by Cheryl Wyatt
The startled, uncertain look on her face told him she couldn’t comprehend that possibility. Help her know You.
Ben shut Amelia’s door, then strode to the driver’s seat. As he pulled out, another car skidded to a halt in the driveway.
“That’s Nissa.” Amelia jerked the handle. Ben stopped the car. Exiting, Amelia raced purposefully to Nissa.
Ben looked back at Reece. Asleep. Bearby in one hand, colored pencil in the other. The flu and the meds must be making her doze. Reaching over the seat, Ben slipped the pencil from her fingers and set it a safe distance.
He faced the window. Obviously a heated exchange was going down between Amelia and Nissa. Not liking the venomous looks Nissa’s boyfriend threw Amelia’s way, Ben stepped from his vehicle.
The punk took one look at Ben, scuttled backward and stuffed himself into Nissa’s tin-can car. Could have been comical had it been under better circumstances.
“If you can’t see plainly why Reece and I cannot live here, Nissa, I am very concerned about you.”
Nissa flipped purplish red hair over her shoulder. “I’m sorry I ruined your plans.”
“Never mind that. You cannot marry this guy.”
Nissa’s arms folded. “Yes, I can.”
“Not and keep from ruining aspects of your faith and life.”
“You’re a fine one to talk about faith, Miss Sunday School dropout.”
“I didn’t reject that church. They rejected me and you know it. They judged and rejected you, too, for going Goth, even though I tried to tell them it’s only a manner of style and that you were still the same person on the inside.”
“Well, you’re rejecting my fiancé.”
“No. I’m doing what’s prudent to keep my daughter safe. When you figure out what that means, or when your life crumbles around you, call me.”
Nissa’s eyes averted, then returned.
Amelia jabbed a finger at Nissa’s brooding fiancé. “And, if the latter happens before the first, I’ll help you pick up the pieces like you helped me when I let a guy as lame as that leave my life in a lurch.”
“You don’t know that’s gonna happen. How can you say something so mean, and curse my future before it starts?”
“How can you not see how dangerous it would be for me to bring my daughter into a drug house?”
Nissa’s eyes widened. “You don’t know it’s a drug house.”
“Then why are the bongs, burnt spoons and capless needles lying around, which could stick a child if she picked it up?”
Nissa darted looks at the ground. “Sorry. I didn’t know they’d left those things out.”
Amelia turned to go. “My point exactly. Love’s flying you First Class blind.”
Nissa clutched handfuls of her shirt. “I swear the drugs aren’t mine. Please don’t narc to the cops.”
Webbed in her cousin’s black-nailed grip, Amelia halted but didn’t turn around. “I don’t want you to go to jail. I want you to get away from this guy and this hard-core partying lifestyle before it hurts you.”
“I can’t. He loves me.”
Amelia turned. “You can find a better guy to love you.”
Nissa shrugged. “You say yourself all guys are jerks.”
“Well, I was wrong.” Amelia glanced at Ben. “Way wrong.”
“I’m happy. Okay? Can’t you be happy for me?”
Placid, Amelia shook her head. “Absolutely not. I love you too much not to tell you the truth. Look, I need to go.”
Nissa took tentative steps toward Amelia. “I’ll see you at work. Maybe we could talk over lunch?”
“No on both counts. I lost the job. Ben’s taking me to look for another one, and someplace to live.” Amelia hugged Nissa and jogged to the car. She swiped tears once they cleared the driveway. “Seems all I do is cry these days. I’m not usually this wimpy.”
“You’re not wimpy. You care about Nissa and hate to see her making grave choices.” So did he.
Amelia nodded and seemed devoid of words a moment. “Thank you, Ben. For everything. I’m overwhelmed really. I don’t even know what to say for all you’ve done.”
Just say you’ll consider my idea if things don’t work out here.
Six hours after purchasing a local paper, scouring every ad and visiting dozens of establishments, Amelia leaned against Ben’s car in a discouraged slump. “No one’s hiring without a college degree. Minimum-wage employers won’t work around Reece’s school schedule.”
“And there weren’t any affordable apartments near the ones that did.” Ben knew his words added to her defeat, but he didn’t want her contemplating trying to live on minimum wage as a single mom in the city. Many moms did, but he’d feel safer with Amelia closer. But was that for his benefit, or hers?
Ben didn’t want to put undue influence on Amelia, but it was past dinnertime and Reece was beyond tired and cranky. She needed a good rest.
He folded the paper closed. “Tell you what. Let’s stop the search for now. We’ll relax at a restaurant and talk about options.”
Defeat crumpled her face. “I don’t see that I have options. But Reece is hungry. The doctor said to try Jell-O for dinner.”
“And you need to eat, too.”
Something flared in her eyes at the words.
“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m not trying to control your life. I’m simply trying to give you hope and help.”
“I’m beginning to think I’m a helpless, hopeless case.”
“It’s never hopeless and you’re far from helpless. Don’t think along those lines.”
“But life hasn’t shown me anything else.”
“Not yet. Life has a lot left in store for you, Amelia Grace North. And you have a lot left to offer life and the people in it.”
Her eyes grew hazy with suspicion. “Let’s go eat. I think you’re delirious from hunger.”
“Tell you what. Everything’s closing. Reece needs to recoup. You could use some rest, too,” Ben said hours after dinner, as they left another job that yielded zilch.
“I can’t. Have to keep looking.” Sheer desperation drove her now.
“We’ll get two hotel rooms in St. Louis tonight. Then resume the hunt tomorrow.” He’d arrange for someone to cover leading worship for him at church tomorrow morning.
After Ben let Amelia and Reece have a chance to get settled, he knocked on the door that adjoined their rooms.
“Hey.” Amelia held open the door while Ben passed by.
He set the leftover containers in her fridge.
“Mommy, can I watch cartoons?”
“If you’ll eat another popsicle.” She peeled open a frozen purple Pedialyte stick and held it out to her daughter.
Reece pulled a face. “But they taste yuck.”
“No popsicle. No TV.” Amelia headed back to the freezer.
“’Kay, fine. I’ll eat it.” Reece took the popsicle.
Ben was impressed at Amelia’s stick-to-it-iveness and ability to keep a sick child hydrated. She’d been creative with every aspect of Reece’s illness and treatment.
Ben remembered seeing the chessboard they’d played at the hospital in the lawn bag when they’d transferred stuff to the vented plastic bins Ben gave her. According to Reece, Amelia was teaching her how to play the game. “Wanna play chess?” he asked. The concentration might take Amelia’s mind temporarily off things enough to help her get a good night’s rest.
She paused before answering. “Sure.”
“You hesitated. Something wrong?”
“Not really. It’s just, my dad hand-whittled the pieces and taught me how to play. Mean as he’s been, I miss those times with him.” Seeing tears glitter her eyes, Ben started to go to her. But she mumbled, “I’ll get it.” She snatched his keys off the table and headed for the door.
Figuring she needed to collect herself, he kept his distance but watched over her from the window. They’d found a parking spot in front of the room.
“Mommy, you shouldn’t glo
at,” Reece said later.
“What makes you think I’m gloating? Not like I bragged about beating him for the third time.” She smirked.
“Well, you aren’t gloating with your words, but you are with your body,” Reece said.
Amelia batted her eyelids dramatically, feigning innocence. “Me? Whatever gave you that idea?”
“Your face. Because it’s twinkling bright and you look like a big ol’lightning bug with its butt stuck on backwards.” Reece turned her attention back to cartoons.
“Reece Mercy North, don’t say that B word. Use the other one.”
“Okay, Mommy. Bottom-bottom-bottom-bottom,” she sang, as she climbed off the bed and skipped to the bathroom.
Ben snickered, then cut it short when he became the prime target of Amelia’s ballistic Mommy Look.
“She must be feeling better.” Holding back a grin, he helped her return the game pieces to their starting positions. When her hand brushed his in passing, he was accosted with the urge to hold it. “So, her middle name is Mercy?”
“Yeah. After God’s mercy in letting her live when she almost didn’t,” Amelia whispered, as the toilet flushed.
“So, you do believe in God?”
“I believe in Him. I just don’t think He believes in me.”
How badly he wanted her to know that wasn’t true.
Before he could speak, Reece bounded from the bathroom and washed her hands at the sink. More like splashed in the water.
“Thought you said you were chess champion in college.” Face alight with humor, Amelia returned pieces to the box.
“I was. Good thing we didn’t attend the same one.”
Her smile faded. “I never went to college.”
“Hey…” He tipped up her chin with his finger and stared in her eyes. “You still can. You’re very intelligent.”
“Thank you.” Thick sincerity transfixed her eyes, breaking the threshold of his control. He reached across the checkered board and wove his fingers through hers. And she let him.
All he could think as he studied their entwined fingers was how the brown and white intermingled squares of the chessboard suddenly seemed symbolic of the two of them.
He gently squeezed her hand, still linked in his. She gave an answering squeeze.
And for the life of him, any recall of the human language fled his brain.
In fact for all he knew he could be drooling all over his chin and couldn’t care less. Her smile sent him to paradise. The feel of her hand in his, and the trust it meant was forming, sent his heart and hope soaring to outer space.
Chapter Twelve
“Another fruitless day of searching.” Amelia’s hands trembled as she buckled her seat belt the next evening.
Ben cradled her hands in his. “Come back with me to Refuge, Amelia. At least temporarily. I phoned Miss Evie. She’ll waive your rent until you get a job.”
“School starts in a few weeks. I have to find a place to settle. I can’t add to Reece’s insecurity by moving her mid-school-year.”
“Refuge lives up to its name. I know two local teachers who’d love to welcome Reece. Try it for a year. You can find a job in Refuge. I have friends who could hire you, or I could.”
She looked at him sharply. “I appreciate your kindness. I know you don’t mean to be anything other than noble by your offer. But I need to be able to support myself.” The tenuous emotion in her eyes melted his heart like Hutton’s chocolate Garfield.
“I need to know I can take care of my daughter. Because my parents have me nearly convinced that I can’t.” Her voice dissolved on the last word.
“I understand.”
“I’d like to come to Refuge. But I need to secure a job on my own. So promise me you won’t help, or talk to anyone on my behalf unless I ask you to.”
The conviction in her voice and deep plea in her eyes pierced his heart. She really did need to believe in herself as a mother. To know she could take care of Reece without depending on others to bail her out. To help her too much could impede the burgeoning confidence that would sustain her for life.
“I respect that. I won’t help you find a job unless you ask. But feel free to if it comes down to it, okay?”
Eyeing Reece, probably to be sure she remained too consumed with mazes to overhear, Amelia leaned in. “Believe me, Ben, I’m thankful. But, I need to know I can make it on my own. At least in the job department.”
“Okay. I won’t interfere. Promise.”
“Then I guess we’re Refuge-bound.”
Ben grinned at Amelia, then Reece. “You want to tell her?”
“Hey, Reece’s Pieces. Ben thinks Mommy might be able to find a job in Refuge. What would you think about that?”
She bounced in her seat and clapped. “Yay! I don’t like it here. There are so many buildings running around all the time.”
Amelia laughed. “As much as we’d driven around today and yesterday, it probably looked to Reece like buildings were running past the car. We’ve always lived in a small town. It’s what she’s used to.”
“What about you?” Ben asked.
“I prefer small-town living, too.”
He smiled. “Refuge fits the description. Shall we venture back?” He needed to check on Hutton. Last time he called, Joel said Hutton was having difficulty, but wouldn’t go into it. Probably didn’t want Ben to rush home.
An hour from Refuge, Reece, previously asleep, bolted upright screaming. Ben’s shoulders clenched at the sound.
Amelia jerked awake. “Sweetie, what is it?”
“Bearby! Mama! I forgot him!”
Ben pulled over and searched the car. No Bearby.
Ben phoned places they’d stopped.
Moments later, Ben clicked shut his phone. “He’s safe, Reece. A clerk found him. She’ll hold him until we get back there.”
“Ben, that’s two hours out of your way—for a tattered toy.”
“He’s Reece’s security right now.” Amelia nodded. They started back.
Ben’s phone chimed. He eyed caller ID. Joel. A thud hit Ben’s gut. “Yo,” Ben said.
“Hey, bro. How far out are you?”
“I was about an hour from Refuge.”
“Was?”
“Yeah, we, ah, had complications. We’re going back for something valuable left at a gas station. What’s up?” He didn’t want to ask if Hutton was all right, because Amelia might ask who he was.
“Hutton’s having a high-speed come-apart. Any suggestions on what I should do?”
“What’s the problem?”
Joel’s hesitation set barbells of dread on Ben’s shoulders.
“He thinks you’ve abandoned him. Amber and I have tried to console and convince him it’s not true but his anxiety escalated. I waited to call you.”
“What’s he doing now?” Never mind what Amelia thought. Hutton was hurting.
“Pacing. Crying inconsolably. Mumbling crazy stuff.”
“Such as?”
“Says you don’t like him.”
Ben wanted to laugh and throttle himself at the same time. “Joel, I love him.”
“Everyone knows that, Dillinger.”
Everyone except Hutton.
The one who needed to know it most.
“Can you put him on the phone?”
“Hang on.” Joel called for Hutton. Ben’s insides clenched at the wailing. Ben felt ripped in half.
Judging by the heightened awareness grazing Amelia’s wide eyes, she could hear Hutton. Ben hated for her to hear how awkward he was with Hutton, but he loved his brother more.
“Hey, buddy. It’s Ben. You okay?”
“Why you leave, Benny?” Hutton groaned.
“I’m helping a friend. Thought you’d have more fun there.”
“You don’t like me.” Sniffling.
“Not true. I love you. We’ll spend all day tomorrow together, okay?”
“No, Benny,” he bawled.
“I’m sorry. I’ll be
there in three hours, okay?”
“Benny, I want home to Mom’s.”
“If that’s still what you want when I get there, I’ll make sure it happens.”
Ben knew Hutton’s condition enough to know when he got this worked up, he couldn’t be reasoned with. “Can you put Joel back on the phone? Hello? Hutton?”
Rustling sounded, then, “Hello?”
“Amber? Yeah, I’m sorry about this.”
“It’s not your fault, Ben. Bradley invited him to stay.”
“But if I were there, he may have been okay.”
“Hard to say. I wonder if it’s more him missing your mom.”
“Think that could be it?”
“Partly.”
What Amber didn’t say told Ben what he didn’t want to know. Most of the reason for Hutton’s emotional collapse was because Ben wasn’t there.
“Be there as soon as I can.”
“Drive safely. We’ll handle it until then.”
Ben hung up feeling terrible. The way Amelia looked said she felt terrible, too. But Reece would be devastated if they didn’t get Bearby and there was no way to mail him because the clerk was leaving.
“Ben, if you need to go back—”
“It’s fine.” He didn’t mean to cut her off. But, the sound of Hutton’s cries scraped against him. He had to make Hutton more of a priority. Had to.
It haunted Amelia to wonder who was on the phone.
Did Ben have an older child?
Had it not been for Ben helping her, the person wouldn’t be upset.
She felt terrible for accepting his help. Her problems were corroding everything around her, just like her parents said. Anxiety accosted. Regret ravaged.
Ben was the last person she wanted to poison with her difficulties. “I’m sorry, Ben.”
“No reason to be,” he said. But his words went without heart, and his thoughts soared somewhere else entirely.
Yes, she had every reason to be sorry. Story of her life.
The way to remedy this was to put herself in a position where Ben didn’t feel obligated to help.
Chapter Thirteen
After retrieving Bearby, they finally arrived in Refuge. Ben set a hand on Amelia’s shoulder, rousing her from sleep. “Hey, we’re home.”