But for now, I just needed to cry.
I choked a new sob into my pillow.
I love you, Cal.
And I miss you so fucking much.
“Did you hear about what happened?”
“Of course I did, Jess. He’s my stepbrother.”
Don’t get choked up. Not in the school hallway, not with so many people around. It’s time to stop crying. You got your chance to be weak. Now it’s time to be strong.
For Cal.
That immediately rid me of my tears.
It was Monday, the first day back in the real world and out of the prison of my bedroom. Cal had not answered my texts. I had accepted by now that his father had taken his phone.
And I had apologized to Mom for shutting her out. I hated that I was missing Cal. But it wasn’t her fault that James was evil. And it especially wasn’t her fault for wanting him out of her house, even if she didn’t fully understand the situation.
Now that the home was taken care of, it was time to face school. And, as much as I hated to admit it, Nate.
Ugh.
“And where is your bodyguard?” Jess asked me, leaning against my locker. I glanced at the clock. The day was almost over, and still no sight of Nate. Maybe I was getting lucky.
“Gone.”
“Gone where?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Her face softened. “You haven’t been answering my texts. Is everything alright with you and Cal?”
“No.”
Jess recoiled at my sharp tone. I sighed.
“I’m sorry,” I said, rubbing my temples. “I really am. It’s just that … Cal moved out. And I hate Nate. And the end of the semester is really starting to get to me. It’s a lot to deal with.”
“They took your boyfriend from you?”
“Nate isn’t my boyfriend anymore.”
“I wasn’t talking about him.”
I froze. “You know?”
Jess stared at me like I was an idiot.
“Jesus, Natalie. Of course I know. What kind of shitty best friend would I be if I didn’t? Have you seen the way you two look at each other?”
Don’t get choked up, don’t get choked up.
“Oh,” I said in a small voice.
I kept my eyes fixed on the ground, fighting back the tears as I remembered how warm he felt kissing me moments before he left. I wouldn’t cry. I knew that. It was time to be strong.
But it still hurt.
“I’m here for you, Nat,” Jess said, squeezing my hand. “Even if you don’t know it. And you know he still is, regardless of where he is.”
I nodded.
Jess’s fingers squeezed around my hand. After a moment, I realized it was too hard to just be reassurance. When I glanced up, she was glaring hard across the hallway at me.
“So I guess this means he’s lying,” she spat.
I followed her gaze to where Nate was leaning against a locker, watching us. My heart sank.
I guess my good luck couldn’t last forever.
“What has he been saying?”
“That Cal tried to attack you. And that he saved you.”
“What!?”
“I know.” She frowned harder. “I didn’t believe it.”
The weakness that made my throat close up and hands shake a moment ago washed away. Now I was pissed. Take Cal away from me, and I’ll be hurt. Hurt Cal, and I’ll kill you.
I spun on my heel and marched to Nate, ignoring Jess’s calls from behind me. I knew this was stupid. I shouldn’t make a scene, I shouldn’t put myself in danger like this. I had made a promise to Cal that I would be careful.
But that was before I knew what Nate was up to.
That was before I started seeing red.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I hissed at him, getting as close to his face as possible so he could see the fire in my eyes. “You think you’re so fucking clever, don’t you? You think you can turn everyone against him so easy?”
“I don’t have to,” he said coolly, looking down at me. “Everyone already hates him. They know what a fuck up he is.”
Fuck up.
I hated that phrase.
“Don’t you dare talk about him like that. The only fuck up here is you.” My lip curled. “You attacked him. I know what happened Nate. And I swear to God I will tell everyone.”
“And who will believe you?”
Ugh. I knew he was right. But I couldn’t let him know that. Instead, I leaned forward, glaring even harder.
“Why did you attack him? Because he didn’t let you get to me? Why are you so obsessed with me?”
“I want you back, Nat. We’re perfect together.”
He leaned forward, his eyes oddly earnest. But now that I knew what kind of man he really was, I knew it was he only cared about things being perfect for himself. We looked perfect. The real us was anything but. But Nate was obsessed with looks.
I realized he reminded me of James.
“You will never have me back.”
“Natalie—”
He leaned forward to grab my wrist. In that moment, I couldn’t stop myself. I would never let him touch me again. I reached forward and slapped him sharply against the face.
He reeled back. I had never hit him back like that.
“Don’t ever come near me again,” I spat.
I realized the hall around us had gone quiet. Every head in the hall had turned to us, leaving me glaring hard at my ex with shaking hands that had balled into fists at my side. Nate didn’t react. He couldn’t, not with so many witnesses.
But I could see it in his eyes.
I had gone too far. He couldn’t let me get away with that. And in his own little world, he was going to make things right.
I’m sorry, Cal, I thought, realizing I had gotten awfully close to putting myself in danger. But I couldn’t regret it.
I turned around to march away before I did anything else extremely stupid. My path was blocked by a huge, hulking figure. My gaze traveled up from the broad chest to the disappointed, grimacing face of Officer Furst.
“Miss Harlow, did you just put a hand to another student?”
“I…”
I panicked, glancing around the hallway. Even a few teachers had peeked their heads out of their doorways to watch the freak show. Good Natalie Harlow, punching her “boyfriend”? Now that made good gossip.
“Miss Harlow, I need you to come with me.”
Well, shit.
“Suspended,” Mom said with her face in her hands. We sat at the kitchen table a little after sunset, Mom still holding the phone that had just delivered the news. She was drinking coffee again, which was how I knew this was bad.
I sat silently in the chair, looking at the hands folded in my lap. I could handle Angry Mom. I could handle Frustrated Mom. I really, really, really couldn’t handle Disappointed Mom.
“Suspended. You hit another student, and you got yourself suspended. Do you have any idea how disappointed I am in you right now?”
“I’m sorry, Mom.”
“Natalie, honestly. What has gotten into you?”
“Nothing.”
“Nat,” she moaned. “You slapped someone. You’ve never laid a hand on anyone before! You’ve just gotten yourself suspended. The Natalie I know would never get suspended.”
“Maybe the Natalie you know isn’t the real Natalie,” I said too harshly. I hated how immature I sounded.
But it was true. I was so tired of always being perfect. Cal had allowed me to be myself, even if it was just for the short time that I had known him. I missed it so much.
“This is my fault,” Mom groaned, shaking her head. “If I hadn’t married James, if I hadn’t brought that boy into the house….”
“Mom, it isn’t Cal’s fault either. He didn’t make me like this. He’s not a bad guy.”
“He beat another student,” she spat.
“He didn’t, Mom. Have you seen Nate? He’s perfectly fine. The
worst he has is a scratch on his forehead.”
“Natalie, he was arrested.”
“And yet Nate didn’t press charges. I wonder why.”
She frowned. I saw another flash of doubt in her eyes—the same flash of doubt I had seen when James berated Cal in the kitchen. The flash that said, ‘Maybe everything James has told me wasn’t quite the truth.’ ‘Maybe Cal isn’t as bad as he said.’ I hoped she trusted her own daughter more than him.
“I still shouldn’t have brought him into the house. You’ve changed so much, Nat.”
“At least he call me a whore,” I said too bitterly.
Mom’s head snapped up. “What did you say?”
“I heard the screaming matches, Mom. I wasn’t already out of the house. I know you two hate other people seeing you being … imperfect. Not like the Brady Bunch you want to be. But I still heard, Mom. I know how he was.”
“Nat… Ugh.” She rubbed her temple. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine, Mom. I just want to know that you’re okay.”
She gave me a sad smile. “I’m supposed to be the adult. I’m supposed to be the mature one who takes care of you. Not the other way around. You’re stealing my job, sweetie.”
“We’re family. We take care of each other.”
Mom smiled at me again, but after a moment her expression broke. Mom’s head dropped to her hands again.
“Oh God, Nat. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have married him.”
“Not your fault.” I wanted to squeeze her hand, to comfort her like Jess comforted me. But this was out of my league. Even if I could sympathize with getting roped into a terrible relationship with a terrible man.
“I don’t want to pretend to be perfect either, Mom.”
She glanced up at me.
“You love me even if I’m not, right?”
She sighed. “Of course, Nat. I always love you.”
“Even if I got suspended?”
“Oh goodness, Natalie. Of course.” She gave me a sad smile and reached across the table to kiss my cheek. “I know it’s hard, sweetie. I know you’re stressed out. But that doesn’t excuse you hurting other people.”
“I know,” I said, staring into my mug of tea.
“Which is why you’re grounded.”
“What?” My head snapped up.
“You heard me, Natalie Amelia,” she said, standing. She turned on the sink and began scrubbing her now empty mug. “You are not leaving this house. And I’m taking your phone.”
“Mom!”
“No. I still love you, Nat. But I am sure as hell not going to allow my daughter to become the kind of person that hits people. You need to learn to grow up.”
“Mom, I’ve got so much to do! I’ve got to plan for Student Council, I’ve got to help set up for prom, I’ve got—”
“Your room, Nat. Now.”
I stared at her. This was not how I was expecting this conversation to go. I slipped my phone into my pocket as I stood up.
“I saw that,” Mom said without turning around.
Ugh. Mom vision. It sees all.
I put my phone down on the kitchen table.
“Love you, honey,” Mom called as I stalked out.
***
It was nearly midnight, and I was still up. Mom, in the midst of an existential crisis brought on by her perfect daughter getting suspended, had forgotten to confiscate my laptop. I had been checking my email obsessively. Part of it was my natural state of workaholicness, aching for something to do to distract me from the train wreck that was my life.
But the other part was desperate for any kind of message from Cal. I doubted he knew my email address…
But it couldn’t hurt to obsessively check my account twenty times a day.
After confirming that Cal hadn’t emailed me and I was still cut off from him, I closed the laptop and laid back on my bed.
Suspended for a week. No school, Mom slowly descending into madness, and Cal was no longer here to keep me sane. I closed my eyes, trying to remember the taste of him. How warm he would be if he were laying here with me. The gorgeous sound of his deep voice, and what he would say to me if he was here.
It’s alright, Nat, he would whisper, kissing my forehead. Just let me hold you, sweetheart. I’ll protect you.
Or maybe:
Come here, sweetheart. Come here and let me touch you.
Or:
For fuck’s sake, Natalie, are you deaf?
Wait, what?
I sat straight up. My imagination was good, but it wasn’t nearly good enough to make his voice sound that realistic. And it wasn’t good enough to make up the scrabbling noises that scratched against my wall and tapped against the windowsill. My head turned to the window as the bushes below rustled.
My breath caught in my throat.
There was no way.
I waited for a moment.
“I know you heard me, Pink,” Cal’s voice said in a whisper-shout from outside my window. “Now come on. Open the window before I fall of the side of his goddamn house.”
I threw the sheets off and ran to the window.
“Cal?” I whispered, pressing my nose against the glass.
Sure enough, there was Cal Gatlin. Dangling off the side of my house, his fingers grasping at my second-story bedroom window and his foot just barely balancing on the siding. He was still wearing his leather riding jacket, and I could see his bike parked behind the tall bushes around our driveway. His face was blushed and covered in sweat as he scaled the wall of the house to get to me. How he got up there, I’ll never know.
All I knew was that I had never been happier.
“You are absolutely crazy,” I whispered, a massive smile crawling across my face. I threw up the window and grabbed at his hand. He took it in his, his fingers clasping around mine so naturally that I was sure we were made to be together.
“I know, Pink. Now let me in the house before I fall of this thing. Are you trying to kill me?”
“You’re going to kill yourself,” I whispered, pulling him in the house. That delicious natural Cal scent washed over me as I watched him brush himself off. His boots were scuffed, he was covered in sweat and dirt, and his hands and arms were bruised and scraped from climbing my house.
He had never looked more gorgeous.
“Yeah, well. It’s worth it to see you again.”
He turned to me, looking into my eyes for the first time. Oh God, he was real, wasn’t he? I wasn’t imagining it. He was real, he was Cal Gatlin, he was in my bedroom, and he was finally back home to me.
I couldn’t stop myself. I opened my arms and ran to him.
“Oof!” Cal cried as I knocked him over. I wrapped my arms around him as we rolled into the floor, burying my face into his chest. Tears began running down my face.
“Oh God, Cal! You’re back! You came back!”
“Hush, sweetheart. Your mom will hear.”
“Oh, Cal.”
His arms wrapped around me, his fingers digging into the soft skin of my back. His mouth found mine, and his tongue traced my lips again just like it always did. “Oh sweetheart,” he whispered. “I forgot how good you taste.”
“I thought I lost you, Cal,” I choked.
“Oh God, Nat. Don’t cry. You know I can’t stand to see you cry.”
He wiped the tear stain trails from my cheeks and held my chin up for another kiss. I took in a deep breath, inhaling his scent. He smelled perfect. He was perfect. I knew I could never be separated from him now. Before, I could survive. It hurt to lose him, but I could survive. But now? After losing him and having him miraculously return to me?
It would have broken me.
“I promised I would come back for you, Natalie,” he whispered against my ear. He kissed my temple. “I don’t break promises. Especially not ones I made to you.”
“I know, Cal.” I buried my face into his neck. “I know.”
We laid together on my bedroom floor, our chests rising and falling t
ogether. The sound of Mom’s soft snores drifted through the walls, assuring us that we were safe for the moment. Cal’s fingers combed through my blonde hair.
Save Me: a Stepbrother Romance Page 12