Her dad looked her straight in the eye, like he had when she was a little girl, and he was trying to get his point across.
“We don’t choose who we’re attracted to or who we love. Love doesn’t make sense. Our minds give us reasons why we shouldn’t love that person and tell us how wrong they are for us, but our hearts tell a different story. If everyone chose love by logic, the world would be one boring place.” Her father stood. Instead of looking back at her, he made eye contact with Gabe and nodded at him.
Then he walked inside the house, leaving Kayla with her conflicting thoughts and heart.
She was tempted to tell her dad that she already made up her mind that she’d fight for Gabe. Her problem was figuring out how, since Gabe was so stubborn.
But her dad was also referring to her mom. If her dad allowed his head to rule over his heart, he never would have chosen or stayed with her mom. But in his heart, he loved her. He always had, and he always would. Kayla had known that deep down, but now he’d confirmed it for her. She’d have to tell Sarah what her dad said. Maybe Sarah wouldn’t have such a warped view on love if she knew.
Kayla briefly closed her eyes. When she opened them, she chose to take her dad’s advice.
Without thinking twice, Kayla stood and ran across the back porch, down the stairs, and across the grass to Gabe’s property. He was still talking to the builder, but when he saw her running toward him, he said something briefly to the other man, who glanced at her and then walked away.
By the time she reached him, she was out of breath, huffing and puffing. She thought she was in good shape, but she had never run so fast in her entire life.
“Gabe,” she said, trying to catch her breath. “I really am sorry.” When she looked at him straight in the eye, she had forgotten the speech she had mentally prepared while she was running. Which was something like, Can we stop talking and just have sex?
Gabe stared back at her, not responding. Damnit, he was making her work for this.
“I didn’t know I’d left you at the same time your parents were getting a divorce,” she said, her tone strong.
Gabe chuckled and then looked up at the sky before turning his attention back to her.
“You told me that already. Why are you really here, Kayla?”
“Gabe, why can’t we fight this out like normal people?” she asked, raising her voice.
He became really quiet. At the same time, a breeze blew, making her shiver. She crossed her arms over her chest, but she wasn’t sure what felt colder, the wind touching her body or the look in Gabe’s eyes.
“What kind of fight are you looking to have?” he asked, raising his eyebrow.
Kayla clenched her vagina. “Maybe the kind we used to have?” Her tone grew softer.
Gabe chuckled again, as he shook his head. “You mean when I ended up fucking you hard?”
She bit her bottom lip as she nodded.
“And what would you like the end result to be? After I fuck you. What are you looking for?”
Kayla threw up her hands. “I’d stop walking around horny whenever you’re near.” She paused and then said, “And maybe we could start fresh. Without the past hovering over us.”
“Are you wet, Kayla?” he asked, smirking.
Her face heated up. “I am.”
“You’re beautiful. You can have any man you want. Go out and have sex. You can start fresh with any man.”
Kayla’s heart fell. “You really want me to date another man?” If he did, he truly wasn’t interested. She’d die if she found out he was dating another woman.
It felt as if hours had passed before he responded.
He groaned. “No, I don’t want you to be with another man. If I saw you out to dinner with a guy, I’d probably want to kill him.”
Kayla busted up laughing.
“This isn’t funny.” His jaw clenched. “But I told you…baby steps. Fucking each other will momentarily feel good. But it won’t solve our problems. It won’t solve the fact I have no idea what you’ve been up to the last two years. And it won’t help if you filled me in. I have to get to know the woman who left our life and created another one with her family. I need to find out if I can fall in love with that Kayla, like I did with the one I was hoping to spend my life with. And frankly, you need to do the same with me. I was naïve when it came to love when we were together. But after my parents’ divorce, my views on love and life changed. You need to learn if that’s the Gabe you want in your life, too.”
Kayla looked at her sandals. He was right. She’d assumed sex would wash away all their problems, but she was wrong. “Okay, you’re right. So what do we do from here?”
Gabe smiled. “Why don’t I meet you by our rock tomorrow morning. Same time, same place?”
Kayla’s heart flipped. He’d said our rock. “I’d like that.”
He walked up to her and kissed her on the top of her head. “I have to go back to my grandfather’s, but I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She smiled at him as he walked up the hill, got in his SUV, and drove away.
Kayla stood there and thought about everything he’d said. Unlike Gabe, her views on love and life hadn’t changed. She was and always would be a hopeless romantic. After all, when they were together, she was the one who had been secretly planning their wedding. They hadn’t set a date or booked a venue, but she had cut out pictures from magazines of the perfect wedding dress and the flowers she’d like on the tables. When Nana had called her home, Kayla had packed one suitcase with what she’d need most to survive. And one of the things she’d packed were those magazine pictures. On the airplane to Bella Cove, she had looked at those pictures as if they were her lifeline. And to some degree, they had been.
When she came home and everything went from bad to worse, she’d still looked at those pictures every night…until things became even worse. Then, finally, she’d put the pictures away. But the night before she signed Melody’s contract to buy the store, she’d looked at them again. Deep down, she’d still hoped they could be together. Deep down, she still did.
So tomorrow morning, she’d meet him by the rock, and maybe that would be the beginning of their second chance.
As she walked back to her house, she could see her mom sitting on the back porch. Kayla sighed. She needed to be alone, not deal with her mother.
“Hi, Mom,” she said in a quiet tone.
Her mom looked at her suspiciously. Kayla groaned inside.
“What were you and Gabe talking about?”
She hated lying to her mom, but if she told the truth right now, her mom would ask her so many questions she’d never be able to relax.
“Sarah had this great idea to turn part of the storage room of my shop into a room where we can hold classes. I was telling him all about it, hoping he wouldn’t raise the rent.” Kayla opened the back door, praying her mom wouldn’t ask her more questions.
“It didn’t look like that to me.”
Kayla took a step inside and then paused. “What did it look like to you?”
“Like two lovers having a fight.”
Kayla huffed. Of course that’s what her mom thought. She had fights like that with her dad all the time. Kayla turned back toward her mom, gripping the doorknob.
“It was nothing like that. He was putting his two cents in with his own vision of my store, and I didn’t like that. You know how I have to always feel in control, Mom.” She could barely look her mother in the eyes.
Her mom sighed. “You wouldn’t be having a love relationship behind your family’s back, now, would you?”
“Why would you ask that?” Kayla was clenching the doorknob as if it was her lifeline.
Her mom cleared her throat. “Sit down, sweetheart. There’s something I’ve got to say.”
Kayla reluctantly let go of the doorknob and sat on the rocking chair next to her mother.
Her mom continued. “You know how sick Pop was toward the end?”
Kayla nodded.
&
nbsp; “Well, he was sicker than you realized. But he always got better, until the end. He had a really bad leg and back. Some days, he couldn’t get out of bed.”
“I remember, Mom.” Kayla had never seen such intensity on her mom’s face. Whatever she was about to say was important enough for Kayla to stay and listen.
Her mom cleared her throat again. “One time, it lasted three months, and then he was fine for the next two weeks, and then in bed again for about another month. The business wasn’t affected because your father pretty much ran the show by that time, but Nana was very affected. You were about twelve years old at the time. Nana was sick of watching him in bed. She loved him, and it was tearing her apart. She wanted to feel something other than despair. She wanted to escape and feel joy again, even for just a moment or a few hours.”
“What are you telling me, Mom?” Kayla whispered.
“Nana cheated on Pop. Only once.”
Kayla gasped.
Her mom continued. “She told Pop after she cheated. But she never told any of us; I found out on my own.”
Kayla’s heart was beating faster. She started rocking back and forth on the chair to calm down. Her mom might as well have poured a gallon of ice water on her head. Nana cheating on Pop was huge. Devastating. They were the only love relationship Kayla looked up to. The only relationship that made her believe in true love.
“How did you find out?” Kayla asked quietly, continuing to rock.
“I didn’t know Nana had cheated on Pop. I never thought my mother would do that. She was always so perfect. I never knew her to make a wrong choice. She was the epitome of what the matriarch of the family should be. Then one day, Pop and I were home alone, and he was still in bed, unable to move. A strange man knocked on our front door. You know how it goes…if someone knocks on the front door, it means we don’t know them well.”
“I know,” Kayla said.
“The man kept knocking. He was being persistent. I opened the door and asked if I could help him. He was a nice-looking man with salt-and-pepper hair and clear blue eyes. He handed me Nana’s pearl bracelet. You know, the one she used to wear all the time?”
“I remember the bracelet and how one day she stopped wearing it. Pop had bought her a diamond tennis bracelet she wore all the time instead.”
Her mom nodded. “He did, and I’m going to tell you the real reason why. I took the bracelet he handed me and asked how he got it. He said Nana had left it at his place. He said she never told him her address, but he remembered her saying she was from Bella Cove. He went into town and asked around, and they pointed him here.”
“Oh, Mom!” Kayla’s eyes widened. “Did everyone in the town find out and gossip?”
“They may have at first, but Nana went into town the next day and told everyone how he was a business associate of Pop’s, and that they’d gone to his house one night, and she’d left the bracelet. Apparently, he lived in Montauk. Nana never would have slept with a man here in Bella Cove. Everyone in town seemed to believe her. Even if they suspected she was lying, no one would have dared to say anything. Nana held that much power.”
Her mom paused and took a deep breath. “So, back to the man handing me the pearl bracelet. I was stunned, but I felt as if I had to invite him into the house. I was afraid the neighbors would wonder who he was. He didn’t want to come inside. In fact, I remember him telling me how funny he felt about coming into Nana’s house where she lived with her husband. I knew right then and there that Nana had been with him. Imagine that realization?
“Unfortunately, Pop picked that moment to get up out of bed. He said he’d heard the knocking. He’d grown concerned. It took a lot of effort for Pop to get out of bed, but he was worried. He looked at the man standing in his living room and at me holding Nana’s bracelet, and he knew exactly who that man was. Then Pop introduced himself. He said he was Nana’s husband and that she was the love of his life. He asked what his intentions were toward Nana. The man said Nana had made it very clear their affair was a one-night thing. Then he told Pop he was a lucky man, and Nana was beautiful. I’d never seen Pop turn so white before. I went up to him to help him, but he shook his head. Later, he told me he had pride, and even if the man had his wife for one night, Pop was determined to have her for the rest of his life.
“The man left, and I broke down and cried. I knew Pop wanted me to be strong, but the vision I had of my mom being the perfect woman had disappeared in that moment—not to mention the fact she had hurt Pop so deeply. As I led Pop back to bed, I told him how sorry I was. He told me not to be. Instead, he told me to feel sorry for Nana because she got dealt with a husband who for months on end couldn’t move or be the husband she deserved. She had so many responsibilities on her shoulders. He said she needed to feel alive and free for one night. He wasn’t happy the man had come to their house, but he was sure he wouldn’t come again. And he didn’t. Then Pop told me not to say anything to anyone. I agreed. I didn’t want anyone else in the family to be disillusioned about Nana either. Pop took the pearl bracelet that I hadn’t even realized I was still holding, and then I left him alone. But the moment I closed the door, I heard him sob. That was one of the worst sounds I’ve ever heard. Pop never cried.”
Kayla was crying, too. “What happened when Nana came home?” she asked, sniffing back tears.
Her mom sighed. “I didn’t tell her. I pretended nothing had changed. I promised Pop I wouldn’t say anything, and I didn’t want to disappoint him. He was disappointed anyway. It wasn’t until a few days later that Nana pulled me aside and told me that Pop had told her what had happened. Then she said that sometimes even the matriarch needed a break from life. She told me that having the weight of every member of the family’s problems on her head was sometimes too much, but she wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. She said the man in Montauk made her feel as if she didn’t have that weight, and she’d needed it as much as her next breath. And that’s all she said. She didn’t give me any more excuses. All she said was she needed it. And who was I to judge?
“You were born to be the next matriarch, Kayla. I knew that since you were a little girl, and I hated it. When Nana was dying, I asked her if I could be the next matriarch. I begged her.”
“Why?” Kayla asked softly. She’d never had any idea about any of this.
“Because I didn’t want you to have the responsibility. I didn’t know the toll it took on Nana until she cheated on Pop. I didn’t want you to have that added weight. I wanted you to live your dreams. I wanted you to graduate with a degree in psychology. I wanted you to stay in Bella Cove if that’s what you chose, or leave if that’s what you wanted. You’re the most intelligent one in the family. You have ambition, determination, and a strong sense of self. But Nana refused me. She said I was too obsessed with my own problems to solve everyone else’s. And she was right, but I had to fight for you anyway. Then, when my mother died and everything was going so wrong with the family, I was devastated that you were forced to leave school and never return. That’s not what I wanted for you. That’s not what any mother would want for her daughter. But I was too weak to stop it then, and I’m too weak to stop it now.”
“Mom, I’m not the family matriarch. I’ve told you. I love helping others, ever since I was born. That’s what fulfills me. When Nana passed, the whole family was unhinged. Of course, I wanted to help all of you get back on your feet. I love my family, and if I want to help them, while keeping my word to Nana, there’s nothing wrong with that. But I don’t want to be branded as a matriarch, because I’m not. And one day, I plan on getting married and having my own family to worry about and take care of.”
Her mom stood and looked at her straight in the eye. “You would have been married ages ago if it wasn’t for helping us.”
Kayla swallowed. “Maybe, but I won’t settle just to get married. Nana never settled with Pop. She made a mistake by cheating on him, but she never settled. In that regard, I want to follow in her footsteps by being w
ith the love of my life.”
“I hope you find that, sweetheart. Don’t let our family stop you from having a life.”
“I have a life. Maybe I haven’t accomplished all my goals, but I will,” Kayla said. “But Mom, do you miss having a matriarch in the family, like Nana?”
Her mom took a deep breath. “I miss my mother every damn day.” She walked back into the house without saying another word.
Kayla sat rocking on the chair long after her mom had gone. She couldn’t stop thinking about why her grandmother had cheated. If she was alive today, Kayla would have a billion questions for her. She decided not to judge her, because knowing Nana the way she’d thought she did, she must have had a pretty good reason. And it wasn’t her job to forgive her. It was Pop’s. And he had forgiven her. The only thing that Kayla missed about Nana was how she loved unconditionally. No matter what problem Kayla went to her with, her grandmother helped her figure out a solution. Even on her deathbed, she encouraged Kayla to return to Gabe when the family was healthy again.
Maybe it was a good thing Nana had never seen how fucked up they all were when she died. Or maybe she’d been watching in heaven, hoping Kayla would leave the family in their screwed-up state and return to Gabe. Kayla would never know the answer to that question, but when she went to heaven, hopefully a million years from now, she’d ask Nana. In the meantime, if her grandmother was watching over her, Kayla hoped she was proud that her granddaughter was fighting for Gabe now.
Kayla must have fallen asleep because the next thing she knew, someone was shaking her.
“Kayla, wake up!”
Kayla slowly opened her eyes. Lauren was standing beside Kayla’s chair, looking frazzled and stressed out. It was dark outside, so she had no idea how long she had been asleep.
“What time is it?” she asked.
“Eleven o’clock,” Lauren said.
Kayla had slept for two hours. “Is everything okay? You look a mess.”
Lauren exhaled and then sat on the chair next to Kayla, where her mom had sat earlier.
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