by Hart, Staci
“No, I need that one. I need it now. Right now. It’s in our room.”
“Lil, that’s—”
“I need that one!” Her voice was sharp—mom voice. She’d used mom voice on him.
It took everything I had not to laugh.
West sighed, standing. “Okay, okay. I’ll find it.”
I found myself smirking as I watched him leave the room, disappearing into their bedroom. “There isn’t a lavender burb cloth with tiny flowers on it, is there?”
“Nope. But you didn’t come over here to talk to your brother. You don’t need an audience, and you know he can’t be unbiased. Not when it comes to you.”
My eyes narrowed suspiciously. “What was he going to say about this weekend?”
“Just that this weekend would be the perfect time to tell him, that’s all,” she said.
I didn’t believe that was all there was to it. Not for a minute.
“Not tonight?”
“No, I definitely think you should wait. Figure out a cute way to break the news. Like a card or a sandwich board or an airplane banner or something.”
I laughed. “Subtle.”
“I mean, Cooper is kind of the king of the grand gesture.”
A sigh passed my lips. “No pressure, right?”
“Ugh, he’s gonna be so excited, Mags.”
The gamut of my feelings was shocking in its range, from elated to terrified and everything in between. “I just can’t even believe this. This wasn’t in the plan, not like this.”
“Well, what was the plan?”
I flushed, pulling the thread of anxiety. “To wait for years after we got married. To travel and be married and settle into life before we brought kids into it. What if the timing is all wrong? What if he’s disappointed? What if having a baby is too much? What if it pushes him away?”
Her face softened. “Oh, it won’t. You’re too good together. Cooper loves you too much for it to be anything short of magic. I’m not saying it’s easy—West and I have snapped at each other more in the last two weeks, running on no sleep, than we have in all the years we’ve known each other. But I have never in my life been so happy. I’ve never been so … I don’t know. Connected to another person. We’ve become a team, constantly moving together toward the same goal.”
“But you’re married.”
“Is that what this is about?”
“This isn’t how this was supposed to be, Lil,” I said miserably. “All my life, I thought things would happen in a certain order. For years, I thought I’d marry Jimmy, have his babies, and live down the street from Mom and Dad. I had this whole life planned out. And when it ended, everything changed. The road I’d thought my life would take was bulldozed, ground up into gravel, and cleared away. But all of that led me to Cooper. It was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Cooper loves me in a thousand honest ways that Jimmy never did.” I sighed. “You’d think I’d be used to adapting by now. But I can’t help but feel like everything is out of order.” The admission stung, drawing fresh tears that rose and spilled down my cheeks.
“Maggie,” she started gently, “there’s no right or wrong way to do this. You love Cooper, and he loves you. It doesn’t matter if you’re married or not. That ring doesn’t change the truth of how you feel about each other.” She watched me for a second. “Your brother is a traditionalist, too. I figured it was a Southern thing.”
“I guess that’s true,” I conceded. “There’s something comforting about it, you know? The commitment of hearts and establishment of your relationship and feelings.”
“Under those rules, you’re already where you need to be. You two have established your feelings and relationship. You’re committed. I mean, you moved in with him after, like, a weekend.”
A laugh left me. “When you know, you know. You know?”
She smiled. “I do. He loves you, Maggie. And I promise everything is going to be okay. I’m not sure of much, but that’s one thing you can take to the bank.” She watched me for a beat. “So, this weekend. Let’s put our heads together and figure out how to tell him. When are you leaving?”
“He’s going into the office for a few hours in the morning, and after lunch, we’re heading to the harbor where the sailboat is docked.”
“How about Rose and I come over while he’s at work? I’ll bring crafts!”
The image of Lily wielding a hot-glue gun in my living room was amusing enough on its own to agree. “All right. And in the meantime, we can brainstorm. You’re right—I’ve got to figure out something brilliant. He’s the king of surprises. Like when he had the cast of Hamilton waiting outside my work to sing to me on my birthday.”
“God, you are the luckiest girl in the world, you know that?” she said on a laugh. “I would probably have a heart attack if West gave me a necklace with pearls he’d dived for himself.”
“No pressure, right?” I shook my head with my heart swollen. “We’ve got our work cut out for us. I’ll never be able to think of anything clever enough.”
“Don’t you worry about that. We’ll come up with something. The three of us together have to at least be half as clever as Cooper.”
West walked into the room with three burp cloths in his hand and a frown on his face. “I found a lavender one with yellow bunnies, a blue one with blue flowers, and a purple one with polka dots, but I couldn’t find the one you wanted. Are you sure it’s not in the laundry?”
He’d come close enough for her to snatch one without looking. “This one’s fine,” she chirped. “Thanks, honey.”
West smiled like he’d brought home a sixteen-point buck and kissed the top of her head. “Baby’s okay?” he asked, peering into his daughter’s face.
“Baby’s happy,” Lily said with a smile.
“Are you two ever gonna start callin’ her by her name?” I asked, laughing.
“Hazel just sounds so … formal and grown-up,” Lily answered, making a face. “I mean, she’s definitely a Hazel, but I need a name more familiar than that. It’s just that one doesn’t exist. So, we call her baby. Baby Hazel.”
I watched the three of them, the sight tugging and squeezing my heart until tears sprang again. I wiped them from my cheeks, laughing. “God, why can’t I stop crying?”
“Hormones,” Lily answered.
West chuckled. “I once walked in on Lily crying over a Snuggle commercial.”
Her face went soft, her eyes shining. “The one with the little boy at camp who misses his mom, so he smells his laundry, and it makes him think of her. I can’t! That stupid bear gets me all choked up!”
“It’s the only fabric softener she’ll let me buy. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen her staring at the label like it’s a memory of her childhood.”
We all laughed, and all I could think was that I wanted this. And I knew Cooper wanted it, too. All I had left to do was figure out how to tell him.
6
Sucker Punch
Maggie
The summer sun was high and hot, warming the top of my head and the crest of my shoulders as I walked toward Central Park.
How strange that my life could change so swiftly within a few hours.
I’d marveled over the phenomena before, but the shock of something so extreme, something so unexpected, had swept me off my feet. I felt myself being pulled down the river, too fast to fight.
I wondered if Cooper would feel the same. Would he worry, or would he draw me into his arms and celebrate? A jolt of fear spiked through me, gone just as quickly as it had appeared. He loved me. He wanted children. And I told myself to stop guessing how he would react before I drove myself crazy.
Too late, I thought.
A sign hanging on a storefront just ahead of me caught my eye. Sweet Thing, it read over an illustration of a bundled-up baby. My pulse thumped a little harder as I approached the window. The display was an elaborate creamy nursery, soft and decadent, touched with little items—a rattle, a stack of cloth
diapers, a spinning mobile—that invoked a deep longing, an instinctive desire, one that drew me through the doors before I realized I’d done it.
The bell chimed pleasantly as the door closed behind me, sealing off the heat of the day in favor of the cool shop. Over the speakers, a slow, tinkling song played, one that I realized after a second was a Radiohead song.
I was struck with a wave of emotion as I wandered around displays of tiny clothes and stacks of luscious blankets. It even smelled like a baby, an amalgamation of scents—clean, crisp linens, baby powder, lavender. My hand reached out, aching for the texture of mink and chenille, muslin and agora knits. My knuckles were buried in the folds of a blanket when my eyes found the display in the center of the table.
Cream and gold boxes were stacked in a tower, biggest to smallest, and on top of the tower was a tiny pair of booties. They were made of the softest suede, lined with fine fur, sitting dutifully under a sign that said, The most precious things are made from love.
My breath came in shallow sips as I reached for them with tingling fingers, my nose stinging from tears—more tears, so many that I wondered if I’d ever stop crying. They were so small, so terrifyingly small. In me was a baby that would grow, hidden away, and it would have tiny feet to fit these tiny shoes. The delicateness of something so small seized my heart, squeezed it tight with fear.
I’ll break it, I thought. How could I ever care for something so fragile?
And something split my heart open, and love poured out.
He’ll be so fragile, I thought, somehow sure that it would be a little boy with Cooper’s smile and my golden hair. He’ll be so small, I marveled. He’ll fit in Cooper’s hand, just like Hazel fits in West’s. And I’ll love him, every tiny finger, every tiny toe.
My split heart sang as tears slipped from my lashes and down my cheeks. I brushed them away and clutched the tiny shoes to my chest, turning to the store with a new purpose, a new ambition. Before I knew it, my arms were full.
The woman behind the counter looked up from the inventory, tag puncher in hand. “Oh, let me get that for you. Do you need a basket?”
I laughed. “That’d get me in even worse trouble.” I dumped my haul as gently as I could onto the counter in front of her.
She began sorting through the pile, organizing things by their type in neat little stacks. The register beeped when she scanned the first item. “Is this a gift?”
My cheeks warmed. “No.”
She offered a smile. “Congratulations. When did you find out?”
“This morning.” I paused, feeling foolish as I assessed all the baby things I wouldn’t need until winter. The thought of the cold made me wish I’d grabbed a tiny bunting, too. “I probably shouldn’t have gotten so much. But I saw those tiny shoes, and … well, I just had to get it all. Is that strange?”
She laughed. “Not at all. In fact, new recruits are always my best customers.”
“I haven’t told him yet,” I blurted. “My sister-in-law lives just down the street, and I came here first. I couldn’t tell him over the phone, you know? And now I think I might have to wait until tomorrow. Of course, if he finds this bag, he might figure it out. I could probably say it was for Lily though.” I didn’t even think I was talking to her anymore, not as much as I was to myself. “I’m sorry. I’m sure you don’t care.”
“Oh, it’s all right. I didn’t tell my husband for a week when I found out about our first. He still gives me hell for it.”
“I’m telling him this weekend. I think. I’ve just got to come up with a way to tell him.”
“You might want to hide your bags then,” she joked. “Unless you want me to gift wrap them for him.”
A laugh bubbled out of me at the vision of Cooper opening all this baby stuff and subsequently falling out of his chair. “He might have a coronary. Of course, he might have a coronary anyway.”
“Well, wouldn’t anyone? Mine nearly fainted every time, even with the planned ones.” I must have had a look on my face because she added, “I have three. The first and last were a surprise. I swear to God, the man could get me knocked up on sight.”
“Is it always this scary?”
“Not as scary as that first time. But none are as magical either. And I promise, you’ll feel better once you tell him.”
“Lily said that, too. I don’t think I’ve been so nervous in my whole life.”
“It’s the first step in a journey that will change everything you know about life and yourself and relationships. It’s okay to be scared. Just know that, when the time comes, you’ll know exactly what to do.”
The words brought me more comfort than she could possibly know. Or maybe she did.
A little while later, I was out in the sunshine with two bags in hand, a smile on my face, and my mind turned to where the hell I was going to hide the bags. If he found them and asked, I’d just say they were for Hazel. Easy.
I just wondered if I could get away with lying to him. The answer, I knew, was never in a million years. So, after hailing a cab—the excitement of a walk through the park had been used up in the baby store—and finding my way to our apartment, I headed straight to our closet. In the back where my winter coats hung, there was a shelf, its contents easily hidden. But before I nestled the shopping bags in their hiding spot, I found those little booties again and set them in the palm of my hand like proud little sentinels, determined and sweet and filled with the promise of love.
7
Hold Out
Cooper
Things were going exactly as planned.
I smiled out the window as we drove up Madison during rush hour, anxious to be home, eager to have Maggie in my arms, and ready for the weekend.
For years, I’d been planning, waiting patiently for the right time. After everything that had happened to her with her ex, I didn’t want to rush, didn’t want to push her into something she wasn’t ready for. I’d promised her, one day, I’d ask her the question with the ring, and now it was time to make good on my word.
The custom Harry Winston had been sitting in my safe for months, long enough for me to plan this weekend, to find the time off work, to wait for the summer when it would be warm. I’d scanned the coast and chosen the cove I’d take her to tomorrow night where we’d anchor and eat dinner on the deck as the sun set.
That was the moment I’d ask her to marry me.
Forever.
It didn’t seem like long enough. I’d woken every morning next to her for years and never ceased to be amazed by the depth of her eyes or the curve at the very corners of her lips, as if she were always smiling, even in sleep. I’d memorized the smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose like a captain knew the stars. No matter how hard my day was, no matter how stressful things were at work, when I walked through the door, it was with a sigh of relief.
When she was in my arms, everything outside our walls faded away, ceased to exist.
Nerves twisted around my guts, sharp with anticipation. I’d done everything I could to orchestrate the perfect time, the perfect moment. The perfect ring for the perfect girl. I only hoped I could pull it off. And I hoped she was ready. I’d been ready for years. Since the very beginning.
My driver dropped me at the entrance of the building, and I hurried inside with my smile still in place. Within minutes, I was unlocking the door, my eyes scanning for her the second I crossed the threshold.
She stood in the kitchen, wearing one of my favorite sundresses, and when she looked over her shoulder and saw me, her face lit like a sunrise.
I didn’t speak. In three steps, she was in my arms.
Our lips were a seam, transmitting all the things we hadn’t said. I missed you. I love you, the way you feel against me, the way you smell, the way you make me feel. The way I want you and the way I need you. I love you, I love you, I love you.
For a long moment, we breathed each other in like we’d been underwater since we parted that morning.
She brok
e the kiss and leaned back, her eyes hooded and smiling lips swollen. “Well, hello to you, too.”
A laugh rumbled low in my throat. I kissed her nose.
“How was your day?”
“Fine,” she said in a way that made me certain it wasn’t fine at all.
I jerked my chin toward the living room. “Doing a little cleaning?” I’d noted on scanning for her that she’d rearranged the shelves and moved everything around in the living room.
She flushed. “What do you mean?”
I gave her a look. “My chessboard is on top of the bookshelf.”
“Well, it’s a choking hazard! The baby could choke,” she said with defensiveness I’d been unprepared for. Guilt sparked behind her eyes.
“What baby?” I asked, my brows drawing together.
“Lily’s. Lily’s baby.”
I chuckled. “Hazel can’t see six inches in front of her, and if you set her down, she’ll stay exactly where you put her. How’s she going to choke on my rook?”
“Well, I don’t want to find out. Do you?” She turned to the cutting board and picked up the knife she’d been chopping chives with. “I went by there today to see the baby.”
I stiffened. West knew about my big plans for the weekend—he’d even facilitated the conversation I’d had with her father when I garnered his blessing. The problem was, West couldn’t keep a secret to save his life.
“How’s the baby?” I asked, hoping I could hedge anything he’d said. God knew he’d said something, the blabbermouth.
The color rose in her cheeks, her smile sweet and dreamy. “Oh, she’s just so sweet, Coop. She never cries, just sleeps and coos and yawns. She’s such a tiny little thing. She almost fits in the palm of West’s hand.”
The wonder in her voice warmed me up from the middle out, and I felt us both imagining a baby of our own. I imagined her holding a tiny little thing with her big blue eyes and golden hair. Would it be a boy or a girl? Didn’t matter any to me, so long as it was just like her.