by Lynda Chance
“I can’t believe I bought that much. I only have twenty, let me put something back—”
She stopped speaking and turned when a tanned, masculine hand laid down a five-dollar bill on top of her twenty and pushed the money toward the clerk.
She began speaking in a rush as she turned, “You don’t have to do that, I can put—”
Her voice died when saw Josh standing over her, his eyes glittering down into hers. “It’s no problem, Miss McIntyre.”
As Mr. Rigsby went about his business ignoring them and making change, Hannah’s skin flushed and her heart began beating so hard she thought it would come out of her chest.
Josh set down his Coke on the counter and as he paid for it, Hannah silently gathered her small bag of cosmetics and her Cosmopolitan magazine.
They turned toward the door at the same time, and moved out of hearing range of the store owner, who had picked up a box and taken it toward the back aisle of the store.
Hannah paused beside the door on trembling limbs and looked up into the face that she knew she’d never forget as long as she lived. He’d kissed her again last night! Just a few hours ago, he’d had his hands wrapped around her. Even more than that. They’d made out as if they couldn’t get enough of each other. “Thanks,” she managed to remember to thank him for the money.
“No problem,” Josh answered back, his eyes running up and down her body.
“I’ll pay you back,” she said softly.
His eyes swallowed hers whole for a few seconds before he responded. “You want to pay me back, princess?”
Hannah pushed down a lump in her throat. “Yes.”
Josh reached out a long, tanned index finger and lifted her chin. His fingers wrapped around her jaw and softly caressed her skin, while his eyes seemed to memorize the outline of her face, and Hannah’s heartbeat hammered erratically. And then steel seemed to stiffen his spine and his breath hissed out, “You’re only fifteen years old. You shouldn’t even be reading Cosmo. I don’t like it.” His fingers tightened in possession. “So if you want to pay me back, don’t try those damn magazine tricks on somebody else.”
Hannah shuddered as sweet sensation from his demand slid through her body and she agreed by nodding her head with predictable haste.
As he continued to look down at her, his eyes glittered. “I talked to your dad this morning.”
Hannah sucked in a breath. “And?”
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure he’ll take care of Jesse, but either way, you need to take care. You avoid him at all costs, understand?”
“Okay.”
His touch lingered on her skin as he turned his head to see exactly where the store owner was. Mr. Rigsby was still occupied, and Josh faced her once again. “I was right. Your dad would seriously come unglued if he even caught a hint that I’m interested in you.”
Hannah’s heart stopped beating for a moment before it went haywire at Josh’s description. She licked her dry lips as she looked up into Josh’s beautiful green eyes. “I know he’s protective but it’ll be okay in a few weeks when I turn sixteen.”
“I don’t think so, Hannah. I’m fairly sure he’s never going to forget that I’m my father’s son.”
“But, Josh—”
“You really need to understand … my father is … not a good person. And the whole county knows it.” His thumb caressed her chin as his eyes looked deep into hers as if debating what to say to her. His eyes became expressive, almost tortured. “You’ve figured out where I got these scars from, haven’t you?” he asked in a quiet, gentle voice, as if he was afraid to upset her.
Hannah studied the intensity in Josh’s eyes and realized what he was trying to tell her. Oh, dear God, his father had physically hurt him? No, she hadn’t known. Tears filled her eyes. “Josh—” She swayed on her feet and thought she might fall down in agony for what he’d been through. His hand shot down to steady her at her arm.
“It’s okay, Hannah. I’m okay now. But we need to wait awhile for … you and me. You’re too young and I’m … ” His words stalled as they both heard Mr. Rigsby come back to the front of the store. It must have been obvious to Josh that they couldn’t say anymore with any degree of privacy and he finished up quickly. “Stay sweet for me, okay?”
With tears in her eyes, Hannah nodded her head as Josh stroked her cheek one last time and then turned and walked from the store.
As Josh walked to his truck, he was struck again by his feelings for Hannah and the fact that he’d trusted her enough to tell her anything at all about his father. Trust was something he’d never learned; trust didn’t come easy. It was goddamn hard to trust anyone when he’d been used as a punching bag for the better part of his life by his own father. If there was one thing he’d learned from his father, it was that you were on your own in life. You didn’t trust easily, and you rolled with the punches to the best of your ability. But suddenly, he realized that he’d opened up just a bit and let Hannah see inside of him. He couldn’t imagine ever doing that with anyone else. Just with Hannah. Only with Hannah.
****
An hour later, Hannah shut the car door and began buckling her seatbelt and then looked up expectantly when her mother didn’t begin driving immediately. Instead, her mom was watching her with a gentle expression in her eyes. “Hi, baby.”
“Hey, Mom.” What now? First Josh treating her as if she would crack in half, and now her mother doing the same. Somehow, Hannah knew this had something to do with Josh’s visit to the ranch this morning.
“Did you have fun last night?” her mom asked.
“Yeah, it was cool.” Hannah infused her voice with fake enthusiasm. It had been great, but did she really want her mother asking her a million questions?
“Cool?”
“We won the game. Even though we didn’t get to be there, that’s still pretty cool.”
“Is that the only reason you had fun?”
Hannah frowned at the subtle interrogation. “I don’t know. Ava and I get along, we like to hang out.”
Janet McIntyre turned the radio completely off and then finally began driving, but she didn’t quit talking. “Josh Turner came by the house this morning.”
And there it was. What was Hannah supposed to say to that? She already knew he’d been there, of course, and didn’t want to act as if she didn’t. But she and Josh really should have compared notes this morning. She didn’t want to lie, but that didn’t mean she had to give out too much information. “He said he was going to.”
“Honey, do you like that boy?”
“He’s okay.”
“Okay? Is that all?”
Hannah signed in partial defeat. She knew her mom, and she knew she wasn’t likely to give up without pulling more information from Hannah. Her mother could be tenacious when she wanted something, especially if it had anything to do with Hannah. “He’s nice.” As a vision of Josh ran through Hannah’s mind, the truth spilled from her lips, “Actually, he’s freakin’ hot. But—”
“But what?”
“He’s a senior and I’m only a sophomore and even if I was interested in him, I’m sure he probably thinks I’m way too young or something.” Whew. That was pretty close to the truth, right? Actually, it was the truth.
Hannah glanced over at her mother who was both concentrating on her driving and looking deep in thought while she pondered Hannah’s answer. Hannah swiveled toward her mom, putting her back against the door. “What’s up?” Her mom obviously had something on her mind, something that had to do with Josh, and Hannah wanted to know what it was.
“I think there are a few things you need to know before … anymore time passes by. Josh was an intense child and he’s grown into an intense young man.”
“Yeah, I know that.” Okay. This was the second person in a matter of days warning her about Josh Turner. First his cousin Katie, and now her mother.
Hannah’s mom continued to drive for a couple more miles and when they were about halfway between town and the
ranch, she pulled into a small roadside rest area and turned the engine off. Facing Hannah, she sighed heavily as she studied her daughter. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine, mom. What’s this all about? I don’t think it’s about Jesse Whitaker, is it?”
“No. But your father did let Jesse go this afternoon.” Her mother was saying little although it was obvious she had something heavy on her mind.
Hannah absorbed that information as she watched her mom carefully. “Please, just say whatever it is you want to say about Josh.”
“Josh spoke to your father alone, but after he left, your Dad told me that it was more than obvious the boy has some feelings for you. And we both believe he’s going to act on those feelings and pursue you.”
Hannah’s heart accelerated but she managed to keep her face expressionless. She wanted what her mother was saying to be true, with everything she had inside of her. “Y’all have to know that I’d start dating eventually. I’ll be sixteen soon.”
“That’s true. But it never occurred to us that it would be with someone like Josh. You know he’s had a hard life, don’t you?”
“Yeah, he told me a few things.”
“Did he tell you about his father?”
“Enough to know that he was abused when he was young.”
Hannah’s mom began nodding her head in agreement. “David and Diana put an end to that, though, thank God. But I’m sure it left him emotionally damaged, you know?”
“Maybe,” Hannah answered, not ready to go that deeply into a discussion about Josh’s psyche.
“Putting all that aside for a moment, there’s something else I don’t think you know. We haven’t wanted to burden you with it, because we thought it would upset you, but I think that now you need to know.”
“Okay.” Was this going to be the big reveal for why Josh kept harping on their last names?
“Have you noticed how much time your brother has been spending in Dallas?”
Her brother had his business in Dallas but the ranch was so close that he visited often, having a house on the property as well. “Yeah, I guess. I know he’s gone a lot.” Where was this going and why had her mom switched the subject to Zach?
“Zachary’s marriage is on the rocks, Hannah.”
Hannah sucked in a breath as an arrow of pain for her brother shot through her. She didn’t like his wife Cindy, but she hadn’t known anything was wrong with their marriage. “I didn’t know.”
“It gets worse, baby. Cindy’s pregnant and Zachary is only waiting until the baby is born before he starts divorce proceedings.”
“Oh, no. Why … what happened?” Wow. So finding out she was going to be an aunt should have been a joyful event, but it was completely soured by the news she was hearing.
“Cindy’s been having an affair.”
Hannah’s mind began racing. “Is the baby Zachary’s?”
“He thinks so. It’s too dangerous to do a DNA test during the pregnancy, so he’s willing to wait until after the baby is born. But if it’s his, he’s going to divorce her and fight for full custody.”
“That’s so awful.”
“I know, sweetheart. He’s devastated and that’s the reason he’s in Dallas so much. I mean, he has his business to attend to, but he used to come home all the time.”
“I feel so bad, mom. I’ve been so absorbed in my life and school that I didn’t even notice anything was wrong.”
“It’s okay, you couldn’t have known.”
“Is Zach okay?”
“He’s holding it together. Just going through the motions, running his business and getting through one day at a time.”
Hannah took in a deep breath. “That’s good, I guess.”
“Are you going to ask me who Cindy’s been messing around with?”
The question hit Hannah right between the eyes and a dark foreboding enveloped her senses. It hadn’t even occurred to her to ask. Did she even want to know? “Who?”
“It’s Josh’s father.”
Feeling as if a giant fist had punched her in the chest, Hannah began shaking her head. “No.”
“Yes, baby.”
“No, that can’t be. I mean why? It makes no sense, mom.”
“What do you mean? I realize that Zachary is good-looking, my God, he looks just like his father, but … The Turner men are … equally good-looking. And Cindy is into looks. We know that much about her. Looks and money.”
“But what about Zach’s money? She seems too greedy to let Zach slip through her fingers. His business is … he’s going to be rich soon, right?”
“Oh, no question about that. He’s been doing really well, even before … but now that he has that wind generating contract in the works, it’s almost unfathomable how much money he’ll make. If that deal goes through, he’ll be filthy rich. And believe me, he won’t take Cindy back, no matter what. He’ll get custody; I know he will, because Cindy’s doing drugs, as well as cheating on him. That part is eating Zach alive, not being able to protect the baby.”
Hannah didn’t want to believe what she was hearing. “Are you sure it’s Josh’s dad she’s messing around with?”
“Yeah, we’re sure.”
“Does Josh know?” Even as Hannah asked the question, she realized that, of course, Josh knew of the affair. Now, all the things he’d said started to have meaning to her.
“We think so. We’re almost sure of it. The way he acted this morning with your father, some of the things that were said, made Jeff certain that Josh knows about the affair.” When Hannah heard her mom refer to her dad as ‘Jeff’, she knew how upset her mother was by all of this. Her mother always called him ‘your father’ or ‘your dad’.
“Oh, my God, I can’t believe this.” Hannah couldn’t wrap her brain around any of it. Not about the baby or the affair.
“Honey, do you realize what it took for that boy to come see your father knowing good and well that we know about the affair? It was absolutely remarkable, an exceedingly brave thing to do … and he only did it because he was so worried about you.”
Hannah almost told her mom what it had been like when Josh had held Jesse by the throat at the party. But that would instigate questions, and Hannah probably shouldn’t have gone to the party in the first place. “Josh is a good guy, mom. I don’t think this has so much to do with me, as with the fact that Josh would want to protect any girl from harm.”
“Maybe so, but either way, you needed to know all of this.”
“Okay. Should I … should I say anything to Zach?”
Her mother’s eyes widened. “Oh, I don’t think so. It wouldn’t help and you know your brother … he’d close up and you might get your feelings hurt in the process. We just need to stand behind him and be there for him in the months to come.”
“Okay.”
Hannah sat still while her mother searched her eyes. “You’ll let me know what’s going on with you?”
“Sure.”
“I mean with you and Josh.”
“Okay, I will, but there is no ‘me and Josh,” she denied as she thought about Josh’s mandate.
Her mom’s look became tender and she shook her head softly, back and forth. “Oh, sweetie, that’s what you think. There’s absolutely no way that boy will be able to stay away from you.”
****
In the days to come, Hannah pondered everything her mother had told her. She ached for her brother, and what he was going through. She tried hard not to despise Cindy, but it was difficult. She loved her brother, she always had and she always would. Even though he was quite a bit older than she was, she had always been raised to think of him as her true brother and not a stepsibling. They were, after all, the only siblings each had.
And she missed Josh. She missed everything about him, and she relived everything that had happened in the last few days over and over again. She relived his kisses repeatedly, and was so thankful that she’d had enough snap to memorize them as they were happening t
o her. And she didn’t even think to judge him for who his father was and what that man was doing. No, all she did was miss Josh and wish he’d never had to go through what he’d gone through when he was a child.
So Hannah looked for Josh in the days that followed, whether consciously or unconsciously, but she never saw him. She didn’t see him anywhere, and she looked for him everywhere she went, although she’d given up on stalking him during school. She and Ava went to the football game again the next Friday night because it was a home game, but Hannah didn’t see Josh and nothing exciting happened. It was as if he had gone missing; he had disappeared and her luck never turned.
And then one day, when she least expected it, and the last place she thought he would be, Hannah glanced up and there he was … in the back aisle of the small county library.
She had driven into town Saturday morning to grocery shop with her mom and had quickly gotten bored, so she wandered down Main Street to the public library while her mother finished up at the store.
The library was open, but deserted. The librarian was nowhere in sight.
She had been wandering aimlessly up and down the aisles when she heard a small noise. She turned around and gasped as she saw Josh leaning against the bookshelf, five feet away with his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes zeroed in on her.
Chapter Six
Hannah immediately realized that she and Josh were the only two people in the building and her heart went crazy, but she stood completely still, trying not to hyperventilate. Josh stood against the bookshelf, his body lean, so very lean, and corded with muscles. His boots were dusty and his blue jeans looked soft and pliable, most likely from repeated washings. She felt a blush crawl up her face when she saw how the material clung to his thighs. His t-shirt was tight as well, the short sleeves clinging to his biceps. She swallowed hard and took a deep breath as she tried to steady her nerves. It had been too many long days since she’d seen him, and Hannah couldn’t help but remember the things her mom had said; the fact that her own mother thought that she and Josh were a couple, or soon to be one. That thought was blaring through Hannah’s brain as she studied him.