“I know what that look means, you insatiable dragon!” she accused teasingly, then added, “Does the noble eagle open his wings and nest, if not his heart and life, to a ska winyan?” She could not suppress giggles at her analogy, but missed the gleam in his blazing ebony eyes at her words.
He nonchalantly retorted, “Ska winyan ku-wa Wanmdi Hota o-winza.” He motioned for her to come to him on the palet. She playfuly taunted, “And what if the ska winyan says hiya?
Perhaps she’s not in the mood to make love to Wanmdi Hota.”
So, he mused, she wishes to play games with me. He was very tempted to cal her bluff. His eyes glimmered as he wondered what tempted to cal her bluff. His eyes glimmered as he wondered what her reaction to his command in her tongue would be. No, he cautioned himself, it is too soon for such things to be out in the open.
He caled to her a little more sternly, “Lese ku-wa o-winza!”
Feigning humility and shyness to tease him further, she came to kneel before him. She looked up into his face with large, innocent eyes. She softened her tone of voice to a low, sexy whisper. Placing her smal hands on his hard, bare chest, she cooed, “Yes, master. Your adoring slave comes and yields to you. Oh, great and noble warrior of the skies, take me and let us soar like your namesake, wild and free. Make me burn with hunger for you. Come to me in love, not hate. For once, love Alisha and not your kaskapi. Pretend I am the winyan of your heart for one night. Tonight, let this be the joining of love and hate, of Alisha and Gray Eagle, not slave and master. Is one night so much to ask for?”
Suddenly, it was no longer a joke. She realized she meant every word she had just spoken. She truly wanted him. But she also wanted him to need her in the same way. Why couldn’t he accept her for herself and not only as his slave? Why couldn’t he want and need her as she did him? Why couldn’t he love her as she loved him?
These thoughts and emotions frightened and confused her. A shadow of bittersweet torment passed across her features. She lowered sparkling emerald eyes and dropped her hands to her lap. That was a stupid, foolish thing to do, Lese. Some things are best kept hidden and suppressed, even to yourself…
He scrutinized her closely for a time, alowing her new discovery to sink in and take hold. He placed his hand under her chin and raised it until their eyes met and locked. He lay back on chin and raised it until their eyes met and locked. He lay back on the palet and caled softly to her, “Ku-wa, Lese…”
Without a minute’s hesitation, she went into his open arms and to his waiting lips. Time ceased to move at this first contact. Never had their nights together been more passionate or tender…
To her utter distress and disappointment, he was back to his old self the very next morning. He was once more the cold, forbidding warrior, first and foremost, as if last night had not even taken place between them. It was obvious to her that it had meant nothing but sex to him.
When she halted to speak to him, he cast icy, impatient eyes on her. She had started, “Wanmdi Hota, ku-wa. Lese needs…”
Her words trailed off and stopped. She felt as if someone had just thrown ice cold water on her, chiling her very soul. His look did far more damage to their relationship than he could imagine. She paled and stared at him.
Tears sparkled in her eyes as she turned and ran back inside his teepee. She had needed him to come and sharpen her knife for cutting up the deer meat. She cried bitterly as she worked on the meat with the dul knife, trying to focus her attention on her chore. She would never forgive this insult.
When he came in later, it was evident from her puffy red eyes she had been crying. He casualy tried to find out what she had wanted from him earlier. She appeared to either not understand him or pretended not to. She had remained quiet and withdrawn the rest of the day, and had cried herself to sleep that night after he had finaly forced her submission to him.
He realized she had placed a wal around her heart and feelings, much like the wal the bluecoats built around them to protect them from Oglalas. She was trying to protect her heart protect them from Oglalas. She was trying to protect her heart against his attack on it. He stil failed to realize the depth and pain of the wound he had inflicted on her, trying to protect his own heart against her attack.
She made no attempts to communicate with him. She would only answer to his commands, or cal him to eat. She would battle with her eyes to keep them away from him. She tried to remain as distant mentaly and physicaly as possible from him. She forced herself to stay busy or out of his sight during the day. At night, she would sleep with her back to him. She would not alow herself to be ensnared by his tricks and traps any more.
Her withdrawal gnawed at him day and night as time passed on. It stung his pride to see and hear her with White Arrow, smiling, laughing and talking. When he walked in upon them, she would instantly become subdued and aloof. Her smile and laughter would fade, to be replaced with silence and a glum look. White Arrow did not understand what had happened between them to cause this reaction in his koda. Gray Eagle’s anger and agitation were obvious to him, and he also noticed Alisha’s mistrust and hurt. He wondered what his koda had done to her this time, for surely he had wounded her deeply and cruely with some deed. White Arrow surmised, I read two fears in her eyes—fear of him and fear of what she feels for him. Perhaps she has learned he must give her up soon and fights to control and stop her love and the pain from it.
Alisha’s withdrawal from Gray Eagle was as hard on her as it was on him. It demanded so much from her emotionaly and physicaly. She had to be on guard against him and her reactions to him. The battle was becoming too hard. She was weary of this pretense and loneliness, day and night. She wanted him, needed pretense and loneliness, day and night. She wanted him, needed him.
Gray Eagle was at the end of his patience. He hungered and thirsted for her smile, her laughter and her ful warmth and attention. He knew he could not tolerate this situation any longer. She had punished him long enough. It was time for a new truce between them. He needed her completely. How dare she treat me like this!
he raged. I am the warrior! She is but a ska kaskapi. I wil end it this moon! I wil not alow such treatment from her. That night, Gray Eagle could no longer contain himself. He grabbed her chin in his steel-like grip, forcing her to look at him. He stated in a commanding, deep tone, “Ni-ye mitawa!”
She glared back into those stygian eyes which chalenged her to deny what he had just said. She did not know those words or their meaning. But her answer was perfect. She hotly retorted, “You can force me to be your harlot; but you cannot force me to love you or want you. And I wil not… I wil not!”
Immediately, he had angrily thrown her down on his mats and made consuming, fierce love to her, taking her quickly and coldly. He would prove his words were true!
She had struggled against him and his brutal attack. She had cried out words of hatred to him over and over. Afterwards, she had wept for a long time, giving him the time to realize what he had just done, and the error of it.
She sat up and glared down into his face. “I hate you! I wish I knew how to explain those three words to you. Lese hates Wanmdi Hota! Lese hates Wanmdi Hota!” She continued shouting those words to him until he forcefuly puled her rigid body into his arms and kissed her tenderly, again and again.
Powerless to resist him for very long, she clung to his embrace Powerless to resist him for very long, she clung to his embrace and returned his kisses with desperate longing and hunger. Soon he was making love to her once more, but this time with gentleness and passion. When it was over, she snuggled into his arms and slept peacefuly, which she had not done in many nights. The folowing morning, he realized her coldness, but not her protective wal, was missing. His actions had shattered the fragile trust he had instiled in her, and it would take time for it to come again.
Chapter Seven
Alisha’s idle time was spent in various ways. Tonight as she lay waiting for Gray Eagle to return from a council meeting, she studied the
teepee they shared. It was constructed of twenty-five poles and covered with about forty-five buffalo skins, as best she could count. As with al teepees, theirs faced the east to catch the rising sun and to avoid the northwest winds. She knew it was the woman’s chore to dismantle and put up the teepees. She fretfuly wondered if she would be able to learn and perform this important task when the time came for her to do so. She had been entranced by the scenes and designs painted on the interiors and exteriors of the teepees. She was stil amazed at the talent and ability they displayed under these conditions with such crude supplies. She had immediately learned the meaning of the position of the teepee flap—open meant “enter” and closed meant “absent or privacy.” No one entered another’s teepee without permission when the flap was down. As was the custom, their flap was always open from morning til dusk.
Many evenings after eating, she would sit for hours watching Gray Eagle as he worked on new arrows, his shield, lances, or other weapons. The care and construction of weapons was a very time-consuming job for the warriors. As with hunting, it took a lot of skil, strength and patience.
Tonight, he was working on his new buffalo shield, which had been made from the neck hide and toughened to withstand arrows or blows from his enemies. The edges were trimmed and decorated or blows from his enemies. The edges were trimmed and decorated with scalp hairs, feathers, and colorful strips of rawhide, but the white center was stil blank and unfinished. He would paint the sign given to him by Wakantanka when he chose to reveal it. Some night or day, the Great Spirit would reveal to him in a wowanyake what akito was to be painted on the shield. This sign given to him in the vision would be his protection and guide in battle. Until the vision was given, the center would remain empty and white.
She watched him as he put the shield away and picked up a pointed stone. He began to hone the tip into an arrowhead. She had watched him do this many times, but always observed with fascination. She was secretly happy with his great inteligence and knowledge. He appeared to know so much about everything. She had often studied him in the forest, noting his unending knowledge about the animals and their ways, and nature. He was as one with his surroundings and in nature. He belonged here in this savage wilderness, just as this wilderness belonged to him and his kind, for they were much alike in character. He accepted things the way they were and tried to change nothing. She realized as long as the Indian lived here, this land would remain unchanged and ever selfrenewing. Alisha came to understand the Indians’ closeness with the land and nature. She saw how they helped and depended upon each other for survival. She recaled the “Canhdeska Wakan” White Arrow had shown her on the ceremonial lodge skins. The scenes painted there symbolized a sacred life circle. They depicted a baby within a circle, probably a mother’s womb; a smal child; a grown man; a warrior’s body on a death scaffold; a warrior on the Ghost Trail; and the circle closed. Their belief signified man came from the Trail; and the circle closed. Their belief signified man came from the Great Spirit, was born, lived, died, and returned to the Great Spirit for eternal life. Alisha was amazed to see how similar to her own religious beliefs this was. This made it difficult for her to understand why the white man caled them pagans and heathens. Was it only because they caled the one diety Wakantanka instead of God? Her increasing knowledge of them forced her to see they weren’t so very different after al.
She had learned that this concept applied to al men, animals, and objects. Each was to live for the purpose for which it was created. The Oglala appeared to revere al life—except the white man’s, whom they viewed as the destroyer of nature. In the Oglala way, animals were kiled only for food, shelter, clothing and protection from harm. The Oglalą never destroyed or changed any part of the lands or forests. They conformed their lives and needs to the land, rather than conforming the land to their needs. These beliefs were ingrained in the Oglala from the day of birth. Anyone who tried to alter this way of life was viewed as a threat, to be removed or destroyed. This was a proud and courageous nation. They would never alow the white man or other tribes to force them from their homelands. She prayed her people would see and learn the foly of trying to conquer this land and its people. Alisha realized that her people had brought guns which kiled and maimed with a strange, evil magic. They brought liquor which robbed the senses and powers of the warriors. They brought strange, new diseases and deaths to the people.
The Oglalas watched as we moved their lands and forests, Alisha thought. They watched as we cut away the forests and hunted their game. They watched how we treated them with malice and disrespect. Why shouldn’t they hate us and want to kil us?
and disrespect. Why shouldn’t they hate us and want to kil us?
Could we ever have become friends and alies with such totaly different concepts of life? Could we ever have accepted each other in peace and honor? But Alisha was afraid to answer her questions. As each new day came and went, she continued to cook; wash; gather wood, food and water; and became more and more confused with her position among the Indians. The others had been kiled soon after their arrival, but she was stil alive. Perhaps it was because she had made a good slave and he had decided to keep her.
No one had been permitted to harm her. But no one other than White Arrow, Matu and Gray Eagle associated with her. What does it al mean? she would question. If they aren’t going to kil me, then why don’t they accept me? If I’m going to live here forever, they could make me their friend, couldn’t they? Wil I always be a slave and outcast forever? she sadly wondered.
On some days, she felt like a schoolgirl, being tested for what she had learned and for her obedience. One thing was certain: she was definitely Gray Eagle’s personal prisoner, under his command and power. She had tried to do al that was demanded of her because he had halted his cruelty and violence to her. The hardest part of her captivity was accepting his daily lovemaking, and trying to resist the ever-growing hunger for him, a hunger which was not only physical, but emotional. She found herself wanting to be his friend and companion, as wel as his lover. She desired the freedom and acceptance to be herself with no restrictions and restraints, to be able to talk with him and the others, to have his friendship and company and that of others. She yearned to be liked, and to find peace and freedom here with them. She to be liked, and to find peace and freedom here with them. She wanted to run through the forests and meadows laughing and singing. She wanted to be accepted with honor and respect. She wanted… the impossible… She wanted to be an Oglala, living in peace and happiness with friends and family…
As she feared, the time came when she found herself waiting and watching for his returns from hunts and raids. When he would go to the lodge for a meeting, she would peer out and watch him until he disappeared inside the other teepee. She would catch herself listening for the sound of his voice speaking or chanting. She would tremble with longing when she heard his deep, rumbling voice. She would stand watching the smoke from numerous pipes as it escaped from the teepee vent. She would wonder what they were talking and laughing about in there. She would find herself looking for a glimpse of him at every turn, or hoping for a chance meeting, or observing him intently as he spoke with others. Even at night, she would frequently wake up and lie watching his relaxed features, or just listening to his even, steady breathing. The harder she tried to suppress these growing feelings, the stronger and bolder they became.
Once, she had panicked when he and White Arrow had ridden off and stayed away for two days and nights. She had been terrified something had happened to them. At first, she convinced herself she would be relieved, then realized without his protection she would be at his people’s mercy. White Arrow, who was with him, would not be able to save her.
As she lay unable to sleep most of the second night, she knew it was Gray Eagle she actualy feared for, and not his protection of her. He might have had an accident, or have been kiled, or captured by whites again. She was beside herself with worry and captured by whites again. She was beside herself with wo
rry and fear. Was it possible she realy did love him this much? How could she be sure? She had never been in love before. How did love feel?
What was this love between a man and a woman? Perhaps she only reached out to him for protection or in lust. If that were true, any man would suit her needs. But it was his voice she strained to hear, his face she longed to see, and his touch and kiss she hungered to feel.
Those two days and nights seemed endless without him. On the afternoon of the third day, she was walking up the forest path, daydreaming. She happened to glance up and see him dismounting his horse. Her heart and pulse raced with joy and relief. He’s back!
He’s safe! Without stopping to think, she ran toward him, caling his name, “Wanmdi Hota! Wanmdi Hota, you’re home!”
She beamed with happiness and tears of excitement sparkled in her emerald eyes. Abruptly, she hushed and stopped as the surprised, gaping stares and silence of those around them alerted her to her actions. She lowered her eyes to the ground, face flaming.
He and White Arrow exchanged grins. White Arrow
remarked, “Pi-Zi Ista is happy at your return, my koda.” Secretly, he wished that look and smile had been for him. Perhaps one day it wil, he thought. I fear she grows to love him and that is not good. I must speak with him soon about her trade to me. The time is near for it.
Gray Eagle walked past her, heading for his teepee. Casualy, he caled for her to come with him. Mutely, she did so. Thankfuly, he made no reference to her outburst or behavior. He put away the pizuta yutas that he was carrying.
He took the cactus buttons with him to the lodge meeting later He took the cactus buttons with him to the lodge meeting later that night. Alisha was angry and frustrated to have him leave on his first night back home. He had hardly even noticed her or spoken to her since his return, or so she thought.
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