by Laura Landon
She left the ballroom and breathed in the cool night air. With a heavy sigh, she rubbed her fingers against her temples. She was as tired as she’d ever been. And as confused.
Culbertson had come to see her as his father said he would, and he’d asked her to marry him. She’d accepted because she had no choice. Not if she wanted to keep her brothers from losing everything. She didn’t doubt for a second that the Duke of Chisolmwood would follow through on his threat.
Lydia took in a huge gulp of air and hugged her middle. If only she’d never met Gabriel. If only she’d never fallen in love with him. If only they’d never made love. Then she wouldn’t know how wonderful love could be. Or how much she would always miss him.
She felt like a fragile string being pulled so tightly she was ready to snap. She’d never considered herself as having a delicate disposition. Never thought she might fall apart at the slightest provocation. But that’s how she felt now - as if the next step she took might not be on solid ground and she’d fall into a pit so deep she’d never be able to climb out.
And it was all his fault. Gabriel’s. Twice she’d thought she’d lost him in France, but even that hadn’t been as painful as when he’d walked out of her life the day they returned. She knew then that he’d never come back and she wasn’t sure she was brave enough to survive on her own.
She wanted to laugh. This was his fault, too. She desperately wanted to be alone with him, to sit with him someplace quiet and talk, to let him hold her and kiss her and make love to her.
She thought of the Marquess of Culbertson talking to Emmeline in the candlelit alcove and wondered how long she could be gone before they’d miss her. She knew not long, and took a step toward the doorway, then stopped when a voice whispered from behind her.
“Have you come out to enjoy the beautiful evening?”
The earth shifted beneath her. For just a second she was afraid to turn around in case the voice didn’t belong to Gabriel. In case there was someone else in the world whose nearness sent shivers down her spine. In case there was someone else with the ability to cause her heart to thunder in her breast.
But she knew there wasn’t.
She prepared to show him she hadn’t given him a thought since he’d left, and slowly turned around. It only took one look for her breath to catch in her throat and her heart to soar. She had to force herself to breathe.
“Gabriel.”
“Lady Lydia.” He bowed politely. “How are you?”
“Very well, thank you. And you?”
He smiled. “I’ve been well.”
His gaze didn’t leave her face. It was as if he was memorizing every feature. She felt the same, as if he might have changed in the last week. She studied him to make sure he hadn’t.
“I’m rather surprised to see you here. I don’t remember that you were especially fond of crowds.”
“I’m not.”
An uncomfortable silence stretched between them and she filled the gap with the first words that came to mind. “I was just returning to Lord Culbertson. He’s waiting for me. Would you care to join us?”
Gabriel shook his head. “I came to talk to you.”
She hesitated. “I don’t think—”
“It won’t take long.”
When she hesitated longer he finished with, “It’s important, Liddy.”
He stepped closer and leaned against the stone railing.
She knew from experience it was his habit to take his weight off his injured leg when it ached. “How is your leg?”
He lifted his cane and smiled. “Getting stronger. I won’t be a threat on the dance floor any time soon, but now I can walk across a ballroom floor without making a spectacle of myself.”
“At least you have an excuse. I danced with Lord Bingly earlier this evening. Looking at him, you’d think he had two perfectly good legs. My toes found out how deceiving appearances can be.”
She was glad her comment elicited a small chuckle. She suddenly felt somewhat uncomfortable. “Harrison tells me the Queen has requested to see you. Have you been yet?”
“I have an audience with her tomorrow.”
Lydia thought how exciting it was that the Queen had asked to see him and wished she could be there when he returned to hear every word Her Majesty said to him. She suddenly recalled how the two of them had shared every event with the other, every thought.
Her heart gave a sudden lurch, then settled into a soft ache because she knew that would never happen again.
She almost wished she’d never discovered why he’d lied to her when he’d said he wouldn’t marry her without her dowry. She wished she didn’t understand how difficult it had been for him to walk away from her that day.
“Has the Marquess of Culbertson asked for your hand yet?”
Lydia’s heart shifted painfully in her chest. She reached out to steady herself against the stone railing. After she composed herself, she took a deep breath and turned to face him with a broad smile on her face. “Yes, Geoffery asked me to marry him.”
Gabriel paused, but in the dim moonlight she couldn’t tell if his expression changed.
“Did you give him an answer?”
“Of course. Haven’t you heard? The duke is hosting a gala affair tomorrow night to announce our engagement. All of London will be there. I’m surprised you weren’t invited. In a way, you are responsible for the two of us getting together.”
“I am, aren’t I.”
She dropped her hand from the railing and gave him her back. Before she had time to move she felt him step up behind her. His body towered over her, big and warm, all strength and power, and her breath caught in her throat. She waited for him to touch her, praying he would, fearing he wouldn’t.
Ever so lightly, he placed his hands atop her shoulders, gently pulling her back against him, back to chest, hips to loins, legs to thighs. An explosive heat surged through her and she leaned more snugly against him.
She didn’t want to be separated from him, didn’t want to think of having to step out of his arms.
She leaned her head back against his chest. “I know what happened the day Chisolmwood came to see Father. I know why you lied to me.”
His muscles stiffened around her.
“Damn,” he whispered.
“It’s not your fault, Gabriel. I know that now. I would have made the same choice if our roles had been reversed.”
He nestled her closer. “I know you would have, but I hoped you’d never find out.”
“I’m glad I did. At least now I know you love me. Even when you told me you didn’t. And I can tell you that I’ll always love you.”
He moaned a sigh of anguish that shattered her heart.
“I’d give anything if things could be different,” he whispered, then lowered his head and placed a soft, gentle kiss in the crease where her shoulder began its rise to her throat.
Her tiny moan escaped into the nighttime sky. “But they can’t.”
He kissed her again, then dropped his hands from around her. A huge gulf of emptiness washed over her.
It was over. Now she’d have only this last memory to add to the others.
She took a big breath that hurt going in, then stepped away from him. “I have to return. I’m sure Lord Culbertson wonders where I’ve gone.”
She put one foot in front of the other and walked away from him this one last time.
“Are you with child?” His voice was little more than a whisper.
She stopped as if she’d come upon a brick wall. She hurt, more than she thought it was possible to hurt.
Oh, how she’d love to be able to look him in the eyes and tell him she was. If the Duke of Chisolmwood hadn’t ruined their lives, having Gabriel’s baby would have been the most wonderful event of her life. Instead, she’d cried for days when she’d begun her monthly, knowing she’d lost all connection to Gabriel forever.
She didn’t turn around, she couldn’t face him.
“No, there’s no
child. We can both walk away this time with no regrets.”
And Lydia walked away from him.
Somehow she made her way across the terrace with her head high. She placed a smile on her face before she stepped into the ballroom, then stopped short when she collided with the Marquess of Culbertson.
He looked at her a long time, then held out his arm. When she placed her hand on it, he rested his fingers atop hers and patted her hand in a reassuring, yet somehow understanding gesture.
He looked down at her the same time she looked up, and he smiled. “Perhaps before tomorrow night, you and I should talk.”
___
Gabriel walked at Harrison’s side as they left the Queen’s private rooms. His cane hit the hardwood floor with a resounding echo, his uneven gait, now familiar to his ears, was more pronounced as they walked through the great halls. First one, then another bewigged footman opened doors as they made their way through the maze of corridors. Gabriel’s heart skipped a beat as a strange hitch pulsed inside his chest.
He’d expected Her Highness’s gratitude for the role he’d played in the Crimea. He hadn’t expected the rest.
A footman opened the last door and bright sunshine hit his face, a sign that perfectly matched his mood. He and Harrison walked across the red brick drive to where their carriage awaited them. Harrison climbed in first, with Gabriel following after him. Gabriel sank down onto the plush burgundy leather and closed his eyes in disbelief. He had everything he’d always dreamed of having.
If only he had someone to share it with.
“I thought Her Highness was in a very good mood today,” Harrison said when they were on their way.
Gabriel’s loud laughter echoed inside the carriage. “Good mood? Good mood! Bloody hell! I’m afraid that before I reach my small, dingy flat she’ll realize what she’s done and take everything back.
Harrison laughed. “Oh, you mean the two country estates she gave you – both of which are extremely profitable, I might add. And the London town house. Quite an enviable piece of property. I know a number of men who’ve had their eye on it for a long time to no avail.”
“It was too much.”
Harrison focused his gaze on Gabriel. “How much would you put on even one of the lives you saved when you took those papers from that Russian general?”
“I didn’t do it because I thought I’d be rewarded.”
“No one thinks you did.”
Gabriel sat back against the seat and tried to digest the vastness of what the queen had bestowed on him. He was a rich man. Far wealthier than he’d ever dreamed of being.
Oh, not in coin. Her Majesty hadn’t given him a monetary reward of any great sum. But in time, the land she’d given him would make him wealthy.
He closed his eyes to block out Lydia’s image. His wealth no longer mattered without her to share it with.
He knew he shouldn’t ask, yet he couldn’t keep from finding out. “I hear tonight is the ball to announce your sister’s engagement. I’m sure the Duke of Chisolmwood is pleased his plan is finally fulfilled.”
Harrison turned to look out the window. “I’m sorry, Gabe. I tried to get father’s debts paid before Lydia had to marry Culbertson but the amount was just so damned huge. How Father could have been so irresponsible is beyond comprehension.”
“Lydia said he wasn’t the same after your mother died.”
“No, he never got over her death.” He turned back to face Gabriel, his expression filled with amazement. “Do you know the reason Chisolmwood went to such lengths to force Father to sign the betrothal agreement?”
Gabe shook his head. This was a part of the mystery he couldn’t understand.
“Chisolmwood was madly in love with Mother. He spent his whole life thinking she loved him, too. In his demented mind he’s convinced Mother was unhappy with Father.”
“Hell,” Gabriel hissed through his clenched teeth. He knew there was a hidden reason why Chisolmwood had gone to such lengths, but nothing as unbelievable as this. “So, Liddy is your mother’s replacement.”
For several long minutes neither of them spoke. Finally, he heard Harrison’s whisper. “It’s not too late, Gabe. Take Liddy and run. You love each other. You deserve to be happy.”
Gabe shook his head. “How long do you think either of us will be happy knowing you and Austin have been ruined? Or do you think Chisolmwood won’t exact revenge if we run off together?” Gabriel laughed. “He will. Don’t doubt it for a second, Harrison, or you’ll lose everything!”
“I know.” The carriage turned the corner to Etherhouse and slowed.
“Would you care to come in and have a drink to celebrate your visit with the Queen?”
Gabriel shook his head. “Another time. I think I need to go home. It’s been a long day, and you’ll need to get ready for Liddy’s engagement ball tonight.”
“I’d rather not go.”
Gabriel knew that was how he’d feel if he were in Harrison’s place, but staying away wasn’t an option. “This is Liddy’s future you’re celebrating. She needs you to be there for her.”
The carriage stopped and Harrison disembarked. “What are you going to do now?” he said before closing the door.
“Her Highness just gave me a London town house you tell me will make me the envy of half of London, plus two country estates. I think after a good night’s sleep I’ll see exactly what I own. I’d like the use of your carriage for a few days if you don’t mind.”
“Use it as long as you like.”
Harrison started to close the door and Gabriel stopped him. “Take good care of her.”
“I will,” Harrison said, then gave the driver Gabriel’s directions.
The carriage took off down the street and Gabriel leaned back into the seat. This was it then. As close as he would ever be to her again. As far away as he would always be from her.
After tomorrow, he’d leave for the country. That had always been his dream, as well as hers, and he’d make the best of the opportunity he’d been given.
Without her.
Without the half of his heart he needed to do more than simply exist.
The carriage stopped in front of the small flat he’d rented, and Gabriel scooted toward the door. Bloody hell, but his leg was stiff. The hours he’d had to stand before the Queen made his leg ache as much as trying to hold his balance aboard the ship had. He couldn’t wait to get inside and rub his knotting muscles.
He maneuvered down the steps the Etherington driver lowered for him and stepped to the ground. His footsteps halted when he saw a shiny black carriage with the Marquess of Culbertson’s emblazoned crest on the door in front of his rooming house.
An austere-looking gentleman walked toward him carrying a small leather-bound folder that he held guardedly near his body. Another gentleman accompanied him.
“Major Talbot?”
“Yes.”
Gabriel arched his eyebrows and waited. After a short silence the man looked toward the rooming house door.
“We’ve been sent by the Marquess of Culbertson on business. Could we go inside?”
Gabriel nodded, then led the way into his ground-floor flat and stepped inside the small, sparsely-furnished room. He closed the door behind the two men and turned to face them. “What do you want?”
“My employer, the Marquess of Culbertson, sent me with the express purpose of delivering a parcel. I believe his exact term was…gift.”
“And the reason for this…gift?”
“A repayment of sorts, for services rendered.”
Gabriel felt his temper rise. After tonight, Culbertson would have the only gift that was important to him, and no bloody substitute would make what he’d taken away from him hurt any less. “Tell your employer I won’t accept his gift. I want nothing from him, or from his father.”
“Lord Culbertson explained you might feel this way, but he insists you open the folder before you make a final decision.”
Culbertson’s sec
retary held out the leather packet he’d been guarding since he’d arrived.
Gabriel lowered his gaze to the man’s outstretched arm, hesitated, then took the folder.
Using his cane to help him to the small table in the center of the room, he placed the folder on the scarred surface and opened it. He reached inside and—
“What the hell is this?”
“It’s payment in the amount of—” Culbertson’s secretary stopped and handed Gabriel a slip of paper he’d retrieved from his jacket pocket. “It’s a gift in that exact amount. We can count it if you’d like to make sure—”
“No.”
Gabriel stared at the amount on the paper and let his heart race in his chest. It was the exact amount Harrison told him remained of his father’s debts. Culbertson was gifting him the money to pay Lydia’s blackmailer. “Why?”
“Lord Culbertson has his reasons.”
“What does he expect in return?”
Culbertson’s secretary smiled. “Lord Culbertson said you would know the answer to that.”
The two men looked at each other for several long seconds. “There is one more item,” Culbertson’s man said, reaching back into his pocket and taking out a smaller envelope. “I’m to give you this.”
Gabriel took the envelope and opened it. It was an invitation to the ball the Duke of Chisolmwood was hosting tonight to announce Lydia’s engagement to his son.
“My presence is requested?”
“I don’t believe Lord Culbertson used the term ‘requested’, Major Talbot. I think he has something more definite in mind.”
“I see.”
“Lord Culbertson thought you would.”
The man walked to the door and stopped. “Until tonight, then.”
Gabriel showed his guests out, then sank down on the chair beside the table and stared at the folder filled with an astronomical amount of money – the same amount Harrison and Austin still owed on their father’s notes. Culbertson must have discovered his father’s blackmail plan and didn’t want to start his marriage with such a dark cloud marring his future happiness. After all, what groom wants to know his bride was blackmailed into marrying him? But why was it so important for Gabriel to be at the engagement ball tonight?