by Lesley Crewe
Ava took Rose aside. “I’m sorry, I should’ve asked you first. It just popped in my head. I hope Maryette and Bev don’t mind. I want you to come with me when we pick out the dresses. It can be a mother-daughter outing.”
Rose gave her a hug. “It’s wonderful. You’ve given them something they’ll never forget.” She pushed Ava away but kept her hands clasped on her shoulders. “But you know what the best thing is?”
“What?”
“For a second there, you looked like you did when you were a little girl.”
Ava hid her face in her sister’s neck and stayed there for a long time.
Her nieces’ delight over her brilliant idea gave Ava great satisfaction. These were the moments she missed out on over the years. She wanted to make it up to her family, because their happiness had a direct bearing on her own. The trouble was the warm, fuzzy feeling didn’t last for long. She was meeting Seamus in two days and her mother’s warning of not hurting him again kept playing over and over in her head.
Ava didn’t sleep most of Sunday night. Instead, she stared at the ceiling and went over what she would say to Seamus. She even spent a few hours thinking she should call him back and cancel the whole thing. Perhaps her mother was right. It might be best to slip out of his life before she had a chance to slip back in.
In the morning, as they made their beds, Ava told Lola she had to go out in the early afternoon and asked her to keep an eye on things. “You’re meeting him, aren’t you?”
“Yes. We have to talk.”
“Are you sure?”
“Lola, I can’t leave it like this. I owe him something. I’m not sure what, but I do.”
“Are you telling your sisters?”
“No. Please don’t say anything.”
“I won’t, but I’m worried about you.”
Ava smiled at her. “If everything’s a disaster, I’ll come crying home to you, how’s that?”
“I can’t wait.”
The morning hours seemed to crawl by. She looked at the clock at least a hundred times an hour. She washed the floor, did the dusting, and even made a meat pie for supper, and it was still only noon. She finally went upstairs to get ready.
How do you dress to see someone you love but really don’t know anymore? Maybe she was kidding herself. It might be like an awkward blind date. She didn’t know to expect.
Unable to sit still, she left the house a half an hour early. She drove along the SydneyGlace Bay highway and then on to the Sydney bypass. Wentworth Park was at the bottom of Hardwood Hill. In the summer it was a leafy green oasis with a duck pond, the huge trees creating a canopy of leaves. In late March, however, the leaves were still nowhere to be seen, so the overall impression of the park was rather drab, and the large gnarled branches looked like witch’s fingers scrapping against the grey sky.
Ava parked the car along one of the side streets and walked towards the fountain. Her heart turned over when she saw him sitting on the cement fence, gazing in the other direction. He looked lonely. How she longed to walk up to him, put her arms around his waist, and feel him hug her close. To press her cheek against his coat and be tucked under his chin.
Seamus turned and saw her. He stood then and waited for her to come to him. At the last minute he walked towards her. “Hi.”
“Hi,” she said.
They stood awkwardly for a few seconds. She put out her hand and shook his, using it to pull him toward her so she could reach up and kiss his cheek quickly before letting him go.
She looked around. “Where shall we sit?”
He gestured behind her. “I think the park bench is a little warmer than this fence.”
“I imagine it would be.” Ava smiled.
They sat together on the bench, not too close to each other. They both looked at their feet, neither one of them saying anything, until at the exact same moment they turned to each other and said, “So.”
“This is ridiculous,” Ava laughed. “You’d think we were thirteen years old.”
“I feel about thirteen.”
She smiled at him. “Let’s start over. How are you, Seamus?”
“I’m fine. And you? Oh god, that was a stupid thing to say. Of course you’re not fine.”
“I’m okay.”
“How is your mother?”
Ava clasped her gloves together and sighed. “It’s hard. It’s been so long since I’ve seen her.”
“Yes.”
“Of course you know that. It was a shock to see her at first. I wasn’t prepared. But we’ve had some wonderful moments together this last while and that’s as much as I ever hoped for. Maybe she can fight this thing a little longer. We’re keeping our fingers crossed.”
“Perhaps you wouldn’t mind telling her I’m thinking of her.”
“I’m sure she’d be happy to know that, Seamus. And how’s your mother?”
Seamus glanced away for a moment. “She died five years ago. A sudden heart attack.”
“That’s awful,” Ava frowned. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. She was a lovely woman.”
“It was terrible. Colleen in particular had a hard time. You know how close she was to Mom.”
“Yes, I remember.”
They looked at each other then. Ava finally said, “I have to tell you again how sorry I am about Sally. What a dreadful shock for you.”
“It was a nightmare. She developed an infection shortly after Sarah was born. Everyone thought she had the flu. By the time the doctors figured it out, she was dead. The only thing that kept me sane was my kids.”
“You’re lucky to have them. They’re beautiful children. Of course, their mother was striking. I remember her. She was a grade behind us, wasn’t she?”
Seamus nodded. “Yes. Yes, she was beautiful.”
Neither one of them said anything for a few moments. Ava broke the silence. “I came here today to ask you to forgive me. I hurt you and you didn’t deserve it. I apologize from the bottom of my heart.”
He looked at his gloves. “Okay. Are you ever going to tell me why?”
Ava quickly stood. “I’m sorry. I think this was a bad idea.”
Seamus stood too. “You said you wanted to talk.”
“I know.” Ava looked at the ground. “But we’re sitting here pretending we know each other and we don’t. We’re trying to bridge a gap of ten years in ten minutes and it’s too much. I’m confused, what with Ma and everything. I wanted to say I’m sorry and now that I’ve said it, I better go.”
She started to walk away. He ran after her. “Wait a minute. Wait.”
Ava turned to him. He put his hand on her arm. “You don’t have to be afraid me. You don’t have to tell me anything. You don’t owe me anything. It was just a question, but it doesn’t need to be answered right this minute.”
Ava didn’t want to cry in front of him. She nodded. “Okay.”
“I won’t lie to you, Libby. I still have feelings for you, but I know this is a totally inappropriate time to talk about it. Please, don’t run away from me. I’ll leave you alone, just don’t go.”
“I won’t. I can’t. My family needs me.”
“Okay. Maybe down the road we can meet again and it won’t be so hard. You wanted to apologize and I’ve accepted your apology and now it’s over. We can start fresh. Maybe you can tell me what you’ve been doing all these years.”
They both laughed then.
“You know what I’ve been doing, you silly man,” she smiled.
“Well, you can tell me what it’s like to win an Academy Award. That’s not something I get to ask too many people.”
She wiped her bangs away from her eyes with the back of her gloves. “Okay. You’ve got a deal.”
“All right. I’ll talk to you again.”
“Yes. We’ll talk again.”
Ava turned to go but before she’d gone even two feet he said, “Libby?”
She slowly turned around.
“You never married, did you?”
> She looked at him sadly. “No. I never did.” And then she walked away.
CHAPTER NINE
Now that spring was in the air, it felt to Ava as if she’d never left home. The slower rhythm and pace of life started to seep into her bones again. Gradually, even with the emotional upheaval, she found herself loosening up, not hopping around from room to room anymore. She even noticed that her bad habit of clenching her teeth was disappearing.
“I know my mother is practically on her deathbed,” she said to Lola as they folded laundry in the kitchen, “but I feel at peace somehow. Does that make sense? I feel better here than I have in years, even with all the upset.”
Lola nodded. “Well, no wonder. Look at the life you lead. You barely have five minutes to yourself. I have to tell you, I could get used to this.”
They walked towards each other, holding out either end of a flat sheet. When they met in the middle Lola took it from her and continued to fold. Ava started on a pillow case.
“I feel guilty about keeping you here, you know,” Ava said. “You should’ve gone home two months ago.”
“And done what? Twiddled my thumbs in my dinky apartment while inhaling L.A. smog?”
“You do have some people who must miss you.”
Lola shook her head. “Surprisingly few, as it happens. You’ve chased them all away.”
Ava threw a facecloth at her. “I have not!”
“All right,” Lola laughed. “I concede a few people still come around, but I think they get tired of tracking me down. We aren’t in L.A. all that often anymore. We’re too busy flying around.”
“I still think you should go home. Or go visit your parents.”
“I’m happy right here.”
Ava threw her hands up in defeat. “Fine. Stay as long as you want.”
“I don’t need your permission,” Lola smirked. “Aunt Vi and Uncle Angus said they’re adopting me.”
“Then we’ll be cousins!”
At that moment Aunt Vi hobbled into the kitchen on her cane. She and Uncle Angus had graduated to the second floor now that the cast on Vi’s ankle was off. Uncle Angus had a new cast on his arm, one that was easier to manage. “Who wants raisins?”
“I said, ‘cousins.’”
“Dear lord, I’m going deaf on top of everything else. Why don’t you two do me a favour and take me out to the coal shed and shoot me? It would save a lot of bother.”
“I’d be lynched by the family if I did that, Aunt Vi.”
Aunt Vi sat at the kitchen table with a sigh. “This bandage is too tight.”
“Let me re-do it.” Ava unwrapped several feet of beige bandage and rolled it back around her aunt’s swollen ankle. “How’s that?”
“Better dear, thank you. Libby, one of your brothers asked me to talk to you about something.”
Ava and Lola looked at each other. Ava sat in the chair next to Aunt Vi. “Have I done something wrong?”
“Of course not, child. It’s your brother Hugh. Apparently one of his boys is doing a school project on making movies. You know Hugh. He doesn’t like to put people on the spot. Doesn’t seem to mind if I do, though.” Aunt Vi grinned. “Anyway, he wondered if there was any way his young fella could take your Academy Award to school during his presentation.”
“Is that all? God. I thought it was something serious!”
“Well, isn’t it?” Aunt Vi asked. “I thought you might have it locked up in Fort Knox or something.”
“It’s on my bedroom dresser, as it happens. I’ll get Mercedes to go to the house and wrap it up. She can send it UPS.”
“Well, that’s mighty kind of ya, darlin’.”
Ava cupped her chin in her hand. “You know, I haven’t even thought of it, to tell you the truth. I like the idea of having it here in Cape Breton. Then everyone can see it, not just me and the housekeeper.”
Ava called Hugh that night and he put his son on the phone. The poor kid was beside himself with excitement. He ran off to tell his buddies on MSN. Hugh got back on the phone, thanking her profusely. If only he knew how happy it made her to be able to do something for one of her brothers.
The statue arrived three days later. A small crowd of Ava’s nearest and dearest came over for the unveiling. Her brother Hugh opened the box with a box cutter, but it was Ava who unveiled it for all to see.
Even standing on Aunt Vi’s plastic kitchen tablecloth, Oscar looked impressive. Everyone took turns picking it up and had exactly the same thing to say. “It’s heavy!”
Hugh and his son swore upside down that they’d take good care of it. Hugh planned to drive his son to school and pick him up afterwards, just to make sure. They would return it immediately. Ava laughed and told them to take as long as they needed.
Before they left for the night, Ava took the award upstairs to show her mother. Mamie didn’t know it was coming. Ava thought she’d surprise her.
She knocked lightly on the door and entered her mother’s bedroom. As always, the slight smell of sick, stale air hit her in the face. Nothing they did seemed to get rid of it. How Ava wished she could throw open the window and sit her mother right in front of it, but she was so often cold now. Ava tried not to see her mother going downhill, but there were small signs every week. She pushed the inevitability from her mind.
“Mom, are you asleep?” she whispered.
Her mother stirred. “No, just resting my eyes.”
Ava approached the bed with the statue behind her back. “I brought someone to meet you.”
Mamie’s eyes popped open. “Oh heavens, child, I thought you had someone in the room. You could’ve given me a little warning.”
“I do have someone with me.” She reached behind and brought out her prize. “This is Oscar.”
Her mother smiled and reached out to touch the golden figure. “Oh my. Isn’t that something.” She touched it all over while Ava held it. It was too much for her mother to hold by herself.
“Well child, you should be well pleased with yourself. That’s quite an honour and very well deserved. Your father would be mighty proud of you. Mighty proud indeed. As am I.”
Ava reached for her mother’s hand. “Thanks, Ma. That means a lot.”
Now that Ava was getting into the groove of a more relaxed atmosphere, she decided she needed to buy some normal clothes—jeans and tops she could buy at the Mayflower Mall. The outfits she brought with her were completely inappropriate for life in Glace Bay, and she didn’t want people thinking she was showing off by wearing designer clothes. And besides, she’d come in the winter and now spring was in the air. The fact that their mother was still with them was a wonderful bonus she’d not thought possible when she arrived home that cold day in February.
Good old Lola stayed home with the three invalids, which seemed to be where she wanted to be anyway. Ava said she’d only be a couple of hours and they waved vaguely in her direction, so she gathered she wouldn’t be missed.
She found a parking space close to the main entrance of the mall and hurried through the crosswalk to let the cars go by. A man opened the door for her and she smiled. “Thank you.” He tipped his hat and kept going. She took off her sunglasses as she entered the mall and rooted through her bag to find the case. As she did, she noticed a tall man standing in front of the cash machine. She looked again and her heart beat a little faster.
“Seamus?”
He turned around. When he saw her, he gave her a big smile. “Oh, hi, Libby.”
She resorted to a stupid question. “What are you doing here?”
He looked down to put his cash in his wallet. “Colleen sent me on a mission.”
“Sounds exciting.”
He pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket. “She told me in no uncertain terms my kids needed new pajamas as well as new underwear and socks. I’ve got their sizes here. I’m to look for size 6X for Jack and 3 for Sarah.”
“The kids aren’t with you?”
Seamus laughed. “If you ever saw t
he way I shop, you’d understand why Colleen keeps the kids with her. She thinks I’m going to lose them one day. It’s safer for me to go with a list.” He paused. “What about you?”
Ava looked down at herself. “I’m off to buy normal clothes. Stuff I can wash the kitchen floor in.”
“I see.”
They looked at each other and smiled. Neither one of them made a move to go anywhere but it was obvious one of them had to do something.
Finally Ava said, “Well, I better let you get to it. It was nice to see you again.”
Seamus cleared his throat. “You wouldn’t want to get a cup of coffee before we start?” He pointed to the other side of the door, where the food court was.
She pulled her purse back up to her shoulder and smiled. “Okay. That sounds great.”
They stood in line at the counter. Seamus asked her if she wanted anything to eat.
“No, thank you. I’m putting on weight as it is, thanks to Aunt Vi’s recipes.”
Seamus looked her up and down. “If you are, then you needed it, because you look awfully tiny to me.”
“Didn’t you know that actresses ideally should be a size two these days, if not a zero?”
“Zero? What a lot of hogwash.”
She laughed at him. He paid the girl and took both cups. They walked as if by some silent agreement to a table near the back of the food court. Once again, out of habit, she chose the seat that faced the wall. The first minute was taken up with getting their coffee lids opened and taking that first sip. Then there was nothing to do but look at each other.
“So what do we talk about now?” Ava said.
He shrugged and smiled. “You were going to tell me what it was like to win an Oscar.”
“Ah, yes. Well, it’s scary. People walk on your gown. You don’t remember your name being called. You don’t remember a thing you said or a thing you did and then a whole lot of people ask you a whole lot of questions and you’re dragged from party to party with no time to eat or drink so you end up with a huge headache. And if you’re like me, you faint dead away in the middle of a dance floor and wake up to find six TV cameras trained on you. Yeah, it’s a blast.”