“Oh, my God, Kenna, that is not what I’m saying at all. Where is this coming from?”
“You get to stay skinny and hot without even lifting a finger. When we go out, all eyes are on you now. I’m the second. Then you go sending out your damn resume looking for a ‘real’ job, ready to leave Backsides as soon as something better comes along.” Kenna slammed her hands into her chest. “What about me? What the fuck plan do I have? Backsides was my plan. But I eat a few extra slices of pizza and suddenly my whole future is dependent on if I can fit my ass into a pair of black shorts. That’s a lot of fucking pressure. Looks don’t last forever. Why am I only realizing this now?” Kenna covered her face and burst out crying.
I ran over wrapping my arms around her. “Stop, this is crazy. You are beautiful.” She cried on my shoulder. “Kenna, nothing is easy for me. It takes me hours to get ready every day. You know that. These boobs are killing me, my back randomly spasms out of control. The heels are killing my feet. My hair is thinning from the amount of hair dye it takes to keep it this shade. Sometimes my eyes itch and burn from the contacts, and all for what?”
Kenna lifted her head. “For everything,” she exclaimed. “Beautiful people rule the world. Look at all we have because of our looks. We have our own place from the money we earn because of our looks. We get special treatment, cut lines, free drinks, big tips. We’re the center of attention most places we go. Guys love us. What more could we ask for?”
I turned my head away from her. At one time, those were all things I thought I wanted. And I’d achieved it, but once again running down that list, there was one big thing missing. Grant flashed in my mind and I banished his face away.
“Okay, fine, our looks have gotten us to where we are. But where exactly are we?”
Kenna turned her nose at me in disgust. “Is this about love again?” Because if you want love, go fucking pick someone and fall in love. You have a guy falling at your feet. He took all his friends to the bar tonight to drool over you. Fall in love with him. Problem solved.”
Fall in love with Brendan? That was funny. Yes, he was extremely interested. He let me know this every time we were together. He commented on my beauty. How amazing my body was. His compliments on my breasts were borderline vulgar. But all of those compliments were superficial, nothing else. He liked me strictly based on looks.
So what happened when our looks that we worked so hard to keep up started to go? When no matter what we did to make ourselves beautiful, it wouldn’t work? Looks gave us security now, but what about later? Would we be left with nothing?
This conversation was too real, too serious. I needed to lighten the mood.
“Good idea. I can fall in love with Brendan. One day, we can tell our kids all about the night we met and Daddy asked Mommy if she had a dick.”
“Oh, shit, that’s horrible.” Kenna actually dropped the attitude and laughed.
“It is,” I agreed, laughing. “Not exactly a ‘love at first sight’ story.”
“Okay, so, maybe you won’t fall in love with Brendan.”
“I’m not ruling it out just yet. He might be my only chance. Life’s short, and according to you, I better act now before it’s too late and the spell wears off. It sounds like soon I’ll be returning back to the ugly place I started off.”
It was meant as a joke, but both of us realized it wasn’t funny. What happened when the beauty faded? More make-up? More surgery? Was it an endless cycle of trying to hold onto an unobtainable ideal image? For who? In the end…who were we trying to please?
“Fuck it. Life is short. I’m going to eat that last slice of cold pizza in the fridge. I’m starving.” Kenna jumped up from the couch.
“Yes, eat that pizza!” I cheered her on. “Who gives a shit what anyone thinks?”
We watched a movie snuggled up on the couch in messy buns, sweats and no make-up. Kenna ate the cold pizza and then opened up a small bag of chips. I curled my toes, relieved after having them wedged into cramped high heels all night. It was so relaxing to spend the night at home, watching a movie without all the hoopla of keeping up my appearance, working to impress others. We were enjoying ourselves. It felt great. Almost happy.
But the feeling didn’t last long. That night in bed, I couldn’t close my eyes. The sound of Kenna making herself sick in the bathroom kept me up.
We weren’t happy.
Chapter Forty
Grant
Before I could fix things with Tori, I need to fix my friendship with Jim. We weren’t quite there yet as far as mending our friendship back to its original state, but I had earned an invitation to his house for Thanksgiving dinner. I’d get to see Tori again. I was nervous, although, I did feel better prepared to see her than I had been last time. I knew all the things I wanted to say to her this time.
But that was all before she showed up with a date.
Tori’s fake blue eyes went wide when she saw me. She wasn’t expecting me. Her head made a sharp turn and she glared at Jim. His face had an equal look of surprise across it.
“You brought someone?” Jim asked his sister, scratching the top of his head. Tori handed him a pie she brought and stepped back to the guy.
“Yes, this is Brendan,” she inhaled a deep breath, “And this is my brother, Jim, his wife Jeanie, my nephew Isaac and my brother’s friend,” she said it like a question, “Grant.”
“I’ll go set an extra place at the table.” Jeanie forced a phony smile, avoiding eye contact with any of us and left the room with Isaac in tow.
“Nice to meet you. You watch football, Brandon?” Jim asked, breaking the looming awkwardness in his hallway.
“It’s Brendan, and uh, yeah, football…I guess I watch it sometimes.”
Back to awkward.
Jim clapped his hands together. “Okay, let me grab your coats.”
I watched Tori remove hers slowly. She made sure my eyes were taking her in as her coat came off and the low cut dress she had on revealed her tight cleavage. Her skin looked ready to burst. I gave her a pained expression. Her face creased in confusion. If she expected me to love this new look, she was going to be disappointed.
Jim and Brendan trailed off to the living room.
I stopped Tori from walking away just yet. “I didn’t know you were going to be here with a date.”
“I didn’t know you were going to be here at all. I didn’t even know you and Jim were speaking, let alone expecting to see you at his house for Thanksgiving dinner,” she whispered.
“I reached out to your brother after I saw you. We’ve been keeping in touch since,” I whispered back.
“Did you tell him I was the reason you left?” she asked.
It was really hard to make eye contact with her. Her face was coated in make-up, long black lashes over eyes I didn’t recognize anymore. “I told him everything,” I said, hanging my head.
“You told him you left because of me and he just welcomed you right back?” The pads of her ring fingers dabbed at the corners of her eyes. “Did he tell you anything I said?”
Fuck, this was breaking me. I had so much to say to her and now I couldn’t because she was here with some dickwad. I wouldn’t get any alone time with her now to say the things I needed to.
“Tori, I really wanted to talk to you tonight. You’re the main reason I’m here.”
“Really?” The corners of her lips turned up and her chin dipped into her chest to try to hide the growing grin. “Cause last time we saw each other you seemed uninterested in the new me.”
“I’m not interested in the new you,” I said all too fast without anytime to finish out the sentence.
“Tori, babe, ya coming or what?” Dickwad walked back into the hall interrupting our conversation.
The smile that was for me faded from her face and on went a new one, a fake one, for Brendan. She linked her hands around his arm and his hand slid down to her ass. I winced as his grasp tightened. Tori looked over her shoulder and gave me an empty, icy star
e. It wasn’t enough to cool down the anger heating me up. Instead of following them into the living room, I stepped outside for some cold November air.
A few minutes later, the door opened and I turned, hopeful it was Tori. It was Jim holding onto my coat.
“I’m sorry. We had no idea she was bringing a date to dinner.”
“Hey, we couldn’t expect that she would still stay single forever.” I held up my hands and shrugged. “Is he at least a good guy? Is she happy?”
“This is the first time I’m even hearing of a boyfriend, let alone meeting one. I wouldn’t have invited you if I knew she was bringing a date.” Jim handed me my coat and I slipped on the warm wool. “I don’t know anything about this guy. I know it’s uncomfortable, for all of us, but don’t head home. Stay with us for dinner.”
“I’m staying. It’ll take a hell of a lot more to chase me away this time.” This time I wasn’t leaving. I refused to walk away unless that’s what I knew Tori wanted. I’d definitely stay. I wanted to see for myself if this guy was something serious or not.
“Good. At least now he’ll have the two of us to grill him tonight.” Jim patted my back and we walked toward his house.
Jeanie poked her head out. “Dinner,” she yelled out to us.
Terrific. Let the hell begin.
The table, which had been set for five, was now set for six. It was cozy. Brendan took advantage slinging his arm around the back of Tori’s chair. I sat across from him at the square table and clenched my fists in my lap as the back of his hand grazed Tori’s bust. I cleared my throat and dipped my head to the side cracking my neck.
Brendan looked over. He read my face and turned away smirking. He could tell. The bastard knew what was going on in my head. His hand flipped and he cupped the bottom of her enlarged breast. Tori didn’t react, but I sure as hell did. My knee jerked and the entire table rattled. Everyone reached to steady their wine glass. Isaac’s milk tipped, spilling all over the tablecloth. A few glances were shot my way and I muttered an apology.
“So, Tori, how did you and Brendan meet?” Jeanie asked, then took an enormous gulp of wine.
I picked up my own glass and drained it. The last thing I wanted was info on how these two met. Jim stood up and uncorked another bottle of wine. He refilled his wife’s glass first and then, mine…to the top.
“We just met at a bar. Boring story.” Tori blew it off quickly. Too quickly. She was hiding something.
“No, it’s not boring at all.” Brendan corrected her. “Tell them how we really first met,” he urged, nudging her shoulder.
Tori shifted uncomfortably away from him a little. She glanced around at our faces and shrugged. “We met at school.”
Brendan laughed and took over telling the story. “She’s making it sound boring. It wasn’t. We met, what?” he stopped to think. “Around four years ago at a coffee shop one night. We hung out, weren’t really interested in each other and then a few months ago, I’m in a bar and this gorgeous girl buys me a drink. I walked over to find the reason was so she could rub in my face what a dick I’d been to her back then,” he chuckled. “Luckily, she’s giving me another shot to prove myself. And I think we’ll do just fine this time around. We’ve both grown since then,” he said, tongue in cheek, looking down at her chest.
The table went still. The only sound was Jeanie gulping wine, finishing her glass with a sigh and then refilling it.
Jim and I exchanged looks. We both knew who Brendan was. Tori’s face showed she knew her brother knew too. She focused on the gravy boat, pouring half of the contents onto her two slices of turkey and small serving of mashed potatoes.
Brendan was getting a second chance. That fucking dick was getting a second chance. He got to discuss his actions in the past with her and was now her date. I’d blown it. I waited all this time, and now I felt like I couldn’t wait another minute. I wanted to get Tori alone and talk to her. But it didn’t look like that was gonna happen.
“Tori, can I see you in the kitchen?” Jim stood from the table and motioned to his sister. She excused herself to Brendan and begrudgingly followed behind him.
“What do you do for a living?” Jeanie asked Brendan and picked up the wine bottle, wine sloshing out over the glass.
“No fucking way, Tori! You did not bring that asshole into my house!” Jim’s voice boomed from the kitchen off the dining area. It was a small house.
I grinned and rested my chin in my hand waiting for Brendan to answer Jeanie’s question. It was my turn to be smug.
“I, um, sell insurance,” he said uneasily, cutting a piece of turkey. He shoved the piece into his mouth and chewed.
“I’m not going to lower my voice. Is that the guy you told me about, yes or no?” Jim hollered. Whatever Tori was saying back was being whispered. Jim was the only voice we could hear.
“Insurance. That sounds interesting. Life? Auto?” I kept the conversation at the table going, taking a sip of from my glass.
“No, not after dessert. After dinner, you tell that asshole he has to leave.” The argument from the kitchen continued.
“I can build a policy based on your needs. Are you looking for a policy?” Brendan actually answered me.
Was I looking for a policy? Was he freaking serious?
“I’m good, thanks,” I replied, trying to keep a straight face.
“Fuck the pie you brought!” We heard a loud thump from the kitchen. “There. Problem solved. No more pie.”
Jeanie whispered something to Isaac and he ran off, away from the table to a backroom. She likely sent him to his bedroom so he couldn’t hear what was going on.
Tori returned to the table with an angry pout dragging down her bright red lips. Jim tried acting as if nothing was wrong, like we didn’t all just hear his words blazing through the house.
“I’m not feeling so great,” Tori said to Brendan, resting a hand on her flat stomach. “You think maybe we could head out a little early?”
“Yes, we can definitely leave.” He pushed his chair back and stood. “Thank you for dinner. It was lovely,” he said to Jeanie, avoiding any contact with Jim.
“You’re welcome. Happy Thanksgiving.” Jeanie hiccupped, perhaps a little drunk. “Sorry we don’t have any pie.”
Jim handed Brendan his coat. “Hey, ya mind waiting outside for a minute. I just want to chat a little more with my sister.”
Brendan gladly accepted his coat and left the room. The front door opened and closed a moment later.
“So that’s him?” Jim questioned her in front of us.
Tori walked to the head of the table and gripped the back of a chair. “Yes, Brendan is the guy from a long time ago. He didn’t want me back then. So what? He wants me now. And it’s funny that you care so much, Jim. Don’t you think you’re being a bit hypocritical?” She looked directly at me. “You invited someone to dinner who didn’t want me then or now.”
“Tori,” I started, but her hand snapped up to shush me.
“Nope. I’m not doing this. Whatever this whole plan was today before you knew Brendan was coming. Forget it. Obviously inviting Grant and me to dinner was some kind of ploy for I don’t know…a boob intervention or something. But this is who I am. And that guy you just kicked out actually likes me. So get over it. He may just be the guy I marry.” She turned on her heels and marched out leaving us all in stunned silence.
Jeanie picked up her glass and sipped. “There is no way I am ever hosting Thanksgiving again.” She sat back in her seat and sulked. “And why the heck did you throw away that pie?”
Chapter Forty-One
Tori
A thin layer of white snow covered the road ahead of us, but all I saw was red.
“That was an awful time.” Brendan stared out the front window, concentrating on the slippery conditions. The forty-minute drive was going to be even longer. “I’m really not even sure why.”
“Don’t worry. My brother’s an asshole who decides to act like he cares every once
in a while when it’s convenient for him.”
“But what about the other guy there? The friend? What’s his problem? He was shooting me daggers the entire time.” Brendan gave me a quick glance. “Did you two ever have a thing?”
“Nothing serious.” I went to rub the pressure building up behind my eyes and stopped. The make-up, the contacts, I needed a different way to work out the stress.
“You okay?” Brendan asked.
“Don’t take me home tonight. I want to stay at your house.” Sex with Brendan. That was what I needed. It was time I experienced love with someone other than Grant.
“Really?” Brendan’s gaze left the road temporarily giving me a side glance.
“Yes,” I nodded, turning my head away from him. I concentrated on the snowy road filled with tire tracks.
“All those years ago, when we first met, I really am sorry about the way I acted. I know I already apologized, but I just wanted to say it again.”
I softened and relaxed against the seat. “I appreciate that. Thank you. I really struggled back then with my looks and confidence.”
“Yeah, well, ya know…” he chuckled, “I can understand why. You definitely went from ugly little duckling with no personality to smoking hot swan.”
My back stiffened. Was that more of a compliment or an insult? I was still the same person inside. What made me different now, besides my looks?
“How has my personality changed?” I asked.
“Huh?”
“You said I had no personality back then. How am I different now?”
I waited for a response.
A deer sprinted in front of the car and we swerved. Brendan grabbed the steering wheel and pumped the breaks. The back of the car did a tailspin.
“Shit, hold on,” he barked and I clutched the handle overhead.
The tires spun underneath us. Brendan managed to avoid the deer and somehow the car behind us managed to avoid plowing into us. He pulled over to the side of the road to regroup. My hands were trembling, so were his.
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