He let out a huff of breath, remembering how alone she had been when he had first met her. `She has no family-has always been alone, has never had anyone to care for her, to love her. And she's been hurt. She doesn't trust easily.'
`You want to be the man to change that?'
His gran's perception had always been scary. 'I'd hoped that might happen. Now I think I've blown it. I made a stupid miscalculation-and I'd been so careful, so patient until then. Callie has retreated, and she won't talk tome: Frustrated, he ran his hands through his hair.
`You have to try, Frazer. She needs you. I was really hoping Callie would spend the day with us tomorrow, that we could give her a happy, loving Christmas,' his grandmother admitted sadly.
`I wanted that, too.'
Now he wasn't sure it was going to be possible. How could it be when Callie had shut him out so completely since they had patted unhappily the previous morning? Sighing, he leaned forward and absently stroked Hamish, who lay relaxed and untroubled in front of the fine. Frazer's own mind was distracted as he wrestled with the Callie problem and how he was going to solve it.
The round of his mobile phone ringing permeated the thoughtful silence in the room.
`Sorry, Gran, I have to take this.'
Her smile was understanding. `I'11 go and put the kettle on. Maybe a cup of tea will help aid our thinking up a plan.'
Grateful to have someone on his side, he answered the phone. `Frazer McInnes. s Archie.'
`Hello, boss.' He frowned, concerned there had been some major incident that required him to go in to work. `Is anything wrong? Do you need me?'
`I' m hoping you can help solve a problem. Is there something going on with Callie that I should know about?' his boss asked without preamble.
Frazer's stomach lurched. `Excuse me?' Surely Archie hadn't found out about the other night at the McStays'?
`Callie came to see me today.'
Frazer stilled, his mind in turmoil.
`She's resigned.'
Shocked and hurt, it took him a moment to find his voice. `She's done what? Why?'
`I don't know. That's why I rang. I wondered if Callie had laid anything to you-if she's been unhappy. She says this isn't what she wants after all and she's going back to Glasgow.'
The news was devastating. Frazer didn't know what to say. Why? That was the question that kept pounding in his brain. After hanging up, assuring Archie he'd do what he could, he stared at the decorations, the presents under the fragrant tree. Some of them for Callie. Happy Christmas. Yeah, right. He'd never felt less cheerful. His insides were knotted and fear weighed heavily upon him. He had to see Callie, talk to her, find out what was going on and why she was running away. Because the more he thought about it the more he was sure that was what was happening. For whatever reason, she had panicked about that night. She'd been denying it from the moment they had woken up, saying it didn't mean anything, that it was a one-off. The hell it was.
She'd been swaddled in clothes against the freezing temperature, but all he'd been aware of was the amazing heat between them, the unique feeling of being inside her, joined so completely, and of the searing intensity of pleasure that had been so much more titan he had ever known before. He wanted more with Callie, wanted everything, but she was spooked and he needed to know why. No way could he let her go. Not without a fight.
He wanted to spend hours lovingly exploring every inch of her body, listening to those arousing sounds she made when she surrendered to pleasure. And he wanted to bring her endless pleasure in every way he could. He wanted her to let go of her rigid control, as she had that night in the dark, and he wanted her to trust him to take her to paradise and bring her safely back again. To trust him not to hurt her or ever let her down. So much had happened between them in the few weeks running up to Christmas, and he couldn't let it end here-not when he knew in his heart and soul that Callie was special and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life showing her what she meant to him.
His mind made up, he walked through to the kitchen. `Gran, I'm sorry, but I have to go.'
`Callie?'
`Yes.' He swallowed, finding it hard to say the words out loud. `That was my boss. Callie resigned today. I have to see her-talk to her, try to stop her.'
`Of course you do, darling. Do what you have to. And bring her here tomorrow if you can.' She smiled, resting a hand on his cheek, warming him with her kindness, her faith, her understanding.
`I'll do my best.'
Calling Hamish to him, he kissed his grandmother and went out into the swirling snow. Dusk was upon them as he climbed into his vehicle, the hills behind the town shrouded in cloud. He stopped at the local bakery, open until lace before closing for the holiday, then headed to Callie's house, hoping that he wasn't too late.
After seeing Archie, Callie had walked until she was exhausted, hoping to forget. Now she lay back in a hot bubble bath, the fragrance of coconut filling the small room. Frazer loved the scent. She closed her eyes, wondering why every little thing made her think of him. It hurt so much. She had been so incredibly foolish. How had she ever imagined she could steal that night out of time and think things would go back to normal afterwards? Making love with Frazer had been the most incredible thing she had ever experienced. That she would never know such ecstasy again made her cry, and it was as if something had died inside her. Worst of all, she had hurt him. She had never meant to, had somehow persuaded herself that it wouldn't mean that much to him, but the pain and confusion in his eyes had been unbearable.
Annie was away, visiting her mother for a few days over Christmas, so she wasn't able to talk with her. Not that she had ever had a friend to confide in before, or to ask for advice. And what would Annie say? She would encourage her to tell Frazer the truth, and she just couldn't. He would be appalled, would no longer find her remotely attractive. So either way it was over. There was no option but to give up her dream job and her new-found home and friends in Strathlochan-and ail thoughts of belonging somewhere. It was impossible to stay here now. She couldn't go on working with Frazer, not loving him as she did and knowing all was hopeless. Nor could she stay if he knew the truth. It would be too awkward, too painful.
As the water cooled, she rose, averting her gaze from the reflection of her damaged body in the mirror. She hated looking at herself, felt so incomplete. Breasts were so much a part of being a woman, and The insistent ring of the doorbell intruded on her painful thoughts. She pulled on her robe, her skip dewy and flushed from her bath, and went downstairs, horrified to find Frazer on her doorstep. Before she could stop him, he slipped inside, Hamish at his heels, and carried a bag through to the kitchen. Shaking, she watched him, seeing the sadness in his melting chocolate eyes, the dark circles beneath, the shadow of stubble darkening his jaw.
`W—what are you doing?' She cursed the tremor in her voice that threatened to give her away.
`I've brought you some pecan and maple Danish.' It was so incongruous she didn't know what to say. `How did you know I liked them?' she asked at length, wary and confused, wrapping her arms around herself to resist the overwhelming urge to go to him.
`Given the names of your cats, it wasn't such a stretch.'
The full-on dimpled smile stole the very breath from her lungs. Danger signals clanged inside her. She couldn't weaken. Not even when his voice dropped and sent a tingle down her spin.
`Callie...'
`You shouldn't have come here.'
`Archie rang me. He's worried about you. So am I.' His smile faded and his eyes held confusion, hurt and regret. `Why, Callie? You're putting down roots here, you have friends, you love your job. Why are you running away?'
Tears scalded her eyes and she fought to keep them at bay. `I can't stay here.'
`Tell me why.'
She shook her head, backing up as he moved towards her. 'Don't, Frazer.'
`I want to understand. I need to know.'
`Why?' She moved into the living room, trying to put more distance between them. `
What difference does it make to you?'
Dark brown eyes filled with an emotion she had never expected to see. `I love you, Callie. I care what happens to you and I want to be here for you.'
She thought her heart was going to stop. He couldn't love her. He wouldn't love her if he knew. `You can't,' she whispered, feeling broken inside, wishing this wasn't happening.
`Why not?'
There was only one way she could explain. Without words. Now the moment was here, Callie didn't think she could do it. With a mix of defiance and resignation, she forced violently trembling fingers to undo the tie of her robe. Watching his eyes, she waited for the moment of realisation, the revulsion and rejection which she knew would come. She fought back tears as she slid the robe from her shoulders and allowed it to slither down her arms, leaving her naked, exposed...the truth revealed.
Shock darkened his eyes and she heard his indrawn breath. For a moment he just stared at her, apparently incapable of speech or movement, and her bravado deserted her. This had been another foolish mistake. Unable to hold back her whimper of distress, she snatched up the robe and turned away, commanding hands that seemed paralysed to refasten it, legs that refused to move to get her out of here. Desperate, humiliated, she stumbled from the room.
`No!' The negative was rough, taut with emotion. Hands caught her before she made it halfway up the stairs, arms locking round her to subdue her frantic struggles for freedom. `No, Callie, don't.' Frazer's voice was raw, his breath warm on her neck as he nuzzled against her. `Please, sweetheart. Trust me.'
Her whole body shook from head to toe. Despite his words, she could only think of escaping. `Let me go. Let me go.'
`I can't do that, Callie. I' m never going to let you go.'
`Frazer...'
His hold tightened. `Did you think this would matter to me? Did you think that I would desire you less? I've been crazy with wanting you since the first moment we met... I still want you.'
He pressed close behind her, one hand splaying low over her belly as he pulled her against him, making her intensely aware of the hard length of his arousal. Disbelief, excitement and fear all swirled inside her. Disbelief that he could still bear to touch her, could still possibly find her attractive. Excitement because she ached for him and wanted him more than she'd believed possible. Fear because she found it so hard to trust, couldn't bear to have him look at her or touch her. Was she just a novelty? A challenge? Did he pity her? Whatever it was, she knew she would never walk away intact if this we any further.
`You have to go.'
'I'm not leaving you, Callie. Not ever. So you'd better get used to it.'
Before she could reply to his determined words, he picked her up in his arms and carried her the rest of the way upstairs and into her bedroom. He drew back the duvet and set her in the bed with exquisite gentleness, quickly dispensing with his clothes before following her down. Pulling the covers over them, he turned her towards him and cupped
her face with his bands. Tears squeezed between her lashes at the care and the sincerity and what did indeed look impossibly like love in his incredibly sexy eyes.
`Frazer...'
`Shh.' Cradling her head against his shoulder, wrapped an arm around her waist, drawing her Closer, one deliciously masculine leg slipping between hers. `Just let me hold you, sweetheart.'
Unable to hold back her tears, she allowed herself to relax against him, seeking his comfort and his strength, hardly daring to believe that any of this was real.
Choking back his own emotion, Frazer held Callie tight and let her cry out her hurt. So much now made sense to him, like a morning fog clearing under the heat of the sun to reveal the view. He realised now why she hadn't wanted him to touch her there, why she had been scared to go to the hospital when she was hurt or to let him examine her, why she always wore baggy clothes. Annie had discovered Callie's secret, but had been duty-bound not to break her confidence. That was something else he now understood. No doubt this was why Callie had believed herself undesirable, never likely to have a relationship or children. Why she had thought one Wight in the dark with her clothes on was all she could hope for. Her bastard of a husband had clearly given her no support, had shredded her fragile self-image, left her when she'd needed someone most. And, having no one else, she had been through everything alone. His heart ached for her.
There was so much he needed to know. What had happened, how she felt, if she was on medication, what the prognosis was. Not that it made any difference to how he felt about her. He would be by her side from now on whatever happened, and she wouldn't be alone ever again. It was time she knew that. And time she knew just how sexy and desirable he found her. As her tears subsided, he tipped her head up so he could look at her, leaning in to lick the salty tears from beneath beautiful but bruised purple eyes.
`I love you, Callie.' He saw her swallow, saw rosy lips tremble. `I'm going to say it every day for the rest of our lives and prove to you in every way that it's true.'
`I'm not perfect.'
Her whispered words brought a lump to his throat. `You're perfect to me. The person you are, inside and out, your courage, your compassion, your strength, your humour, your kindness. I see all of you; Callie. I love all of you.' Carefully, he slipped a hand inside her robe and gently covered her misshapen right breast with his palm, hearing her gasp as her breath hitched, feeling her body tense. `Even this. It's part of you. I ache for what you have been through but this doesn't make me love you any less. It never will:
Callie struggled to come to terms with all Frazer had said, unable to doubt his sincerity. When his mouth brushed hers, his tongue teasing each corner before whispering along the seam of her lips, her response was instinctive.
`Let me show you how much I love you, Callie, how sexy I find you.'
She whimpered, her lips parting to meet a kiss that was slow, drugging, deeply seductive. Her arms slid round him, her fingers exploring the broad expanse of his back, lean muscles flexing under warm, supple skin. Every particle of her being quivered with sensations she had never expected to know again. His touch electrified her. Fear slowly vanished as he pulled back and stripped the robe from her body, his hands unsteady, nothing in his eyes but desire, and love, and hot, sexy passion. It made her want to cry again. This time with happiness. His fingertips explored her with heart-stopping
gentleness, and she caught her breath as they moved to her right breast. `Do you have sensation here?' he murmured, lost in concentration.
`Y—yes.' She was surprised just how much she could feel-and how incredibly good it was. She hadn't known. Her heart pounded, and she arched off the bed as his lips and tongue caressed her imperfect flesh, setting off a storm of need inside her. `Frazer...'
`Mmm?'
`I-Oh!'
Callie squeezed her eyes shut, her hands clinging to him as pleasure speared inside her. Oh, God! She had never expected anything like this. It was wonderful. Impossible. She wanted more. And Frazer when the rest of her was zinging with electricity and on the cusp of a climax the magnitude of which she'd never experienced before. Tightening her legs around his waist, she matched his rhythm, her body moving with his, meeting every demand, giving everything, taking everything, and she cried out as they soared together, tumbling in freefall over the precipice as an explosive release ripped through them.
Smiling as Callie snuggled against him, Frazer trailed the fingers of one hand down her spin, watching as the first light of the Christmas dawn peeped through the curtains. After the amazing night they had shared he wasn't sure he would ever move again. But he didn't care. Nothing mattered but winning Callie's heart. He didn't know how it was possible, but he loved her more every moment. What they shared was - special, amazing. It was something he had never imagined would happen to him, but now that it had he welcomed it with open arms. He would never cease to be thankful to fate for bringing Callie into his life, for letting her love him even a fraction as much as he loved her.
She made t
hat little purring round of contentment that always got to him. `Morning, sweetheart. Merry Christmas.' He dropped a kiss on top of her head.
`Merry Christmas,' she murmured, and a tremor ran though him as she set her mouth to his neck and sucked on his skip. `I have a present for you downstairs.' seemed to know, anticipating her needs even before her brain had processed the hazy thoughts. His skilled hands and clever mouth left no part of her untouched or unexplored. Time ceased to have any meaning. Again and again she thought she would expire from sheer tortured bliss as he took her from one unbelievable pinnacle of ecstasy to another, keeping her on the brink, the ache inside her building and building to unbearable proportions. When she could stand it no longer, he caught her hands and linked their fingers together. Scarcely able to breathe, she wrapped her legs around him, desperate to feel all of him inside her, her hips moving restlessly to his.
`Please,' she sobbed.
`Look at me.' Somehow she forced heavy eyelids open in compliance with his heated demand. She met his fevered gaze, in little doubt of his need, his feelings. `I love you, Callie.' Her hands clung to his as he groaned and united them. . .thoroughly, but with torturous slowness. `Will you marry me?'
Stunned, she stared at him, filled with warmth, an unknown peace seeping through her. And she knew. At last she knew. Without doubt. 'Yes, Frazer, I will. I love you, too.'
His smile captured her heart, made her believe in for ever, in belonging. His mouth came down on hers in a searing, branding, possessive kiss, one she met and matched with equal enthusiasm. Who cared if she couldn't breathe? Breathing was vastly overrated.
`You've already given me the only gift I ever want. Yourself. Your love. Your trust.'
`Frazer...'
He saw moisture shimmer in her stunning eyes, and drew her in for a thorough, breath-stealing kiss. When he was finally able to speak again he rolled her over, cupping her face with his hands.
`We can't change the past, Callie, but we can make the present and the future whatever we want it to be. Together. I'll spend the rest of my days loving you. And we'll have as many children as you want, making every day special, making Christmas and family traditions all our own.'
Their Christmas Vows Page 9