It’s a cover story about me. About me being a cheater, a liar, everything Hudson hates. It’s the same story Willow called me about this morning.
I’m. So. Fucked.
It’s worse than I thought.
My hands start shaking. “It …” I pause, scrambling for the right words. I push myself to fight back the tears. I want to yell that the person in that article isn’t me anymore, but I can hear the footsteps upstairs. People are here. I take a deep breath. “It happened one time, once, with Spencer, and that was before you. It was forever ago. You can’t get mad at me for something I did in the past.”
He jerks his phone away and slides it back into his pocket in what seems like slow motion – or maybe that’s just me. “I’m not mad that you had sex with him,” he replies, calmly.
“Yes, you are.” I’m trying to match his cool demeanor, but it’s difficult. He’s holding himself back. He doesn’t want to lose his shit where other people can hear him.
He rubs a palm over his forehead. “You’re right.” He shrugs. “Maybe I am judging you, but it’s not because you had a sex life before me. I’m pissed that you had sex with him when you were still with Knox. You were a cheater. You know how I feel about that shit.”
I suck my cheeks in. “I … I didn’t think it was necessary to tell you about my past screw-ups.”
“You sat there and made me believe you weren’t happy with him and that he wasn’t a good boyfriend. Not once did you say you weren’t a good girlfriend – that you cheated on him. Fuck, you even agreed with me that cheaters were terrible people. Meanwhile, you knew you were guilty of the flaw I hate most in people.”
I technically never agreed with him. Silence isn’t agreeing with someone, but I decide to let that go. “I was lonely and confused,” I whisper. “He was never around.”
He shakes his head in agony, his eyes cutting down to me. “Jesus Christ, you sound exactly like Cameron.”
I wince at his insult. “I’m nothing like her. I would never do something like that with you.”
“You did it to a man you dated for years. A man you were in love with. Why should I think I’d be any different?” He gestures between the two of us in frustration. “This was all one big mistake.”
Tears simmer in my eyes. “What do you mean?”
“You and me. Why are we wasting our time with something we know isn’t going to last?”
I throw my arms up in defeat. “You’ve barely even given us a chance!”
“Look at the big picture, Stella. We come from two completely different worlds. Do you plan to move here to Bluebeech? Can you keep your career living here?”
“Well … no.”
“Exactly! And your Hollywood life isn’t for me! This is my home, where I belong, and California is yours.”
“Long distance relationships can work. I did it with Knox for years.”
He scoffs. “Newsflash, Stella, it didn’t work. You cheated, and you guys broke up! That’s the worst possible answer you could’ve given me.”
“Fine, I’m a screw-up! Is that what you want to hear? That I did something you think so terrible of? It was years ago. I was young, dumb, and lonely.”
He runs his hands through his hair in frustration. “You’re right, and I understand people make mistakes.”
“Thank you.” I go to grab his hand, but he recoils at my touch. I should’ve known it wasn’t going to be that easy. “I promise you I will never do anything like that to you. You and me, we’re different than how it was with Knox.”
“You can’t guarantee that,” he rasps.
“Yes, I can,” I beg.
His upper lip curls. “You’re doing it to me right now and lying about dating another man. The world thinks I’m screwing you behind his back. We’re in a relationship where we can only touch each other behind closed doors. People think you belong to someone else.” He grits his teeth. “When you’re supposed to be mine. We agreed to go all in, Stella. Now’s the fucking time.”
“Just give me more time,” I plead, my heart racing. “Give me a few weeks.” I promised him that I’d end things with Eli, but I can’t just do it the next day. These things take time. I need to meet with my attorney to look for possible loopholes in the contract. I need to talk to my management company to get them on board. This decision will have consequences.
He flinches – my answer cutting him in two. “So you’re going to keep playing pretend with him? You’re going to stand there and tell me that you’re willing to throw me under the bus and not tell the truth?” He looks at me in disgust. “Unbelievable.”
“It’s my job, Hudson. What do you expect?”
“What do I expect?” he echoes, bitterly. “Maybe for the girl I’m falling in love with to come clean. To tell them I’m not this terrible man fucking someone else’s girl. I expect you not to be ashamed that you’re with me.”
“Shame? It’s not shame. If there’s anyone I want to tell the world I’m in love with, it’s you!”
Love.
We’ve both thrown out the word in the past five minutes. You’re usually in a good place when you say that to someone for the first time. It usually ends with kisses, sex, and good feelings. This is anything but magical. It’s a goddamn nightmare. I have no time to relish in this moment of him confessing his love because the sadness that he’s about to leave me overcomes that.
“Then prove it!” We both flinch at how loud his voice rises, and controls his breathing before he goes on, his tone softer. “Have Willow put out a statement.” He begins to pace back and forth in front of me. “This isn’t only about us anymore, either. It’ll destroy my family. It’ll kill my mother. Everyone is already having a tough time with Lucy’s death.”
I shut my eyes in embarrassment. I’m selfish. I never even thought about his family. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I will go up there and tell them the truth about everything.”
He stops his pacing and gawks at me. “Just them?” I look around not sure what he’s asking me. “Either you step up and tell everyone the truth, or you need to leave.”
His response is like a smack in the face. “What? You can’t … you can’t be serious?”
“Two options, Stella. Me or your contract.”
“My career is on the line,” I plead.
“And so am I.”
I swallow hard. “I can’t yet!”
“Then leave. I won’t be a man in the shadows.” He scrubs his hand over his face, and I notice his eyes are glossy when he pulls them away. “I hate ultimatums and never thought I’d be someone who had to give them to the woman I love, but I have no other choice. You need to make a decision, and there’s only one you can say that will keep me.”
“Please,” I whimper. “Give me a few weeks.”
He stares at me in disbelief, his eyes cold. “You can stay at Dallas’ until Willow finds a bodyguard to fly home with you. Consider this my resignation.” He gives me one last look, one last chance to change my mind, and I do nothing but stare at him with tears in my eyes. “Have a nice life.”
Me entire world falls apart at the sight of his back. I stumble to the couch and cry for I don’t know how long until I see Lauren tip-toeing downstairs to ask me if I’m ready to go. I glance around the crowded room for Hudson when I make it upstairs, but there’s no sight of him. Lauren barely looks at me during the drive and doesn’t say a word until she parks in the driveway.
“Look, my brother has been through a lot and he’s a good guy,” she says, scowling at me. “If you’re not serious about being him, walk away. Don’t hurt someone because you want to have some fun.”
I nod and step out of the car at the same time the tears come back.
He begged me for a chance and I walked away – even after promising him I wouldn’t last night. I’m a coward who deserves to be alone, and Hudson deserves someone better than me.
I’m relieved when I find Dallas’ front door unlocked and that no one is there. I left my phone here
so it wouldn’t go off like wildfire when I was with Rory. I run downstairs and start to throw all of my shit into my suitcase. I cry as I pick up my phone and notice all of the missed calls. I’m coming home with a broken heart and a PR nightmare.
I call for a taxi and know I’m making the wrong decision.
Willow managed to snag me a private flight after we argued back and forth over texts for ten minutes about me traveling without a bodyguard. We fought for another ten minutes after that when I demanded she not tell Hudson about it. I’m no longer his problem.
I don’t start opening my texts until I’m on the plane with a glass of wine in my hand.
Eli: What the hell? You said if you did anything you’d keep it under wraps. I look like a goddamn idiot. Thanks a fucking lot.
Tillie: You need to get back to LA and meet me in my office ASAP.
Willow: Call me please. We need to talk about this. I need to know what you want me to do.
I dial Willow’s number. She’s been trying to call me for the last hour, but I kept sending her to voicemail. I didn’t want to break down in the middle of the airport.
“Jesus, Stella,” she blurts out as soon as she answers. “What do you want me to tell all of these people blowing my phone up?”
“Tell them to get fucked,” I reply.
“Whoa, I’ve never heard you say that response before, but I’m cool with it.” She pauses. “What’s going on with Hudson?”
I gulp. “He gave me the ultimatum of him or fake-dating Eli.”
“I’m guessing by the sound of your voice you didn’t choose him?”
“I told I needed time.”
“What if things were reversed?” she asks. “Put yourself in his position. What if you had to sit back and watch him prance around with his ex for months and act like you meant nothing to him?”
I frown at her valid point. “You’re making me feel even more like shit.”
“Good. It was my intention. Is your career worth losing him?”
“I told you. My career will never leave me.” The tears come back for their next appearance. “You and I both know it’d never work out with him living in BFE and me living in LA.”
She sighs. “Looks like we’re going to be two bitches going through heartbreak together. I’ll pick you up from the airport with new onesies, ice cream, and the sappiest romance movies ever made.”
I pull my phone away from my face when it beeps to see the caller. It’s what I’ve been doing since Hudson walked away from me. I get my hopes up, and then they sink back down every time I don’t see his name.
He’s not calling.
I made that choice and severed everything we’d built.
“Breakups blow dildos,” Willow says, handing over the tub of ice cream we’ve been eating from for the past thirty minutes.
“Tell me about it,” I mutter with the spoon in my mouth. “So long good dick, hello self-induced orgasms. At least the memories stayed with me. I can still imagine Hudson doing it to me every single time. Is that bad? I have a feeling if I saw a therapist she’d tell me I’m going down the wrong road in my path of trying to get over him.”
She slumps down further onto the couch. “I agree. Men are assholes. Enough said.”
I hold up my spoon. “Here, here.”
She grabs the ice cream from me. “Although I don’t feel that sorry for you, considering yours is an easy fix. You can have the man you’re in love with at the snap of your fingers … or the click of a social media post telling the truth.” She shakes her head. “That poor guy is being labeled a bad person when he’s actually a pretty chill dude.”
I snatch the ice cream back from her and take a bite. “Can it before you’re cut off,” I say, my mouth full.
It’s been twenty-four hours since I got back from LA, and Willow has made it her mission to repeatedly tell me it’d be easy for me to get back with Hudson. I guess she doesn’t care about possibly being unemployed because that’s what’ll happen if I do that right now.
“Trust me, misery loves company, but I’d much rather see you happy,” she rambles. “And that Muscled Marine makes you happy.” She snags the bottle of wine from the coffee table and drinks straight from the bottle. It’s our new thing. “How was the sex, by the way?”
The wine is the next thing I grab from her as I give her a dirty look. “I’m in depressed, break up mode. Do you think I want to talk about Hudson’s amazing sex skills?”
“I’ll tell you about Brett’s.”
“Could care less,” I sing out.
“Two-pump chump is all I have to say.”
I drop my spoon. “You’re kidding.”
“Nope. The guy couldn’t use his fingers to save his life, either. Half of the time I thought he had paralysis of the hand when he tried.”
“Fuck him and his lame fucking self.” I hold up the bottle of wine. “And fuck the men who break our hearts.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Hudson
My last paycheck was electronically deposited into my bank account.
And I’m drinking away almost every penny of it at The Down Home Pub.
I’ve been the depressed drunk guy sitting in the corner of the bar for the last three hours. People have noticed me but steered clear of approaching. I’m sure I look like a maniac right now. Everyone has been walking on eggshells around me. In pity, I’m sure.
Surprisingly, no one has questioned me about the Stella affair. They’ve heard about it, I’m certain of it by the stares they give me. I went to every store in town and bought all of the magazines with my face on them. The last thing I need is my mom seeing them.
“Fancy seeing you here,” Cameron says, pulling out the stool next to me and sitting down.
Perfect. Just the person I didn’t want to see. “What do you want Cameron?” I ask, snarling.
“Attitude,” she mutters, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “You’ve changed since you started screwing Little Ms. Superstar. I never pegged you for a guy that went for someone like that. Doesn’t seem your type.”
I scowl. “I never pegged you for the type to cheat on me with my best friend. I guess we’re both surprising each other.”
I’m not going to tell her things are done with Stella and me.
I’ve been avoiding that conversation with everyone.
Lauren. My parents. Dallas.
Cameron sighs. “I was lonely and confused. Grady was there as a shoulder to cry on. Things escalated. I never meant for it to happen.”
I finally turn to get a good look at her for the first time in a long time. “If you were lonely and confused, you should’ve talked to me about it. Not jump into bed with someone else, especially my best fucking friend.” I dart my arm out, gesturing to the nearly empty bar. “And where is your little fiancé, anyways? Don’t you need a man at your side at all times?”
She blows out a noisy breath. “You know I’m still in love with you.”
“Nice try.” I snort and chug the rest of my drink. I’m going to need another if I have to deal with Cameron’s shit too. She can beg and plead on her knees, but I’ll never take her back.
“I tried with Grady. I really did, but I couldn’t fight back my feelings for you. He finally couldn’t take it anymore. You’re embedded inside of my soul, Hudson. You, and only you. I did something terrible, something unforgivable, but I’m begging you to dig into your heart and remember how much you loved me. How happy we were together.”
How easy would it be for me to get back with Cameron and start over? To act like nothing happened and go back to how we were before cheating ruined our lives?
The bartender hands me my whiskey neat, and I take a drink before telling her how ridiculous she sounds. “How happy we were together?” My voice rises. “You weren’t happy, Cameron. You were so damn unhappy that you ran into another man’s arms!”
Tears start to fall down her cheeks. “Please believe it was a mistake. You have to believe me.”
; “A mistake? So what? You used him until I was ready to give you the life you wanted? Who cares about mine … or even Grady’s feelings … just as long as you’re getting what you want?”
“It’s not like that,” she stutters out.
“Yes, it is. You had me, Cameron. You had every single damn piece of me, and you threw it away because you’re selfish. Your selfishness lost me my best friend and my trust in love. I will never forgive you for that. I’m sorry, but I can’t open myself up to you again. I’ve realized you’re nothing I thought you were. You’re not someone I’d ever want to marry.”
“But some spoiled television brat is?” she fires back with a sneer. “You know that’s not the life you want, and you sure as hell know she’s not going to move to Bluebeech and settle here. Are you going to leave your entire family and move into her big fat mansion while she’s making out with other men on TV?” She lets out a childish laugh. “And let’s not forget she cheated on her boyfriend with you. What makes her better than me?”
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” I grind out.
“It’s all over the internet. You were screwing her behind her little boyfriend’s back.” She crosses her arms. “So what’s the difference between her being a cheater and me being one? We did the same thing. Is it different because you weren’t the one cheated on?”
My stool goes flying backwards when I jump up from it. “She was never with him! It was a publicity stunt for their new movie together. They never touched each other behind close doors. They never shared a bed! Nothing! She did all of that with me!” I slam my fist down onto the bar. “Me!”
Her tears fall faster as she looks up at me in desperation. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I thought …”
“Yeah, you spoke before you fucking thought. For someone who’s in love with me, you sure don’t seem to know me if you’d think I’d do something like that.”
“Please,” she begs. “Let’s go talk somewhere privately about this.”
Make Me Yours Page 19