by Hebby Roman
He lifted his mouth from hers. “I think we better get out of these wet clothes before we both catch something.”
“Okay, lead the way.”
He hopped into his bedroom and eased himself onto the bed, placing his crutches against the wall, and perching his Stetson on the bedpost nearest his head. “Me first or you?”
This time, her face flamed, as if she’d already caught a chill and was running a temp. “Gar, I’ve never been with anyone but Aaron’s father.”
“Somehow I knew that.” He ducked his head and she could see the flush spreading up his neck. “I’m honored. More than honored.” Then he looked up and winked, sticking out his one booted foot. “Boot first.”
She grinned and took hold of his boot, working it off his foot. Then she sat beside him and popped all the buttons on his cowboy shirt. She widened the opening and moved her hands over his chest, glorying in the feel of his hard abs and the light dusting of his chest hair.
He groaned and captured her mouth, shrugging his arms out of the shirt. He took her hand and put it on the hard bulge in his jeans. She stroked him through the damp denim, and he lifted his hips to thrust against her touch. Then he unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans.
She took his cue, and pulled on his jeans, being careful with his encased right foot and ankle. They’d already slit several pairs of jeans to fit over his cast.
When she got the jeans off him, he said, “Your turn, sweetheart.”
No one had ever called her “sweetheart” before. The English word had such a nice ring to it, homey and comforting. She melted inside and couldn’t wait to hold him close and touch him all over.
Just gazing at him, clad only in his boxer shorts, made her hot and wet. He was a sight to behold, muscled arms, washboard-flat stomach, slim hips, and powerful thighs.
Her broad-shouldered, lanky cowboy.
His light-and-dark blue eyes were fastened on her, and she could feel the stillness in him, the waiting. She wasn’t young anymore or at least, she didn’t think of herself as youthful. She hoped he liked what he was about to see.
She shrugged out of her windbreaker and peeled off her V-necked pullover. Then she unbuttoned her jeans and pulled them down, stepping out of them and kicking them to one side. She’d posed for lingerie commercials before, and so far, she wasn’t feeling too shy.
“Come closer, sweetheart. Allow me.”
She stepped between his outstretched legs and rubbed herself against him.
He smiled, a big shit-eating grin. “I think you’re as ready as I am.” Then he unhooked her bra with one flick of his fingers and slid the straps off her shoulders. Her breasts swung free.
He sucked in his breath and touched her breasts, softly, gently, running his fingers over their contours, flicking his fingers lightly over her nipples. She arched her back and thrust herself forward, silently begging him for more.
And he complied.
“You know you’re beautiful, don’t you?” he said. “Of course, you do, you’re a model, it’s your stock in trade. But no matter how beautiful you might be on a glossy page, you couldn’t be more beautiful than you are to me. Right now.” Then he took one of her nipples into his mouth, while gently kneading her other breast.
The blood in her veins turned molten, and every nerve-ending in her body leapt to attention. It had been so long, so very long, she was afraid she might come, with no more stimulus than him touching and licking her breasts.
Then he put his hand inside of her panties and touched her there, at the juncture of her thighs, where all her desire was centered.
She ground herself against his hand and the pleasure-pain built, spiraling into ecstasy, streaking through her body and leaving her shaking like a leaf caught in a windstorm.
Should she feel ashamed she’d come so easily? No, Gar would never make her feel shame. It wasn’t in him.
He pulled her face down and kissed her lightly. “I’m a mite famished myself. Having a hard time taking this slow.” He nibbled her earlobe. “I’m glad you came, now if I can’t hold back, I won’t worry. Later, we’ll take it slower. Okay?”
He shucked out of his boxer shorts and leaned over, opening the drawer in his bedside table. Then he tore open a plastic packet and sheathed himself. He pulled down her panties and buried his face in her woman’s mound, his tongue licking her.
She’d just come but with his tongue there, lapping at her, she almost screamed in anguish at the pleasure pouring through her. She was ready to come again. She took his erection in her hand and rubbed him.
He lifted his head and laid back on the bed, pulling her down with him and cocooning her in his embrace. He murmured, “I’ve never had a nicer time, getting out of wet clothes.”
She giggled and half-turned toward him. “Now what, Gar? I don’t see how we can… make love without hurting your ankle.”
“You don’t know the creative side of me. For you, sweetheart, I’d turn myself inside out. But there’s a much simpler way.” He rolled onto his back, bringing her with him and settling her on his stomach.
She was beginning to get the picture.
He grabbed his cowboy hat from the poster of the bed and put it on her head. It almost covered her eyes but not quite. Then he put his hands around her waist and lifted her as if she weighed less than a newborn calf.
He grinned and lowered her slowly. “You’re in control, sweetheart. Ride ̓em, cowgirl!”
* * *
Gar laid with his arm around Sofia, dozing. The sleet had stopped but the day was over. His stomach growled and his arm, which was under Sofia, was asleep. He didn’t care, just holding her close was enough.
She moaned and then sighed, turning in his arms and opening her eyes. “What time is it?”
“I don’t know, but probably past supper time.” He moved his deadened arm and shook it a little, letting the blood flow back, like stinging nettles.
“Oh, I should get us some dinner.” She sat up and gazed around, probably searching for something to throw on. She was welcome to his shirt but not quite yet.
He drew her back into his arms and kissed her. “I love you, Sofia, and I want to marry you.”
She leaned on one elbow and stared at him with her mouth open.
He put his finger across her lips. “Hear me out. I’ve never admitted this to another human being, but I want you to know my deepest, darkest secret before you answer.” He stroked her lip with his finger, tracing the contours. “I think Kiki has probably filled you in on enough details so you can follow.
“I didn’t just fail my daughter. I killed her.”
She gasped, and her eyes widened.
“She died of an overdose, and it wasn’t because I worked too hard and didn’t pay attention. I knew her mother was having an affair with her old flame, Lincoln. I knew and I buried my head in the sand, thinking maybe it was for the best. Maybe we should divorce and go our separate ways. What I didn’t consider, and what I’m still trying to forgive myself for, was how it affected my daughter.
“Her mother had home schooled Sybil but when Lincoln came back, Heather wanted to return to teaching and send Sybil to public school. Said our daughter was too shy and introverted and needed to learn social skills.” He snorted. “I should have known better, should have known it was like throwing a lamb to the wolves, turning Sybil loose in public school without proper oversight.
“I always thought Heather, being in the school system, would take care of our daughter, make certain she… adjusted. So, I went about my selfish ways, hiding behind my work and ignoring what was happening at home. But Heather wasn’t watching out for our daughter, she was too taken up with her new love affair.” He frowned and shook his head. “Sybil fell in with the wrong bunch of kids and the first time she tried drugs, she overdosed.
“That’s when I admitted to myself and to her mother that I killed our daughter. I don’t know if you want a man who’s…” He stopped and shook h
is head again. His eyes were watery, and he wiped them with the back of his hand.
How pathetic he was, an aging cowboy, naked as a jaybird, and bawling like a baby.
She stroked his face and bent her head, bringing their foreheads together and gazing into his eyes. “You want to know if I can love a man who’s made an awful, terrible mistake?
“I understand how horrible it must be, losing your daughter… Or maybe I don’t. Maybe no one can understand.” She lifted her head and wiped at the tears in her eyes.
Could anyone recover from what he’d been through? She didn’t know, wasn’t certain.
“Gar, that’s a part of being human, making mistakes.” She hesitated. “Though, I know what happened was beyond a mistake.” She put her arms around his neck. “It’s a tragedy, a terrible tragedy.” She shook her head. “But you can’t take the blame on yourself for the rest of your life. You have to forgive yourself… somehow. It’s the only way forward, and the only way you’re free, truly free… to love me.”
He nodded. “I hadn’t thought of it like that.”
“And I think it’s time to tell you a few things. I haven’t lived a perfect life, as you know, but it’s even worse than you think.” She frowned. “I had to flee Argentina when I was barely sixteen because my mother’s boyfriend tried to rape me. I had a friend in primary school, and she helped me get a fake passport and a job on a cruise liner as a maid.
“I worked on the cruise ship for about a year, careful to not go home, having suffered verbal and emotional abuse at the hands of my mother’s other boyfriends when I was younger… but she didn’t believe me. She always believed her boyfriends. I sometimes wonder if my early experiences made it easier for Eric to… manipulate me.” Her voice caught on a sob. “But that might be a justification on my part.”
Gar’s heart went out to her, and he held her in his arms, stroking her hair.
She lowered her head, and he cradled her against his chest. “You haven’t heard the worst of it,” she muttered. “I got transferred to a liner, which traveled between Buenos Aires and New York. After a few weeks, I was the cabin girl for Eric and Zoe, his wife then. They were on their honeymoon. She was a famous New York model and a fellow Latina, having fled her war-torn country of Venezuela.
“Zoe took me under her wing, said I had the looks and figure to model. She introduced me to her agency and got me my first booking.
“And I repaid her by sleeping with her husband when she was pregnant with their first daughter.”
She bit her lip and wiped her eyes. “Eric was shrewd, though, worming his way into my affections. For months he helped me, taught me how to get around New York, how to find an apartment, how to apply for my green card, and how to improve my English. Every time I turned around, he was there, helping. Zoe was having a difficult pregnancy, so I took his help, thinking he was doing it for his wife, but…” She shook her head again and grimaced.
“I’ve tried to forgive myself for betraying Zoe. It was terrible of me. Despite the awful thing I did, I have to remind myself, if I hadn’t betrayed my friend, I wouldn’t have my son.”
She pulled apart from him and ducked her head. “Selfish of me, I know. And it’s why I was so desperate to reclaim Aaron. He’s all I’ve got.”
She hesitated and scooted further away from him. “It’s also why I can’t marry you, Gar. I have to be there for Aaron until he’s through high school. He already told me he won’t go back to boarding school, and he wants to share his time between me and Eric.”
Gar didn’t say anything, but his heart felt like it had stopped dead in his chest. Like ice water was pouring through his veins, deadening him again, the way he’d felt when Sybil died. He didn’t want to go back to that place, and he’d known he was asking a lot of Sofia. But without her love, could he come to terms with his past, forgive himself, and love again?
“I love you, Gar. I truly do. Aaron will be going away to college in two years. Can you wait for me? I want to marry you but…” She stopped and her big doe-like eyes implored him.
This was so hard. A lump the size of a heifer had lodged itself in his throat. He’d waited all his life, all forty-two years, to find a woman he loved: heart, body and soul. And now he’d have to wait some more.
Two years was a long time. A lot could happen between now and then.
She held out her hand and touched his face, drawing her finger along his jaw. “I promise to fly down as often as I can, over long weekends and holidays. I’ll even give up my holidays with Aaron, if… And you could get away a couple of times a year, now you know everyone will pitch in. You could fly up and see New York. I’d get us some Broadway tickets and…”
He took her hand, his newly-repaired, half-frozen heart, cracking. He knew what he wanted to say. He wanted to make her choose between him and her son. But after grieving over not being there for his daughter, how could he ask her to give up her son, especially to someone as manipulative as her ex was?
He couldn’t do it, couldn’t ask her to give up Aaron. He had to try it her way and take his own advice… he needed to live on hope.
“I’ll be here for you, sweetheart, even if I have to wait a lifetime.” He lowered his head and whispered, “But it won’t be easy.”
* * *
Sofia stepped out of the rec hall and twirled around, her arms outstretched, enjoying the balmy weather and all the stars twinkling overhead. The smell of gingerbread and sugar cookies, hung in the air.
Noche Buena at Shady Oaks had been more than special, spending it with the two men she loved more than life itself… Gar and Aaron.
They’d let the cafeteria ladies go home after the noonday meal and ordered pizza. She and Kiki had spent all afternoon baking gingerbread and sugar cookies. The boys had helped to decorate the sugary treats, ending in a food fight with multi-colored sprinkles and frosted cream all over the kitchen.
Tomorrow, after the presents under the tree were opened, she and Kiki would clean up. It wasn’t important; the boys had had a blast, decorating the tree and even singing Christmas carols, slightly off-key.
She watched as her son held the knee scooter from behind, steadying Gar’s descent down the ramp. Gar had decided to try the scooter tonight, and so far, he was doing fine.
Hugging herself, she was glad the sleet had melted after one day. She liked this Hill Country weather. It reminded her of home with some extreme weather days thrown in. She wished she could stay with Gar. If she only had herself to think of, they’d get married tomorrow on Christmas Day. But she had to take care of her son first. He needed her. She’d never realized how much until he’d opened his heart.
And now, he would get her special present. She couldn’t wait for him to see the hand-tooled saddle. It was a thing of beauty. Her other presents, tomorrow, would pale in comparison. But that was okay, he’d be opening them with the other boys, and she didn’t want them to feel like their gifts were lacking.
Gar scooted beside her. “Let’s go. It’s getting late. Kiki is in charge until we get back, but I don’t want any of the other boys noticing.”
Aaron put his arm around her. “I can’t wait to get this surprise present, Mom. It must be something. All the trouble you and Mr. McCulloch are going to.”
She hugged him. “I hope you like it as much as I think you will.”
He hugged her back and repeated, “I can’t wait.”
Then the driveway filled with the harsh beam of headlights, seeming to pin them to the brick wall of the ranch headquarters.
Sofia threw up her arm and half-covered her eyes. “Who could that be, Gar? You weren’t expecting anyone tonight. Were you?”
“No, not on Christmas Eve.”
A black Mercedes Benz slid to a halt. She glimpsed the rental car emblem in the corner of the windshield, and suddenly, she knew. Her heart pounded and her hands started to perspire.
The car lights went out and the car door opened. Eric got out, lo
oked around and must have seen them standing there.
He came forward with his hand raised and his index finger pointed at their son. “You, Aaron, get in the car now!”
Aaron stepped forward. “What are you doing here, Dad?”
“I’m taking you back to New York. After that conversation we had yesterday, I realized your mother is poisoning you.”
He looked at her and hissed, “I told you, Sofia, you should have gone back to New York.” He clenched his hand into a fist and shook it. “I called and warned you!”
She took a step back, shocked at the way Eric was acting. She could feel the tips of her ears burning. She hadn’t thought Eric would humiliate her this way in front of Gar and Aaron.
Gar scooted forward. “Mr. Van Wyck, I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but Aaron is in rehab here until the first of February. You can’t remove him from the premises without his probation officer’s permission—”
“Don’t try to tell me what to do, Mr. McCulloch,” Eric threatened. “He’s my son, and if I say he goes back with me tonight, then he goes.”
His gaze fell on Gar. “What have we got here, a cripple running this place? I can see I was ill advised, sending Aaron here. Don’t expect any more money from me.”
Sofia stiffened her spine. “Aaron doesn’t want to leave. And I’ll pay the remainder of his fees. You have no right. You admitted him without my permission—”
“Cut the crap, Sofia! Aaron doesn’t want you around. He’s told you over and over that he doesn’t want to see you.” He lowered his hand and released his fingers. His voice took on a more conciliatory tone. “Alright, son, I understand you’ve had fun playing cowboy but it’s Christmas and I came all this way—”
“Where’s Adeline, Dad? I thought you said you were going to spend Christmas with Adeline and her friends in the Hamptons.”
“Adeline couldn’t come, but she will be waiting for us when we get back. She’s got you a great gift. You’ll love it. As for the Nintendo 3DS XL I sent you for Christmas, we’ll get you another one. No worries. Mr. McCulloch or his hired help can pack up your stuff and send it back. There’s a plane tomorrow morning, and I want us to be on it.”