“What does your mother have scheduled on her Christmastide list tomorrow?” Noah asked, brushing aside the curls on her brow. “I should like to see you again.”
The thought of walking back out in the snow did not sound appealing when she was already freezing to the bone. “I forgot what she has on the list for tomorrow, but I imagine it will be a busy day after the relaxed schedule for today. Then it will be Christmas Eve, and then Christmas Day. Perhaps on Boxing Day I will see you again?” Her eyes widened. “Or at church on Christmas. Will you be there?”
“I will meet you behind the church when the meeting is over.” He smiled. “I look forward to seeing you again. I hope I will have more information to share on our elopement and travel arrangements then.”
A heaviness settled in her chest and she swallowed hard, wishing that would be enough to rid her of her discomfort. Now that it was becoming real, her mind raced with doubt. And it was Edmund’s fault for planting it there. What if she did have to cook for the rest of her life? What if her mother never forgave her for what she did? Was love really worth all of that? Perhaps fear was stronger than love, and that was why she suddenly felt so heavy with worry.
Noah pulled her into his arms as he had at the Frost Fair before she bid him farewell. Snow swirled heavily in the air, and she hoped, in combination with the hood of her cloak, she would be unrecognizable to any passersby. As she hurried home, her eyes watered. She blamed the cold.
“How is Miss Brisbane faring?” Mama asked as Selina came through the sitting room door. Mama sat on the sofa with an assortment of ribbons on the tea table, examining each red and gold ribbon closely. They would be used to decorate the house on Christmas Eve, and that was Mama’s favorite tradition.
“She is well.” Selina hoped it was true, but in truth, she hadn’t the slightest idea of what sort of health Miss Brisbane was in. Sitting down on the chair closest to the fire, Selina closed her eyes with a sigh, letting the warmth soak into her skin.
“Venturing out in all this cold weather will surely be detrimental to your health. Perhaps you should not visit Miss Brisbane so often.”
“The Frost Fair is growing more each day, I’ve heard,” Selina said, rubbing her hands together in front of the fire. “It is rumored an elephant was brought into town and walked across the ice.”
Mama gasped, dropping the red ribbons she held. “Can it truly withstand such weight? I suppose we had little to worry about. I would not object to going back, although the entrance fees have become quite excessive.”
Selina nodded. “Only excessively wealthy people could afford to go back a third time. And, as you have reminded me often, we are not excessively wealthy.” She glanced over her shoulder at Mama, who looked down at her lap with a tight-lipped smile. Mama usually looked much more worried when discussions of money came up.
“What is it?”
“Nothing at all.” Mama’s gaze snapped up before settling on her ribbons again. “I—I was thinking that it would be wise to save the money to purchase new ribbons. These have grown old and out of fashion.”
Selina watched Mama with growing suspicion for several seconds before turning back toward the fire.
“I suspect Sir Edmund will be proposing to you before the holidays are through,” Mama said.
Selina’s heart leaped and she whirled around to face her mother again. She wore a mischievous smile now, running a gold ribbon between her thumb and forefinger. “He does have a way of looking at you that makes me believe he is developing an attachment. He seemed quite pleased to have the opportunity to make a new pudding with you this morning.”
Selina was already shaking her head. “No, Mama. It will not do for you to entertain thoughts of Edmund and me . . . being attached in any way.”
“Why not?” Mama crossed her arms and slumped against the back of the sofa. “He is handsome and revered and amiable and there is absolutely nothing wrong with him. Nothing at all.”
“It seems Mrs. Perry wants him for her daughter,” Selina said. “Is that why you arranged for us to make the pudding together this morning? Are you trying to draw us together?”
“Oh, posh! That was my intention long before Miss Perry showed a vexingly obvious interest in him.” Mama cast her gaze heavenward before regarding Selina seriously. “You will begin to recognize Edmund’s favor for you just as I have. You mustn’t do anything to discourage him. We only have him here for a few weeks and you must use them to your advantage. Miss Perry does not have the opportunity to live within the same walls and see him at every meal. I have never been so grateful for frigid weather.” Mama giggled. “He cannot leave, even if he wishes to!”
Selina looked down at her fingers. Warmth had finally broken through the numbness. “You are mistaken, Mama. Edmund is quite eager to leave London, and there is nothing that will keep him here when the ice melts. He does not care for me at all. As you said, he is kind to me, and that is what you have mistaken for any attachment you perceived.”
Mama pursed her lips. “It is always much easier to perceive an attachment as someone who is not involved in it.”
Selina swallowed hard. That was not a comforting notion.
“At dinner tonight, you must observe who his eyes fall on when he first enters the room,” Mama said. “I have invited the Perrys and the Folletts. If his eyes fall on you, then I am correct in my assumption that he is attached. If his eyes fall elsewhere, then I will surrender. Edmund is a good man; as such, his gaze will always lean in the direction of his heart. That is how we will know if his fondness for you goes beyond mere familial friendship.”
Selina crossed her arms. Was that true? There was so little she knew about such things. Her heart thudded with nervousness as she anticipated the evening. What color could she wear that would ensure Edmund didn’t glance her way? The sofa was red. Perhaps if she wore red and sat on the sofa, she would blend into the fabric and be easily concealed. She exhaled sharply, shaking her head. It was ridiculous. One glance could not determine anything. And there was no reason Edmund would look to her first, nor was there any reason she would look to him first if she were to walk into a room. In fact, she would likely avoid looking at him in order to not experience any more fluttering in her stomach.
The fire was too warm. She stood, turning to face Mama. “You will see that you are wrong. Edmund is not any more interested in me than he is in the furnishings of the drawing room.”
“If you are so certain I am wrong,” Mama said, lifting her chin, “let us add something to this experiment.”
Selina raised her eyebrows.
“If his gaze is drawn to you first, as I suspect, then you must not leave his side tomorrow. The two of you, with my guidance, will spend the entire day in one another’s company. You will not leave to make any calls, and you may not shut yourself away in your room.”
Selina sighed. “Very well. And if his gaze falls on any other lady in the room, you must encourage him to pay her a visit tomorrow. You must attempt to steer his attentions toward her.”
A crease appeared between Mama’s brows. “If I must, then I will. That is how confident I am in my success.”
Selina took a deep breath. If Edmund did develop an attachment to a different lady, all would be well again. Miss Perry, as well as the Folletts’ two daughters, would also be gathered in the drawing room. If he was drawn to one of them and developed an attachment elsewhere, Selina would no longer experience such strange thoughts and feelings toward him, and she would not have to worry that he was growing too fond of her. She loved Noah, and he loved her. That was all. She had told herself that many times.
So why was it becoming so difficult to believe?
Chapter 10
The walk to the drawing room felt exceptionally long. Edmund stopped outside the door, listening for a short moment to the voices within. Mrs. Ellis had told him there would be additional guests joining them that night, so that would account for the loud male voices and soft female ones. He had spent m
ost of the day in his room since he and Selina had made their plum pudding. Mrs. Ellis hadn’t planned anything for the afternoon, and Selina had declined his request to spend more time with him that day.
Why that had stung so much, he couldn’t say. She was not giving up on Skinner yet, so he would have to try a little harder to make her see sense. His efforts to be charming that morning had been rather juvenile, and she hadn’t seemed to have been affected by them at all. He had hoped his behavior would at least make her realize that what she felt for Skinner was nothing more than a fixation and that there were other men, like Edmund, who could make her feel even more important.
But she had declined his attention.
He took a deep breath as he thought of the moment he had taken her hands in his. She must have felt something then. How could a sensation like that be one-sided? Her eyes had rounded in shock, but it could have been negative shock, not positive.
He was thinking far too deeply now. He shook out his hands by his sides. Why was he so nervous?
He couldn’t let rejections from Selina affect him so greatly any longer. There was no reason to let them strike down his confidence. But he had been dwelling on it all day, thinking of the deceit Skinner was still inflicting on her. She had obviously seen Skinner that afternoon, and there had been nothing Edmund could do to stop it.
When the footman opened the drawing room door, the crowd inside fell silent. Edmund walked through with a lowered gaze before remembering that he should hold his head high. The moment he looked up, his eyes fell on Selina, who was staring at him with wide eyes, slumping back to nearly half her height on the red sofa. The red dress she wore was nearly the exact shade as the cushions . . .
And so were her cheeks.
Her gaze darted away from him instantly, and she looked down at her hands. Mrs. Ellis sat near her daughter, smiling as broadly as he had ever seen her smile, contrary to Selina’s expression. Edmund hardly noticed the other guests, focusing once again on Selina’s downcast expression. She seemed to be intentionally avoiding his gaze. Was it shyness? He would have considered her aloof if she hadn’t been blushing so much. He pressed back the smile that tugged at his mouth. Perhaps his efforts had been successful after all.
After Mrs. Ellis stood and introduced him to the guests, he made his way straight to the left side of the room. There was a space between Selina and the edge of the sofa that he would be a fool not to take. His confidence rose as he strode forward to claim it.
No. Selina watched as Edmund started in her direction. No, no, no. She could practically feel Mama’s pride seeping out of her eyes, shooting straight at Selina to chant over and over that she was right.
Mama might have been right in guessing that Edmund would look at Selina first, but that didn’t mean her assumptions about the meaning of his look was correct. Of all the people in the room, Selina was the one he knew best. That must have been the only reason he was coming to sit with her.
Selina adjusted her posture. There was no need to try to hide anymore. The red dress hadn’t had the effect she had hoped for. Perhaps if she had darker hair like Edmund’s, the color could have blended with the dimness of the room. How did he look more handsome than usual tonight? Had he made an extra effort in order to impress her? That would be quite inconsiderate of him. Her stream of anxious thoughts continued, and she distracted herself with her gloves as he came to sit on the cushion beside her.
“Good evening, Miss Selina.” His voice was deep and warm, and it sent a jolt through her chest.
“Good evening, Sir Edmund.” She shot him a quick glance from the side of her vision. “I trust you had a pleasant afternoon.”
“Not nearly as pleasant as it could have been,” his voice lowered slightly, “if you had agreed to spend it with me.”
She swallowed against her dry throat. Mama was sitting close enough to hear his words. If he continued in that way, especially if the other guests witnessed it, they would develop the same suspicions as Mama.
In the candlelight, his eyes appeared lighter. Softer. More genuine.
Her heart pounded. “That is not so.” She gave a nervous laugh. “If I had agreed to spend it with you, disaster would have surely ensued. You likely had a comfortable, quiet afternoon without any slipping on ice or destroyed puddings or capsized tables.” She cast her gaze about the room, focusing on anything but him and his soft, kind eyes.
But she couldn’t avoid hearing his voice. “My afternoon was dreadfully boring, actually. I would have much rather been with you.”
Perhaps the cold weather was affecting the function of his mind. He would never have been saying these things to her if he were in proper health. When she failed to come up with a response, he spoke again. “Did you have an enjoyable afternoon?”
She glanced up at him. “I visited Miss Brisbane.”
Edmund seemed to understand her words immediately, his eyes shifting away from her for what must have been the first time. He tugged at his gloves. “So I assume that means yes, it was enjoyable?”
Selina nodded. “Yes.” The moment the word escaped her lips, her stomach fell. There had been an ill feeling in her heart ever since she had approached Noah that day, and she had been unable to rid herself of it or determine where it had come from.
“You sound uncertain,” Edmund said, regarding her seriously. The warmth in his gaze tugged at her heart, and tears burned behind her eyes. He was the only person who knew what she was up to, but he was also the last person to whom she would express her doubts. He would be just like Mama, gloating over how he had been right, and she had been wrong. She would never admit her worries to him; she could sort them out in her own mind well enough. It was his fault they were there anyway.
“Well, it was quite cold outside,” Selina said, keeping her voice steady. “That is the only part of the afternoon that wasn’t enjoyable.”
“I see.” Edmund met her gaze. “Have you ever asked Ski—er—Miss Brisbane to come to you?”
“H-she is quite busy with work with her father being out of town.”
Edmund’s face was unreadable. “If Miss Brisbane cared about your health, she would make the trip regardless.” His jaw tightened.
Selina’s defenses rose, but they faded as she realized his words held some merit. It would be very kind of Noah to come to her instead, but their arrangement had been in place for quite some time. She did not want to do anything that might result in him being seen with her near their house.
“Miss Brisbane does care for my health. Please do not worry.” Selina spoke with finality, hoping Edmund would drop the subject. She didn’t like dwelling on things that fed the worry in her stomach.
A slight smile tugged on Edmund’s lips.
“What is it?”
He leaned closer to her ear. “I quite enjoy referring to Skinner as a Miss.”
Selina scoffed, fighting her own smile. “I will have you know, I referred to you as a Miss earlier today.”
Edmund’s eyebrows lifted. “Pardon me?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “You asked that I keep your presence here a secret, and to do that I told Mr. Skinner that my cousin, Miss Mildred Ellis, is the guest at our house.”
“Mildred? Could you not have chosen a more fanciful name? One a little more . . . attractive?” He appeared genuinely insulted, and it caused a laugh to burst from her chest. She stifled it instantly when her mother’s gaze was drawn to her.
“It was the first name that came to mind.”
“Do I look like a Mildred to you?”
Selina bit back her laughter again, glancing up at him with a smile. “Now that I have a good look at your face . . . yes, you do.”
Edmund scoffed, sitting back. “Well, if I were to give you a male name in order to disguise your identity, I would give you a much more attractive name than what you chose for me.”
“Oh?” Selina raised one eyebrow. “What would you call me?”
He feigned deep thought before leaning close
r with a serious expression. “Edmund.”
Selina shook her head. “That name would never suit me. I am not nearly as pompous as the Edmund I know.”
His wide smile contrasted sharply with his eyes, which were soft and thoughtful as they roamed her face. “You should be honored. You are the only other person besides myself worthy of such a magnificent name.”
Selina knew he meant it as a jest, but his eyes had captured her enough to make laughing impossible. In reality, he was humble, and that was why he could say such things without appearing pompous. When she had first seen him at the Frost Fair, she had assumed he was giving himself airs and diminishing those beneath his station, like Noah. But now that she knew him better, she had begun to trust him. His opinion meant more to her now . . . and it was no question that he had a low opinion of her betrothed.
Her heart thudded hard as fear caught up to her again.
She had been wrong. It wasn’t Edmund’s words bringing doubt to her mind. It was his actions that were bringing doubt to her heart. His smile. His laugh. His way of looking at her. Had she been too hasty in accepting Noah’s proposal? She had made a commitment to him now, and despite the worries in her heart, she still cared for him.
But she was being ridiculous. Her mind couldn’t be so easily swayed by Edmund.
Tomorrow would bring the clarity she needed.
Her heart sank when she remembered what her agreement with Mama entailed. She had to spend the day with Edmund. As she stole a glance at his smile, she realized, to her dismay, that she did not dread it.
The group would soon move to the dining room, and Selina suspected the only reason Mama hadn’t started already was because of the conversation she wished to prolong between Edmund and Selina. She would likely not be seated near him at dinner, so this might be her only chance to extend the invitation. It is to appease Mama, she told herself.
“Because I pity your boredom today,” Selina started in a slow voice, “I will grant you the honor of my company tomorrow if you wish to have it. I—I do not have anything else scheduled for the day.”
Her Silent Knight: A Christmas Regency Romance (Belles of Christmas: Frost Fair Book 1) Page 8