was lower than the norm. We had to just wait and see what happened, if she woke up.
Makoto didn’t just push herself to her limit; she surpassed it.
After falling from the edge, she shifted into her dragon; hiding her large body in a cave opening, she had somehow created using her phoenix’s flames.
I honestly had no idea how she was able to use her multiple spirits and still have energy to create the cave opening; let alone, the web she summoned to catch us, as we fell towards the scorching lava.
Once all four of us fell into the net, a glamour sprinkled over the top of us, making us invisible. It was amazing; the tall man with violet eyes couldn’t see us as he peered over the edge, only frowning before walking away.
Once Blair Aspen had finally left, Mako’s dragon came out, flying towards us. She allowed us to climb onto her large back before bringing us back up to the top of the cliff, just as Matthew and other guards flooded through the portal; Nightmare raced ahead.
We thought everything was going to be okay till Mako shifted back, collapsing to the ground. Nightmare franticall
y nudged at her lifeless body as Karen emerged on the scene thanks to Kai’s assistance.
We went straight into conducting CPR, the series of compressions before mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. It took a strenuous ten minutes before we got a weak pulse; Karen stabilized her as we rushed over to Minato’s best medical center in the heart of the castle; Ryder’s home.
Since then, she’d stopped breathing four times and stayed on life support till her body was strong enough to breathe on its own. Now, she was in a coma, and we truly couldn’t figure out when she would wake up.
That, along with the discovery that her spirits weren’t present within her, was a problem. Karen stated they could have fallen dormant in an effort to help Mako gain enough energy to breathe and recover, but she wasn’t sure.
No one had survived such events before. It was common knowledge, if you surpassed your magic limit, you wouldn’t live to tell the tale. Now, I prayed Mako would be the first.
“Is Ryder okay?”
We glanced at each other before our eyes landed on Ryder. Kai’s concerned voice reminded us of his presence within our bond.
“He passed out after having a breakdown. He needs to rest,” I explained through our bond.
“He’s afraid of losing the princess. Not to mention having to deal with our levels of anxieties and his family garbage. I’m glad his father left yesterday for a business trip. He needs a break, we all do. I just wish our Princess a speedy recovery.”
I sighed at Kai’s remarks. Our phoenix shifter in the group and fifth star knight. Mako didn’t even get to meet him yet, though I knew she’d shown some interest when told about the origin of his orange stool back at our house in Knightwood.
I prayed she’d get to meet him. Then he would see how utterly amazing she is. He had met her in the worse case scenario, seeing her lifeless pale body, her usual red lips a sickly blue, as we fought to get her to breathe.
Tainted Rose (The Starlight Gods Series Book 2) Page 2