Before he could say anything more, I leapt from the couch, yanked the ring off my finger, and shoved it into his hand. “You're exactly right, Trevor, so here's your ring back. I'll see you around.” With that, I dashed to the door, threw it open, then without making eye contact, I waited to see what he would do.
At first he didn’t move, just stared at my implacable face. But when it became clear I wasn’t going to change my mind, he stalked out the door and to his car.
The moment he was out of sight, I softly closed the door, then stared at the spot where he’d been only moments before.
All of a sudden, it hit me.
I just ended it with him. Completely.
I sank to the floor, my back to the door, and moaned, “What have I done?”
Chapter Twenty-One
The next morning I didn't wake until nearly noon—I’d been up most of the night rehashing my encounter with Trevor. Even after a nights’ sleep nothing had been resolved, and I fervently wished I could go back and handle our conversation differently.
It's all my fault. He was willing to change and I just threw it back in his face. What is wrong with me? Why couldn’t I be glad for his willingness to change? Can't I be pleased?
My stomach churned.
Will he be able to forgive my selfish behavior?
Completely miserable, I considered calling him, but was too ashamed by my behavior. Stewing over what to do, I made myself a late breakfast, then, not able to stand the torture any longer, I decided to call him.
I’ll invite him over so we can talk.
The decision made, I was able to eat with a bit of an appetite—until I mentally rehearsed what I wanted to say. Nothing sounded quite right and I wondered if calling him would be such a good idea after all.
My need to at least try to talk to Trevor overrode my reticence, and I dialed his cell phone.
I'd been so concerned about what I would say that I hadn't considered that he wouldn't answer. The phone rang and rang, and when I heard his voice mail, I hung up.
Before despair could overcome me, I called Alyssa and told her all that had happened.
“I can't say I'm completely sorry you guys broke up,” she said. “But I am sorry you're feeling so bad. Why don't we get together tomorrow? Girl’s day out?”
The idea appealed to me. I needed to get away from my problems for a while. “Sure, why not? We could have some lunch, do some shopping, maybe go to a movie.” The more I thought about it, the more I liked it.
“I'll pick you up bright and early,” she said.
“That was a delicious lunch,” I said as Alyssa and I left the restaurant. “I haven't eaten that well in quite a while.”
“You need to get out more,” she said, hooking her arm through mine. “Now, how about a little shopping before we go see that movie?”
“Sounds great!” I said as we walked toward her car.
Several hours later Alyssa dropped me off at my apartment. I turned up the heat on my way to the bedroom, then changed out of my jeans and sweater before pulling on a comfortable pair of sweats. I’d checked my phone for texts from Trevor throughout the day, but there had been nothing.
Has he even thought about me today?
Sadness threatened to overwhelm me, and I considered trying to call him, but still embarrassed by the things I’d said to him when he’d been trying so hard to please me, I couldn't bring myself to do it.
Still full from lunch, I settled down with a novel and tried to forget my problems, but I found it hard to focus. Then I remembered my journal. I hadn't written in it in months, but I’d always enjoyed reading the passages from the past.
I set my book down, then went to my desk and quickly found it. I carried it back to the couch before opening to my last entry.
I've decided to leave Lovelock and go to the University of Nevada, Reno. It has a good Information Systems program and that's something I'm interested in. I leave tomorrow. Without Dad here I don't think I'll miss this place too much.
That night seemed so long ago now, although it had been less than four months. And as I considered all that had happened to me since that night, I knew I should write down everything while it was fresh in my mind.
I grabbed a pen, then I began writing, expressing my feelings about Trevor. I covered several pages, and as I reread my entry, something became very clear. I realized how very much I loved him and that I would accept him, imperfections and all.
The important thing is that he’s willing to try to change. I'm not perfect either, and I know I can be hard to please, but he's willing to overlook that. I love him and I know that my love can help him be a better person. As long as we love each other, what else matters? That is, if he still wants me.
I closed my journal and got ready for bed, disheartened by the course my relationship with Trevor had taken.
I wanted to make things right.
That night I had a dream.
I ran up and down the halls at school, opening and closing classroom doors, searching, searching.
“Trevor,” I called out.“Where are you?”
No one seemed to be around, but eventually I ran into a man that looked like Trevor’s boss, Rob.
Frantic to find Trevor, I pulled on Rob’s arm.“Have you seen Trevor?”
The man yanked his arm away, a look of irritation on his face. As he walked away, I sank to my knees, engulfed by desolation.
I woke abruptly, the feelings from my dream flowing over me. Pulling the blankets close around me, I shivered, but I had one overriding feeling.
I need him.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Before I went to Trevor’s apartment, I wanted to buy him a Christmas gift. When I’d gone shopping with Alyssa the day before, we’d concentrated on buying presents for her large extended family. I only needed to buy gifts for two people—Alyssa and Trevor. I hadn't become close to anyone else and knew my Christmas was going to be lonesome indeed. Trevor had invited me to spend Christmas with him and his family, but I didn't know if he would want to do that now. In fact, I wasn't sure when he was leaving for Vegas to be with his family. For all I knew he was already there, getting together with an old girlfriend.
The thought made my heart pound with jealousy.
Once at the mall it didn't take long to find something for Alyssa—a pair of earrings she’d admired the day before. I had them wrapped so I could drop them by on my way home before she left to spend the holidays with her family.
Figuring out what to get for Trevor was harder.
He’s seems to really like the Denver Broncos.
After searching through many stores, I settled on a team jacket. It cost a lot more than I'd wanted to spend, but I knew he'd love it, and I wanted to get him something that would show him I was thinking about him.
As I walked down the mall, I saw a booth that wrapped gifts and stopped to have Trevor’s gift wrapped. I bought a card at another store and decided to drop by his apartment after going to Alyssa's place, hopeful I would catch him home.
“Are you sure you don't want to come with me to my family's house?” Alyssa asked when I stopped by with her gift.
“No, really. I'll be fine by myself.” I pushed a reassuring smile onto my face.
Alyssa handed me a colorfully wrapped gift. “Here's your Christmas present.”
“Thank you. You’re so thoughtful.”
She smiled warmly. “Have a Merry Christmas, will you?”
“Don't worry. I'll be fine.”
As I drove to Trevor’s apartment it occurred to me that this would be the first time I’d been there, and I realized I’d never met his roommates.
I hope he won’t be angry that I’m stopping by unannounced.
It took a few minutes to find the right apartment, and by the time I stood on his porch, I’d begun shivering from the cold—what little sun that had managed to push through the clouds earlier had nearly disappeared.
A tall, slender redhead answered my knock. “
Can I help you?”
I stared at the woman.
Is she visiting Trevor?
“Is this Trevor Caldwell's apartment?” I asked.
The woman smirked. “Yeah, he lives here. But he's not home.” She eyed the package in my arms. “Is that for him?”
Suddenly unsure if I should leave it for him, I didn't reply.
“Well, is it? You can leave it for him if you want.”
“Beth, who's at the door?” a voice shouted from somewhere inside.
The redhead turned to look over her shoulder. “Some girl for Trevor.”
A dark-haired man came to the door and looked me up and down. “You must be Lily.” He grinned.
“How did you know?” I asked.
“Trevor is always talking about you. No one else comes here looking for him.”
Relief swept over me. “Do you know where he is?”
He shook his head. “Sorry. Can't help you there. And I don't know when he'll be back.” He paused. “Maybe he's at work. I don't know his schedule.”
“Oh,” I said, then wondered if he could answer one question I had. “Do you know when he's going to Vegas?”
“Vegas? Why would he go there?” The man seemed genuinely puzzled.
My eyebrows drew together. “To see his family?”
“His family's all dead,” he said, a half-smile on his face. “They were murdered when he was in high school.”
Astounded, I just stared at the man. “I didn't know,” I finally whispered, then I turned away from the door.
“If you see him, tell him he got another package,” the man called after me.
I walked back to my car in a daze.
As I drove home I considered going to see Trevor at work, but after what his roommate had told me, I knew I couldn't face him yet.
Why would he tell me his family lives in Vegas? And invite me there for Christmas?
It was completely dark when I got home, and as I walked toward my door, a shiver of fear slid up my spine. I hadn't thought I’d get home so late and hadn't left the porch light on. With my key in hand, I felt around the door lock to find where the key needed to be inserted. After a moment I found it, and when the locks released, I shoved the door open and hastily flipped on all the lights.
With a quick glance around, I realized everything was as I’d left it. I sighed, relieved to be home. I set the gift from Alyssa under the gaily decorated Christmas tree, then placed the one I’d gotten for Trevor next to it. Only two, but the brightly wrapped packages cheered up the room.
After eating a light dinner, I curled up with a novel on the couch. The heroine in the story was having family issues, and as I thought about families, my mind went to Trevor’s family and what his roommate had revealed that afternoon.
Did he even know what he was talking about? Maybe Trevor just told him that, although I can't imagine why he would. Maybe I should call him.
I shook my head.
No, his roommate will tell him I came by. It's up to him now.
My mind made up, I went back to my book, but after rereading the same paragraph repeatedly, I knew trying to concentrate was useless.
I set the book beside me on the couch.
Last night I promised myself I'd make things right. But that was before I knew Trevor might have lied to me about his family.
With my eyebrows bunched, I stared at the wall.
There's no way to know until I ask him.
I grabbed my purse and dug out my cell phone, then with my fingers trembling slightly, I called Trevor’s number. It rang several times, and when I was about to hang up, I heard his voice.
“Trevor!” I said, surprised at how thrilled I was to hear his voice.
“Yeah? Who's this?” His voice sounded sleepy.
“It's me. Lily. Are you okay?”
“What? Oh, Lily, I didn't recognize your voice. You caught me sleeping. Why are you calling? I thought you didn't want to have anything to do with me.”
I pushed my hair out of my face as I tried to think of what to say. “I . . . I was wrong. I need to talk to you. Can you come over?”
“Right now?”
“Yes. It's not that late.”
Why is he hesitant to see me? Is he sleeping off a hangover?
“Uh, yeah, sure,” he said after a moment. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
An hour later I crossed my arms as I looked out the front window—again.
Where is he? It only takes a few minutes to drive over here. Is he even going to show up?
Then a new idea came to mind.
Maybe he's trying to punish me for hurting him the other day.
Forcing myself away from the window, I went into the kitchen and drank a glass of water. A few minutes later the doorbell rang.
The tenseness in my muscles seeped away as I hurried to the door, and a moment later, as I gazed at him standing on my porch, I had to use all of my self-restraint not to fling myself into his arms.
With a calmness I didn’t feel, I said, “Come in, Trevor.” He smiled at me as he stepped into the living room. “I was starting to wonder if you were going to show up.”
His smile grew. “Like I told you on the phone, I’d been sleeping. I wanted to take a shower.” He leaned toward me and whispered in my ear. “I wanted to smell good for you.”
Longing pulsed through me, and when he led me to the couch, pulled me onto his lap, then pressed his lips to mine, I responded eagerly. But after a few moments I remembered that all was not well, and still breathless, I disengaged my mouth from his.
“Wait a minute, Trevor.”
His heavy-lidded eyes met mine. “What’s wrong?”
I slid off his lap and moved to the other end of the couch. “We need to talk.”
“Why can't we talk over here?” He patted his lap.
He didn't seem to be himself, and I wondered if my earlier suspicion was accurate, and that he’d been drinking.
“I feel more comfortable over here,” I said, watching him closely. His voice sounded normal enough, but he wasn't usually so blatant about wanting to be physical—especially when he knew how important it was to me to wait until marriage to be intimate.
Despite my concern, I pressed ahead. “I wanted to apologize for the other day. I didn't mean to be so rude and throw you out. I was just upset.”
With a disarming smile, he said, “That's okay, Lily. I understand. But now what? Where do we go from here?”
His vivid blue eyes, combined with his killer smile, drew me to him, and I forced myself to focus on our conversation. “I don't have all the answers.”
“You don't?” he said with a laugh. “And here I thought you did.”
His comment hurt my feelings, and I decided to go on the offensive. “Have you been drinking?”
“No.” He shook his head. “No, I decided I wasn't going to do that anymore, don't you remember? I told you the other day.” His eyes hardened. “You know, the day you kicked me out of your life.”
So that’s it. He’s still angry with me.
I sighed, and decided to change direction. “I have a gift for you.” I pointed to the package under the tree.
His gaze went to the present, then he looked at me. “I heard you came by my place earlier.”
“Yes I did.” The memory of his roommate's comment about Trevor’s family flashed through my mind. “I met your roommate, and when I asked him when you were going to Vegas, he told me something very odd.”
“What was that?”
As he gazed at me, I found it hard to look away, and even harder to say the bizarre words I'd been told.
“What did he say, Lily? Tell me.”
I blinked, breaking his mesmerizing stare, then took a deep breath. “He said your family had been murdered when you were in high school.”
Of all the reactions I'd expected, hysterical laughter was not one of them.
“Oh, Lily!” he laughed. “I can't beli
eve you fell for that!”
Feeling extremely foolish, my face flushed deeply. I'd believed his roommate. My embarrassment turned to anger. “Why would he say such an awful thing? That's just creepy.”
His laughter died down to brief chuckles. “That's because he is creepy.”
“Why do you room with him then?”
Trevor reached over to stroke my arm, but I pushed his hand away, still feeling stupid for believing such a ridiculous comment.
“Hey, don't feel bad. Bronson does that to everyone. Kind of a test.”
“A test for what? To see if they’re as bizarre as he is? Did you pass his test?”
He smiled. “When I first moved in, he told me that the last guy who lived in my room killed himself, right there in that room. For a couple of weeks I’d get freaked out every time I walked into the room—until the guy who was supposed to be dead showed up to collect some money he was owed.”
Glad I wasn’t the only one who’d fallen for Bronson’s weird practical jokes, I smiled.
“Besides,” he said, moving closer to me. “Why would I invite you to come to my parents’ house for Christmas if they weren’t there? Now that would be really strange.”
“That’s exactly what I'd been wondering.” My embarrassment over, I scooted closer to him.
“So,” he said, “are you still planning on coming down to Vegas for Christmas?”
“I hadn’t planned on it. After the other day I assumed the invitation had been revoked.”
“I’d really like you to come. And I’ve already told my parents you’re coming.”
His body heat radiated toward me, warming not only my body, but also my heart. “Let me think about it. When are you heading down there?”
“My flight’s in three days.”
“Ooh. It will be expensive to buy a ticket with such short notice.” I grimaced. “That is if I can even get a flight.”
With a gentle hand, he stroked the curve of my cheek. “If it's the money you're worried about, I'll pay for your ticket. I don't care about the money. I just want you with me.”
Touched by his obvious desire to spend time with me, I felt loved and cared for, and I leaned in for a kiss.
Lily's Story: The Complete Saga Page 10