Cameron took another biscuit and pushed the tin towards Jamie who shook his head and pushed it back.
‘The way I see it, you have both chosen difficult careers. Each job has its own stresses and rewards; but maybe neither of you is sure about whether you chose the right option. Medicine is the toughest job there is, and yes the money will be good, so maybe Bryden is a bit jealous of you. In the long run you will have the best financial rewards, but it may well be the Bryden has the easier life. Is this why you’re pissed off with him? And then you have your dad. You both miss him. You both want to keep a part of him with you. Your mum gave Bryden the car for purely practical reasons, but that’s got to hurt a bit eh? You know you don’t really need a car yet, but why the hell should Bryden get it? And as for the house?’ Cameron paused for a moment. Jamie’s hands were trembling, and a trickle of sweat meandered down the side of his face, despite the fact it wasn’t particularly warm in the kitchen.
‘I’ll tell you something,’ Cameron continued, ‘I could easily have beaten my brother John to a pulp when he moved into my house with Laura and Amy. The house I designed and built for myself and my family; so maybe I do understand a little of how you feel. Why should Bryden get handed a car, a house and your dad’s old job without much effort on his part?’
Jamie stared at Cameron for a moment, trying to work out whether he was genuinely sympathetic or just being provocative.
‘You don’t want to fall out with Bryden over this. He’s your brother, and up until now you’ve been close. Believe me; you don’t want to lose your brother over a stupid thing like this. I will probably never speak to John again, and that’s one of the worst things about what has happened; that and not having my daughter living with me.’
Jamie rested his head on his arms and for a moment Cameron thought he had fallen asleep. He got up and made himself another coffee. He looked at the clock on the wall; the clock he had bought his mother for her birthday to replace the one he had broken when he had been bouncing a football around in the kitchen. He smiled at the memory. His parents had both passed away, but this little house where he had been born still felt alive with their presence. He didn’t know how long he would stay living here, perhaps until after the divorce, but he was in no hurry to leave. It was comforting to sit in the old kitchen, drinking coffee out of the same mugs he had used when he was a teenager.
Cameron sat down again and reached for another biscuit. He was tired, but he didn’t want to leave Jamie on his own yet.
‘You can sleep on the sofa if you want. I’ll fetch a blanket for you.’
Jamie sat up and looked at him.
‘I don’t want to let Mam down.’
‘How are you letting her down?’
‘I don’t think I can be a doctor.’
Cameron put down the half-eaten jammy dodger and gave Jamie his full attention.
‘Well first of all, what you choose to do for a career is entirely your business. You won’t be letting your mother down if you decide you want to do something else.’
Jamie shook his head, as if Cameron was talking nonsense.
‘But even so, are you really sure it’s wrong for you? Can’t you just change your specialism?’
Jamie stood up; stumbling a little as he nearly knocked the chair over.
‘Can I use the bathroom please?’
Cameron pointed the way and watched Jamie lurch off, still clearly suffering the effects of alcohol. Cameron finished his coffee and thought about Julia. This was not going to be the Christmas she had envisaged. He remembered how happy she had been when she left him that afternoon to go and pick her sons up from the airport. She had commented on the fact this first Christmas without Duncan would be tough, but he was sure Jamie was far more miserable than Julia could have imagined. Cameron got the impression Jamie was on the edge of a breakdown and was defiantly trying to man-up and hide it from his mother; disguising his pain behind anger and self-righteousness.
He wondered whether he should call Julia to warn her, particularly with regard to Bryden’s decision to move back to Shetland. He could imagine her being happy to have him home, and probably would suggest he moved in to his Granny’s old house. She needed to know how Jamie felt. It was too late to call her now; and in any case this needed to be handled with great care. Once Jamie had sobered up he would probably feel embarrassed at what had happened. He would not be happy if he thought Cameron had gone running to his mother to discuss his feelings.
He heard the toilet flush and then the taps running for a while. Jamie returned a moment later, the fringe of his hair wet from where he had washed his face. He seemed a little brighter and steadier. He sat down at the table again and drank some more water.
‘Are you ready for something to eat now?’ Cameron said.
‘Yeah, maybe.’
‘Toast; a bacon sandwich; there’s some pizza Amy made today.’
‘Pizza sounds good,’ Jamie smiled for the first time as Cameron stood up and went to the fridge and took out a plate of pizza slices. He walked over to the oven and switched it on.
‘I like cold pizza actually.’ Jamie said.
‘So did your dad. I remember him eating cold pizza for breakfast the night after you found out you’d got into medical school. It was the same day Amy was born, so we both had lots to celebrate. Your mum and dad stayed over at my house that night. It was some party.’ Cameron smiled at the memory. ‘Happy days.’
‘That’s why I can’t give up. Dad was so proud of me. But I just can’t cope with it.’
‘You need to speak to your mother about it. Maybe she can help. She knows what it’s like to work in a hospital. It was hard for her at first. I can remember my twenty first birthday party in Aberdeen. She was late as she had been working in A&E that day. She had dealt with a young man who had been knocked off his motorbike in the city centre. He died unfortunately, and your mother was in pieces. She was only twenty and she had already seen a lot more trauma in her life than any of us could imagine; but this young man seemed to get to her. He had been holding her hand when he died, asking for his mother.’
‘Is that why she started working in the care homes?’
‘I don’t know to be honest. But she’s had enough of that too, hasn’t she?’
Jamie looked puzzled. He put down the slice of pizza he was eating and frowned at Cameron.
‘What do you mean?’
Cameron bit his lip and swore inside his head.
‘Well the last time I saw her she was talking about maybe becoming a foster carer. I don’t suppose she’s had a chance to tell you herself yet.’
‘Oh right. She talked about it a few years ago, before Dad was ill. That makes sense I guess.’
Cameron sighed with relief.
‘What else can you do with a medical degree?’ Cameron said, trying to change the subject.
Jamie took a bite of pizza and shrugged, although clearly he had been giving it some thought.
‘Medical research, medical journalism.’
‘Do either of those interest you?’
‘Well I like the idea of going into research. I’m really interested in the area of immunology, but I would need to do more studying.’
‘What’s wrong with that?’
‘That depends on whether I can get a bursary or not. My degree has already cost a fortune, I can’t ask mum for more money.’
‘Why not? If she has it, she would give it to you wouldn’t she?’
‘Yeah, but…’
‘Yeah, but… talk to her! She wants you to be happy. She wouldn’t want you to spend the next forty odd years at work doing something you don’t enjoy.’
The next morning Cameron crept downstairs to the lounge and found Jamie fast asleep on the sofa. He tiptoed into the kitchen and put the kettle on then opened the curtains and looked out at the bright sunshine. There wasn’t a breath of wind outside and the grass was white with frost. Cameron walked over to the thermostat and turned up the heat a little. He
picked up a Fair Isle jumper he had left on a chair and pulled it on over his shirt. His mobile phone bleeped and he saw there was a text from Julia.
“How’s Jamie this morning? Do you want me to come and pick him up?”
“He’s sleeping. I will deliver him back to you when he wakes up.” Cameron wrote; to which Julia replied, “Bless you, thanks.”
Cameron walked over to a large portfolio case that was leaning against the wall under the window. He unzipped it and flicked through the sheets of paper until he found what he was looking for and pulled out a couple of large architectural drawings and laid them out on the table.
He made himself a cup of coffee and grabbed a croissant from a packet in the bread bin and sat down at the table and studied the drawings. He chewed the croissant without bothering to put butter or jam on it. He was deep in thought when Jamie walked into the kitchen looking pale and bedraggled.
‘Got any more painkillers?’ Jamie said.
Cameron nodded and pointed to a cupboard. Jamie opened the door and took out a packet of paracetamol and gulped back two tablets with a glass of water. He sat down at the table and peered at the drawings Cameron was still looking at.
‘Are you working this morning?’ Jamie asked.
‘No, I was just thinking about something after our conversation last night.’
‘Oh?’ Jamie said, with a hint of embarrassment in his voice.
‘You want to stay in Edinburgh right?’
Jamie nodded.
‘Well, I’ve been involved in a private investment project in Edinburgh to build an apartment block. It was part of a consortium and I did the drawings in my spare time, put some money into the project to buy the land and get through the planning process. And when it’s finished I will own two of the apartments on the top floor.’
‘Cool!’ Jamie said. He leaned forward to get a better look at the drawings, and then looked at Cameron for further explanation.
‘I had thought this would be a brilliant investment for the future; for Amy. I had visions of her living in one of the apartments when she goes off to uni. It’s a long way off I know; but until then I was going to rent one of them out and sell the other. The project has been a bit of a nightmare really, what with the recession and the tram works. It won’t make as much money as we thought it would in the beginning.’
Jamie nodded in sympathy.
‘Anyway, my other problem with regard to the properties is the fact I will be getting divorced at some stage in the future; which means everything I own is going to be fought over in the courts and I will lose half.’
‘Yeah, but if you have two apartments, you can still keep one for Amy.’ Jamie said.
‘In theory, yes. But I’m already going to lose my house and will spend the next fifteen years or so supporting Amy, so I’m really pissed off at the idea that all the work I put in to this project is going to waste. I’m perfectly happy to support Amy and always will be, but I resent the fact that Laura will get to keep the house and half the money I make from the apartments. It’s not like Amy will get the benefit from it. Laura will just piss it all away on clothes and shoes.’
Jamie narrowed his eyes; shocked at the bitterness, but realising he would possibly feel the same way. ‘OK, but what does this have to do with what we talked about last night?’
‘At the moment Laura doesn’t know about the project. She’s never taken an interest in my work; well at least not until the Grand Designs project, when suddenly she became quite the expert in architecture. So in theory I can offload the properties without her knowing.’
‘If you don’t mind me saying, that seems a little underhand.’
‘So was sleeping with my brother.’
‘Fair point! Do you mind if I get a cup of coffee?’ Jamie stood up and went to the kettle and switched it on. Cameron passed him his mug and gestured for him to make him one too.
‘Anyway, I was thinking about a conversation I had with your dad a year or so ago. I was telling him about this project and he said he would love to buy one of the apartments for you and Bryden. But he didn’t think he’d be able to afford it at the time, and in any case you probably wouldn’t want to share a place for very long.’
Jamie shook his head in agreement.
‘So what I’m thinking about now, is whether or not you would want to buy one of the apartments. They’re not finished yet, but they will be next year.’
‘I can’t afford to buy a shoebox!’ Jamie said. He had the kettle in his hand and he put it back in its place a little clumsily. He turned to Cameron and lifted his hands questioningly.
‘I think you could, with a little help from your brother. Take a look at this.’ Cameron pointed to the floor-plan of one of the apartments. ‘It has two bedrooms and a box-room, which could be a third bedroom at a push. If you lived here you could rent out two of the rooms to other students or junior doctors, which would cover your mortgage and maybe even some of your living expenses. If Bryden moves into your Gran’s old house, you could suggest he re-mortgages it to let you have a deposit towards buying your place. That way you both get to own a property from your family’s inheritance. Whether you carry on with your medical training or even change direction, you still want to stay in Edinburgh, and if for some reason you want to move somewhere else you’d be able to sell it.’
Jamie picked up the drawings and studied them. He turned his attention to the site plan and its close proximity to the new tram line that was being installed.
‘From the top floor you will be able to see across to Murrayfield stadium.’
‘Great, but I still don’t think I would be able to afford it. These apartments look expensive; more than can be raised from re-mortgaging an ancient croft house,’ Jamie said, tapping the drawing.
‘You can have it for a little over cost price.’
‘What? Seriously? Why?’
‘I would feel much happier if you ended up living there. If it would make you feel any better we could agree that if you decided to sell up, then you would sell it back to me for an agreed percentage under the market price. And if I’m able to keep hold of the next door apartment then you could manage it for me.’
‘Sounds fair to me.’
‘Anyway, you’ve got to talk to your mother and Bryden about this. Please don’t ruin your Christmas by falling out with each other; and on that note I’d better get you home soon, Julia has already sent me a text to find out how you are.’
Jamie gulped back his coffee and stood up.
‘Yeah, I guess I have some apologising to do for yesterday.’
‘We can stop off at the shops and buy flowers if you like.’
‘What, for Bryden?’ Jamie said, laughing.
Half an hour later Cameron pulled up outside Julia’s house. He saw her at the kitchen window and lifted his hand in greeting. Jamie opened the passenger door and got out, then he turned and leaned back into the car.
‘Are you coming in?’
‘No, it’s OK; I don’t need to hear a lecture on the perils of vodka from your mother.’
Jamie laughed, knowing exactly what was in store for him.
‘What are you doing for Christmas day?’ Jamie asked.
Cameron shrugged. ‘Probably going to my sister’s. Not sure yet.’
‘Mum’s invited Liam round for dinner that night; I wondered if you wanted to come too.’
Cameron smiled at him.
‘Yeah, thanks mate. That would be nice.’
‘Thanks for last night.’ Jamie said.
‘Don’t mention it.’
Cameron waved again at Julia who had just come to the door. She smiled and waved back and then put her arm around Jamie and led him indoors. Cameron saw Jamie hug his mother and he sighed with relief as he drove off home.
18
Christmas Day dawned; a bleak and miserable day that had followed a wild night. Julia looked at her clock and saw it was already after nine. She went to leap out of bed, shocked at how late it was; the
n she relaxed and pulled the duvet back around her shoulders. She didn’t need to rush around this morning as she wouldn’t have to start cooking the turkey until much later in the day.
She listened for a moment to see if there was any noise coming from Bryden or Jamie’s rooms. Silence. How unlike this Christmas was compared to when they were little, when by now all of the presents would have been opened and the boys would have been high on chocolate and fizzy pop. Instead they were sleeping off the excesses of the night before; they had all gone over to Marianne’s for the traditional Christmas Eve drink, which had gone on for a lot longer than normal.
Julia had enjoyed the evening much more than she thought she would; perhaps because the atmosphere between Bryden and Jamie seemed much better, almost back to normal in fact. Perhaps, because there was a large crowd of young people in the house, with their infectious high spirits and readiness to laugh and joke. Julia had loved sitting in the kitchen with Marianne and her sisters and daughters, drinking Champagne and talking about everything and nothing. She couldn’t really remember what they had talked about, but it had been lightsome. They hadn’t mentioned Duncan much, but Julia knew they were all thinking of him, and that was enough.
She was thinking of him now. He was always the first person to get up on Christmas morning. He’d been worse than any child. She stretched out in the warm bed and pulled his old sweatshirt from under his pillow. It no longer smelled of Duncan, in fact it probably smelled more of her perfume than his. She had worn it so much and had finally had to wash it, but she kept it in the bed with her, tucked under the pillow and occasionally she would wear it when it was cold.
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