by Jayla Kane
Why the hell couldn’t he just… Anyone else in the world would have at least a little gratitude.
A shred.
And here I was, one less item in my wardrobe. He was going through them fast.
“Why did you do that?” He’d destroyed my entire shirt, the one I’d carefully chosen this morning when I knew I was going to see him. I could feel the cold air on my swollen skin, the welts tender and raised where it landed. I was shivering, my body still wracked with adrenaline, but I just stood there, defiant. Fuck him.
He knew why.
“Answer me, Raven.”
I said nothing. I could hear the air pumping out of his lungs as he stared at my back in horror, his chest heaving. Just as it had in the Chamber, when his punishment was handed down. I wasn’t going to let that happen. No fucking way. I remembered.
“Raven!”
But I wasn’t going to admit that—I wasn’t going to say out loud that I could never watch someone do that to him, could never let him suffer through that punishment, the torture of the memory slapping against his skin tearing much more than the belt would. Fuck that. We might have hated each other before, and now we were… Whatever this was. But in the beginning, I loved him. And I would never forget his tear stained face as he swore me to secrecy, made me promise not to tell, not ever.
So I wouldn’t. But I wasn’t about to let someone do that to him again.
My silence infuriated him. I could feel the anger ripping through him, the rage filling the room. I just stared at the wall, waiting for it to pass. What was he going to do, whip me again? No. I don’t think so.
But then he surprised me.
Jake’s hands roughly gripped the fabric of my jeans and tore them, pulling them apart at the seams the same way he’d just shredded my shirt. The amount of sheer strength it took was incredible. His fingers snapped the waistline of my panties at my hips with a flick, and then I was basically naked in front of him. Was that what he wanted? Did he think this would humiliate me, after all we’d seen and done in the past week alone?
I could wait this out.
I didn’t want to defend my decision. He knew why I’d done it—there was only one reason anyone would do it.
But I’ll be damned if he could make me say it out loud.
It seemed like he was through with asking, though; he was going to terrorize me into speaking, maybe, threaten me with actions. But I didn’t believe he’d ever hurt me, not really. Not now. In the beginning? Yes, absolutely. But not in this moment, no matter the sound of his snarl as he shoved me towards the bed and threw me down on the rumpled sheets, no matter the careless way he lifted my hips so that my ass was in the air. My feet were stuck inside the legs of my jeans, but I didn’t start to get nervous until I heard his zipper. I began to roll over, and felt his hand clamp down on the back of my neck. Jake was so much bigger than me, so much stronger, he just held me down and there was basically nothing I could do. I started to move my arms around but there was nothing to push against but the mattress, and that did me no good. He pinned me like a needle through a butterfly’s wing, and then I heard him climb on the bed behind me and felt a sharp gasp ratchet through my body.
Fear.
But also… Relief.
Finally, I thought. Please just do it. Just fucking put it in.
There was no romance in the act for me. I’d only ever wanted one guy, and here he was—he hated me, and I hated him, but I would also die for him, apparently, even if I hadn’t known that last week. Would have laughed in your face if you said so. And I knew that if I hadn’t betrayed him, there was every chance Jacob Knight Warfield would have felt that way about me. If I hadn’t betrayed him, we would never have joined the Society; we wouldn’t have needed anything but one another. And he knew it, and it ruined him.
So I felt relief not only because I was tired of doing this dance with him, this twisted tango he managed to guide me through with his hints, his callous smiles and innuendos and accusations and his utter cruelty. I felt relief because having Jake buried inside of my body was something I craved. Because I’d been desperate to feel him there since the moment he whispered in my ear the morning of orientation. Because I was roaring with need, and he was the only person in the entire world who could sate me.
But I wasn’t going to say any of that, goddamnit. Not one fucking word.
I felt something extremely hard and velvety slip over the crack of my ass and twisted instinctively; Jake tightened his grip on my neck, and then I felt him prod my opening, both of us hissing as he dipped the fat tip so that it shoved against me. He laid down on top of me, completely enveloping me, and slid his other hand up so that his fingers wrapped in the hair at the nape of my neck, twisting the strands and yanking my head to the side. His mouth was right above my ear, his cock pressed against my damp folds. “Tell me to stop,” he whispered.
I reached back. Found his head with my hand, cupped his cheek. Stroked his jaw with my thumb.
He gnashed his teeth so hard I could feel them grinding beneath the skin, and then… He was inside of me.
It hurt—it hurt so bad I cried. I felt the tears streaming down my cheeks and heard the sounds coming out of my mouth and felt him, hard and deep and fast—BAM BAM BAM—his breath was chanting in my ear as he pounded me, my whole body crying out in panic from the violence of it… But also from the satisfaction. Finally, finally, finally, my body sighed as he burrowed into me, the pain ebbing a little bit as I adjusted slightly, the rawness wearing off… Until I felt him grow stiff, deep in my belly, and then heat flooded through me as he grunted in my ear.
Jake used me. Completely.
I let him—I wanted him to.
Then I cried for the shame of it. I cried silently, my body at attention now—as if it only woke up to the fact that it was having sex in the same moment he was embedding his seed deep inside, molten fluid now joining the trickle of dampness making my thighs wet.
And then I felt his lips on my neck. Where his hand had been—the center of it, over my spine. He kissed my shoulders, the entire groove of my spinal column, rearing back so that his weight was on his forearms. He didn’t leave me, though, his body still deep inside of mine. His fingers withdrew from the hold he had on my hair, and he leaned down and nuzzled my forehead with his own, an action so disarming I let him. I laid beneath him and let him kiss the entire line of my jaw, my cheek. My closed eyelid. He could only reach half of my face; I knew he could taste my tears. He rested his forehead against my temple. “That was your first time,” he said quietly, and there was nothing in his voice. It wasn’t a question; I guess he could tell. But there was no rage, no hatred now. Now he sounded like… Like Jake. “Why didn’t you tell me to stop?” I couldn’t place the emotions I heard when he spoke this time. Was that regret? I wouldn’t have recognized it if it was, probably.
I reached up again and pressed my palm against his cheek. “Because I didn’t want you to,” I whispered, and then I realized his skin was wet. Tears.
Very slowly, Jake shifted his body so that more of his weight was on his left shoulder, bringing his face almost parallel with mine. His body was so long, so much bigger than mine, that he was still inside of me, my legs and hips still under his even as he slid his torso to the side. He stroked my hair away from my face, his fingertips rough, and moved closer; there were only a few inches between us now.
We stared at one another in the dim light, the stars winking down at us from the window.
“Can I kiss you?” I blinked. I wasn’t used to a direct question from him, delivered without a trace of malice. His body pulsed in mine far below and I felt the stirrings of that hunger again, my body tender beneath his. I nodded in answer, and he watched me for another long moment before coming even closer and gently pressing his lips to mine. I didn’t know what to do at first—the only other times I’ve been kissed were with him, but it was a lifetime ago. I was thirteen and I loved him. I was twelve years old and he didn’t hate me. We didn’t k
now what we were doing; it was the same night Lucas beat him so bad I wanted to call the police, but he made me swear I wouldn’t. And I curled up in bed with him and we kissed and I thought we would be together forever, and I loved him so much. And I thought he loved me the same way.
And now…
The kiss was hesitant, at first, as I remembered that night and I’m sure Jake did too—as we remembered what was, and then what came after. And all of the pain of the years in between… Everything he did to me. What I’d done to him. That rose to the surface too, although it was always there, really, always lurking.
It was harder to remember that we once loved each other more than anything.
But it got a hell of a lot easier when his lips were on mine.
I moved my head so that my face wasn’t buried in the mattress and felt him cradle me, his arms wrapping around me, one of them burrowing under our bodies to cup my face, the other one softly stroking my back. He didn’t move below, but I felt him hardening again; he never slipped out, staying melded to me the entire time, and I found myself trying to open my legs, to welcome him in this time, but his strong thighs slid down on either side of mine and kept me still. “Don’t move yet, Raven,” he whispered, and kissed me again, the sweetest, softest pressure on my lips. “Try to stay still until you really want to.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ll know when you’re ready,” he promised, and this time when he kissed me a plume of heat seared along the inside of my mouth as I felt myself opening more and more for him, years of rage peeling apart as if they’d never been there, never guarded my heart. Jake sighed as if the same thing was happening inside of his ribcage. When he kissed me this time, his tongue teased the seam of my mouth, and I let that opening happen physically, welcoming him. The heat grew, enfolding my heart, my belly. I felt my hands gripping the sheets, my eyes closing involuntarily as he began kissing my throat, my collarbone… I moaned out loud when his fingers crept around and one of them traced my lips, then slipped inside. I sucked it while he licked and kissed my bare shoulders, the welts so sensitive it almost hurt, even the lightest touch; my hips wanted to move, and I understood what he meant. He still didn’t let me, though, keeping me still as his other hand traced my arm until he reached my hand and laced our fingers together. I could feel his breathing pick up speed as he grew even harder inside of me.
“Jake, please—”
“You sure?” He licked my neck and bit my ear, his fingers sliding out of my mouth and down, cupping my jaw as his thumb traced my lips. “So soon?”
“Jake—”
He barely moved—the tiniest amount, really, just a fraction compared to his earlier frenzy. Just the tiniest pulse from his hips and I moaned out loud, the thrill of the pain mixing with a pleasure so profound I couldn’t control myself. He hissed out a breath and rested his teeth on the meat of my shoulder, biting me only when I moaned again as he teased me below. I’d never felt anything like it—it was as if my whole body were on fire, as if my desire ignited me. He did it one more time and a shiver convulsed through my entire body, beginning at the base of my spine, and he let out a soft sound as he felt it.
Jake lifted himself off of me, careful to stay inside, and leaned back; I felt him pull my pants off of my ankles, freeing my legs, and then his strong thighs were sliding underneath mine as he rearranged us again. I was sitting in his lap, backwards, as he knelt beneath me. His arms kept me aloft, but I reached for the window sill, propping myself up with my hands, and he allowed me to move up and down on him, carefully holding still as I explored the sensation of riding his long shaft. His hands weren’t calm, though, running all over my hips, my belly and breasts; I felt my body growing more prepared, more able, and picked up speed a bit just as he began teasing my nipples, a calloused finger running over each one until it was pointed, tight and aching. When he leaned down to kiss the nape of my neck again his body shifted slightly beneath mine, and a shower of sparks flew through my belly.
It felt good. I hurt—I was raw, and swollen. And it felt incredible, so good I got lost in it. He let me ride him at my speed for a long while, slow and so sweet and so tender, his hands exploring me the entire time, his lips tasting everything they could reach. Finally, I knew I was about to cum—I felt it growing inside of me, the shivers becoming uncontrollable—he held me up, sensing that my arms were about to buckle, and slowly pumped in and out of me when my body couldn’t coordinate the movements anymore—just him, in and out, so slow, his mouth on my shoulder, my throat—
“Jaaake!” I was shameless when I came for him, my breasts full, my back arching—somehow I’d gotten on to all fours, and he stayed with me, enveloping me, his kisses scorching my skin as sparks flew along my nerve endings, setting my whole body aflame as I rode the orgasm and called out for him, begging for him even though he was right there, right with me, loving me. When it was over, I collapsed on the bed and he rolled me onto my side and held me protectively as the shudders rippled out and away from my body. When I recovered I turned over so I could face him.
“Why… Why did you do that?” I didn’t know if I needed to be more specific—I didn’t know if I had the guts to say what I was thinking, even now. Why did you make love to me?
“I didn’t want that to be your first time,” he said quietly. “Our first time.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean… I always thought it would be you,” he told me, then rolled onto his back and covered his eyes with his forearm, laying in the same position he was in when I woke up next to him the other day. His chest rose once, then fell, as if stifling a sob—but that wasn’t right. His mouth was just a line, his shoulders didn’t move. “I… I didn’t wait, obviously. But back then…” I saw him swallow. “I thought it would be you and me. The first time.”
“It’s…” It’s okay that you didn’t wait—that you fucked half our high school and sicced the other half on me like rabid dogs? Was I supposed to reassure him right now? I didn’t know.
I wished he would hold me again.
I remembered the way he felt, his body sliding along my skin, his mouth teasing me, and clenched my eyes shut.
We couldn’t go back.
I was about to try and change the subject, as awkward as it was, but he suddenly got up and went into the bathroom. I realized he hadn’t finished when I did when I saw how hard he was. He came back immediately with a washcloth, and surprised me by kneeling on the end of the bed between my legs, gently moving them aside so he could clean me up. The water was warm, and it felt good on my skin. I looked down and saw him glance up at me, his eyes dark in the low light. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I said, still a little unnerved by the reappearance of my childhood sweetheart. He stopped moving and looked at me; I could see his focus intensify.
“Rae,” he said, and my heart stopped beating in my chest. He hadn’t called me that since… “Rae, please don’t lie—I don’t want to hurt you—I didn’t mean to... Are you—”
That brought me back to earth. Of course he didn’t trust a single thing I said. “I’m okay, I promise,” I told him, and he kissed the inside of my knee and went back to work.
The place where his lips landed on my skin burned.
I felt my nipples harden, felt his soft swipes of the cloth on my tender slit and tried to take a deep breath and calm down.
What the fuck were we doing? Playing house? Mortal enemies, so much hurt and humiliation and distrust between us—
His fingers slid along my inner thigh, absently, as he moved over and attended to another side of me, but my breathing hitched. He stopped moving and looked up at me.
Jake’s eyes sparkled in the starlight, his perfect face a portrait of amused mischievousness. “Again?”
“No! No, I didn’t—”
“Are you sure?” He tilted his head in a way that usually meant he’d thought of something particularly devious; I never thought it would be charming. Adorable, actually. But
in this context… He brushed his fingertips along my sensitive inner thigh one more time and I did it again, responding reflexively to the power of his touch. His lips parted as he watched, and then we were staring at each other over the heated slopes of my body. He dropped the washcloth on the floor and rolled onto his belly, looking up at me from between my thighs. “Are you positive?”
That voice was just refined sin. I felt like he was offering me an apple.
“I don’t—I… We just…”
“I don’t care,” he said softly. “If you’re not hurting, I don’t care at all.”
“But—”
“Let’s imagine that I put my mouth right… Here,” he whispered, gently laying the tip of his index finger on my swollen clit. I bit back a moan, my head falling backwards instinctively. “Just imagine it,” he told me, “and let me ask you one more time: would you like to cum for me again?”
I looked him in the eye and nodded, my body already begging for it.
Jake lowered his head as his long, thick arms slid beneath my thighs, wrapping around my hips so he could reach my breasts. His fingers found my nipples just as his heated kiss landed on my tender folds. I gasped when he licked me, long and slow, from the bottom to the top. “Raven Kintera Divinity Keller, you have the prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen,” he murmured almost to himself, then my eyes shut as his full mouth latched onto my clit, his tongue teasing it until my whole body hummed. He squeezed my nipples with his rough fingertips, driving me slowly over the edge as he once again lapped at me, keeping a languid pace, flicking my clit with the tip of his tongue until I swore, and then he sucked it. I came instantly, calling his name until it echoed back to me, my body full of fire. I rocked into his face as he pulled more and more pleasure out of me, until I couldn’t move anymore, my body pliant and yielding and his, utterly his.
Jake came up and laid beside me, a playful smile on his face as he took in my shattered state, and placed his broad hand on my chest, over my heart. He watched me recover in silence, still smiling, until I surprised him by rolling towards him and reaching down, my fingers finally touching his velvet shaft. His mouth fell open, his breath quickening, and I let my finger slip along the underside of the head. “Be careful,” he whispered, “or I’ll think you’re still not satisfied.”