MISSY
“Help me?” I repeat his words in my mind. I angrily wipe the tears from my eyes. Why the hell am I crying on my birthday? IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!
As soon as he left my party, I left as well. I told everyone I wasn’t feeling well. I’m pretty sure they all knew it was because of Tate. They all knew that he showed up and then just left without even saying goodbye. They also knew that I was the reason for him leaving. I needed out of there. I couldn’t continue to hang out with everyone looking at me with pity on their faces. I’m tired of them thinking that I can’t get over him—no matter how much it’s true. I should be able to fake it better.
Then the idiot has to show up at the bar? What the hell was that about? How did he even know I was there? He actually said he wanted to help me.
I give a loud laugh and smile. “Help me?” Has he lost his mind? I’m pretty sure I have. There’s only one person who can help me. One person who wraps their arms around me and tells me everything will be okay. Only one person who knows how deep my loss goes and I need to go to him.
I make my way to the house that I could find in my sleep. The house that I spent weeks at crying my eyes out. It was hell, yet a sanctuary. It hid me away from the world but not my nightmares.
I come to a quick stop and step out of my car. I make my way up the long walkway and the door flies open.
“Missy?”
I let out a sob as I watch Braxton stand on his porch looking at me with only a pair of sweat pants on. It’s not fair to him. I shouldn’t use him but I need him. I need the safety he offers. The comforting that someone actually cares and wants to dry my eyes, not tell me one thing yet do something completely different.
The tears sting my eyes before they spill over and run down my face. “How did I let my life get to this?” I cry out. And how do I stop it?
Braxton jumps down the stairs and wraps me in his arms the second he reaches me. My body shakes as I cling to him. “Shh.” He runs a hand down my back. “It’s okay.” He bends down and places his arm under my legs and picks me up before walking me into his house. I feel safe here. I even feel loved here. And that is what I need at the moment.
The alcohol from my last shot has my lips going numb, and my eyes are getting heavy. “You’re okay,” he whispers as he lays me on the bed and starts to remove my heels.
I lift my heavy arms and dry my cheeks with the back of my hands as he tries to remove my dress.
Once he succeeds, he lies down beside me. I cuddle up to him as he wraps his arms around me. He pushes hair back from my face as he looks down at me. His eyes drop to my lips and I lick them. Although I don’t feel them, I know they’re there.
“Tell me why you’re here,” he asks softly as his brown eyes roam my face.
“Because I need you.” It feels like it takes forever to get the words out. But as soon as I do his soft lips are on mine.
***
I wake up in the plush bed that I have woke in so many times before. The walls are a soft brown and the carpet is a creamy beige. The soft silk sheets are wrapped around me as the sunlight filters in letting me know it’s morning already. And my pounding headache reminds me that I drank too much last night.
“Good morning.”
I look up to see Braxton lying in his bed beside me. “Morning,” I say softly.
He lifts a cup of coffee and offers it to me. I shake my head. “No, thank you,” I say softly. I roll over onto my side to face him as he just stares down at me with a frown on his face. I let my eyes roam over his perfect skin covering his small chest. I know he works out often but he’s not big by any means.
“Missy?” he asks getting my attention. I look up at him and he speaks. “What happened last night?”
“I don’t wanna talk about it,” I say.
He lets out a sigh before he places his coffee on his nightstand. “I should go,” I say before I throw the covers off and get out of his bed.
“No,” he says firmly and it makes me pause. I stare at him and he points to the bed. “Sit.”
I slowly walk back to the bed and sit on it facing him. “What?” I ask reluctantly, not wanting to have this conversation.
He’s silent for a few seconds before he speaks. “What happened last night? I spoke with Slade and he said that you had left your party even though they tried to get you to stay.” I continue to stare at him and I can see his dark eyes start to darken more. “Where did you go? When you got here you smelled like you came from a bar.”
I look down to his thick bedspread and start to pick an imaginary piece of lint. “I did,” I admit quietly.
“What the hell were you thinking?” he snaps, making me look up at him. Braxton is never hateful. He is the most calm, understanding guy I’ve ever met. “Why were you out drinking and driving?” he asks as his voice continues to rise.
“I wasn’t drunk,” I say defensively. Although he knows that’s a lie. “I just wanted to get away. Tate had shown up at the party…”
“Ahh,” he says interrupting me. “He showed up,” he hisses. “I knew he would.” He jumps out of the bed and starts to pace. “The guy is Sam’s brother. He’s always everywhere.” He rambles on as if he’s talking to himself. “I knew I should have gone to the party with you. Every time you see him, he leaves you in tears.”
“I’m sorry,” I say trying to swallow the lump in my throat. “I shouldn’t have come over last night.”
I go to get up but he’s on the bed in front of me before I know it. His hands gently hold my face as his dark brown eyes search mine. “Why does it take him showing up for you to run into my arms?” he asks and his brows crease. “Seriously? Why didn’t you come here after the party?”
“I just wanted to be alone.”
“At a bar?” he asks not believing me.
He sighs heavily when I don’t respond. “I’m trying to understand what you’re going through. Truly I am,” he says softly before he pulls away. “But how long are you going to allow him to have this hold over you?”
I ask myself that same question every day. “He doesn’t…”
“Yes he does,” he interrupts me and gets out of bed once again.
“It’s not his fault.” I defend Tate and his brown eyes widen in shock. “He doesn’t know everything,” I say looking away from him. But Braxton knows as much as I do that Tate knowing wouldn’t change anything.
He lets out a rough laugh. “When did you become one of those stupid girls?” he asks.
My head snaps up at him and my mouth goes slack. “What?” I ask quietly.
“When did you become one of those girls who defends the man who hurt them? Seriously. Do you have no self-respect?” He doesn’t wait for me to answer before he turns away and walks to his bathroom, slamming the door shut.
I wipe away the single tear that rolls down my face and then get out of his bed. I quickly get dressed and then leave while he remains in the bathroom. I’ve never seen this side of Braxton and I sure as hell don’t want to stick around to see any more of it.
***
I sit on my couch in my little, yet quiet, apartment as I think about my day. After I left Braxton’s, I went to lunch with the girls. They had all blown up my phone last night after I left Sam and Slade’s house. They were worried about me, I get that, but can’t a girl just want to be alone?
I look down to my lap when my phone vibrates signaling a message.
Kat: Hey girl. The boyfriend and I are going out of town in a few weeks. Can you come over and feed Boner? Please. I’ll leave him dry food outside but we are going to be gone for six days. I don’t think it will last him that long. If you could just come over on the third day and give him more, that would be great.
Me: Sure. I can do that. Just send me your address. Have fun.
My phone vibrates at the same time that my doorbell rings. So I place it on the couch and get up to answer it hoping it’s not the girls wanting to give me a Tate intervention or anything like that.
I sigh when I see it’s Braxton on the other side. I open the door just enough for him to see me. “Yes?” I ask.
He lets out a long breath. “I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you this morning. That was uncalled for. I know you’re going through some hard times.” He pauses. “I want to be a friend that you can lean on. Talk to. Please tell me that you forgive me.”
I hate that I keep pushing friends away. “I’m sorry,” I say opening up the door all the way and wrapping my arms around him.
He hugs me tightly before letting me go. “I have a present for you,” he says bending down to pick a box up off the ground next to my door.
“A present?” I ask surprised.
He nods. “That is if you are still planning on coming to my father’s party with me tonight?”
Crap. I had forgotten that was tonight. “Of course.” I had told him a while back that I would go. I won’t back out now.
He smiles and then hands me the box. I step back from the door allowing him to enter before I make my way back to the couch. He sits down beside me and watches me as I open up the oversized box. I gasp when I open it up to see what’s inside.
“Braxton…” I blink a few times looking at the beautiful red fabric. “It’s beautiful.” I look at him. “But you shouldn’t have.”
He shrugs shyly and then gives my knee an awkward pat. “I wanted to apologize for my outburst today. Like I said, I’m here for you and you didn’t deserve it.”
“But I did…”
He places his hands up. “No you didn’t,” he says once again, and I just nod my head in agreement.
I did deserve it. I don’t deserve any of my friends. I’m using them. I’m trying to hang on to anything that can keep me above water, but I keep letting them slip out of my hands. Before I know it, I’m gonna be too tired to fight anymore and just give in to the current and see where it takes me.
“I’m riding with my mother and father tonight,” he says, getting my attention. “What time would you like us to pick you up?”
Uh, I don’t wanna meet them. I mean, I’ve met his dad before but only because Slade is friends with him. Never in a situation where I’m wearing an expensive dress that his son bought me. “I’ll meet you guys there,” I say, trying to turn down the offer.
He frowns. “You want to drive yourself?” he asks confused.
I nod. “Yeah. I don’t feel like staying out late,” I say as an excuse, and he nods his head in understanding.
CHAPTER FOUR
TATE
“Do we even know what we’re looking for?” I ask Slade as I adjust my tie. I hate suits! Give me some ripped jeans, an old t-shirt, and my leather jacket and I’m good to go. A suit makes me feel constricted. It makes me feel like I’m trying to hide the real me. Although, with all the hiding I have done throughout my life, you would think I’d be used to that by now.
“No,” he responds. “Just keep your eyes open.”
“Why are we even here again?” Parker asks as he texts on his phone. “I could totally be getting fucked right now but instead I’m having to sext.”
“To make sure no one tries to hurt your father,” Slade answers, ignoring his talk about getting laid.
“No one is after him.” He looks up and rolls his eyes. “He is just being paranoid.”
“You never did say what the letter had said,” I mention¸ referring to what he told us in my kitchen before I got into it with Parker.
“Just that he knew what he was doing.”
“See,” Parker says, “that could mean anything. The guy is overreacting.”
“Doesn’t matter.” Slade shakes his head. “This is my job now. Are you guys gonna join me or not?”
I nod my head and Parker does too, reluctantly, as he places his phone in his pocket. “Then let’s go.”
I make my way to the center of the ballroom and look down to fiddle with the sleeves on my suit jacket when I hear the one voice I was not expecting to hear.
I look up and let my eyes scan the crowd that mingles about and then I spot her. She’s on the dance floor as Braxton spins her around. He leans down to her ear and says something that makes her laugh. A laugh that makes my heart hurt and my anger rise. I thought they broke up? Why is she here with him?
I let my eyes run up and down her small figure and my dick starts to swell. She looks fucking beautiful! She has on a red dress that hangs off of her shoulders. It fits like a glove as it makes its way down to her red matching heels. It has a slit up the side exposing her creamy leg and thigh. The back hangs low showcasing her upper back.
She continues to smile as he spins her around once again. The music comes to a stop and he places a kiss on her cheek before she turns and walks off in the opposite direction of where he heads.
Anger… Jealousy… Hatred… are just a few feelings that I’m feeling at the moment. She belongs to me! Did I just say that?
I should be working, keeping an eye on the mayor as he dances with his wife, but I find myself following her. Needing to get some answers. I just can’t let her go! I can’t have her, but I don’t want anyone else to have her either.
I catch up to her as she starts to enter the women’s restroom. I storm through the door right behind her and kick it shut with my foot. I grab her arms and spin her around before shoving her back against it.
“Tate,” she squeals once she looks up at me. “What are you doing here?” she asks, breathing heavy, totally frightened and caught off guard.
“Funny. I can ask you that same question,” I snap. “Why the fuck are you here with Braxton?” I demand, and her eyes narrow.
“That is none of your business,” she says and tries to pull her arms out of my grasp. I hold on tighter.
I lean my face down to hers and stare into her blue eyes. “Are you still fucking him?” I have no right to know that. And in all honesty, I don’t know if I could allow him to live if she says yes.
“Screw you,” she yells, her face heating up with her anger. “Who the hell do you think you are?” she demands.
I’m not proud of the thoughts that run through my mind at that question, but I’ve never done anything that has made me proud of myself before. So I say what I feel at that moment.
I let go of her arms and place one hand up above her head on the bathroom door. The other wraps around her waist and pulls her into me. Once she feels my erection press against her, she tries to fight me but her fight is useless against me. “I’m the first man who ever touched you. I’m the first man who fucked you,” I say, and she gasps at my words. I bring my hand off the wall and place it on her face. I let my thumb slide against her red glossy lips. “Tell me, Missy. Was I also the first man to kiss you?”
She’s quiet but I watch the anger leave her beautiful face. Her hard eyes soften and her lips part slightly. Her body softens and I hold her tighter, holding her up.
“Tell me, baby.” I say softly lowering my lips to hers. “Tell me what I already know.”
“I just don’t know what you want from me,” she whispers. “I’ve left you alone. I’ve stayed away. And now….”
“And now?” I want her to say it. I want to hear her tell me that no matter who she is with, I will always be the first one. My dick throbs to be free and inside of her.
She swallows hard before speaking. “And now all I can think about is that you said you missed me.”
Bingo! “I wasn’t lying.” I take a step forward, pushing her body back; capturing it between myself and the door. “I do miss you.” I lean my head down and inhale her scent. “I’m going crazy, Missy,” I admit shamelessly, and she inhales sharply. I pull back and look down at her. “Tell me you don’t miss me. Tell me you don’t think of me. Tell me that you don’t wish it was me that you’re here with and not Braxton. And I’ll walk away.” This is her last chance. If she says she doesn’t miss me then I won’t continue to play this game. I’ll walk away. But if she says she does…I’m going to take her. I’m going to give in
to my darker side and be selfish. I’m going to ruin her for any other man.
Her blue eyes search mine. Her pause shows me her hesitation—she wants to tell me she doesn’t—but her eyes give her away. They show me that she doesn’t hate me. And that’s all I need to know. They drop to my lips and she stares as she slowly licks her glossed lips.
I place both hands on either side of her face and her eyes snap up to mine. “You wanna kiss me?” I arch an eyebrow. She blushes at my question and I take that as an answer. I lean down and close the small space between us, pressing my lips to hers.
There’s no softness, no hesitation, as my lips meet hers and she kisses me back with all that she has. She throws her arms around my shoulders. This is it! I just stepped over that imaginary line that I swore I wouldn’t cross with her again. But where is there left for us to go? I can’t go back and change the past, and I’m not a hundred percent sure I would, even if I could.
She pulls away too quickly and breathes heavily. “Tate…” She closes her eyes and I wrap my arms around her pulling her into me. I can feel her heart beating fast against mine. “What are we doing?” she asks and her voice cracks.
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly, and I don’t care. I need her!
She looks up to me with the saddest look on her beautiful face. “What do you want from me?”
I let my eyes roam her soft features and blue eyes. I get so lost in her face sometimes that I forget she asked me a question. “What?”
She places a hand on my face. “It’s just you and me, Tate. For once be honest with someone. With yourself,” she adds softly. “What do you want from me?”
“Everything!” I hear myself saying before I can stop it. But it’s the truth. I truly want everything from her. I want her to show me the softer side of the world that I’ve never known. I want to know how beautiful life could be if I wasn’t so surrounded in darkness. If I didn’t hate everything so fucking much!
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