by Laura Landon
When he kissed her, she told herself she would stop him. Told herself letting their passion go further was futile, even dangerous. Told herself she was in control of her emotions enough to stop him whenever she wanted. That she only wanted him to hold her once more before he was no longer a part of her life.
She was promised to the Marquess of Culbertson. She could never forget that. She only wanted Gabriel to hold her and keep her safe, then she would step away from him – untouched.
That was as far from the truth as the East was from the West. Being alone with him was a bigger threat than LeBrouche or the whole French army because…
Because she still loved him with all her heart. How could she give herself to him if she didn’t? And if he didn’t love her as much, well…
She clung to him as he carried her across the room, his lips joined to hers.
His kisses were wildly intoxicating, as demanding as before. She reveled in his touch, in his caresses, in his kisses, and ran her trembling hands over the sleek muscles of his shoulders.
He removed his clothes and came down over her. His weight pressed against her in the most wonderful way, his elbows anchored on either side of her. For several seconds he didn’t move, but stared at her. Then, he lowered his head and kissed her.
Again and again he kissed her, his kisses demanding yet tender.
She didn’t know how long she could endure his ministrations. She clung to him, desperate to have him closer. She writhed beneath him, unable to take more of his sweet torture. Then she moved against him, certain there was a mystery in their act she didn’t understand.
He lifted his head and locked his gaze with hers. His eyes were black with passion. “Are you sure?” he whispered, his voice ragged and hoarse.
She should say no, tell him to stop. She knew if she did, he would. He’d never force her. She knew that.
Instead, she wrapped her arms around his neck and brought his mouth down to hers. “Yes,” she said as she kissed him. “Yes, I’m sure.”
“It will hurt this first time.”
“I know.”
She felt him against her, filling her, stretching her. He stopped when he came to the barrier that proved her innocence.
Perspiration formed on his forehead. He clenched his teeth as if in agony. And still he didn’t move. As if holding back for her. Perhaps to give her one last chance to change her mind. But it was too late. Too late for either of them.
She arched her hips and took him into her.
The pain was minor compared to the myriad of emotions that soared through her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and brought his mouth to hers. His kisses were deep, and after a little time he moved inside her.
She clasped her arms around his shoulders and rose with him to the stars.
Emotion built within her until she couldn’t contain it any longer. Time was immeasurable. After a moment that seemed to last an eternity, her head dropped back into the pillow and she cried out while one tremor after another racked her body.
He thrust inside her once more, then once again, then stilled above her. He shuddered and fell against her, his seed inside her, his weight atop her. She’d never felt anything so wondrous in her life.
She skimmed her hands over his flesh, touching him, caressing him, loving him as tears of happiness fell from the corners of her eyes. Then she wrapped her arms around him and held him close.
For a long time neither of them moved. Finally her breathing calmed to match his. He lifted his head and looked into her eyes. She knew he wanted to speak, but words had no place between them. They would only destroy the perfection of what they’d shared.
She pressed her finger to his lips to trap any words from escaping. “Kiss me again,” she whispered.
And he did.
___
Lydia opened her eyes and looked at the man sleeping beside her. His breathing was slow and even, and he seemed relaxed.
He was the most handsome man she’d ever seen. Even with the scars on his body and the limitations of his leg, he was perfect. She knew what she’d done had been foolish, but in her heart, she knew something no one else knew. Especially Major Gabriel Talbot.
She loved him.
Her body warmed when she thought of what they’d done, of what they’d shared, and her heart thundered in her breast. Loving him was so complicated.
And hopeless.
He would never be hers. She belonged to the Marquess of Culbertson. For some reason she couldn’t understand, he’d handed her over when the duke had come to see her father. Handed her over as if he hadn’t been given a choice.
She slid from the bed and slipped into her gown and robe, then sat on the straight-back chair near the bed. She wanted to understand why he’d told her he didn’t love her when her heart told her he did. It was her name he’d cried out the night Austin brought him home. Her voice that brought him back when he’d given up and wanted to die. But most of all, her body and heart he’d claimed for his own.
She looked down to make sure he still slept. She should regret what they’d done. Perhaps she did, but not for the reasons she should. Not because she wouldn’t go to her husband a virgin.
She stared at the hands that had touched her with such passion, that had worked a magic that had driven her almost to a point of madness. Hands that had taken her to heights she’d never imagined. Naked flesh that had burned hot against her.
No, she didn’t regret what they’d done. She only regretted that they would never share such passion again.
She lifted her gaze to his face, and the depths of his midnight blue eyes jolted her back to reality. He was awake, studying her as intently as she studied him. Looking at her as if he were seeing her for the first time.
She couldn’t hold his gaze and turned toward the door. “I have to go,” she said taking a step away from him.
“Wait.”
She stopped, but couldn’t force herself to turn around.
“Are you all right?” he asked, his voice filled with concern.
Her cheeks grew hot. “Yes.”
She heard him move behind her, knew he was up, getting dressed. She felt him come near her more than heard him. Her body grew warm. His nearness always affected her like that.
He stood behind her, his body pressed against hers. He wrapped his arms around her chest and brought her even closer.
This is what she’d always remember - their bodies molded to each other - his taller, stronger frame wrapped around her to form a protective cocoon - his lips close enough to touch her cheek. She filed away this memory, to be able to bring it out when she needed to remind herself that she’d been loved, truly loved.
After a long moment he broke the silence. “Liddy, what happened last night was my fault. You weren’t to blame. I should never have let it go that far.”
She took a deep breath. “Do you regret what we did?”
He hesitated and she turned in his arms. “The truth, Gabriel. I deserve the truth. Do you regret what we did?”
His eyes clouded with something she didn’t understand. Perhaps his inner struggle as he decided what answer to give her. His shoulders lifted and she knew he’d made his decision.
“If I were any kind of man, I would. God help me, I would. But I don’t.”
His answer shook the foundation of the fortress she’d built to protect herself after he’d left her. The fortress around her heart so his betrayal didn’t destroy her. Now, she wasn’t sure of anything. And she needed to be. She needed to be sure of something, at least.
She locked her gaze with his and refused to allow him to ignore her. “Why did you lie to me when you told me you didn’t love me?”
He hesitated, then started to speak. She stopped him with a wave of her hand. “No lies, Gabriel. What did the Duke of Chisolmwood say or do that made Father refuse your offer?”
He shook his head and walked to look out the window. “Don’t, Liddy. Don’t look for things that aren’t there.”
“What’s not there? The fact that you love me, but won’t say the words? Or is it that you can’t say them? What happened that day that destroyed our future together?”
“Don’t torture yourself like this.” He locked his gaze with hers. “I know you’d like to believe there is a way for us to have a life together, but there isn’t. I can’t ask you to marry me because I have nothing to offer you. Even if I did, you couldn’t accept because you’re not free to do so. Your father wanted you to marry Culbertson. He chose him for your husband. It’s too late to think things can be different.”
His words slashed through her like sharp knives that shredded her heart. The pain was suddenly more than she could bear. “What if I told you I would leave this all behind and go anywhere with you if only you’d ask?”
He reached out and clutched his fingers around the corner of the small table beside the window. It was as if he needed it as an anchor to stay upright.
“Would you ask me, Gabriel? Do you want me enough to ask?”
She stared at the tortured expression on his face. She prayed that his hesitation meant he considered her offer. Because she was serious. She would go anywhere with him. She would give up everything to be with him. She loved him that much. “Do you?”
His face paled and when she looked into his eyes, a haunted emptiness stared back at her.
“No,” he whispered, and the bottom fell out of her world.
On legs that threatened not to support her, she made her way across the room and left.
This time forever.
___
The following week was torture. Gabriel spent every minute of his days trying to forget the time he’d spent in Liddy’s arms. Then, he spent every night pacing the floor so he wouldn’t have to relive how his words had hurt her.
From her pale complexion and the dark circles rimming her eyes, he didn’t doubt she lived the same torture. Thankfully, their wait would soon be over. Austin was nearly well enough to risk the journey to Rouen. Just a few more days.
He walked down the hall and knocked on Austin’s door. When he opened the door, he found Liddy sitting beside Austin’s bed, along with Culbertson.
Gabe avoided more than a glance with Liddy. They were both too adept at reading each other’s looks. Instead, he looked at Austin. “How are you feeling?”
“Better each day. I was just telling Liddy that if I feel much better I’m going to run the inn short of food.”
Gabe smiled. He was glad Austin was improving. Glad there was almost a smile on his face – almost. He wasn’t sure what had happened to his friend while he was in prison, but it hadn’t left him. Hopefully, some day he’d want to at least talk about it.
“Have you decided when we’ll leave?” Culbertson asked.
“In a few days. That will give us enough time to reach Rouen, without having to hide too long outside the city.”
Culbertson nodded.
“I hope you’re not putting off leaving because of me,” Austin said. “I’m fit enough to travel. The longer we stay here, the more danger for Jean-Paul and his family.”
Gabe shook his head. “My hope is that LeBrouche will think we’ve already left the city.”
“Maybe he’s given up his search for us,” Liddy said. There was a hopefulness in her tone, but Austin dispelled any chances of that happening.
“LeBrouche will never give up his search for Gabe,” Austin added. “When we were in the Crimea, LeBrouche offered an illogical suggestion for an offensive maneuver. LeBrouche’s commanding officer asked Gabe what he thought of LeBrouche’s idea and Gabe explained why it wouldn’t work. After listening to Gabe, the French commander announced that he wished he would have at least one intelligent officer like Gabe to work with instead of the imbeciles France had sent him.” Austin looked at Gabe. “LeBrouche is too proud to let that insult go without exacting revenge. You’re lucky he didn’t recognize you when he first saw you.”
“Thankfully, the beard I had in the Crimea served a useful purpose – other than keeping my face warm in the winter.”
Austin sank back into the mattress and closed his eyes. “When we return to England, I’m going to go to the country and live like a hermit. I intend to let a beard grow so long I’ll frighten the neighboring children if they come too near.”
Everyone laughed good-naturedly - except Liddy. “You wouldn’t, Austin.”
A slight smile lifted his lips. “No, Liddy. I was only—”
Austin halted his words at the sound of footsteps rushing toward their room. Gabe and Culbertson rose and looked toward the door as it swung open and Jean-Paul entered.
“I’m afraid your visit has come to an abrupt end, my friend. LeBrouche and his soldiers are combing the area. They’re not far away.”
Gabe and Culbertson helped Austin to his feet, but before they could move with him, two of Jean-Paul’s friends had him and were almost out of the room.
“I have a wagon in the alley. Take only what you can grab. We’ll take care of the rest.”
Gabe looked at Liddy. “Go. Get down to the wagon as quickly as you can.”
She ran to her room. Gabe ran to his. He grabbed his clothes and a pistol he had hidden in the drawer and raced toward the stairs.
It was chaotic, with people running to straighten the rooms they’d just left so it looked like they’d been unoccupied.
Culbertson was already in the alley, and Gabe followed as quickly as his leg would allow. Jean-Paul followed him.
“Take the back alleys and get out of Paris as quickly as you can,” Jean-Paul said. “Henri will lead you. He knows the shortcuts. I’m sure the soldiers will have roadblocks set for you so stay off any well-traveled roads. Follow the Seine River. It’ll take you directly to Rouen.”
“Thank you, Jean-Paul,” Gabriel said, then clutched the Frenchman’s arm. “Come with us. You aren’t safe.”
Jean-Paul shook his head. “I’ll stay here with my Jeannette and Jennie. LeBrouche has no quarrel with me.”
“You don’t know that.”
“If it’s not safe, I’ll come to you later. I don’t intend to be a martyr.”
Gabriel nodded, then checked the wagon. Everyone was there but Liddy. She raced into the alley just as he was about to go in after her.
He reached out his arm to help her up but she raced past him to where Jean-Paul stood. “Thank you for everything,” she said, then gave Jean-Paul a hug.
“Be happy, my lady. You and my friend deserve it.”
She nodded, then stepped up into the back of the wagon.
“Here is some food,” Jennie said, lifting a basket into the wagon. Jean-Paul lifted another basket as well as a keg of ale. Jeannette reached in with a round of cheese wrapped in a cloth. “If you’re careful,” she said, “the food should last until you reach Rouen. God go with you.”
Liddy reached for the woman’s hand. “Thank you. Be safe.”
Jeannette nodded and stepped closer to her husband. Jean-Paul wrapped one arm around his wife’s shoulder and the other around his daughter’s.
Gabe climbed onto the wagon next to Morgan and reached for the reins. He chose that moment to look back at his precious cargo and his gaze locked with Liddy’s. “Put a blanket around your shoulders,” he ordered. “It’s cold.”
Lydia took the blanket Hannah handed her and wrapped it around her shoulders, then turned to wave at Jean-Paul and Jeannette and Jennie. Gabe slapped the reins against the horses’ rumps and the wagon rolled down the alley. Now, all he had to do was get everyone out of France, and to England safely.
Chapter 17
The sun was high in the sky and they were far enough out of Paris that Gabriel should be able to breathe easier. But he couldn’t. An uneasy feeling that always warned him when something wasn’t right raged full force, and the voice he’d learned to listen to during the war told him to be on the alert.
He looked to both sides of the path they traveled but saw nothing suspicious. Maybe it was only his
imagination. Maybe he expected the two soldiers they’d avoided as they left Paris to show up with LeBrouche.
Or, maybe it was the guilt that continued to gnaw at his conscience concerning what he and Liddy had shared. Guilt because he hadn’t been strong enough to keep her out of his bed. Guilt because even though he knew it was impossible for him to marry her, he didn’t want anyone else to have her either.
The thought of Culbertson holding her, touching her, making love to her was more than he wanted to consider.
He thought of the way she’d clung to him, writhed beneath him, cradled him deep inside her. Remembering what they’d shared made him want to demand that the Duke of Chisolmwood give up his plan to marry her to his son. But he couldn’t do that. The Duke of Chisolmwod still held too many notes. He still had the power to ruin Harrison and Austin if they didn’t honor the agreement Lydia’s father had signed.
He urged the team along the French back roads as his mind tried to convince his heart of the hopelessness of a life with Liddy. The Marquess of Culbertson’s voice pulled him back to what was happening.
“Perhaps it would be wise to stop to rest the horses and take a bite to eat,” Culbertson said from the back of the wagon.
Gabe pulled on the reins and the team slowed. He’d lost track of how long they’d traveled without stopping.
“We’ll pull into that copse of trees,” he answered, nodding to his right. “We should be well hidden in case any of LeBrouche’s men come by.”
He steered the wagon through an opening in the trees and stopped.
Culbertson stumbled to the ground with Morgan’s help and held on to the side of the wagon to hold himself up. Hannah and Liddy disembarked next, but Austin was too weak to get up.
“Don’t go too far,” Gabe warned Liddy and the maid when he saw them walk into the woods to find some privacy. Culbertson and Morgan both went in the opposite direction of the ladies, and Gabe stayed to keep watch until Morgan returned. One of them had to be on guard at all times.
He moved closer to Austin. “How are you doing?”
“I’d be better if you’d find fewer ruts to hit. Whoever told you that you could drive a wagon?”