by Gail Sattler
Jillian sniffled and nodded her head against his chest. “I know. It took me a while to accept that, but I have. I guess there’s just still. . .scars on my heart. Thank you, Jed,” she whimpered.
They stood in silence, allowing Jed to give Jillian the time she needed to calm herself. He was positive that so many things in his own life were gifts from God, including the developing friendship with Jillian. In addition to being better able to understand her, he could see this was a good release for her. While not exactly fun, this conversation was necessary for both of them.
Jillian sniffled and pushed herself away from him. “I’m so sorry, Jed. You said you were starving. Would you like to go out for something to eat?”
Jed touched the wet splotches on his shirt. He wasn’t about to go out in public like this. Jillian didn’t look too great herself, with her puffy red eyes, tearstained face, and shiny nose. “I have a better idea. Want to stay here and just have a sandwich or something fast?”
Jillian swiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. “Maybe we should. I probably look terrible, don’t I? I’m so sorry for falling apart on you like this.” She sniffled again.
Jed touched her cheek with his fingertips. “Don’t be. It probably feels good to get it off your chest, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, in a way, it does. Thank you, Jed.” Jillian kept her eyes averted, and her eyes settled on the blotches her tears had left on his shirt. “I think I made a mess on your shirt. I’m so sorry. That might stain. I should wash it.”
Jed was not about to start undressing in front of Jillian, especially after hearing her story about the negligee. He covered one of the wet spots with his hand. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll just keep my jacket done up when I go get Betsy. I have to change into a different shirt for work, anyway. Either that, or if you splash some old coffee down the front of me, no one will know the difference.” He forced himself to give her his Boy-Scout smile, even though he really wasn’t in a teasing mood.
She swiped at her eyes with her forearm and cleared her throat. “Excuse me, I’ll see what we can come up with for lunch.”
Jed’s stomach grumbled at the mere mention of food. He followed Jillian into the kitchen, then watched helplessly as she rummaged through the fridge, despite his offer to help. As she fussed about the kitchen, he tried to imagine what it would be like to grow up so lonely and neglected. He could also understand her apparent unwillingness to trust him. The biggest problem was, he wondered what he could do about it.
His parents were still happily married, and he phoned or visited them whenever he could. Throughout his childhood years, there never seemed to be money for extras, but they certainly never did without anything they needed. As a family, they enjoyed their time together, participating in a variety of activities, both in and out of church. Above all, his parents, through love and by example, imparted to him the love of God in his life. For that, Jed would be eternally grateful.
From what Jillian had said, it seemed she had enjoyed none of the same privileges, and his heart ached for her. He knew she was close to her sister, but they seemed to be drawn together by bad circumstances as much as anything else. He wondered at what point she had learned to trust in God, although it really didn’t matter. The fact that she knew God’s love and depended on Him now was what counted.
Lunch conversation stayed at a minimum, centering around small talk, and Jed didn’t try to steer the conversation deeper; he wanted to give Jillian the time she needed to recover from her crying jag. As well, he also needed time to digest everything he had learned.
By the time they finished, only fifteen minutes remained before Jed had to leave to pick Betsy up from the school. Despite Jillian’s protests, he insisted on helping clean up and wash dishes. The whole time they worked together, Jillian deliberately avoided eye contact.
The sensible part of him said this would be a good time to back off. He had plans for his future, and they didn’t include a woman with extra baggage to carry. She couldn’t have made more clear that she wanted to keep him at arm’s distance, but when push came to shove, she wasn’t exactly telling him to go away. Jillian had enough problems of her own, and as far as Jed could see, she didn’t know what she wanted herself, beyond her career. But Jed knew what he wanted, didn’t he? And that was paving his road to college with no distractions. Wasn’t it?
He washed the last dish and drained the sink, then watched Jillian. She still fought the odd sniffle as she put everything away in silence. His grand plans for the future might be modified, but he realized that for the moment, he had only one goal in mind.
Jed stopped Jillian as she stacked the last plate in the cupboard. “You know what I want to do right now?” he asked.
Like a frightened doe, she turned her face to look over her shoulder, her big round eyes still red and puffy from crying. His heart clenched, and he reached to her waist, turned her so that she faced him, and pulled her into him, pressing them together from head to toe. He tilted his head and leaned his cheek onto the top of her head. “To hold you,” he murmured into her hair.
Jillian leaned into him, enjoying the comfort of Jed’s touch. Another rush of confusion washed through her as his arms wrapped around her. “Watch it. If you’re not careful, you might get another wet spot on your shirt.”
He nestled his face into her hair. “I’ll take my chances.”
The press of tears no longer threatened Jillian, now that she was nestled safely in the comfort of Jed’s arms. She cherished the support he offered for the moment, and refused to think about tomorrow, after he had time to think things through.
His voice rumbled in his chest as he spoke. “It’s time for me to go get Betsy.” She inhaled deeply, taking in the faint scent of fabric softener along with the stronger fragrance of his aftershave before they separated.
As he walked away, Jillian wondered if he would ever come back.
❧
Immediately upon awakening, Jillian dangled her legs off the bed and tucked her feet into her new bunny slippers.
Instead of concentrating on her itinerary, after she got dressed she shuffled into the den and sat on the couch, her ankles crossed on the coffee table, and stared at the bunnies on her feet. If the silly things weren’t so large, she would have been tempted to sleep with them on. Jillian wondered if she was losing it, because she had never been sentimental in her life. Not only that, but the ludicrous slippers destroyed the dignified image she had worked so hard for. Strangely enough, she didn’t care if any of her neighbors saw her. The bunnies were a gift from Jed.
Today was Friday, and all she could think about was Jed’s piano lesson. After her overly sensitive reaction to his simple gift, she doubted he would come. The more the day wore on, the more agitated she became. At the sound of a knock on the door, the pile of music books in her hand hit the floor, scattering around her. She ran to the door, nearly tripping on the bunnies.
Drawing a deep breath, Jillian opened the door. “Hi, Jed. You’re a bit early.” Jillian was grateful he was. A few minutes more, and she would have driven herself completely insane.
“Hi.” His gaze dropped to her feet. “Blue is your color, I think.”
All she could do was smile weakly up at him, her heart in her throat. Jed’s brilliant white smile quickened her heartbeat, leaving her light-headed. She stepped back to let him in, because she could no longer stand still.
“Want to know why I’m so early?”
Her feet froze and her hands started to tremble. Half the night and all day, she had agonized over his reaction to her uncontrolled outburst, and she dreaded his decision after he had time to think about it. But if he chose to keep his distance after witnessing her unstable reaction to an innocent gift, wasn’t that what she wanted all along? If so, then why did she feel so heavyhearted? It terrified her to think he would quit lessons.
“You promised me something.”
Jillian tried to think as she stared blankly at him. Her mind zinged in
a million directions that had nothing to do with promises.
“I’ll give you a hint. I passed Book One.”
Book One. Jillian struggled to remember that far back. The day he passed Book One he had played “Pop Goes the Weasel.” He had been a bit testy at first, but as he played it, he loosened up, and after that he had kissed her. She didn’t dare guess what he was thinking.
“You said you’d take me out to dinner.”
“Dinner,” she echoed.
He grinned as if he didn’t have a care in the world. Jillian thought she could have hugged him, but she didn’t dare touch him.
“When?” she asked weakly.
“Saturday. Do I get to pick where?” He raised his eyebrows.
All she could do was nod.
He shook his head. “No. You choose. Not only do you know the better places; you’re paying.”
She already felt like her head was spinning without the added verbal runaround. “Then why did you ask if you got to pick?”
“Just testing.” He shrugged his shoulders.
Her mind went blank. She couldn’t have thought of a response if her life depended on it. “I think we should start your lesson. I’ll decide where we’re going later.”
Jillian tried very hard to concentrate on the lesson, but she couldn’t. After everything that had happened with Jed, she had too many things to consider. Already, they were running behind, but Jed was one student she couldn’t let go overtime, because he had to leave on time to pick up Betsy no matter what. She focused on a section Jed found difficult, and made an attempt to encourage him to try harder.
Jed tried very hard to concentrate on the lesson, but he couldn’t. He could only concentrate on Jillian. She was obviously still rattled, even though he had tried his best to keep conversation light. However, she wasn’t as focused as usual. He’d even managed to tease her, but it didn’t work. She spoke too quickly, her movements were too jerky, and her piano playing too mechanical. He listened as she attempted to explain what he was doing wrong, but her instructions went in one ear and out the other.
What was happening? All he had wanted to do was take piano lessons. When had that changed? Once he finally got up the nerve to ask her out, separate from lesson time, he was glad he did, because they had a lot of fun together. After the incident at the donut shop, not only did he feel he had to protect her, he wanted to, even needed to. Beyond becoming protective, he’d become territorial, and that wasn’t good. Then he’d kissed her. As if things weren’t complicated enough, she willingly kissed him back. Both times. And he wanted to do it again, and again.
Jed blinked hard, then shook his head in an attempt to return his concentration to his lesson.
As she tried to think of another way to explain something he wasn’t understanding, she licked her lips, and Jed’s brain froze. He stared at her mouth, and his thoughts wandered again to the way he kissed her on their last lesson, which had been great, until Mark interrupted. Her vulnerability and openness about what troubled her drew him all the more.
“Jed, are you listening to me?”
He blinked and forced himself to smile. “Yeah, sure. I was just thinking. What did you say again?”
“I give up. I think we’re done, anyway.”
Jed focused on her face, first on her wide green eyes, then on her full lips. She must have known what he was thinking about, because she inhaled suddenly, then touched her fingertips to her bottom lip.
Unable to resist, Jed lightly grasped her hand, pulled it down, then ran the fingers of his other hand lightly over her bottom lip. Her eyes widened, but she didn’t shy away. It was all the encouragement he needed. He whispered her name, pressed his thumb gently into her soft lower lip, brushed his fingers down to her chin, and kissed her.
A beeping sound forced them to separate.
Jillian stared at him, her face red, her unsteady breathing doing strange things to Jed’s thinking processes. “What is that?” Jillian asked. “Do you have a pager or something?”
Jed blushed. “I set the alarm on my watch. Just in case I lost track of the time.”
“Betsy,” she said weakly.
“I don’t want to phone and disturb your lessons tomorrow, so can you tell me now how I should dress for dinner?”
“I haven’t decided yet, but no jeans, and wear a tie.”
“Suit jacket?”
“Do you own one?”
“Believe it or not, I do.” He grinned.
“Well. . .” Jillian tilted her head and held one finger to her chin. It only increased Jed’s desire to kiss her. “If you want, but it’s not necessary. I don’t want to go anywhere so exclusive that you would feel embarrassed if I paid the bill.”
He’d never considered if he would feel awkward about a woman paying the bill in a restaurant, because it had never happened before. “Don’t worry about it. I think I can handle it.”
“You’d better go. I’ll see you tomorrow, Jed.”
He could hardly wait.
eleven
The doorbell chimed as Jillian completed the final touches on her hair. Instead of merely curling it, she had swept it up for a more sophisticated image. After one final glimpse of herself in the mirror, she hurried down the stairs.
When she opened the door, her breath caught. Beneath his open coat, Jed wore a dark dinner jacket, accompanied by a crisp white shirt and silk tie. His flawlessly pressed slacks fit him perfectly, and for a final touch, polished black shoes replaced his usual scuffed cowboy boots.
Her eyes traveled back up his tall frame, taking in every detail until she gazed into his face. Clean shaven and sporting a recent haircut, he looked immaculate, even respectable, except for the Mickey Mouse on his tie. His grin made her foolish heart flutter.
“Wow,” she exclaimed softly. “Little Jed?”
Jed studied Jillian with an appreciative stare, not so sure this was such a good idea, after all. He recalled the first time they met, his first impression of her, and how different she looked now. His heart slammed in his chest as he tried to take in everything at once.
While not revealing, the soft fabric of her dress flowed over every curve, accenting her hourglass figure. With her hair swept up in some kind of wavy style that begged a man’s touch, it was all he could do to keep his hands at his sides.
How did she expect him to take her out for dinner with her looking like that? He could barely breathe, never mind function like a human being.
“Wow,” he echoed playfully, struggling to keep the rasp out of his voice. “Miss Jefferson. You look good enough to eat.” Her gorgeous green eyes widened as Jed realized what he just said. He looked pointedly away from her and pulled at his collar to ease the choking sensation in his throat. “Shall we go?”
She nodded, then tilted her head with a slight motion to the side. “I have to check and make sure the back door is locked. I’ll be right back.”
Jed watched her from behind as she turned and walked down the hall, appreciating every feminine movement. Upon her return, he held her coat for her as she slipped it on, then he let her rest her tiny hand on his arm as she stepped into a pair of high-heeled shoes the same color as her dress. He knew she didn’t try, but she would turn the head of every man in the vicinity. His breath caught when she smiled up at him. He hoped he would live through the evening without a heart failure.
“Jed? Are you feeling okay? Your face is flushed. If you’re not feeling well, we can do this another day.”
Not on his life. Jed let his breath out in a whoosh of air, not realizing he had been holding it. “I’m okay, just got a tickle in my throat.” He pressed his fist into the center of his chest and made a small cough to clear his constricted airways before he choked. “So, where are we going? Do I need directions?”
Jillian gave him a backward glance as she locked the front door on the way out. “Downtown. We’re going to the new revolving restaurant. You keep mentioning bungee jumping, so I’m assuming you’re not afraid of hei
ghts. It will also give you a good view of the skyline. I timed our reservation so we can enjoy the sunset.”
Trying to be the perfect gentleman, Jed helped her up into his truck as delicately as possible. “Sounds good.” From what he heard, being at The Loft would make it hard on his male pride if she paid the bill there, but he had been adequately forewarned. But truthfully, he’d only been teasing Jillian about treating him. He would be the one paying—not that she couldn’t afford it. Come to think of it, knowing what she charged for lessons, if she ever chose to expand into full-time hours, she would be making much more than he would as a high school teacher, even after he earned his degree. In the back of his mind, he asked himself why he would care.
The breathtaking ride up the glass elevator on the outside of the building provided them with a magnificent view of the city as they quickly rose above the height of the surrounding buildings. Once inside, the hostess seated them at a window table.
The city stretched out below them. With the sun almost set, the horizon glowed in hues of bright pink and vivid purples. Tall downtown skyscrapers dotted with lights were majestically silhouetted against the skyline. The head waiter informed them the restaurant would make approximately one full revolution in the time it would take to finish dinner.
Jed gazed out the window. “I’ve never been on one of these things before. I know it’s moving, but you really can’t tell unless you look real closely at the table and the window frame. I wonder how fast we’re turning.”
Jillian had no idea. Dressed in well-fitting jeans and the usual cotton shirt, Jed normally would turn any female head, but dressed to the nines as he was today, he made her head spin, without the additional movement of the restaurant. She felt like a lovesick puppy, gazing starry-eyed at him across the table. Just because he didn’t discard her after her emotional outburst was no reason to idolize the man, but she couldn’t help but continue to stare, starstruck, at him.