Katie acknowledged Mamm’s words with a nod, moving on quickly. “I think we should prepare ourselves for a rough evening. If Ruth’s looks are any indication of what lies ahead of us, we will be glad if we come out alive.”
Mamm managed to laugh but the sound was choked.
“Ruth is just going home from school,” Mamm said. “She has nothing to do with our visit tonight.”
There wasn’t much conviction in Mamm’s voice, but Katie let the point pass. Ruth was likely up to some trick and had probably even stopped in at Jesse’s place to give him one final chewing out.
They drove on, the sun dropping even further over the horizon. Mamm turned on the blinker lights as dusk fell. Jesse’s driveway soon appeared, and Mamm slowed down to turn in. Katie searched the falling darkness ahead for any unusual signs. It would have been nice if Jesse were outside waiting for them, but that would be expecting a lot of him. He couldn’t read their minds and know when they planned to arrive. Mamm had said that a certain time hadn’t been set, just that they should arrive sometime after supper.
Mamm pulled to a stop, and Katie hopped out, grabbing the tie line. She ran in front of the horse and tied him to the post. Her courage was returning now that they’d arrived. After all, she was really just an observer tonight since she probably wouldn’t do much more than pray anyway.
With a sigh, Katie followed Mamm up the sidewalk to the porch. Mamm knocked and before anyone answered, there was a noise behind them. Katie turned around to see Jesse hurrying across the yard to greet them. The barn door was swinging wildly on its hinges.
Katie had to laugh even though she hid her face with her hand. If Mabel was watching through the living room window, it wouldn’t help if she noticed her soon-to-be sister laughing at her daett—even if Jesse was acting love-struck.
“You’re here!” Jesse proclaimed, racing up the porch steps to grasp Mamm’s arm.
“I hope we’re not late,” Mamm offered, her smile a bit forced. “You said sometime after supper.”
“Yah.” Jesse pointed toward the front door. “The time’s perfectly okay. I was out in the barn waiting for you, but for some reason I didn’t hear your buggy arrive. I must be getting hard of hearing in my old age.”
Mamm’s smile became more natural now.
Katie relaxed when she noticed that.
“Come in, come in!” Jesse was holding the door open for them.
Mamm went inside, and Katie followed.
“Have a seat.” Jesse motioned with his hand toward the couch. “I’ll call the children.”
A noise rattled out in the kitchen, and Mamm looked in that direction. She remained standing beside the couch though.
“Is Mabel out there?” Mamm asked Jesse.
He nodded.
Mamm didn’t say anything more. She sank onto the couch, her face white again. Katie mentally shook herself and marched toward the kitchen doorway. She had no reason to be afraid of the girl, she told herself. Margaret and Sharon accepted her, and that was enough for now. And Ben Stoll had smiled at her. With that, she could face Mabel with some confidence.
“Let me go in,” Katie said gently to Jesse. He stood aside as Katie entered the kitchen.
Mabel stood at the sink, her arms soapy from washing the dishes. When she turned around, there were tears streaming down her face.
“Mabel,” Katie called out as she walked closer.
Mabel continued washing without uttering a word. Katie stopped, frozen in place until Mamm’s hand touched her shoulder. Together they stood there, saying nothing.
“Now, now!” Jesse’s voice boomed behind them. “We can’t begin the evening like this. There’s no reason for this at all. Come, Mabel. The dishes can wait until later.”
Katie unfroze and found her voice at the same time. “I’ll help Mabel with the dishes,” she said. “The two of you can talk with the other children until we’re finished.”
Jesse cleared his throat and sounded like he was going to say something. When he didn’t, Katie looked behind her to see Mamm now wrapped in Jesse’s arms.
Katie whirled back around, her face turning a flaming red as she tripped toward Mabel, catching herself by the edge of the kitchen table before she fell. Mabel had also seen the sight, and she was now staring out of the window. Katie steadied herself with both hands, the image of Mamm in Jesse’s arms rushing through her mind. This was the part of Mamm being with Jesse she hadn’t expected. Hopefully the two of them had moved away from the doorway by now or had quit acting like that. It wasn’t a decent sight for unmarried young people to see. What would Mabel say about seeing her daett acting like that with Mamm?
Katie stole a quick sideways glance at Mabel. She had stopped crying and didn’t look embarrassed.
Mabel spoke through clenched teeth. “Why are you two here?”
“You know why we’re here,” Katie countered.
“I wish you would just go away,” Mabel said out of the corner of her mouth. “You’ve been trouble enough. We have a perfect woman who wants to be our mamm. And Daett would ask her if your mamm hadn’t charmed his heart with her sneaky ways.”
Angry words pushed against Katie’s lips, but she held them back. Instead she said, “I’m sorry you feel that way. I think Mamm has fallen in love with your daett. And he with her.”
Mabel snorted her disapproval.
“Well, it’s true,” Katie insisted, ignoring the insult. “Don’t you believe that two people can grow to love each other?” Katie tried to smile through the fierce glare Mabel turned on her.
Mabel spat out, “Ruth Troyer has told me all about your mamm. How she used to act when she was younger. How she was all crazy about Daniel Kauffman and haunted him right up to his wedding day. I wish Daett would have gotten married to Ruth before your mamm ever found out he existed.”
Katie pressed her lips together. These were awful things that Ruth was spreading around the community, but it was to be expected. No doubt everyone would remember again what had happened. Hadn’t Mamm told her much the same thing? But since her friendship with Margaret and Sharon, she wasn’t quite Emma Raber’s daughter anymore. At least she wasn’t what that name used to mean. And Mamm was also changing in ways she couldn’t even begin to understand.
“I think people change,” Katie offered. “Don’t you?”
Mabel looked up, but she didn’t look convinced. “Daett is going to make us accept your mamm as our own whether we want to or not.”
Katie slipped her arm around Mabel’s shoulder, but Mabel pushed her away. “I can’t help how you feel,” Katie said, still touching Mabel’s arm. “But perhaps if you came in and spoke with Mamm for a little bit, you would see that she really is in love with your daett.”
“Anyone can put on an act,” Mabel muttered.
“May I help you finish?” Katie offered, ignoring Mabel’s barb. “I’ve been standing here distracting you from your work when I came in to help.”
“I’m done.” Mabel washed her hands under the spigot. “The dishes can dry on the drainer by themselves.”
Katie shrugged as Mabel marched into the living room. She followed, sitting beside Mabel on the couch. The three boys and Carolyn were sitting on chairs across from Jesse and Mamm, who were sitting in rockers. Everyone looked grim, and the soft murmur of conversation died down now that they’d arrived.
“I think I’ll head on up to bed,” Leroy said into the silence.
When Jesse didn’t object, Willis also jumped up and followed his brother. Mabel did the same thing without saying anything, and Jesse still didn’t object. Mamm had tears in her eyes.
“I’m sorry about the evening,” Jesse told them. “It’s hard on Mabel, and the others are uncomfortable when Mabel’s upset. But she’ll come around soon. It’ll just take a little time.”
Mamm nodded but the tears were running down her face now.
“Come!” Mamm said to Katie. “I think we’d better go.”
Joel was smiling at th
em from his chair as they walked out the door. Katie smiled back at him. At least one of Jesse’s children liked them. Jesse went along with them outside, holding Mamm’s hand as they walked across the yard. He untied their horse and held the bridle as Mamm climbed in. Katie got into the buggy on the other side. Jesse let go once Mamm had the reins. He waved as they drove past, but Mamm was looking straight ahead. Tears were still running down her cheeks.
“We’ll make it somehow,” Mamm murmured. “We have to.”
Katie didn’t say anything, but she reached out to take Mamm’s hand. They had survived this storm, but the winds were still raging.
Chapter Forty-One
By the time Emma and Katie arrived home, Mamm had stopped crying but then started again. Her cheeks glistened in the buggy lights as Katie helped unhitch.
Katie followed her mamm into the barn, and Mamm held the flashlight while Katie pulled off the horse’s harness and led the horse into his stall. Mamm paused outside the barn, standing in the darkness and looking up at the star-filled sky. It was a beautiful night, but both of them were too distracted to enjoy the view for long.
“Come on, Katie,” Mamm said, walking toward the house. “It’s high time we were in bed.”
Katie followed Mamm across the lawn and into the house. At the kitchen doorway, she paused as her mamm sat down at the kitchen table and put her head between her hands. Katie sighed.
Mamm looked up, her eyes red and her cheeks wet. “Katie,” Mamm said quietly, “I need some time by myself.”
“I think we’d better talk,” Katie countered gently as she pulled out a chair to sit down.
“Mabel doesn’t like me,” Mamm said, clutching her handkerchief.
Katie reached for Mamm’s hand. “I know, but at least the rest of the children seem to get along okay with you. Maybe we shouldn’t let Mabel bother us so much.”
Mamm’s hand trembled. “I don’t know why she shakes me up the way she does. I know she shouldn’t affect me this much.”
“Jesse loves you, Mamm.” Katie glanced away as the image of Jesse holding Mamm’s hand as the two of them walked across the lawn flashed through her mind. “And I can tell you’ve opened your heart to him. That’s a wunderbah thing. I despaired many times thinking you never would find love again.”
A thin smile played on Mamm’s face. “Maybe this is why I didn’t wish to be around a man again—the pain I’m feeling. And not knowing what’s going to happen. I see Mabel and I think she’ll never accept me as her mamm.”
Katie squeezed her mamm’s hand. “We can’t change Mabel. She is what she is. And what is she going to do? Bite our heads off?”
Mamm managed to smile. “Nee, of course not.”
“Then what have we to fear from her?”
Mamm’s eyes sought Katie’s face. “Are you trying to encourage yourself or do you really believe this? Jesse says some of the same things, but Mabel is his daughter. He wants to believe only the best of her.”
Katie winced. “I’m just talking, I suppose. But I do believe this—in my heart at least. It’s better than living like we used to. You have to admit that.”
Tears sprang to Mamm’s eyes again. “Yah, you’re right. It does come down to that question. Is the pain worth the man? Is the struggling worth the possible victory at the end—if Da Hah so allows it? Is seeing my daughter happy worth having her run around with the Mennonites?”
“Mamm!” Katie caught her breath.
Mamm’s hand touched her at once. “I’m sorry, Katie. I shouldn’t have said that. It wasn’t fair.”
Katie hung her head. “I’m sorry for my part in your pain. Should I promise to never see Margaret and Sharon again? Maybe if I stopped thinking about how I feel, I could stay away from them. Would that make you happy?”
Mamm didn’t hesitate as she took Katie in her arms. “Dear daughter. Nee. Difficult as it is for me to admit this, it was your running around with the Mennonites that pushed me out of my frozen world. I don’t think Da Hah was able to get to me any other way. And it’s your courage tonight that’s keeping me going. I know I’d falter if I had to face Mabel’s anger on my own. Even Jesse’s love wouldn’t be enough right now. That was quite a blow for me tonight. Jesse had been so certain everything would go well. And it’s always been you, Katie, that Da Hah has used to bring gut things into my life. And it was your words through which your daett spoke to me again. Why should I tell you to stop doing what you think is right?”
“Oh, Mamm!” Katie clung to her mamm’s hand. “You shouldn’t say things like that. I didn’t do that much to make you happy.”
A wry smile played on Mamm’s face. “You just being here is what makes me happy.”
Katie squinted. “I did misbehave now and then, I suppose.”
“Yah, that you did.”
“Do I now have to worry that you’re going Mennonite, Mamm? You sound right-out sympathetic to their ways.”
Mamm laughed. “Me? Of course not! I’m an old Amish woman, and I’ll always be one. But I’m sorry for how I used to speak to you, Katie. I’m sorry for all those years I sat here when I could have accepted the love of a gut man and given you the daett you longed for, when I could have reached out to people so both of us would have been more accepted.”
“But Jesse wasn’t available.” Katie eyed her mamm. “Unless there was someone else I wasn’t aware of.”
Mamm shook her head. “There was no one, Katie. But I suppose there would have been one if…well, you know, if I hadn’t been the way I was. But I do wish this could all have happened before I lost you.”
“But you haven’t lost me!” Katie leaped to her feet. “I’m still here!”
“You’ve traveled far, Katie.” Mamm tried to smile. “But Da Hah will bring gut out of this situation. He has so far. I will trust Him. And in my heart I believe you’ll always be one of us. But it’s best that you come home when your heart draws you, not because of some promise you would have to struggle to keep.”
“Then you too have made peace with what I’m doing?” Katie stepped closer to Mamm.
Mamm met Katie’s gaze with a soft smile. “I’m trying. But I also make no promises. You can see how quickly I get blown around like a leaf in the wind. I listen to Jesse, and I stand strong for awhile. Then Mabel shows up and away I go.”
“That’s understandable.” Katie gave Mamm a tight hug. “You’ll have to live in the same house all day with Mabel. I can get out to Byler’s and to visit Margaret and…” Katie let the sentence hang.
Mamm’s face had already fallen even as she tried to smile.
“Sorry, Mamm, I shouldn’t have reminded you…”
“It’s okay, Katie,” Mamm cut in. Her smile was back now. “How are we little people who run around on this earth ever going to understand Da Hah’s ways? I’m content with how you are, Katie. And Jesse seems to have no problem with you either. We love you, Katie. Just keep on following Da Hah even if we don’t understand exactly what’s happening.”
“Mamm!” Katie squeezed back the tears. “You say such wunderbah things.”
“It’s high time I said them,” Mamm told her. “Tomorrow I might be back to complaining again, and you’ll have to forgive me all over again.”
“Just don’t say gut things about me and the Mennonites in public,” Katie cautioned. “You’ll have Ruth’s tongue wagging even more for sure.”
Mamm’s face fell again. “Let’s not talk about that woman.”
“You shouldn’t be afraid of her either,” Katie said. “She’s not the one Jesse asked to wed.”
Mamm sighed. “Yah, Katie. You’re right. I should count my blessings instead of worrying about dark things. So, shall we plan the wedding? Jesse hasn’t set a final date yet, but it will be soon.”
A vision of Mamm with her head buried in Jesse’s beard flashed through Katie’s mind, and she turned red again.
Mamm was looking at her. She smiled, seeming to understand. “I know, Katie. Jesse is a man
and I am a woman—deep down. And that’s another place I’ve failed you. There are things that happen between the hearts of a man and a woman that are so wunderbah. I shouldn’t have let my pain allow me to say some of the things I did. I do hope you find someone special someday. I don’t think it will be Ben Stoll. Yah, I’ve noticed you watching him. I hope it will be an Amish boy. I’ll pray for you, Katie, that Da Hah leads and you follow Him with joy.”
“Thanks,” Katie whispered. “I’m not in love with a Mennonite boy, Mamm.”
Mamm looked hopeful. “Perhaps this marriage between Jesse and me can be the healing of your heart too. That would be a small payment for all the wunderbah things you’ve done for me.”
Katie smiled. “I love you, Mamm. And thank you for always loving me. Even when I…”
“Oh, you’re such a darling!” Mamm wrapped Katie in another hug. “Let’s not speak of this anymore. You’ll get your problems worked out someday. And we have more than enough work ahead of us getting ready for the wedding. Now, don’t you think it’s time we both went to bed?”
Katie nodded, glancing toward Mamm’s bedroom. “Will you be okay? I can sleep on the couch to be nearer if that will help.”
“Oh, Katie!” Mamm beamed. “That’s so wunderbah for you to offer. I can see now that nothing has really changed between us—even with all these changes happening so fast. I’ll comfort myself with that thought tonight. You go on upstairs to your own bed. I’ll fall asleep before I know it, especially after this talk with you.”
Katie slipped into the stairwell, pausing to listen until Mamm’s footsteps had faded toward her bedroom. Not that long ago Mamm would have been listening to her as she went up upstairs. Now Da Hah was ministering grace and healing between them, and Mamm was moving into a brave new world filled with new love.
All of their problems weren’t solved. For one, Mabel hadn’t changed her mind. And Katie was still Emma Raber’s daughter to the community. Mamm still had to face Ruth Troyer’s wagging tongue. But love was growing in the hearts of those who allowed it. Jesse and Mamm; Margaret, Sharon, and herself; and maybe it could even happen between all of Jesse’s children and Mamm…if enough time passed. Mamm would try hard on her part, that much was certain. And maybe Mabel would one day even open her heart to Katie. Such a thing would be a great miracle, but was Da Hah not able to perform miracles, even in this day and age?
Katie Opens Her Heart Page 24