by Pepper Pace
"Can you see me?" He asked. I strained but could only see a pale head with light hair.
"Not too well...Can you see me?" I struck a pose.
Todd chuckled. "Yeah." I wanted to ask him what he thought. Instead I opened the door and stepped out onto my porch. I was casual in jeans and a blouse. My short hair was silky and tapered down the back of my neck. He stepped out of the car smiling like a Cheshire cat.
He wasn't at all what I expected, although I didn't think I had allowed myself to have any expectations. In the dictionary under the word: nondescript, would be a picture of Todd. Nothing about him stood out.
"Kia, how you doing?"
Everything suddenly felt comfortable. There was that familiar voice that I had grown so accustomed to. Now it was just a matter of becoming familiar with the face.
He was clean shaven, had short cropped hair that was neither brown nor blonde. I had imagined someone with a large frame when he described all the training he had to do to be a fire fighter and EMT. He wasn't exactly skinny and he wasn't rippling in the muscle department, either. He was just built... average. He was neither tall nor short. He wasn't bad looking, but definitely wasn't the total Adonis that his perfectionist personality suggested. And I think he's Jewish. His nose was a bit on the big side... Todd looked like a cuter, lighter version of the actor Adrian Brody.
We went inside and after the pizza was eaten and most of the beer and wine consumed, Todd commented on his love handles. There definitely wasn't going to be a love connection here. A man discussing his loose belly skin fell way short of the sexy category!
"Kia, I jog almost every day. I'm in the gym for hours at a time. Genetically I don't get rippling muscles and I just can't seem to get rid of these things." He said while gripping the small amount of skin at his sides.
"It's not even noticeable, Todd."
"You don't think so? I hate it." Oh God...He was worse than Shay and her constant worrying over a small blemish on her chin.
"Look." I lifted my arm and let my muscle go slack. Then I shook the loose skin. "I can't get rid of this floppy skin."
"Tricep curls." He said matter-of-factly.
"Look at my thighs; their huge. Of course, most guys like it like that, so I'm not going to complain."
"My thighs are bigger than yours." He said.
"What? No way."
"You got a measuring tape?"
I searched for the tape, then we measured our thighs. And he was right. His were bigger than mine. And it made me feel so wonderful! I was an ex-fat girl! Some other person's thighs were larger than mine. Me? Miss Hippo Hips!
Then I had to admire that Todd actually did have a nice cut to his legs. He really didn't have a bad body after all.
He picked up the measuring tape while I poured myself another glass of wine.
"Look, Kia."
"What?" I said while closing the empty pizza box.
I want you to see how big my dick is."
I caught my breath. "When I turn around your pants better be zipped, and all your body parts better be inside."
"Kia, turn around."
"Todd!"
"Kia!" He said equally as stern. "Turn around."
Slowly I sat back but kept my eyes averted from him.
"Stop being silly and look." For the first time I wondered whether I might have been a bit too hasty in trusting Todd so completely. I mean, I haven't had sex in years. YEARS! Did he really think that I would just respond to his cock in his hand with my measuring tape wrapped around it like Christmas ribbon?!
In slow resignation I peeked over at him. He didn't have his pants unzipped. My measuring tape lay on his thigh like a snake. There was a brief relief before I noticed the slight budge next to the measuring tape. Actually it was pretty considerable. I was surprised that I hadn't noticed it before, of course, maybe it wasn't there before—at least not to that degree. I took note at the number on the tape where the bulge ended. Number nine. Damn.
I looked him in the eye and he seemed rather pleased with himself.
"You know, Todd. I have a story to tell you. My best friend, Shay, had a man friend spend the night at her place. The next morning they lay around doing some pillow talk. He started to put his hand under her pillow and she told him not to. When he asked her why, she reached under it and pulled out a 10 inch butcher knife." I paused. Todd swallowed. "This butcher knife surprised him and he wondered what would happen if the butcher knife was wrestled out her hands.
"My friend, Shay then let her hand fall to the floor. When she brought it back up she was holding a meat cleaver." I smiled at Todd. "Do you know what the moral of that story is?"
"What?" He asked quietly.
One of my hands had been resting on the hilt of my knife. I brought it up smiling at the ten inches in my hands.
Needless to say, Todd gave me no more trouble for the rest of the evening.
The next day when he called I was curious about his thoughts on me. Although I didn't feel any romantic interest, my ego didn't take too kindly to the fact that he immediately began talking about a date he was going on that coming Friday. The lack of romantic interest was mutual, I guess.
Over the course of the next two or three months we became even better friends. The phone sex and tag teaming didn't make a repeat performance. And the only flirtations that went on between us was if Todd had too much beer and I asked if he needed to sleep it off. He's so goofy. He'd say he was cool and then he'd stop and think about it and ask if he'd be sleeping with me or in the boy's room.
Sometimes we went out and had drinks after work. Or we went to the local sports bar for chicken wings and to watch whatever game was currently airing. Todd would point out something he liked about a female patron or one of the waitresses. But undoubtedly, his picky ass would end up finding something that turned him off about her. For instance, he liked leggy blondes with nice tans, but he wouldn't date her because she smoked. Or that girl was too short, this one had skinny calves.
"You're really picky." I sipped my beer thinking that he had a lot of nerve being so picky with that big nose.
"What about you? You won't even meet anybody. What do you want in a man, Kia?"
"It ain't on the outside, that's for sure."
"If it ain't on the outside why does your ad on the chat line seek African American males?"
Todd was perhaps the most blunt person I'd ever met. I couldn't figure out if it was a white thing or just a Todd thing.
"I guess it's all I know." I don't think it was really a preference, though.
He turned the conversation back to himself. "How can you go two years without sex? I have to have an orgasm at least once a day."
I looked at him confused. "You only meet someone once or twice a week. How are you having an --oh..."
He looked at me amused. "I have my porno's...but lately, they don't seem to be...working."
I really was getting used to Todd's ability to detail his biological functions."Maybe you need some new ones." I replied absently nibbling on pretzels.
"No, that's not it. It just won't...It'll get there, but it won't stay there." He said delicately.
"Maybe you need to leave it alone. Give it a rest and stop playing with it all the time! You do wear condoms-?"
"Always...You think I might have something?"
"No. I'm not saying that. An STD is not the only reason that a man goes impotent."
"Hold on, I'm not impotent."
"You know what I mean."
He seemed to be thinking seriously about what I was saying. "When I have oral there's no protection." I'm thinking to myself that this is exactly why I would never have oral unless I knew that person super well.
"You don't actually have oral with those skanky ho's do you?"
"They on me and that's it."
"You don't reciprocate?"
"What?"
"Do them in return."
"No." He said adamantly.
"That's good...but it also makes
you a selfish bastard." I said coldly. "Maybe that's why you don't get many second dates."
Todd was quiet. "I don't reciprocate with them; only when it's special. When it's special I'm totally unselfish. I'm not going to just get off. Whatever it takes even if I have to spend hours teasing with my tongue and lips from her clit to her asshole. I'm not afraid-"
My head pivoted to his direction. "Did you just say you lick women's assholes?!"
"What?" He asked.
"That is so gross!"
Todd gave me a surprised look. "In the heat of the moment-"
"YUCK!" I made a disgusted face. I don't care! I could never feel anything close to sexual interest for any man who'd put his mouth on someone's asshole. I wouldn't put my mouth on my own asshole if I could reach it!
"Kia. Perhaps you need to change your ad on line and stop looking for African American men and start looking for ANY man willing to do what it takes to please his woman; even if it means rimming her."
Okay, this was my friend. I shouldn't be so judgmental, even if the idea of it disgusted me. Still...
"But isn't it dirty? I mean..."
"Anything can be...even kissing, if you don't trust the person you're with."
"I guess." I said doubtfully.
***
"Shay Todd told me he...licks women's assholes when he's going down."
"You mean rimming?"
"Eww, I didn't know the thing had a name." She chuckled.
"And?"
I gasped. "Shay?! No..." She did it too??
"Listen. It's not something you'd do with just anyone. They have to be very special, clean and... it happens."
I was quiet, shocked into silence. Was I that out of touch?
***
Over the course of the next week or two Todd's penis became more and more useless.
"Kia." He said mournfully. "I was in bed with her. She was so beautiful and she was so into it. It was great and then..."
We were on the phone. I really sympathized. You could hear the anguish in his voice.
"Todd, have you gone to a doctor?"
"I'm going to make an appointment. I haven't had an orgasm in a month and I feel like my sack is over full."
"You are gross." He just chuckled.
"I have this book. It teaches you techniques on how to prolong an orgasm. My ex and I took the lessons after we were married. It really helped him because for a while he had no endurance. After the lessons he could have an orgasm at will. We always came together."
"Really? How does it work?"
"Well, it teaches you that eroticism is found in many forms." I sighed. "Sex is more than intercourse, and pleasure is found in more ways than just an orgasm. The brain is the biggest erogenous zone in our body. The book teaches you to see pleasure and touch pleasure before you release pleasure." I paused. "Are you still there? Todd?"
"Yeah." He said quietly. "When you were talking..."
"When I was talking...what?"
"Can I read the book? I think it will help."
"You can, but you have to use it with a partner."
"Won't be a problem."
Two days later. "I can't find a partner." We were at the gym. Todd was going to show me how to maximize my workout. He handed me two ten pound weights.
"It's only been two days, Todd." He repositioned my arms for the tricep curl.
"Do only one rep. Then go directly into flys." He watched my silently. "Will you be my partner?"
My eyes got wide. I couldn't even speak.
"We don't have to have sex." He said quickly. I just sucked my teeth in exasperation. "I promise. You've done this program before. You can help me with it."
I handed him the dumbbells.
"No." I said plainly. He knew I wasn't kidding.
"Okay."
***
"Shay, Todd wants to seriously cross the line."
"What do you mean?" I gave her the low down. She watched me hard.
"You like him." She stated plainly.
"Wha-?"
"Oh, don't deny it. You like him. Maybe not like a boyfriend, but like a special friend."
"You are crazy! What the hell is a special friend?"
"A friend just for fucking."
I paused. "I wouldn't be opposed to having a special friend. But it definitely wouldn't be, Todd."
"Why? You're not physically attracted to him so you're not going to slip up and fall in love. He's got a big dick. And he's white."
"What does him being white have anything to do with it?"
"White guys can be freaks in bed. And Todd seems to be quite the freaky one. Besides, he's interested. It's obvious that he's interested."
"Shay, I don't feel that way about, Todd."
"You did have phone sex with him."
Well I had no response to that.
***
"Todd. What are you doing?" I said into my phone.
He exhaled. "Nothing much. Your boys in bed yet?"
"Yeah. They've been asleep for hours."
"You want some company? I know I could use some."
"Sure, come on over."
For the last couple of nights I've been reevaluating my commitment to myself. I had not really searched for a mate, and my adventures on the phone system were beginning to compromise my vow. I was using the system more and more to get off sexually and feeling drawn to meet these men for the wrong reasons. But, just as I had originally vowed, I didn't want to fall into another bad relationship based on the superficial. But what Shay had said about a special friend seemed sensible. If I had a special friend, I wouldn't compromise myself.
Despite the fact that Todd could be crude, he was the best friend a girl could have. We certainly kept our relationship real. And it surprised me that I could be so amused by his personality. While I didn't have a romantic interest in Todd, I could appreciate things about him that I was initially slow to notice. I had first taken his lack of rippling muscles as an indication that he was soft. But since he's been training me in the gym I've had to admit that he has an amazingly tight body and the most booming legs I've ever seen on a man, not to mention his washboard abs. But more importantly I trusted Todd. I could confide in him things I had never even thought of confiding to Shay and he never judged. I guess he was right about valuing a friendship where there were no limitations on what we could say or do.
All of these things made for a perfect special friend. There was no potential for falling in love and we have already bonded as friends. Nothing else we have done thus far has spoiled our friendship—not even the phone sex. And, he has already initiated. It was just up to me to accept.
Todd came over with a 6 pack. "Whassup, Girl?" He was getting pretty good at talking slang even though I always laughed in his face whenever he tried it.
"I don't think we should be drinking."
"Why? I don't have to work tomorrow."
"Because drinking affects that." I said, glancing at his crotch.
"That hasn't had very much activity lately."
We sat down on my couch. "It'll throw off the lessons in the book."
"Little good the book will do me without a partner."
"I'm going to be your partner."
Todd sat forward looking at me surprised. "Are you serious?"
"You invited me. Were you serious?"
He just nodded.
"We need to lay down some rules, though." I took a deep breath. "Todd, do you know what a special friend is?"
His browed lifted in surprise. "Yeah, I know what a special friend is. I'm surprised that you do."
I ignored that. "Since we're going to be doing these lessons-"
"Yeah, I'll be your special friend." He interrupted.
I chuckled. "Don't you want to think about-"
"No."
That was easy. Now the hard part. "Sex will change things, even if it's no strings sex."
He sighed. "That's a woman's thing, Kia. So..." He leaned back on the couch and watched me. "The
question is do you think it's going to change things?"
Of course I did. But in what way? "I think we'll still be cool, as long as we can get some things straight."
"Okay." He leaned forward again. "Rules are good."
"Well...we should always use protection."
He nodded. "Agreed."