by Jae
“The plot is, kind of, but the bad guy’s motivation makes no sense at all.” Amanda leaned against the headboard and kicked the script off the bed with her bare toes. “I mean he’s a bookkeeper who normally couldn’t even hurt a fly. But then, out of the blue, he kills a man he has never even met before. Slits his throat for no good reason.”
“Oh, he had a very good reason,” Michelle said. “Love.”
The tone of her voice sent the by now familiar tingles up and down Amanda’s body. She forced herself to focus on the conversation. “Love?” She snorted. “He and the casino owner’s daughter don’t even exchange more than two words during the whole episode. They barely know each other.”
“All right. Maybe it’s not love. Maybe it’s lust. Who could blame the poor guy? You said the casino owner’s daughter is played by Grace Durand, and that woman is hot!”
“Hot?” An emotion that felt very much like jealousy pierced Amanda with its ugly claws.
“Sizzling. Don’t you think so?”
“I guess.”
“You guess?” Michelle sounded incredulous. “She’s been on every sexiest-woman-alive list known to mankind for several years in a row, and she just turned down a six-figure offer from Playboy.”
“Is that how you spend your time while I’m in Vegas? Reading my grandmother’s celebrity gossip rags?” Amanda asked, chuckling.
“No, I don’t need to read the gossip rags to know that. It’s common knowledge. Just like the fact that she’s hot.”
All right, Grace Durand was gorgeous, but Amanda still didn’t like that open admiration in Michelle’s voice when she talked about the world-famous actress. “Yeah, well, I guess it depends on what you find attractive in a woman.”
A rustling noise sounded as if Michelle had thrown the script off her bed too. “Oh, now it’s getting interesting. What do you find attractive in a woman?”
Amanda thought about it for a minute. What was it that she first noticed about the women she had dated? If anyone had asked her a few months ago, she would have described a woman like Grace Durand too—long, blonde hair and luscious curves. Michelle had neither of these features, yet lately, she had starred in a lot of Amanda’s fantasies.
“Come on,” Michelle said when Amanda remained silent. “Tell me. What is it that sparks your interest?”
“Your…I mean her hands,” Amanda said. She closed her eyes and imagined Michelle’s strong hands and her long fingers. Immediately, her mind suggested several things those hands could do to her. “Oh, yeah, definitely her hands. And her ass.” And her legs, her arms, and the way she smelled. Truth be told, she liked everything about Michelle. She opened her eyes before she could lose herself in her daydreams. “Maybe love isn’t such a bad motivation for our bad guy after all.”
Michelle laughed. “I thought you’d see it my way. So, want to continue practicing lines?”
“No.” Amanda had thoroughly lost interest in the script. “I want to know what turns you on.”
Silence.
“Michelle? You still there?”
“Um, yeah. Still here. My mind just went south for a moment.” Michelle coughed. “Okay, so what was the question? Oh, yeah, right. Well, the first thing that catches my interest in a woman are her eyes. I’m a sucker for big blue eyes.”
Check.
“And blonde hair.”
Check.
“A killer smile and a nice pair of C cups don’t hurt either.”
Amanda playfully peered down her pajama top. Check, I think. She cleared her throat. “Uh, you do know that you’re describing me, don’t you? Well, me and half of the actresses in Hollywood, of course.”
“That’s because you didn’t let me finish my list,” Michelle said.
“Okay. What else is on that list?”
“Not what—who,” Michelle said. “You. You are on the list. I’d say that narrows it down.”
Amanda smiled. “Charmer.”
“No, I mean it. In the past, my list of must-have characteristics stopped at the C cups, but over the last few years, I’ve realized that I want what my parents and my grandparents had and what my brother has with his wife. And for that, I need a woman who is independent yet values monogamy and family. A woman with an adventurous spirit, but with both feet firmly on the ground. Someone who knows what she wants and goes after it, but not in a ruthless way. A woman like you.”
Amanda didn’t know what to say. She had never wanted to hold anyone so much in her life. Silently, she cursed each and every one of the two hundred and twenty-four miles between them.
“Does that scare you?” Michelle asked quietly. “Me talking like this? Comparing us to all the happily-ever-after couples in my family?”
“No. I like a woman who knows what she wants and goes after it too.”
Michelle was silent for a few moments; then she sighed, a sound full of longing. “God, I can’t wait to see you. Are you sure you don’t want me to pick you up from the airport?”
What Amanda wanted wrestled with what she thought she had to do—and finally lost. “Yes, I’m sure. You need your sleep to be fit for the photo shoot on Monday morning.” And she needed to let the director and the rest of the cast and crew believe that she was straight. She pressed her lips together. I bet a woman trapped in Hollywood’s celluloid closet is not on your list.
“Cut! No, no, no. Not like that, Amanda.” Walt stepped out from behind his monitor and walked over to Amanda, waving his hands at the rest of the cast as if to shoo them away. “Everybody, take five.”
Amanda ducked her head at the groans of her colleagues. This was the fourth take already, but she just couldn’t get the emotions right. She tried to calm down and focus, but that wasn’t easy in her noisy surroundings. Slot machines jangled in the background, coins rattled into metal bins, and dealers chanted out numbers.
The part of the casino that they used as a set hummed like a beehive as production assistants herded two dozen extras back into their initial positions around the poker table and the slot machines. The crew readjusted the camera position and angled the lights.
A makeup artist, a hairstylist, and someone from wardrobe descended on Amanda and fussed over her hair, makeup, and clothes.
Ignoring them, Walt stopped in front of Amanda.
“Sorry, Walt,” Amanda said. “For some reason, this is a tough one for me.”
“Look around. What do you see?”
“A casino?”
Walt shook his head. “It’s not just a casino for Linda Halliday. She’s facing her biggest weakness in this scene. Something that could ruin her career, her whole life, yet she can’t help wanting it.”
Amanda knew that, of course, but it was still hard for her to get into her character’s head and feel what Linda Halliday was feeling.
“Haven’t you ever been addicted to something?” Walt asked. “Smoked some grass in high school or threw back too many beers?”
She had spent most of her high school years trying to keep her grades up while starring in her drama club’s productions and coming to terms with the fact that she was gay, but she couldn’t say that to Walt, so she just shook her head. She looked around, ignoring the crew, the bright lights, and the cameras, and tried to see the casino through Detective Halliday’s eyes, tried to imagine craving something so badly that it was almost like an ache and you were ready to risk something important, just to satisfy that craving.
Had she ever felt something like that?
Her first spontaneous answer was a vehement no, but then a thought occurred to her.
Living in a shoebox-sized dive of an apartment for three years so she had enough money for an acting and voice coach… Going to an audition running a high fever, just for the chance of getting a bit role… Wasn’t that a little on the obsessive side?
Another realization hit her.
What about Michelle? Staying up until three in the morning to talk to her on the phone, even though she knew she’d regret it in the mornin
g… Being tempted to pay for an earlier flight home out of her own pocket, just so she could see Michelle on Sunday night… Was that what an addiction felt like?
No, a voice in her head said, sounding like that of her grandmother, that’s how it feels to be in love.
Stunned, she stared at Walt. She couldn’t be in love so soon, could she? She and Michelle had known each other for less than two months. They hadn’t even gone on an official date yet. In her past relationships, it had taken her months to feel comfortable with calling it love. But to her heart, none of that seemed to matter.
“You okay?” Walt asked.
Amanda blinked. “Oh, yes. Yes. I’m fine. Just fine. I think I have a good angle now.”
He patted her shoulder. “Good. Then let’s try this scene again.” He waved to the rest of the cast and ducked back behind his monitor as the camera dolly rolled back to its initial position.
“Quiet on set,” someone hollered.
Amanda took her mark and tried to get deeply into her character, letting herself feel that strange mix of emotions that came with hearing Michelle’s voice. It was soothing and familiar, almost like coming home, yet at the same time it was new and exciting and made her blood sing.
As if from far away, she heard the assistant director call, “Roll sound.”
“Speed,” one of the sound technicians answered.
“Roll camera.”
“Rolling.”
“Marker,” the assistant director called.
The clapperboard cracked.
When Walt called, “action” and the camera moved in for the close-up, Amanda slowly unclenched her fingers and looked down at the dice in her palm. She looked at them as if they were something she had wanted all of her life but hadn’t found so far. Now it was within reach, but it came with a price, just like this long-awaited role kept her from seeing Michelle again.
She stared at the dice, not knowing for how long; then she closed her fingers around them and lifted her hand as if wanting to throw them onto the green felt. At the last moment, she let them drop to the floor instead, turned, and walked away, shouldering through the crowd at the craps table.
“Cut,” Walt called and rushed over to her.
The extras jumped out of the way.
Amanda swallowed. Had she ruined another take?
Walt grabbed her shoulder and shook her gently. “Fantastic! Whatever you were thinking of worked like a charm. You played it perfectly. Let’s break for lunch, people!”
As he walked away, Amanda let a long breath escape.
Nick sauntered over. “That was great. This episode might earn you an Emmy.”
That finally pulled Amanda out of her stupor. She gazed up at him. “You really think so?”
“Why not? The emotions on your face…wow. You really made me believe you were struggling with a gambling addiction.”
“Uh, thanks.”
“So, this is our last full day in Vegas. If we manage to wrap early, are you up for a little sightseeing tonight?” He gave her a hopeful glance.
Amanda groaned inwardly. “I thought you already did your sightseeing yesterday?”
“Yeah, but some things are worth seeing twice, especially in the right company.”
She shook her head. “No, thanks.”
“You’re not much for sightseeing, are you? If you’d prefer, we could just grab a bite to eat or—”
“No, it’s not that. Listen…” Amanda hesitated. Whenever one of her male colleagues had tried to ask her out in the past, she had just told him she was gay. But then she hadn’t had a career to speak of, so she hadn’t needed to worry about being typecast in “gay” roles from now on. Hollywood had changed along with society; coming out was no longer a career ender, but it could narrow her opportunities.
“Oh, I see,” Nick said. “You’re already seeing someone.”
“Yes. It’s still pretty fresh, but I think it has the potential to turn into something very special,” Amanda said, not having to rely on her acting skills.
Nick’s face fell. “Oh.” Slowly, the grin reappeared. “Well, the offer still stands. After all, what happens on location stays on location, right?”
“Tempting,” she said, hiding a sarcastic smirk, “but I’m the old-fashioned, loyal type, so thanks, but no thanks.”
Nick shrugged. “Your loss,” he said and walked away.
Hmph. Actors. Why would anyone want to date a Hollywood star with an ego the size of California? Of course, she was glad that Michelle had changed her mind about that. Still shaking her head, she joined Lorena at the catering table they had set up in their part of the casino. After talking to Michelle until three in the morning, she had overslept and hadn’t had time for breakfast. Now her stomach was growling. She reached for a bagel and took a big bite.
Lorena turned, a fruit cup in her hands. She watched as Amanda devoured her bagel. “I don’t know how you can eat like this and stay so slim.” Sighing, she nibbled on a piece of pineapple.
With her mouth full, Amanda just shrugged. She would rather eat whatever she wanted and then spend some time in the gym than having to watch every bite she ate.
“And you get to have all the fun on set too. All I do all day is cut open bodies and spout medical terminology, while you get to play in the casino. What’s up with that, huh?” Lorena elbowed one of the show’s writers, who nearly spilled his coffee.
He put down the Styrofoam cup and held up his hands. “What do you expect? This is a crime show, and you’re playing the medical examiner.”
“Yeah, but how about a little change of pace? Maybe you could write a romance into the script or something.”
Amanda shook her head. “Oh, please, don’t encourage him, or they’ll end up having Halliday make googly eyes at her partner.” She liked her character the way the writers had created her—flawed, but strong and independent.
“Naw.” Lorena grimaced. “No chemistry between the two of you. Guess tall, dark, and handsome isn’t your type.”
Amanda hid a grin. “Oh, I like tall, dark, and handsome just fine.”
Lorena regarded her with a knowing smile. “I see. You have your own tall, dark, and handsome someone waiting for you at home.”
Not wanting to get herself into a situation where she had to lie about Michelle’s gender, Amanda just nodded. “How about you? Someone waiting for you at home?”
Lorena put down her fruit cup and pulled an engagement ring that she was wearing on a chain out from under her shirt. “Boring Dr. Castellano is single, so I can’t wear it while we’re shooting.”
“Oh, wow. You’re engaged? I didn’t know.”
“Yeah, well, with all the media attention the show has been getting since the Emmys, I’m trying to keep the job and my private life separate.”
Amanda would have to do that too, even more so than Lorena. She bit her lip. “Are you happy? I mean… Relationships aren’t easy under the best of circumstances, but with location shoots and our crazy schedules… How do you make it work?”
“Rafe is a teacher, so he can travel with me when I shoot on location during the summer. But I’m not gonna lie to you. It’s not easy during the rest of the year. We manage with lots of phone calls.” Lorena forced a smile and wiggled her eyebrows. “And lots of cold showers.”
“Ooh, so that’s why you’re asking for a little on-screen romance,” the writer said. “Sexual frustration.”
Lorena answered with a snarky remark, but Amanda didn’t listen to their banter. She could see a lot of cold showers in her future too.
CHAPTER 8
When they landed at LAX and got off the plane, Amanda nearly fell to her knees and kissed the ground. Filming in Vegas had been great, but she’d never been so glad to be back home.
As they left the luggage area, Nick was instantly surrounded by a dozen female fans asking for autographs and Lorena was whirled around and kissed senseless by a hunk of a man, whom she introduced as her fiancé.
Amanda sto
od alone with her suitcase and missed Michelle so fiercely that it hurt. You told her not to come, remember? Sighing, she followed her colleagues out of the glass sliding doors—and stumbled to a stop.
In the short-term parking area, Michelle leaned against her SUV and beamed at her.
Amanda blinked, for a moment not sure if she was real or just a figment of her imagination. But then Michelle lifted her hand and waved. Amanda wanted to dash over and greet her the way Lorena had greeted her fiancé, but with her colleagues right there, she didn’t dare.
Michelle had taken a step in Amanda’s direction but then hesitated when Amanda didn’t move toward her.
“Hey, Amanda,” Lorena called and looked over her shoulder at her. “You coming? Rafe can drive you home.”
“Uh, no, that won’t be necessary. Someone’s here to pick me up.” She gestured in Michelle’s direction.
Lorena glanced toward the SUV and its driver. “Ah, the hot boyfriend that had you glued to the phone whenever we weren’t shooting.”
The longer Amanda knew Michelle, the less she understood how anyone could mistake her for a man. Those kissable lips were much too soft to be a man’s. “Uh, yeah, something like that.”
Lorena might have answered, but Amanda was no longer listening. Drawn in by those gentle brown eyes, she crossed the parking area. With the suitcase between them, she stopped and just looked at her from a yard away. Back in Vegas, she had dreamed about what she’d do when she saw Michelle again, but her fantasies hadn’t included her colleagues watching or her sudden shyness.
“Hi,” Michelle said softly. “You okay?”
Amanda nodded and, colleagues be damned, let herself sink into Michelle’s arms, almost stumbling over her suitcase in the process.
Michelle pushed the suitcase out of the way and immediately pulled her close. “Are you really okay?” she whispered into Amanda’s hair.
Burrowing deeper into Michelle’s leather jacket and breathing in her scent, Amanda nodded again. “Just tired. We were shooting right up until we had to leave for the airport, and then some kid kicked the back of my seat all the way from Vegas to LA.” She hesitated but then decided to be honest. “And, well…” She glanced over her shoulder at her colleagues, who were loading their suitcases into the trunk and the backseat of Rafe’s car. “My co-stars don’t know I’m gay.”