by Amy Sumida
“And stay the hell away from us!” Viper shouted after us.
Chapter Thirty-One
After crying in Sin's arms until I had no tears left, I fell into a fugue state. I just sat in a chair and stared out of Sin's windows at the barren landscape of Bahrain. It felt appropriate, mimicking the bleakness inside me. Sin brought me food and even went as far as feeding me, but I barely looked at him and hardly ate anything. He'd beg and plead with me then finally started simply shoving food in my mouth. I didn't acknowledge him through any of it. I couldn't. My mind was focused on other things; replaying everything that happened in my head. I kept seeing all of my loved ones screaming at me, hatred burning within their eyes as they accused me of betraying them.
Inside, I screamed constantly, a continuous lament that attempted to drown out the memories but failed. Outside, I made no sound at all, not even when the tears streamed down my cheeks. I hoped to go numb, but the pain kept digging deeper and deeper, sinking its claws into me.
Sin urged me to contact the other gods in the Squad, but I knew it would be more of the same. As it would be with my human family and human friends. I was certain that the Tablet of Destinies had poured its poison through me and tainted everyone I knew. I wouldn't be able to bear another harsh rejection in my current state. I was already teetering on the edge of insanity. I could feel the abyss below me, and I knew I needed to step back, but I was paralyzed by my heartbreak. The abyss was starting to look good. Welcoming even.
“Vervain,” Sin said softly as he brushed my hair back. He combed it out every morning and wiped a warm washcloth over my face. “How about a bath today, huh? A nice hot shower? Wouldn't that feel good?”
I made an inscrutable sound; it was the most he'd gotten from me in days.
“Hey”—he crouched in front of me and filled my view—“the Mesopotamians took a hit; a big one. They lost hundreds of gods during the fight. You didn't go down easy.”
I made another sound.
“And you need to remember that Marduk failed.” Sin shook me. “He didn't get your territory; the one thing that he was after. Your daughter has it and your family is alive and well. Take some comfort in that, Vervain. Nothing is over until you're dead.”
I blinked. Something shivered inside me. There was some satisfaction in knowing that my family was alive and well, even if they hated me. Things could have been worse; Marduk could have killed them all. And he didn't have the Pride. Lesya's inheritance was safe. The Pride was safe and still had a home. Marduk didn't win, not entirely.
I took a mental step back from the abyss.
“You gotta get past this,” Sin went on. “If you don't, we'll never be able to fix things. I can't do this without you, V.”
Could I fix things? If there was a way, I had to try. I couldn't give up on them. I eased away from the edge and took a breath.
“How...” my voice was raspy from disuse. I tried again, “How can I fix this?”
Sin blinked in surprise. His stare stuttered over my face eagerly before he admitted, “I don't know, but if you give up now, we definitely won't fix anything. Is that what you want? To just let Marduk win?”
I just stared at him.
“Are you just going to roll over and die, Godhunter?!” Sin grabbed my upper arms and shook me.
“No,” I whispered.
Sin went still then smiled. “Good. Now, how about that shower?”
“How long?” I stared at Sin's lovely face, his silver eyes had turned molten in the sunlight streaming in through his floor-to-ceiling windows.
“How long?” He repeated the question in confusion.
“How long have I been sitting here, Sin?” I leaned toward him. “How long have I been like this?”
“Five days,” he said gently. “Not bad, considering.” He gave me a wan smile.
I chuckled grimly. “No, not bad considering that I lost my entire life.”
“You didn't lose it. We know exactly where it is which will make it easier for us to get it back,” he said firmly. “Now, come on. Trust me; you really do need a shower.”
I grimaced at Sin as he helped me up.
Sin winked at me then walked me to the bathroom. “If you need me, just shout.”
He shut the bathroom door and left me to it. I glanced at myself in the mirror then froze and stared. I looked awful; wrinkles around my eyes, shadows beneath them, hollowed cheeks, and a sallowness to my skin that was a step away from jaundice. Aphrodite's magic had enhanced my appearance but that was gone now, along with my rapid healing. The fight, my heartache, and my refusal to eat had taken their toll. Was my immortality gone too? Had suppressing my Fey essence also suppressed my immortality? It had been suppressed when I was Sabine. I had grown old and died as a human. But that hadn't mattered to Odin; he had been with me to the end.
Not this time.
I sobbed and hung my head in my hands. The way my men had looked at me. So much venom. All because of some lies that Marduk had woven into his spell. I had always believed our love was untouchable. That even if we lost everything else, we'd still have each other. I guess nothing's impossible when magic is involved.
I turned on the water and waited for it to get hot. As I did, I heard the sound of raised male voices outside. I paused but then realized that I didn't care who Sin was arguing with. If Marduk had come to finish me off, so be it. There was nothing else for him to take but my life, and that wasn't worth much anymore.
“Stop it!” I hissed at my reflection. “This is not who you are! You fucking pull yourself together and you get them back. You keep fighting! Dying in battle is one thing, but just giving up? Hell, no; we've come too far to pull that shit now. Remember what you tell your enemies; you've been whipped, chained, raped, and torn apart into tiny pieces. There ain't anything they can do to you that you can't come back from.”
I swallowed and dared myself to believe it.
“Except for this,” I whispered as my whole body shook. “Who am I without them?”
You hold me together, Kirill. I can't be me without you, my voice echoed in my memories.
I started to cry again so I slapped myself. Hard. That's what you do when you have insane arguments with your reflection.
“You're the motherfucking Godhunter, that's who you are! With or without them! No one can take that from you, it's in your damn soul. Now, get it together and start hunting, you fucking crybaby.”
I nodded at myself decisively and got into the shower. The heat felt good but not as good as it had when I was a dragon. That nearly set me to sobbing again, but I bit my lip and carried on. My family and friends weren't dead and that bastard Marduk didn't get his grubby hands on my territory. That was the one thing he wanted; the whole reason he'd fucked with my destiny, to begin with, and he didn't get it. I grinned into the spray. It was a small victory, but I'd take it. Small victories can lead to larger ones.
When I came out of the bathroom, I found a change of clothes laid out on Sin's bed. I smiled at that. He had been damn good to me. It's when you're at your lowest that true friendship reveals itself, and Sin had proved himself to be a good friend. That was another mistake Marduk had made; leaving me Sin and Ninka.
I fingered the silk dress Sin left for me. Leave it to Sin to buy me designer clothes. I breathed out through a fresh wave of pain. He was the last one who I would have expected to treat me so gallantly, but he had. Sin had been a true gentleman; picking me up off that battlefield and carrying me home when all the others had abandoned me. If not for Sin, I'd likely still be wandering through the Arabian desert. Maybe even dead under a dune. I owed him a lot, and he just kept giving.
I slipped on the luxury lingerie and then the dress, feeling instantly stronger and more like myself. I've always been a fan of fine things but they were even better when a sexy man bought them for me. Ugh! That sounded so... damsel in distress, and that isn't me. Still, a strong woman can graciously accept gifts. Being independent doesn't mean you don't like to be treate
d with respect and even pampered a little. And also... when had I started thinking of Sin as sexy?
I frowned. I suppose he'd always been sexy, but he'd only recently become someone who I might be attracted to. Attraction, for me, happens on several levels. It's when I see the quality of a man that I determine whether I truly find him attractive or not. Sin was showing me his worth; allowing me to see the sort of man he was, and it made him more than a pretty face. His kindness, especially, was endearing him to me. Sometimes, the smallest act of kindness can alter a life immensely. By scooping me up and taking pity on me that day, Sin had ensured that I'd live to fight again. He hadn't just changed my life, he'd saved it.
“Hey,” I said softly as I walked into Sin's high-tech kitchen.
I stared at Sin's handsome face and his perfect clothes. His dark hair swept back in a style meant to look careless, a tempting amount of muscled chest peeked through the V of his button-down shirt, and a gold watch glinted at his wrist. Even his shoes were polished. He's always so put together. Always smiling as if he were a second away from seducing someone. I never would have thought that there was a loyal, brave, sweetly stubborn man beneath all of that. When we first met, I saw potential in Sin, but I didn't see this. I had misjudged him. I suddenly felt very lucky to have Sin on my side. It looked as if Viper wasn't the only good thing to come out of my time as the Dark Star.
“Hey back.” Sin grinned at me as he pulled some ice cream out of the freezer. “Pistachio Cardamom or Rocky Road?”
“Those are my choices?” I asked with a laugh. “They make some unusual bedfellows.”
“Which is why I'm asking which one,” he shot back. “I'm not saying we should have them together.” He looked at the cartons consideringly. “Then again.”
“Who were you arguing with?”
Sin went still and then grimaced. “You heard that, huh?”
“Just the tone.” I shrugged and took the Rocky Road from him.
“It was Enki. He wants me to rejoin the Pantheon,” he said the last bit dramatically. “All will be forgiven.”
“And you don't want to?” I scooped some ice cream into one of the dishes he had out on the counter.
“Hell, no.” Sin grimaced. “I'm done with those fools. After what Marduk did to you, I could never be in the same pantheon as him. We were just at war, Vervain. I'm not going to go running back to them just because we lost.”
“It's not everyone's fault,” I said diplomatically. “Marduk made his own choices.”
“Oh, but it is,” he argued. “Enki just told me that they all knew what Marduk had planned. Of course, they did; the fucker gave your magic to my daughter to secure her loyalty.”
“Oh...” I whispered in revelation. “That makes sense now. Also, I'm so sorry about Ishtar. Were you close?”
“Very.” He sighed. “Me and her mother... not so much. But Izzy and I have always been tight. She was upset about what happened with her husband, but we were getting through it. She knew it wasn't my fault.”
“Right. I killed your son-in-law.” I grimaced.
“He was a dick, and Izzy knew it. They'd been estranged for years. She was just using his death as an excuse to hate you and side with Marduk. It was about magic, not love.” He sighed deeply. “I'm a little crushed that she would choose power over me.”
“It sounds like the same reason my men are mad at me,” I muttered.
“No, that's a lie that Marduk forced them to believe, and they aren't mad at you, they hate you.” He grimaced. “My daughter actually did choose magic over family.”
“Thanks, that makes me feel so much better,” I said dryly.
“There she is!” Sin exclaimed triumphantly as he pointed a spoon at me. “I knew you were still in there; somewhere beneath the mopey face, tangled hair, and BO.”
“I just needed a moment to catch my breath,” I huffed as I offered him the Rocky Road. “And thanks for being a gentleman and not mentioning my disheveled state.”
Sin chuckled as he added a scoop of Rocky Road to the Pistachio he'd already dished out then put both cartons back in the freezer. “Yeah, I get it. You lost a lot; it can take awhile to get over that.”
“Thank you, Sin. You kept me from losing even more”
He shut the freezer and looked at me for a long moment. “You're welcome, Vervain.”
“Let's go eat our strange ice cream and talk about ways to get my magic back,” I suggested. “I'm done moping.”
Sin grinned and waved a hand toward his living room. “After you, my nice-smelling lady.”
“Will you shut up about my odor already?” I grumbled.
“It was bad. Humans can get stinky.”
“Sin,” I growled.
“But you're better now. Did you use the Tom Ford body wash?” He inhaled deeply. “Oh, that's my favorite.”
“Sin!”
“All right already. I'm dropping it.” He chuckled. “Just remember; you can cry in the shower and then at least you'll be clean.”
“Put some ice cream in your mouth,” I snapped.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Sin and I brainstormed for hours but neither of us could come up with a plan. All of my allies were lost to me, even the Jinn had left me to my new fate. All we had going for us were our smarts and Sin's magic... and neither was doing much good. Sin thought that we should find Marduk and try—once more—to burgle the Tablet of Destinies. I pointed out that Marduk would have wards in place, and I didn't have a way past them. I thought we should come up with a way to draw Marduk to me and then Sin could sneak up on Marduk and knock him out. Sin nixed that, saying that Marduk was too careful to allow himself to be caught unawares. Plus, how would we draw him out? We didn't have anything that Marduk wanted.
“I can't undo what Marduk did without the Tablet, and I can't get to the Tablet. So, where does that leave me?” I muttered.
“That's it!” Sin waved his hands in a negative motion as he stood. “We need to get out of here for a little while. Clear our heads.”
“Bahrain must be infested with Mesopotamians,” I pointed out. “The last thing I need right now is a run-in with one of them.”
“Who said anything about Bahrain?” He asked with a sexy smile as he held his hand out to me. “I was thinking of somewhere more tropical.”
“Hawaii?” I asked hopefully.
He blinked. “Sure, if that's where you want to go.”
“It is.” I took his hand. “It's the one home that I have left.”
“Climb aboard the Sin wagon, sweetheart.” Sin pulled me in against his chest and wrapped his arms around me. “Next stop; Hawaii.”
Tracing was so much more jarring without my magic to cushion me. I held onto Sin tightly as the Aether pulled us in then I became pure thought. For the seconds we moved through that magical realm, I knew peace. Then we reformed in the shade of a banyan tree, and heartache hit me again. I breathed through it and concentrated on my surroundings instead of the pain. The banyan's trailing roots hung in clumps from every stout branch, draping nearly to the ground and hiding our abrupt appearance from the eyes of passing tourists. Even its rippling, massive trunk provided shelter, nestling us within two extending sections. I let go of Sin, but he held on a little longer. When I glanced up, I found him staring at me with a soft expression.
My throat went dry with panic. Yes, Sin was becoming more attractive to me, but I was too broken from the loss of my family to jump into a new relationship right now. Even the thought of kissing Sin made my throat constrict and my stomach turn. My husbands and Viper may not love me anymore, but I still loved them. Fiercely. And they were under a spell; it wasn't their fault. So, if I started another relationship, I'd become the traitor they believed me to be.
But Sin was my only friend. All I had left. Would he abandon me too if I rejected him?
“Aw, Vervain, don't look at me like that.” Sin released me and stepped away. “My friendship doesn't come at a price. You know I want you—I have s
ince I first laid eyes on you—but I don't want you like that. If we ever get together, it will be because it's what we both want.”
“Thanks, Sin,” I whispered in relief. “I should never have thought otherwise.”
“It's okay. Come on.” He took my hand and led me out of the banyan's embrace.
I was surprised to find that we were at the Honolulu Zoo, on the expanse of lawn before its entrance. The scent of saltwater and suntan lotion trailed over from Waikiki Beach, just across the street from us, while the sound of children and the hoot of baboons drifted over the Zoo walls. The combination brought tears to my eyes. When everything goes to hell, all I really want to do is go home. It felt good to be in Hawaii again; the place where it had all began.