by Elsie Davis
“Good morning, David. Here to see your mother?” Angie had a knack for remembering the families of patients as they came and went, personalizing the experience and putting people at ease.
“Yes. Do you know where she’s at?” he asked.
“Let me check.” Angie picked up the phone and called to someone beyond the double doors that led to the patient care area. Seconds later, she looked back up at him. “She’s in her room. I know she’ll be thrilled to see you. It’s a Wednesday, so this middle-of-the-week visit will be quite a nice surprise for her.” The receptionist was one of those people who saw everything as sunshine and roses and was perfect for dealing with patients and their families.
“Yes, it will be.” David nodded. “I took some time off from work and wanted to squeeze in some extra visits. Hopefully, it won’t be long before she is able to come home.”
“She’s doing quite well, so maybe only another few weeks. She’s definitely perked up lately,” Angie added, an extra twinkle in her eye.
“Oh? Anything special happening?” he asked, his curiosity piqued.
Angie winked, her grin widening. “Nothing I’ll be talking about.”
“That good, huh? Guess I’ll have to get it straight from the source.” He chuckled, walking away in the direction of the door.
“You do that,” she answered, pressing the button to release the lock on the doors.
David made his way to his mom’s room, stopping only long enough to knock before walking in. “Hope you don’t mind a visitor,” David called out.
“David! What are you doing here? Not that I mind, but this is unexpected. What a great surprise.” His mother’s face was lit with love and joy and a smile from ear to ear. It was a genuine smile, one he hadn’t seen the likes of in a very long time. She was…glowing.
“Glad I could put a smile on your face.” He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. “Although, from what I hear, it might not be because of me. Rumor has it you’ve been smiling a lot lately. What’s going on?” He was thrilled, of course. For years, he’d tried to bring light back into her life and failed, which made him even more curious about the change.
“You should know better than to listen to the rumor mill. You’d think you get enough of that in Hallbrook.”
There was no way he was letting her off the hook without telling him what was going on. “Then tell me the story, so I get it straight from the horse’s mouth.” He chuckled.
“Last time I checked in a mirror, I wasn’t a horse. As for a story, there isn’t one. I’m just happy. Can’t a person be happy without a story?” She looked out the window, avoiding his gaze.
“I haven’t seen you this happy since… In a long time.” He’d almost brought up the unmentionable and could kick himself in the backside for doing it. But oddly enough, her sunny expression didn’t falter.
“I’d rather hear what brought you my way. Aren’t you supposed to be working?” She fixed her gaze back on him, laying her hand across his.
“Fine. Didn’t figure you’d hold out on your own son. As for me, because I don’t keep secrets from my mother—” he grinned, unable to keep from teasing her, “—I thought I should tell you what happened a couple of days ago before you got wind of it and started worrying about me. Figure if you hear the story from this horse’s mouth, you’ll handle it better.”
“Now you’re a horse? What is it with you and horses? Clearly, I can see you’re okay. You are okay, right?” Her brow deepened into grooves as she gave him the once over, top to bottom, as if to ascertain his well-being for herself.
“I am.” He nodded.
She pulled him closer. “Tell me what happened.”
“We were doing a controlled burn out near the North Summit area. Circumstances put us behind schedule, and it ended up being a bad day. The winds picked up and changed direction. It was a little harrowing for a while, but everything’s fine.” He intentionally left out his involvement and near disaster.
Her eyes darkened and there was no evidence of her earlier relaxed demeanor. He expected nothing less and sought to reassure his mother. “There’s nothing to worry about.” David patted her hand.
“Why are you not working today?” she asked.
David knew full well she was flashing back to the past, something he preferred not to be the cause of, but it couldn’t be helped. It had been a tough choice between shielding his mother from more pain and honoring his father. And as it turned out, there was nothing he could have done to change his mother’s reaction to what happened. That was something only she could do for herself.
“Because the fire chief wanted me to take a couple of days off to rest.” He wouldn’t lie to her, only evade full disclosure. “But I’ve also decided to take the week off and use up some vacation time.”
Her eyes narrowed; disbelief etched in her expression. “Vacation? You never take vacation time. What’s going on, David? And don’t sugarcoat it. I’m your mother, and I have a right to know.” He hated it when she pulled out the motherly tone, the one she used when she wanted answers.
“Nothing’s going on. It’s no big deal. I inhaled some of the smoke, and time off is a precaution only. The vacation time was my own idea, I promise. I’m thinking about long walks in the woods with Kojak and taking time to appreciate God’s wonderful beauty that’s all around me, but that I never stop to enjoy.” It was the truth. Mostly.
“Sounds to me like you’re a bit shaken up by your experience. Call it mother’s intuition.”
“Ashley’s back in town.” A change in subject would be good, and Ashley’s name was a surefire way to do it. His mother had always loved Ashley and never understood why he’d ditched her. She’d never let him forget he’d walked away from a perfect young woman who loved him, not that he needed reminding. It was something he lived with every day all on his own.
“That’s wonderful. How’s she doing? Have you finally come to your senses and told her how you feel about her?” His mother pressed for the details, but she wouldn’t like the answer any more now than she had when he was eighteen.
“She’s good. Her son looks just like her. Ashley’s leaving town as soon as she finds a job, so don’t go getting any ideas.” He and Ashley weren’t capable of being just friends, no matter what they said to the contrary. And all he’d managed to do was put hope back in both their hearts.
“When you see her, be sure to tell her she better not leave without stopping in to see me.” His mother was letting the matter drop, another surprise, but one he was okay with.
“I will. She’s living in your place for the time being.”
“Oh? That’s news. What’s going on?” his mother asked, her interest zapping back to full strength.
“Nothing. There was a house fire where she was renting, and she needed a place to stay. No big deal since you’re not ready to go home yet.”
“I see,” his mother said, her grin widening.
There was nothing to see, but his mother wasn’t about to believe him. “Do you want to go for a walk, or would you rather play a game of checkers?”
“We can go for a walk. The doctor keeps encouraging me to do it more and more, so this should make him happy.” His mother’s sunny mood had returned.
“A walk it is. Do you still need the walker?”
“Yes. But the doctor thinks I should be able to graduate to the cane next week, and if I do good, I can go home. If I don’t have any falls, that is. He’s very protective, just like you.” She patted the back of his hand.
“That’s awesome news. I’m going to put in a lift for you to get up to the apartment. There’s no way you can handle those steps when you come home. Far too dangerous.”
“I wouldn’t go to all that expense right away,” his mother said, her voice hesitant. She headed out the door, leading the way down the hall.
Something was definitely up. “What’s going on, Mother? Why shouldn’t I put the lift in?”
She let out a deep breath, stopping t
o look up at him. “I wasn’t ready to have this discussion with you, but it seems I have no choice. I’ve had a lot of time to think, and I want to get a place of my own.” His mother started down the hall again as if she hadn’t just dropped a verbal bomb.
“A place of your own? You already have one.” She wasn’t making any sense. David held the door open for her as they headed outside.
She shook her head and smiled. “I mean a place of my own where I’m not living next to my son and having him underfoot all the time because he feels the need to baby me. I appreciate everything you’ve done, but I’m ready to take back control of my life. Something I think is long overdue.” His mother was talking crazy.
“I don’t baby you. I’m protective, caring, and helpful. In other words, a good son.” He frowned.
“Babying,” she said, her matter-of-fact voice hitting home.
His mother was serious.
“What’s wrong with what I’ve been doing?”
She let out a deep breath before continuing. “It’s come to my attention that perhaps your protectiveness is enabling me to not move forward with my life.” His mother turned to look at the gardens as they passed, avoiding his gaze once again.
“Explain.” He’d listen to what she had to say. And then veto it.
“I know this is a difficult subject for you, but now is probably a good time to have it. Ever since your father died, I’ve been a basket case.” She held up her hand to stop him from interrupting. “I know I’ve gone through periods of anxiety and depression and craziness, and you stepped in to fill your father’s shoes, for which I shall be forever grateful. While I’ve been rehabbing here, I’ve also been seeing a therapist. I’m getting counseling that’s long overdue.”
“Counseling is good.” He nodded.
“It has been. I never really got over your father, which is why I could never rejoin the real world.” Tears filled her eyes, and David’s heart ached for her, but she wasn’t telling him anything he didn’t already know.
He wanted her happiness more than anything, and though he might not like the changes she was proposing, he had to admit she looked better than she had in a long time. Happier. “And now?”
His mother grabbed a tissue from her pocket and dabbed at her cheeks. “And now, I feel as though I have closure.”
“Let’s sit for a while.” David stopped at one of the benches and helped his mother down onto the bench, and then sat next to her. “What do you mean?” he asked, knowing the discussion was long overdue.
“Your father loved me, and he showed me his love in everything he did and in everything he said. I realize now how unhappy it would have made him to see me still grieving after all these years. He knows how much I loved him. Your father would have wanted me to embrace life with the love and laughter I shared with him. By not being that person anymore, I’ve lost what he loved most about me.” His mother placed her hand on his arm, urging him to understand.
David leaned over and hugged his mother, trying to give her emotional support for some of the monumental discoveries she’d made. “Those are some pretty deep revelations, but I admit, they make sense. Is this what prompted you to think about getting your own place?”
She pulled back and looked him square in the face. “I know this is going to come as a shock to you, and unfortunately, there’s no other way to tell you but straight out. My doctor and I have been spending some time together when he’s not at work. I enjoy his company. He comes by, and we play games, talk, and watch TV. We laugh and have fun together.”
“Aren’t there rules against that?” David asked, his face drawing into a scowl. The idea of the doctor taking advantage of his mother was one he wouldn’t tolerate. No matter what his mother said to the contrary.
“Stop it. It’s not like that. It hasn’t been like that. And it won’t be for two more weeks until I’m discharged.” Her tone was challenging. Motherly.
“What’s that supposed to mean? What happens in two weeks?”
“This is exactly why I need my own place. I’m your mother. I can make my own decisions and don’t have to answer to you. When I get out of here, the doctor and I are going to take our relationship to the next level. We’re going to date.” She grinned, as if the very idea brought her happiness.
David didn’t see it the same way. “Mother, you can’t be serious?”
“Oh, but I am. I’ve realized through grief counseling that I’ve hung on too tight. I wouldn’t trade the years I had with your father for anything, not even the painful ones after the accident. It was better to have him for the time God allowed us together than not have him at all. But now it’s past time for me to let go and move on. And luckily, I found someone I want to be friends with when I leave here. I don’t know what’ll happen with it after that, maybe nothing. But I’ve agreed to give it a shot.”
David was in shock. His mother sounded stronger and better than she had in years. And he couldn’t deny it was a good thing. How could he fault the doctor for encouraging his mother how to live again? Especially since they hadn’t crossed the lines of professionalism. As much as David hated to admit it, his esteem for the man rose higher instead of lower. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course,” she answered, a questioning look on her face.
“You say you wouldn’t trade those years for anything. Even now, knowing the horrible outcome. But I remember the grief and how long you couldn’t function. How can that be fair to you?” David’s voice was raw with emotion, or at least it sounded that way to him. It reflected the pain in his heart. Everything she’d said today was a complete contradiction to what he believed. To the way he carried out his life.
“Your father loved the fire department. It was a part of who he was. I understood the dangers and accepted those when I agreed to marry him. There are lots of jobs that don’t have risks, or ones not nearly as dangerous as firefighters face, but then people die every day going to and from work. Accidents happen.
“What happened to your father was an on-the-job freak accident. Horrific, but not an everyday occurrence in the fire department. David, any woman you ask to marry you that says yes, will be strong enough to handle anything life throws her way. I know you, and I know the type of woman you would care about. She won’t be a simpering mouse, but instead, a strong independent woman.”
David let out a deep breath, the thoughts in his head spinning like a merry-go-round. Everything he’d believed since his father died twelve years ago no longer made sense. His mother was saying her grief was her own fault for letting it take control of her life. Did she really not regret marrying his father in the first place?
What did that say about Ashley? She was strong and independent, just like his mother said. The idea of putting her through something so traumatic was like a knife to the heart. But then so was the sting of the knife from walking away from her.
He’d already lost almost eleven years he could’ve had with her. Eleven years that he’d spent as a firefighter and he hadn’t died. Eleven years they could’ve been married and had a family.
Cory could’ve been mine. He shook his head, his eyes watering.
“Are you asking for any particular reason?” His mother’s voice was gentle and soothing, bringing him back from the destructive thoughts.
“I told you Ashley’s back in town. But according to Trent, she got a job offer from the National Geographic, and she’s leaving in a week.” She’d worked hard for that job and deserved it. He would never stand in her way of achieving her dream.
“You let her go once, which I never understood. Based on the questions you’re asking me now; I think I understand a whole lot better. And I’m sorry. I feel like I’ve misguided you through some of the most important years of your life. I didn’t realize how much I was affecting other people. Mainly you.
“David, you can’t let her go again, not without telling her what’s in your heart. I can tell you still love her. Your voice changes each time you say her name, much t
he same way your father’s voice changed when he said mine.”
His mother was right, he did love her. Had always loved her. And now, David didn’t want to let her go, but therein lay the problem. He’d hurt her far too often to expect her to forgive him or to ask her to stay.
‘If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. If not, it never was.’ The famous quote by a man named Richard Bach described precisely how he felt in this moment.
“I’ve said some things recently that I can’t take back. Things designed to drive her away. I never wanted to see her go through what you did. Does that make any sense?”
“Of course, it does, David. But it’s even more the reason you can’t let her leave without telling her how you feel. You have to try.” His mother’s words of wisdom might have worked before he’d run his mouth this past Sunday.
“She’ll never listen to me.” David shook his head. He’d had two chances and managed to mess up both.
His mother smiled. “Then go one better. Show Ashley. Actions speak louder than words.”
David thought about it as they resumed their walk through the gardens. Show her. Maybe his mother was right.
The easiest way to show Ashley was to prove he believed in her. She believed the eagle existed, and although David helped her search once and moved the lines, he hadn’t really supported and encouraged her, truly believing in her cause. In other words, he’d been more patronizing than supportive.
David knew the mountain just about as good as anyone and had been the perfect person to help her. He should have been out there with her every day, instead he’d let her do the searching on her own. “Thanks, Mom. I think you’re right. And I have just the plan. Say your prayers, and let’s hope Ashley’s been right all along about the eagle. If he’s around, I’m going to find him. Before she leaves.”