by Mary Wood
‘Thanks, Dorothy. I’ll ring him. Should I have me worries over her, d’yer think?’
‘No, she’s doing fine. Oh, by the way, your son-in-law came over looking for you both, but said he’d come back later, and that Mister Crompton was snooping around.’
‘Snooping? Mister Terence? That’s a funny word to use.’
‘Well, it’s how I would describe his actions. I don’t know what his game was. I came across him around the back of the stable about an hour ago. He seemed to be checking the structure. Jumped out of his skin on seeing me, and made some petty excuse about when he was here last. He said he’d meant to mention to you about a damp patch. So he thought, as you were out, he’d take a look to see if it had worsened.’
‘Don’t worry over it. He’s allus struck me as a funny one. I’ll ring him later. Now, let’s have a look at Betsy Girl and see how much you’ve learned about fillies’ habits when they’re about to drop their foal.’
She grinned at him. Lass had a lovely smile. He didn’t know all the circumstances of her loss, but he felt for her. Happen when this lot’s over, she’ll find someone to be happy with. Dorothy was a good-looking lass. He’d always thought so, but when he’d seen her at Sarah and Billy’s wedding with her glad-rags on, he’d thought her stunning. Some lucky bloke had a treat coming to him with her. And if it was a farmer, or someone who had stables, he’d get the bullseye, because she’d picked up all the tasks around here as if she was born to them.
Guilt entered him at his next thought, as it hadn’t been the first time it had come to him. But in many ways he wished Megan were more like Dorothy. To have had her support around the stables, working alongside him as he’d built it all up, would have felt like someone had iced his cake. But then he knew it was a selfish thought, as Megan had always had her own dream, and realizing it had made her happy.
As he turned back towards the house, the ‘posh one’ – as they called Louise – shouted over to him, ‘Mr Fellam, may I have a word?’
‘Hello, Louise. What can I do for you, lass?’
‘I wanted to ask if you would mind me going out to dinner tonight? Mr Crompton invited me to his home. I have sort of said yes.’
‘Mind? Naw, lass, you can do as you like, once work’s all done, you know that.’
‘Yes, I know, but this seemed a bit different. It’s not like going for a walk or whatever.’
‘You go, and have a good time. Eeh, he’d right suit you, young Terence. He has his ways, a bit on the lazy side, though he did help me out when I were trying to get arable side going. But then he’s top-drawer, so has no need to put his shoulder to the grindstone.’
‘It’s only dinner with his family, Jack, not a marriage proposal!’
Her giggle had him smiling. All these lassies brightened his day. He’d been lucky to get such a good bunch of Land Girls, and had had no trouble with any of them, though they had their moments when they turned the task of laying fresh straw in the stable into a free-for-all, throwing it at each other and wrestling in the bales, but they were only letting off steam.
‘Well, you never know; and you could do worse,’ he told her. ‘He’s well set up, thou knows. Anyroad, I’m to go and ring vet. Betsy Girl has reached her time, and Dorothy says as she’s a bit agitated.’
‘Oh? I’ll go and see her. See if I can soothe her.’
Lass had a love of the horses – a deep love – and she could ride them as good as any jockey he’d seen an’ all. Happen she’d keep Betsy Girl calm.
With talking to the girls and dealing with everyday things, some of Jack’s worry left him, but it came right back with the look on Megan’s face as he entered the kitchen.
It wasn’t as if anything had happened, other than that Billy had refused to come over and didn’t want them visiting. He’d said he were tired and just wanted the night with Sarah. But even that set a fear up in Jack. It might not have done, but when Megan worried, he did too, as she had a sort of sixth sense where that son of hers was concerned.
‘I’ll not be a mo, love. I can see as you’re upset, but I have to make a phone call to the vet.’
When he put the phone back on its hook, he turned back to Megan. ‘Now then, lass, what’s happened, eh?’
‘It’s Billy. He hardly said owt when I told him about Issy. Well, not like you’d expect. He just said, “Oh, well, it ain’t like you didn’t think it were going to happen, and she’d had her time.” And he sounded agitated, but then none of me news were of the kind to cheer him, I suppose, what with how things are for Hattie as well. He’s funny over Hattie, for some reason.’
Trying to soothe her, and himself, Jack made light of this. ‘Happen as lad is just tired. Sarah’ll sort him out.’ And though he didn’t like to think of that side of things, where his own little daughter – as he still thought of Sarah – was concerned, he made a joke. ‘Lad’s been deprived, thou knows. All he wants is to cuddle up with his bride and get some release, make him feel like a husband again, rather than a fighting machine. He’ll be right as owt tomorrow. Stop worrying and give me a quick cuddle. Only a quick one, mind, as I’ve stuff to see to.’
The tension in her body matched his, but holding each other helped. It was like they knew something was going to happen, but couldn’t stop it. Nor could they express it. After all, nothing more had gone on than that Billy had seen Sarah waving Richard off – an everyday thing in family life, especially these days. They were just being silly and overprotective, and Jack supposed that’s how they would always be.
26
Sarah & Sally
A Friendship Deepens
Sarah looked up as the door of her office opened. She’d been trying hard to concentrate on balancing the books, but nothing fitted with anything else, though she knew it was due to her own lack of concentration.
More than once she’d stared through the internal office window, to where the girls were working, and had watched them, heads down, guiding material through the sewing machines.
The knock on her office door was a welcome distraction and Sally entered. ‘I’ve made you a pot of tea, love. You look all in.’
‘I am, Sally. Me life just seems filled with complications.’
‘D’yer want to talk of it? I’m a good listener. Comes of me early days when, if I opened me mouth, it were shut for me.’
Wanting to talk about anything except what had happened at the station, Sarah picked up on this from Sally. ‘I don’t know how you got through everything, love. Though it ain’t as if you have really, is it? I mean, you don’t want to give of yourself – like in having a boyfriend, or owt.’
‘Is it that obvious? But then, you’re right, so it must be. Problem is, when something happens like it did to me, it sort of shuts you down. I can love folk. I love Hattie like she were me mam. Mind, she has been really, cos I can’t remember that much about me own mam, nor about me sister Janey. I suppose it hurts too much to do so.’
‘Aye, I understand, as same thing happened to me: I lost me sister. Anyroad, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have took the subject up with you.’
‘It’s all right. Don’t worry over it. I should speak of it more, but I’ve never had anyone as I could talk to. I can’t talk to Hattie as it hurts her too much. She still feels full of guilt, no matter how I try to reason with her. Occasionally, something will trigger a conversation about what happened, but her remorse is such that I don’t feel I can open up about my deeper feelings. I’m always trying to convince her that she had to do what she did. That I understand how she trusted the police when she convinced my poor mam to agree to use me as bait to expose the child sex-ring that Lord Byron was mixed up in. It wasn’t her fault that the police held back from swooping in in time to save me from the rape.’
‘I can’t imagine what that felt like. If you ever want to talk about it, I’ll listen. I – I don’t know as I could take your pain away, but I do know it helps to unburden yourself.’
‘Ta, Sarah. Maybe if I can do that y
ou can convince Hattie that she weren’t to blame – the police were. After all, once she realized the police were waiting for the whole gang to be assembled and that that had put me in grave danger, she risked her life to save me. I mean, I wouldn’t be here now if it weren’t for her actions.’
‘It’s funny, but we have a lot in common, don’t we? I lost me mam and me sister and so did you, and both our sisters were murdered.’
‘Can you remember yours?’
‘No, not always. I try, and every time I see a Mongol child I like to think it is Bella. I remember more of the things we did, and how she was, than what she looked like. What about you?’
‘Not really. I’m the same as you: it’s more an impression of her, but the events – they’re like an open sore in me.’
An urge came to Sarah to take hold of Sally’s hand. When she did, it felt cold, as if it had never, ever been warm. Suddenly she wanted to hug this girl whom Hattie had adopted, and who seemed always to have been in Sarah’s life, and yet, though a friend, she’d never really been close to. Sally moved at the same time and they came together. The hug held love. ‘Oh, Sally.’
Tears spilled down Sarah’s cheeks. She brushed them away whilst Sally clung to her as if she’d never let her go.
When they did release each other, they started to giggle. The giggle built into a belly laugh that doubled over their bodies. ‘Eeh, Sally, we’re a pair of dafties. But I feel as though we’re special friends now, and I’m in need of one of them.’
‘Me, too, lass, and apart from Hattie, and a bit as I feel for Harry, I’ve a feeling in me as I haven’t experienced in a long time. Like I can love another. I know it’s childish, but . . .’
Sarah curled her little finger around the one offered by Sally, and they shook on it, like two little girls in the playground, before bursting out laughing again.
For Sarah, the laughter held a release from the pain of her granna going, and from the fear of Billy, and the shame of what she’d done with Richard, but it didn’t even begin to touch the part of her where she held Richard in her heart. Nothing could free her of that, and she didn’t want it to.
‘Thou knows, Sarah, there’s sommat as I’d like to share with you. Well, two things. I said as I couldn’t give meself to anyone, but I’ve not been able to get Megan’s stepbrother Mark out of me head. Oh, I know as he’s a couple of years or so younger than me, but—’
‘Sally, you dark horse! Well, I’ve a mind as he feels the same. He never left your side at that dinner party. Oh, what a mess that turned out to be an’ all. I’ll tell you what, I’ll find out what his address is. I know he’s in the navy, but I don’t know if he’s at sea yet, and then you can write to him.’
‘I don’t know as I could.’
‘Of course you could. Start writing as a friend – someone concerned for him – and I reckon as things’ll soon develop from there. Anyroad, you said two things?’
‘Aye, I know we had a laugh about it that evening, but I was serious about wanting to join up. I have a talent as no one knows of. Not even Hattie, and it could be of use. You see, I can speak French.’
‘What? French? How?’
‘When I was forced to live with me aunt, she put me to mending, and that’s how I learned the skills I had when I came back to you all. You remember? I used to help your Aunt Megan when she first set up? Well, back at me aunt’s house, I had work come in from this lady. She were French, and she took it on herself to teach me her language. I just seemed to have a talent for it. I were speaking it in no time. We had long conversations and never a word in English. I think it was because that was the only learning I had. I couldn’t read or write and had no education, and so me brain just soaked up the only academic skill it was offered.’
‘And you can still speak it? You remember enough of it?’
‘Yes, I’ve allus gone over it in me mind, and at night I even talk to meself in it. Then, just recently, I got a book out of the library and started to learn to read and write it. It didn’t seem a problem at all. I could understand and hold a conversation with no difficulty. So I thought, as we were hooking up with the French for this war, it might be as they could use me in the forces.’
‘That’s amazing, Sally, though I don’t want you to go. I feel as though I’ve only just found you proper.’
‘I know. I feel like that too, like I’ve never had a friend afore and now I have. I know we have been friendly and attended parties and been part of the same family, but not like this. But me urge to help is very strong. Only problem is getting Hattie to agree. On top of that, I feel as though Megan really needs me here.’
‘Yes, she will miss you, especially as I’m . . . well, I’m pregnant again!’
‘Again?’
‘Aye, again. And it’d be nice to share that with someone an’ all. Aunt Megan and Aunt Hattie know.’
At the end of her telling, Sally held Sarah’s hand again. ‘By, you’ve had it rough, lass. But everything’s all right now, eh?’
Something held her back from telling Sally it wasn’t. ‘Aye, things are going along. It’s not easy, with how everything is. Anyroad, I’d best pack up now, it’s on half-past two. I’ve done the wages and stuff, and Billy’s at home waiting for me. He came home a day early.’
‘Well, then, what’re you doing here in the first place? Get on home, lass: your man is waiting.’
It was easy to fake laughing with Sally. Everything seemed easy with her, and Sarah wished she’d found this way of them being friends a long time ago. But then it hadn’t been possible to get under the solid wall Sally had built around herself. It had cracked now, though, and she was glad of it. It was going to be good to have someone of her own age to talk to.
The bus trundled along, taking Sarah on her journey home. Though full of fear at what she’d face, her mind was more occupied with Richard and the kiss they’d shared. He’d be home in Market Harborough now. How she wished she was there with him, and he had his arms around her, keeping her safe. Oh, Richard . . .
27
Richard
Feeling his Shame
‘Darling, you’re home! And so is Mark. What a coincidence.’
‘Well, not really, Mother. Training has finished for a lot of us, and we have a couple of days before we take up our postings, though of course I will still be training for a while longer yet. Where is Mark? Has he any idea when he will be going?’
‘A hug would be nice, Richard. I’ve missed you, you know.’
‘Sorry, Mother. Come here. Oh, it’s good to be home. Is Father in?’
‘Is everything all right with you, my dear? You seem very agitated.’
The need came to Richard to unburden himself. ‘I’ll tell all over a cup of tea. I’ve done something I am rather ashamed of. Not sorry for, but afraid of the consequences.’
After telling them, he hung his head in shame. He felt that emotion intensify, just by being surrounded by his family – all honourable, decent people who wouldn’t dream of behaving as he had.
‘Good God, Richard! Not a good thing at all. You may very well have put Sarah in a lot of danger. I’m surprised at your appalling behaviour.’
‘I’m sorry, Father. I don’t know what possessed me. Is Billy still dangerous? I mean, still capable of—’
‘I think so. Never should have been released, in my opinion, but when I spoke to the fellows in charge of his case, they said there was no evidence to keep him in. They feel he is the army’s responsibility now. But I didn’t like what I saw at the dinner party: the look Billy had in his eyes, and his irrational thinking. Not only that, but he acted upon what he perceived. Though what you are telling us now, Richard, has simply confirmed what I thought. This is very bad form on your part. I’ve suspected how you felt for a long time, but why leave it this late? Damnation, man!’
‘Edward!’
‘I’m sorry, my dear. I’m just worried, and feel let down. I think we should contact Jack and warn him.’
Never had Richard seen his father so angry. His shame turned to humiliation. To have been bawled out like that, in front of everyone. But then, it didn’t matter. Sarah mattered, and he’d put her life in danger. ‘Oh God.’
The feel of his brother’s arm around his shoulders comforted him. ‘Come on, Richard, it may not be as bad as all that. Father, have you some of that whisky left? That nice syrupy one we had in our tea, before we went away? I think Richard could do with a drop. Poor chap was only following his heart, you know.’
‘You don’t follow your heart with a married woman. Yes, there’s some whisky in the cabinet – and pour me a stiff one whilst you are at it.’
‘I don’t want anything, thanks, Mark. I’m tired out, but I must keep a clear head. Father, I’ll ring Jack. It is only right that I do so; I need to salvage something from all of this. But may I say: this wasn’t a flippant thing. You are right, Father, I do love Sarah. I should have spoken up. It just didn’t seem right to do so.’
Feeling wretched enough about it all, Richard could have done without his mother chipping in. ‘Poor Megan and Jack. They have enough on their plate. Oh, Edward, I’m frightened. I have this feeling.’
‘Please, don’t start that, Bridget, dear. You have feelings every day that something is going to happen to Megan. You’re paranoid about her. She’ll be fine. Well, not fine, of course, but it is Sarah I’m worried about. Billy will see this as her betrayal of him, and I honestly think she is in grave danger.’
‘I want to go up and see them, Edward. I don’t want to wait until the funeral. I should be with them. Issy meant so much to Megan and Sarah, and to me, and Jack adored her. I can’t imagine what they are going through.’
‘All right, my dear. Yes, I think we should, but it has come at a bad time. The boys . . .’
‘We’ll come. I – I mean, I will. I can get to Liverpool from there easier than from here, and I have six days left of my leave.’