by Ravenna Tate
“Yes, it does.” He cupped her face and gazed into her dark eyes. “Think you can deal with that?”
“I think so, yes.”
“Good. Because I might never let you leave.”
She didn’t respond, but he hadn’t really expected her to. Tannin held her until noises in the hallway distracted him. As much as he’d love to spend the day in bed with Rai, weekends at the club were busy, and he had work to do.
“Gorgon has called an emergency meeting in the church this afternoon, and I—”
“Church?”
“What we call the space for our club business meetings. This one is only for officers. I imagine we’re going to discuss what’s going on.”
“Should I be there?”
“No. It’ll just be a rehash of what we’ve already talked about.”
“What should I do with myself? I’ll go stir crazy if I simply hide up here.”
“Why don’t you hang out with Legs? I’m sure she’d appreciate the help in the kitchen.”
“All right.”
It was impossible to miss the hesitation in her voice. “You don’t care for her, do you?”
“No, that’s not true at all. She’s adorable.”
“Then it’s the fact that I fucked her.”
She averted her gaze, and her face flushed slightly.
“Rai, this is how we live. Legs and Tarot aren’t the only women living here that I’ve fucked.”
“I’m not exactly sweet and innocent, Tannin.”
“It’s none of my business who you fucked in the past.”
“No, it’s not. And it’s none of mine who you have sex with. But the difference is, you’re not hiding out in a strip club, forced to be face-to-face with the sexual partners in my past.”
“It’s just sex.” Unless she had the same feelings for him that he had for her. Then it wasn’t just sex. It was jealousy. As much jealousy as he’d feel if Ronnie Ellis walked in here right now. Holy fuck. This was exactly what Tannin had always avoided. But was it fair to expect her not to react this way when he’d do the exact same thing?
“I get that,” she said. “Give me time to get used to it, okay?”
“Of course.” He pulled her close again so he didn’t have to look into those big eyes, filled with conflicting emotions. Or, perhaps it was because he didn’t want her to see the same thing in his? Either way, Tannin was in serious danger of losing his heart to this extraordinary woman. He should be afraid of that, but he was not. Not even close.
****
The next few days passed by too slowly for Rai. It rained Saturday, Sunday, and most of Monday. The Brothers had their meeting Saturday afternoon, and just as Tannin had guessed, it was only a rehash of what had already been said. Rai was stuck waiting, along with the rest of them.
Sundays and Mondays the club was closed, and Rai grew restless, even though she was able to walk into it and watch the dancers rehearse. Meghan let her help put away a shipment of liquor, and she amused herself with the gigantic washers and dryers.
If not for Tannin’s presence, she’d have lost her mind. He played cards with her, listened to her stories about campaigns she’d designed, and helped her compose a list of items needed to make the promised cuccidati, lasagna, and eggplant parmesan.
When Rai offered to do the shopping herself, he pointed out why she couldn’t be seen in public. How foolish she’d been to even ask. Of course she couldn’t go down the street to the local grocery store. She had to stay out of sight.
By Wednesday, she was no longer jealous of Chloe. Tannin told her she’d been physically and emotionally abused by her ex-boyfriend, and had come here seeking shelter. He also told her that it was a cousin of Meghan’s who had helped Legs find her way here.
He didn’t share all the details, mostly because he said the only person who knew everything was Gorgon, but he shared enough that it made Rai’s betrayal by Ronnie sound tame in comparison.
Chloe told Rai herself that when she had first come to the club a year ago, her self-worth was tied to how often her ex wanted to have sex with her. He used it as a weapon against her, so Chloe was more than willing to fuck the Brothers. She didn’t believe herself worthy of their attention otherwise.
“Do you still believe that?” Rai asked her Wednesday evening. The lasagna Rai had made for dinner was a hit, and there wasn’t one piece left over. She and Chloe were alone in the kitchen, drying dishes, and the story Tannin had told her had been on Rai’s mind all day.
“Sometimes, but I’m learning not to. The dancing helps a lot, believe it or not.”
“I do believe it. You’re very talented.”
“It’s more than the money and the attention. The physical activity helps keep the stress from the nightmares at bay.”
“Have you and Gorgon been a couple since you came here?”
“No, he only recently asked me to be his old lady. It took me a long time to trust any of them enough to let one of them claim me as his own, let alone him.”
“He’s intimidating.”
“Only on the outside.” Chloe have her a sideways glance. “You know that Tannin has had sex with some of us, right?”
“Yes. He told me.”
“Are you upset about that?”
As much as Rai didn’t want to have this conversation, the trepidation on Chloe’s face won out. “I was at first, but now I’m not.”
The girl’s face filled with relief. “You really like him, don’t you?”
“He’s grown on me.”
Chloe’s smile reminded Rai of the way Tannin grinned at her when he’d nailed her on something. “I think it’s more than that.”
“Well, it hardly matters. He said himself this isn’t happily-ever-after, so…”
She chuckled. “Yeah. Gorgon said much the same thing to me at first.” Chloe leaned closer and lowered her voice, even though no one else was around.
“These guys love to dress in their cuts and cover their bodies with tattoos. Their bikes are hogs, and they live on the edge. They cuss like drunken sailors and would get into a fight in a heartbeat if it meant defending one another, or one of us. But inside, they want to be loved as much as anyone. Just don’t ask any of them to admit it.”
“Do you love Gorgon?”
Chloe’s expression changed quickly. It became so sad Rai wished she hadn’t asked. “Yes.”
“But…”
“Am I that transparent?”
“A bit. But so am I.”
She sighed. “I do love him. Don’t misunderstand me. It’s just difficult at times for me to imagine completely giving my heart away again. Not even to Gorgon. Does that make sense?”
Rai couldn’t help smiling because she understood exactly what Chloe meant. “Yes. It makes perfect sense.”
A noise in the hallway distracted them before Meghan walked in, rubbing her eyes. “Just me. Can’t sleep. Came down to get some Tums.”
“It’s all right,” said Chloe. “We were just finishing up. You want some chamomile tea? It usually helps you.”
“No.” Meghan gave Chloe a weak smile. “Not tonight. Thanks, though.” She reached into a cupboard and emptied about five Tums into her hand before popping them into her mouth. “Night.”
“She took a lot of those,” whispered Rai, after Meghan had left.
“She needs to see a doctor but won’t do it. She’s had stomach issues since she came here.”
“Why won’t she go?”
Chloe bit her lip and cut her gaze toward the hallway.
“Never mind. Forget I asked.”
“It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s just that she told me in confidence. I shouldn’t have said anything to begin with.”
“I understand completely. And it’s good to know you’re so trustworthy. Thank you for that.”
“If you can’t trust someone, you have no chance of having any kind of relationship with that person.”
“I couldn’t agree more.”
&n
bsp; “You can trust Tannin, you know. He’s one of the good guys. The Brothers would each lay down their life for him. He gave them this place, after all. Gorgon told me that Tannin worked tirelessly to try to make his father and the men he hired pay for burning down the old place.”
“Why wasn’t he able to? I asked, and he only said no one can touch his father.”
“They ruled it an arson but had no evidence other than Tannin’s suspicions, so they eventually closed the case.”
“It’s also murder, and there’s no statute of limitations on that in Ohio.”
“I think his father paid someone to either destroy evidence, or keep quiet about anything they did find.”
“It’s not right.”
“No, it’s not. But Tannin made something good out of it. He walked away from his family for these men, and now look at this place. It brings in a fortune.”
“And provides a safe haven.”
“Yes. It does.”
Rai studied Chloe’s profile as she put away the last of the coffee cups. She might look younger than her age when she smiled, and with some makeup on, but in the harsh fluorescent lights, and when talking about her past or whatever was going on with Meghan, she had tiny worry lines in the corners of her eyes. What had happened to this girl before she came here wasn’t pretty.
“I’m going up. I’m tired.”
“Me, too.”
“Thanks for your help, Rai.”
“I’m glad to do it. I want to contribute in some way.”
“You do.” Rai was surprised when Chloe gave her a quick hug. “And you’re a good listener, too.”
After Chloe went into Gorgon’s room, Rai entered hers to find Tannin asleep. He must have been in here waiting for her to finish in the kitchen. She undressed, and then crawled underneath the covers and snuggled next to his warm body, recalling what Chloe had said to her about trust.
It was time she gave Tannin back some of the trust he’d shown her. He hadn’t let anything in her past bother him, so she needed to let go of his, too. She’d lived her life with walls around her heart after what Ronnie had done to her. While that had kept her from getting hurt, it also left her lonely and just as jaded as Chloe in a way.
Rai sighed and moved closer to Tannin. If the others trusted this man so much, she could, too.
Chapter Seventeen
Friday morning, one week after Rai pulled into the parking lot of the club, Tannin told Rai she didn’t have to worry about helping out in the kitchen that day. They were going riding with Gorgon and Legs.
“You mean out in public?”
“No. On the trails.”
“Are they dry enough? It rained for three straight days.” He’d told her earlier in the week that although the trails had once been paved, the blacktop was cracked in places. Most of them were now filled in with gravel, and were barely wide enough for two bikes to ride side-by-side.
“They’re dry,” said Phenex. He was their Road Captain, and part of his duties when the club wasn’t out on the actual road was to walk the property and check for any signs of intrusion. He also checked the trails for the members. Rai and Tannin were in the dining room, eating breakfast with the Brothers and most of the women who lived in the building.
“What should I wear?”
“Don’t worry about that,” said Tannin. “We won’t be going very fast or very far. Wear whatever you’re comfortable in outdoors, as long as your legs are covered and you can straddle the bike.”
Rai was so excited to finally be riding with him that she smiled more that morning than she had for days. They hadn’t heard anything from Russell or Donny, but Tannin had assured Rai that didn’t mean there was bad news. It merely meant Donny was doing his thing in the background, and when he had news to tell them, he would let Vassago know.
Just to be outside after a week, in the warm sunshine, sent a thrill through Rai. She closed her eyes and turned her face upward, sucking in deep breaths of fresh air. “I can’t remember the last time I stayed indoors for this long.”
Tannin put an arm across her shoulder. “Come on. I can’t wait to show you my bike.”
Rai knew nothing about motorcycles, but it was obvious from all the bells and whistles Tannin described for her that this bike was special to him. He’d done a lot of custom work on it, and spoke about it as if he was bragging about a child.
“Weren’t you worried about it getting wet in the rain?” She didn’t recall tarps over them the first night she was here and had glanced out the window.
“The prospects covered them later that night,” said Gorgon. “We try to get to them if we know it’s going to rain. It doesn’t really hurt them to get wet, but it can wear down the leather over time if it stays damp.”
Tannin raised the kickstand with his boot and sat on the bike. “Get on behind me.” He showed Rai where to place her feet. “You can hang onto the backrest, or wrap your arms around me. Keep your feet on the pegs, even when we stop. We’re not going to be riding fast, so I should be able to hear you if you need to tell me something, but if it’s urgent and you need my attention, tap my right shoulder three times quickly, okay?”
“Okay. Don’t I need a helmet?” He wasn’t wearing one, but he was wearing goggles.
“On the road, yes. Out here, no.” He handed her a pair of goggles. “But put these on to protect your eyes.”
She frowned.
“You’ll be okay, Rai. This is just to get you used to being on the bike.”
“And we’re coming along for fun,” said Chloe.
Rai was glad they were. Not that she didn’t trust Tannin’s skills, but she’d feel more secure with others around. “Okay,” she repeated, after climbing on behind him. The bike wobbled a bit as she positioned herself on the leather seat.
“That’s normal,” he said. She decided to hang onto him instead of the back of the passenger seat. “Are you ready?” he asked.
“I think so, yes.”
The engine roared to life, and when he put it in gear and eased it out of the lot, she giggled. Next to her, Chloe watched her carefully from behind Gorgon.
“What’s so funny?” she shouted.
“The vibrations,” said Rai. It was like riding a six-hundred-pound sex toy. No wonder women loved to hang out with bikers.
Chloe laughed and gave her a thumbs-up as Gorgon opened the throttle and rode out ahead of them. Tannin eased his out a bit more slowly, but it still gave Rai the illusion she was flying. “This is amazing!” she shouted next to his ear.
He gave her a quick thumbs-up and sped up. Soon, they had caught up to Chloe and Gorgon. Rai closed her eyes, but that made her dizzy so she kept them open and enjoyed the tall grasses and wildflowers blowing in the wind they created as they rode past.
The trails were a bit bumpy in places, but not so much that she was uncomfortable. Quite the contrary. Warm leather, Tannin’s muscled body to hang onto, and a gigantic vibrator between her legs that went on and on. What more could a girl ask for?
She had no idea how long they rode. Rai lost track of time and simply lived in the moment, taking in the new sensations. For the first time in a week, she didn’t think about Vito, her staff, her company, or her own future. Instead of the guilt she’d have expected to experience, it was liberating to let go.
It had been a long time since she’d done something entirely for her own pleasure, without worrying over the consequences. Even the casual sexual relationships she’d had in the past had been wrought with what-ifs.
For all her independence and business savvy, her personal life was a mess of trying to live up to expectations, while at the same time giving the appearance she had her shit together and didn’t need anyone. It was easy now to look back and realize she’d never successfully pulled that off.
Maybe, when all this was over, it was time to consider a new direction? One where she could be herself, and in which she could do something that made her truly happy? To hell with Ronnie and Lori. And to hell with T
immy, Jennifer, and Wade.
She was sick and tired of living every second of her life, either trying to prove something to two people who likely never gave her a moment’s thought, or trying to please clients who had used her for their own gain, and then turned a blind eye when a criminal decided to have her killed. Why the fuck should she give a rat’s ass about any of them?
This man, the one she clung to as they sped along blacktop and gravel at a dizzying speed, was the one person in her life with whom she’d dropped all her defenses and tossed aside her inhibitions. Wasn’t that a clear sign he was special? Important? Worthy of more than her body while she hid out in a strip club?
But he didn’t do happily-ever-after. He’d told her as much. And he was forty years old, which meant he likely wanted no part of a long-term relationship. What if, once this was over, he bid her farewell and wished her luck?
There you go with the what-ifs again!
Ah, hell. She had fallen in love with Sterling Tanner. Fuck, fuck, fuck. How could she have let this happen? At least he didn’t know. She’d keep it to herself and that way, she’d never have to see the fear or disgust in his eyes.
He has feelings for you, too.
That much was true. He said he wanted her, but what exactly did that mean? Still, it was impossible to ignore the long looks he gave her when he didn’t realize she was watching. But that didn’t mean he loved her. It didn’t mean he wanted something long term.
No. It was best to hold this in her heart and never breathe a word of it. No one else would be hurt that way.
So much for doing something selfish, with only her own pleasure in mind. Leopards don’t change their spots, and Raiyana Parente doesn’t change her ways, either.
****
When they stopped, she had no clue how far away from the building they were. No traffic noises broke the silence. The occasional birds chirping and insects buzzing were the only sounds. Tannin told Rai to wait until he’d dismounted. He held the bike steady while she climbed off onto shaky legs before pushing down the kickstand with his boot.