Mrs. Philsey replied causticaly, “Little time! It’l take lots of time to get over what she’s been through. I’l wager she never forgets it. There’s no teling what those savages have done to her. I can’t see why the cavalry doesn’t ride in there and punish them al. They should stop this kind of thing from ever happening to innocent people. If it takes kiling them al, then so be it. Go on and get it over with and stop al this brutality.”
“Now, now, my dear. We can’t just ride into their camps and slaughter them. Chances are things wil settle down soon. You’re slaughter them. Chances are things wil settle down soon. You’re just al riled up because she looks so much like our daughter.”
“She’s a white woman and they’ve dared to treat her like some animal! Mark my words, my husband, some day we wil be forced to either wipe them al out or get off their lands. I would bet my life that those redskins would sooner die than give this area up. I’l wager that’s the only way we can remain here or have others come later. Those Injuns wil never be pushed aside or back. We’l be forced to get rid of them any way we can. You’l see…”
Doc was startled by the cold-blooded gleam in his wife’s eyes and the tone of her voice. He reasoned she was only more upset about this event than he had guessed. Evidently she was seeing Elizabeth instead of Alisha. He refused once more to see there was more to her meaning than he was ready to acknowledge. He dismissed the subject.
He sighed deeply and said, “Let’s go to bed and get some rest. She’s exhausted. She’l no doubt sleep through the night. I’l come in and check on her later. Forget about those Indians and their punishment. It doesn’t concern us.” They retired for the night. The next few days were a confused time for Alisha, ful of painful awakenings and slow-descending reality. It was true… she was safe at Fort Pierre. Her days were consumed with resting and eating. Gradualy she began to regain her color and strength. The worst of the agony had receded. Now, it took only smal doses of laudanum to ease the harshest of pain and relieve sleeplessness. The medication duled the torment to a mild aching and eased the throbbing in her head. She became restless and agitated at having to sleep and lie on her sides and stomach al the time, but it was far too painful to lie on her back. When Doc placed the salve on her back painful to lie on her back. When Doc placed the salve on her back she would cringe in distress. The headaches gradualy went away and the head wound healed, leaving a dark bruise. With more time, the weakness and soreness lessened. Longer periods of total awareness were brought on by the reduction in medication. Her mind was constantly bombarded with thoughts of her past. She fought hard to push al memories from her mind until she was stronger, but they refused to be suppressed for very long..She knew she must come to terms with al of it, or go insane. Aliśha thought, which was more frightening —reality or insanity?
She had refused al visitors and saw no one but the Philseys. When Jeffery Gordon insisted on seeing her, she panicked. Doc had no choice but to forbid it for the time being because of her highly agitated mental state. Most of the time she remained calm and subdued. But other times, she would just sit and stare off into space with silent tears easing down her cheeks. Doc would shake his head sadly, knowing he couldn’t offer any real comfort. He would convince himself it would al work itself out soon and she would be al right. She would come to learn her horror was over and life must go on.
He was deeply concerned about the look of terror in her eyes when she did not hear someone enter her room. On many nights the Philseys could hear her soft weeping, but had let her be. Doc said she had to work these fears and emotions out for herself. As the days hastened by, Alisha tried to form a friendship with Mrs. Philsey. But the doctor’s wife constantly pressed her for answers to questions Alisha did not want to recal. Alisha thought in exasperation, why was she so determined to have al the grisly, private details of her capture and life of captivity? When Mrs. Philsey pressed Alisha for information, Alisha would retreat into Philsey pressed Alisha for information, Alisha would retreat into silence and gaze off into space as if there was no one else present. This action would greatly irritât« and aggravate Mrs, Philsey. She was forced to cease her questioning for the time being. She would study the girl who was sitting before her, so distant, taciturn and fidgety. To be denied the information she wanted was eating at her like a great gnawing hunger.
Alisha’s stubborn silence, as she caled it, piqued her even more. Why did this girl refuse to tel her what had happened? What did she have to hide? Her captivity was no secret. Why did she refuse to discuss it with a sympathetic ear? Judging Alisha by her standards caused Mrs. Philsey’s doubts as to what realy did happen to Alisha in the Oglala camp. Memory of Kathy’s accusations began to filter into Mrs. Philsey’s mind. She had coaxed Alisha with such arguments as, “It would help you to accept and deal with what happened to you if you would let us discuss it. Talk to me, Alisha. I can be very understanding. You can’t keep al that tension, fear and hatred al corked up inside.”
Alisha perceived Mrs. Philsey was only over-curious and a little too inquisitive. She couldn’t possibly discuss the things which took place between her and Gray Eagle with this stranger. It was those intimate, personal things which tormented her. She wouldn’t be able to conceal certain emotions and expressions if the discussion got out of hand. No one, no matter how considerate or sympathetic, would understand or accept how she felt and why. She must keep it al to herself, no matter how piqued or angry Mrs. Philsey became. She was grateful to her for al she had done for her, but this did not have to be repaid by baring her very heart and soul to the woman.
Alisha would try to talk politely and respectfuly. When al else Alisha would try to talk politely and respectfuly. When al else failed, she would plead with her, “Please, Mrs. Philsey. I just can’t think or talk about what happened to me out there. I want to forget it ever did. It is too difficult and painful to recal it. I’m sorry, but I can’t. I can’t…”
Mrs. Philsey had done everything but demand she tel her everything. Reluctantly she would be forced to give in to Alisha’s pleas. She was determined to have every gruesome, intimate detail of this girl’s life in the Oglala vilage and those suspicious incidents back at their fortress. In time, she vowed. In time …
Alisha’s back began to scab over and hasten the healing process. It mainly hurt when she made sudden moves or bends. The scabs were taut, and would sometimes break and bleed. Doc insisted she get up frequently to exercise. She would sit by the open window for fresh air and sunshine. Doc had taken a liking to this slip of a girl. His fondness for her deepened each day. It became very easy to talk with her. She was very inteligent, and could converse on various topics. He became very much aware of her charm, wit and good breeding. She was fresh, alive, enchanting and lovely. But she was also vulnerable, artless and fragile. Such a combination in one so young, beautiful and abused. How had she managed to retain her air of innocence and dignity?
Much to Alisha’s gratitude and relief, he never broached the subject of her slavery. He had a way of relaxing and comforting her with just his smile. For a few brief moments, she could be herself and forget reality.
The nights were the worst time for Alisha. She would see Gray Eagle’s face when she closed her eyes and hear his voice cal to her in her sleep. Even though I felt and saw his cruelty, she brooded, it seems so unreal now. I must forget him, and yet, I can’t. How I seems so unreal now. I must forget him, and yet, I can’t. How I long to go to him, to have him take me in his arms and tel me it was al a dreadful mistake, to have him love me!
She would admonish her thoughts and feelings. You live in a dream world, Lese, for you never realy knew him at al. You love a man you have created in your mind. The Wanmdi Hota you love and desire is only an ilusion—a beautiful, daring ilusion. Why do you refuse to see and accept this truth? You must recognize the real Wanmdi Hota for who and what he truly is, not what and who you wish him to be.
After al he has been to me, what wil my life be like without him? she wonde
red. How could I ever love another man as I have loved him? My heart betrays me for surely I should hate him with every fiber of my being. God help me, for I love him more than my own life.
How can I think of my future when my thoughts are living in my past? How do you tel the heart not to love, or the mind to forget, or the pain to cease? The longer I am here, the more I see his view of this brutal conflict. Stil, it did not and wil not change anything.
What now? her heart cried out. I can neither forget nor reclaim my past. It was distressing and alarming to realize the loss of Gray Eagle brought her more pain than the loss of anyone in her past life, or even than the beating he had inflicted upon her. Why did he realy beat me? she wondered. Had she pushed him so far? I wonder if he regrets his action.
She couldn’t forget the strange expression in his ebony eyes just before he began. Had it been one of guilt, compassion, hesitation or regret? She would never know. I would rather have died than lose him forever, she cried to herself. I must surely be died than lose him forever, she cried to herself. I must surely be mad, for I would accept him with his hatred rather than not have him at al. He is lost to me forever.
Their last night together forced its way into her thoughts. Would their life together have remained like that if she had not tried to escape? There was a strange closeness between them that night. For once, he had been only a man, not an Indian or a warrior. She had been only a woman, not his slave or his enemy. Had his budding acceptance and perhaps love been the cost of her freedom? Had she turned away just as he was reaching out to her?
Had her escape and his beating cruely torn his newfound feelings for her from his heart?
Alisha was abruptly aware of Lieutenant Gordon’s voice. He was arguing with Mrs. Philsey again. She stiffened. What if he forces her to let him in? What wil I do or say? I can’t meet a stranger or anyone looking like this. I can’t. I look a sight! My hair is dul and lifeless. I’ve no clothes to put on. My skin is pale and clammy. I’m thin, scarred and bruised. My appearance screams
“captivity.”
Alisha had been alowed only to sponge off. Doc had said the welts must heal further before she could wet them. She had previously realized she did not have any clothes or possessions to enhance her looks, nor any money to purchase even a brush. Mrs. Philsey had given her two old, over-sized gowns, but that was almost the extent of her entire worldly possessions. What was she going to do? She couldn’t expect these strangers to feed and clothe her indefinitely. She feared the day she would have to leave this room, but knew she certainly couldn’t remain here forever. Mrs. Philsey’s hospitality was already wearing thin. If only she had some way to repay or compensate them for their care, room and board. way to repay or compensate them for their care, room and board. How could she even work or help without begging for money or clothes? She had never been this helpless in her entire life. She listened … silence. He must-have given up and gone away. The past must be laid to rest and you must begin a new life, Lese, she thought. But how and when?
The door opened and Mrs. Philsey stroled in. “The lieutenant was here to see you. He is getting more and more persistent and irritated. I believe he thinks! am the one who won’t alow him in here to visit with you. I think you are being unfair and unkind, Alisha. After al, my dear, he is the one who risked his life and the lives of his men to locate and rescue you. I think you should see him and thank him properly. I’m not sure how much longer I can stal him with these dubious excuses of yours. Why won’t you speak with him for just a few minutes? You do owe him that much.”
“Why should he be concerned about someone he doesn’t even know? I fail to see why he has any right to demand I receive his company if I do not wish it so. If he were a true gentleman, he would understand my hesitation. I am not ready to face the world, as you put it yesterday, Mrs. Philsey. Is a little more time too much to ask after al I’ve .. .” She turned away and did not finish her sentence. Why did the thought of meeting another man or speaking with him frighten her so much? Perhaps she was skeptical of his deep concern. His deep, melow voice sparked an alarm in her mind. Why, she did not know.
“Jeffery is the officer who found you and brought you here to safety. Do you know how very dangerous it was for him to come into that camp to free you? ‘That’ gives him the right to know you are al right and recovering. He feels an obligation to your safety and welfare. He said as much himself. Besides, he’s a very handsome welfare. He said as much himself. Besides, he’s a very handsome young man. He could be just the one to take your mind off your troubles. Most girls around here, or anywhere for that matter, would give an arm to have him so solicitous about them. You should be glad he’s concerned enough to cal after … I mean, that he cals so frequently to inquire after you. If you continue to refuse to see him, he may lose interest and look elsewhere. I might add, Alisha, Jeffery is one of the richest, most charming and wel-bred men out here. You would do wel to think on your future and circumstances before you continue like this. You forget you are now alone and penniless. He would be a very good catch for you.”
Alisha stared at the woman in such a way it caused Mrs. Philsey to feel very uncomfortable and defensive. Stil, she continued, “I don’t mean to sound so calous or unkind, but you must realize there aren’t many solutions to your kind of problems, other than catching a man like Lieutenant Gordon. I promise you couldn’t do any better. I suggest you had better think of the alternatives. The Brown girl isn’t as fortunate as you to have your beauty and manner. It’s obvious you’re from a good background. The Brown girl is whoring for the fort. Is that what you want?” She boldly chalenged Alisha to shock her into some action and decision.
Alisha’s face flamed at her gaucherie, then paled at its implication. “I would never lower myself to .. .”she began, but was rudely interrupted by Mrs. Philsey.
“Sometimes, we have little to say about what we do or become. You, of al people, should know this!” Her speech was crisp and tart.
“I’m sorry if I have offended you in some way, Mrs. Philsey. Perhaps my seclusion does appear impolite and selfish to you and Perhaps my seclusion does appear impolite and selfish to you and Lieutenant Gordon. I guess I haven’t given any thought to my future yet. Your news about Kathy was such a shock to me. I only meant I could not become what she has. I would rather die first.”
“Is your resistance and stubbornness what earned you that beating?” She was hoping to trick Alisha into some type of admission or revelation of some sort.
Alisha refused her baited question. “I was beaten for trying to escape, Mrs. Philsey, which I discovered was a terrible mistake on my part.” But she did not explain what the “mistake” was. There was a hushed, strained silence between them for a time. Alisha was the first one to break it. “I wil see this Lieutenant Gordon if you think it best and if it wil make you happy. But I must have a bath and shampoo first. Besides, I have nothing to wear. I certainly can’t meet him filthy and draped in a bed sheet!”
Mrs. Philsey informed Alisha she would gladly furnish her with al three of her wants—a bath, a shampoo, and clothes. She told Alisha she had two dresses she had made for her daughter’s birthday. She would happily give both of them to her if it would encourage her to return to the land of the living. She added she would borrow some undergarments and shoes from some of the other ladies at the fort. The number of females at the fort was smal, so she would have to make do with the best they could lend. Mrs. Philsey knew they would donate a few items in order to speed up this mystery girl’s public appearance. Many of them were anxious to meet her, or even to glimpse her.
Alisha thanked her for her help, but secretly speculated on her true motives. She couldn’t quite put her finger on Mrs. Philsey’s intentions. There was definitely more to it than compassion or kindness, but what?
kindness, but what?
Alisha softly said, “I am not up to a palaver at this time. I hope a few words and light banter with a very proper ‘thank-you’ wil be sufficient fo
r today. When I am bathed and dressed, you can send word to this Lieutenant Gordon that I wil receive him.”
Alisha was so close to Elizabeth’s size, the dresses would fit as if they had been made for her instead. Mrs. Philsey decided it would be worth the donation of the two dresses for Jeffery’s indebtedness. She herself would be sure to take al the credit for persuading Alisha to see him. She would soon be needing Jeffery in her corner. She would need a very special favor from this man, so any help she could give him with Alisha would be reciprocated in a most pleasing way. Within a few more months, she would no longer need to lick the boots of any man, no matter how rich or handsome. Alisha sat calmly waiting for Mrs. Philsey to get things prepared. Mrs. Philsey eagerly sent word to Jeffery, informing him that Alisha would see him later that afternoon.
Alisha did not like having her personal life an open book for al the Fort Pierre people to read. Her face flamed at the remembrance of Lieutenant Gordon’s having seen her nude when he rescued her. Doc had told her she had been dressed only in his jacket and a blanket. If he took the time to put his jacket on her, then why couldn’t he have put one of her dresses on her? she thought with annoyance. At least that way she would have had something to put on now! To think of him touching and viewing her body while she was unconscious mortified her. How many of the other men had seen and helped him with her? She agonized over this realization. Could this persistent interest be prompted by what the Could this persistent interest be prompted by what the lieutenant viewed that day? Did he realy care about her as a person? How could he? They didn’t know each other. I do not trust him or his brotherly concern, she decided. For that matter, neither do I trust Mrs. Philsey’s motives. They’re anything but altruistic. Alisha knew she had no real reason to doubt or mistrust either of them. Perhaps she had been too critical, too suspicious and too faithless. But neither of them has harmed me in any way, she chided herself. In fact, in different ways they have both helped me. It is not good to be so skeptical and untrusting of one’s felow beings. Then why had Mrs. Philsey been so brutal with her news about Kathy? Why would she do such a thing? In the vilage Kathy had no choice, but here? The best thing for me is to get wel and leave this savage land and its people for good. I must find some way back to England, for my heart is not up to my becoming an American—the cost is far too great to pay.
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