Ever since that day almost a year ago James had never smelt death again, the same as Marie Rose who had never seen the future, just like Daniel Felton who could not find things or sense anything and just like Madison Hughes who could no longer hear the voices.
All those curses as he called them, died that night on that mountain and that was a good thing he thought. Without Todd Fenton they did not exist, or maybe it was Bill Fenton who was the source, but he’s dead now, he smelt no death that night.
James stood up walked towards his cousin, put his arms around her and hugged her close. He Quoted Madison.
“There was no body” he said. Marie Rose wept.
Chapter 11
Carol awoke at about 8am, she had had a restless night, she had been sleeping quite well recently, the pills from the doctor helped. The doctor had told her they weren’t addictive and they would just take the edge off her anxiety, and to only take one when needed. They had worked, but after taking two last night she still had a restless night. She got out of her bed naked and walked across the landing to the bathroom to use the toilet. She still had not got used to doing that, waking up and walking to the bathroom naked. Todd would normally be in the house, and she didn’t know why she done it, it seemed unnatural. She washed her hands swilled her face, brushed her teeth and went back into her bedroom. She stood naked looking at herself in the wardrobe mirror, she thought she looked well for her age, for someone in her forties she thought she looked hot. She smiled at herself in the mirror after all no one else would tell her she’s hot, not now. I’m just a washed up wino! She thought. She looked at herself again in the mirror and gave a twirl and then hated herself for it, she quickly covered herself up, feeling ashamed. She walked out onto the landing.
She passed Todd’s bedroom and paused, the door was closed, she kept it that way now, she had not been in there for over 6 months. Wendy used to pop by and try to talk to Todd whilst she sat in his wardrobe but Carol stopped it because it was doing both of them more harm than good. She wanted to go in and sort through his stuff, but it was still too painful, she knew she would have to one day. That day can wait.
She had always told her sons to never say ‘goodbye’ but to always use ‘see you later’ or some other term, ‘goodbye is to final’ she would say to them.
Oh how she wished she could have said goodbye to Todd.
She went down the stairs and got to the kitchen made a coffee and sat at the kitchen table, the same table that rattled when Todd flew through the ceiling almost a year ago. The same routine that she had done every morning since Todd had gone.
She held her cup with both hands as if trying to keep them warm from the heat of the coffee, her head felt in a daze this morning, she felt strange, she didn’t know why.
I had been doing okay. She thought to herself, it hadn’t been easy but I was getting there. She bit her bottom lip then rolled her tongue around her mouth as if expecting to taste blood, id even had a couple of dates.
She chastised herself for even thinking that. I lost my son and was just trying to come to terms with it.
She drunk her coffee which had cooled, stood up and knocked the switch of the kettle to make another. She stood at the sink and looked out of the window, imaging her young boys playing out there whilst she cooked dinner, and for a while she was taken back to when they were young and they were playing football in the garden. Todd was in goal and Daniel would be the shooter and whenever the ball went anywhere near Todd he would run away in case it hit him. Daniel always scored and would run around the garden with his hands in the air Carol smiled as a tear came to her eye, she wiped it away briskly as if to say do not be silly, but she had cried a million tears with a million more to come.
Why did you say that Daniel?
She then thought about the day her husband asked her for a paternity test whilst she was stood in the same kitchen. How shocked she was, she thought about that day, the same day her husband left the house and went out and killed some innocent lad. A wife of a murderer, she had thought, she thought of that night when she was sat on the sofa with her two young wonderful boys and Daniel had told her ‘Daddy was in trouble. She didn’t want to think no more but her mind was always in overload, but the wine helped, sometimes it helped, helped her forget.
As a mother of two extraordinary siblings Carol had no powers herself, just the powers to be a decent person, a fine mother and a good daughter.
Where did it go wrong? She thought. She took two paracetamol, but she had no headache, it was fuzzy as if she was in a daze.
She looked at the clock it was 8.37, she took her fresh coffee into the garden and dressed in her dressing gown she sat on the wooden bench sipping her coffee, she realised how alone she felt and felt like on that day she lost more than a son, her life had been turned upside down, her family broken, her ex-husband was dead so she couldn’t even hate him for it. She wanted to see him one more time tell him what he had done, to her, to her family. She thought of Daniel and knew that he was hurting more than anyone as he blamed himself for everything, but she couldn’t reach out and help him, tell him everything was going to be okay, she couldn’t do that to her boy, she couldn’t kiss him and hug him and make him feel better, she couldn’t do any of that because that’s what she needed done to her.
Never say goodbye. She thought, Todd why didn’t you say goodbye?
Carol gulped her coffee, a feeling of urgency overwhelmed her as if she had forgotten something really important, she run up the stairs two at a time, quickly got dressed and within ten minutes was walking down the road towards the shops. She thought the painkillers had made her feel better and then thought how ridiculous that was as she had only just taken them. She passed neighbours in the street who said hello to her but Carol could hardly be bothered to acknowledge them which was so unlike her. They just seemed to be staring at her, she felt the need to get away from them, it felt like everyone was staring and watching. She headed for the shops, she didn’t know why or what she was going to buy but she knew she had to go to the shops, no time to stop for idle chat, she told herself, she got to the spar, there was a girl at the till she did not recognise, that was good, Carol thought, she headed for her.
“10 lambert and butler please.” Said Carol.
The teller reached behind her and passed her the cigarettes, Carol paid and left the shops without saying another word. She had walked about ten yards then cursed herself, she walked back to the shops, with the same urgency, as if her life depended on it. The same teller that she didn’t know was still there, her till was empty, she didn’t want to speak to anyone.
“Could I have a lighter please?”
She quickly paid and left the shop again walking towards the park. Again people acknowledged her and said ‘hi’ but Carol neither seen nor heard them. She reached the park, it was very quiet as it was still very early, the sun was warm now and she wished she had put a tee shirt on rather than a jumper but it would have to do. She sat down on the bench, looked around like a naughty child making sure no one was watching. She opened the cigarettes, discarding the wrapping on the floor, took one out and lit it. She took in a deep drag and exhaled over dramatically, she sighed as if all her woes had been taken away from her. It felt like the best feeling she had had in months. She felt alive, she felt free, and then she looked at the clouds and wondered how her son had learnt to fly.
My first fag in 22 years, she thought.
She smoked her cigarette, sat and listened to the birds in a complete daze for about 10 minutes then lit another and smoked that. She didn’t know what she was really doing, her throat was dry and she wished she had bought a drink at the spar. She looked at the cigarettes wondering what the hell she was doing, she had no handbag with her just her purse but it was large enough to hold the cigarettes and lighter, she put them in her purse, picked up the wrapper and cigarette ends that she had dropped and walked towards a bin to deposit them.
She looked around, all around as if it was th
e first time she had ever seen this place, taking it all in, trying to remember the good times here but her mind was a blank at that moment. I’ve been here before, I only live around the corner, I took the boys here all the time, then why can’t I remember anything?’ The cigarettes had made her head fuzzy, her ‘daydream’ was only broken by her own cough, she needed a drink and decided to walk to the café for a coffee and maybe see Wendy and Katy, yes that would be nice.
Within in ten minutes she was at the café, she saw Sandy Potts at the counter she waved as she approached and ordered a coffee. She felt a little better.
“Is Wendy and Katy on?” She asked, she knew that they always worked together.
“Not until later,” said Sandy “their taking Katy to the doctors,”
“Nothing serious I hope?”
“Don’t think so, I think Katy’s having trouble sleeping,”
“Tell me about it,” said Carol and immediately regretted it wondering when she had become so bitter after all those two girls went through. I have my own problems too you know.
Sandy smiled.
“Sit down I’ll bring it over”
“Thanks Sandy,” she paused “and sorry I’m having a bad day.” I’m having a fucking weird day.
Carol sat at a table looking out into the front, the streets were busier now, and lots of children were out playing in the sunshine, a perfect scene for a normal family, just a normal everyday day in the village of Ashbourne.
Sandy came over with her coffee,
“Anything else Carol just shout.”
Carol looked at her and smiled,
“Aint got a hunky feller out back have you?” and laughed rather strangely.
Sandy knew carol very well, they had been friends for years but her behaviour worried her, it wasn’t Carols way but she just put it down as she said to having a bad day, after all they had been through would anyone be surprised, she was entitled to the odd bad day.
Carol sipped her coffee, took out her cigarettes and lit one up, within 10 seconds a young mother with a baby in a pushchair shouted,
“Oi you can’t do that in here!”
Sandy had noticed this and came running over, took the cigarette off Carol and stubbed it out in a saucer from a nearby empty table,
“I didn’t even know you smoked Carol but you’ll have to go outside if you want one.”
Carol just stared out the window in dreamland, “Oh yea the fucking smoking ban!” she said bitterly
“You ok Carol?” asked a concerned Sandy.
Carol turned around stared up at Sandy, for the first time Sandy noticed how vacant her eyes were, they were blank, as if no one lived inside those eyes, as if they belonged to no one.
“Daniel said he didn’t die there was no body!” she said and got up and left.
Chapter 12
Daniel was sat on his settee at his home, Baby Oliver in his arms, he had just been fed and seemed happy and wide awake, it was late and Becky had gone up to bed and left Daniel Holding the baby. As if I aint got a fucking enough to do, he had told her.
‘Just fucking do it for once will you, I’ve had enough of you lazing about doing fuckall’ Becky had replied.
So he did, he had fed him, changed him and now he cuddled him on the settee.
He was thinking about his interview with Wales Today, not really sure why he had said what he had said, he blamed Madison for drumming it into him. She was beginning to become a pain in the arse, Todd is dead and it’s better that way because he was a fucking freak!!!
He looked at his son.
And if you aint careful you will be next Madison!
He looked at his son.
Why do they all blame me, he thought, I looked after him all his fucking life and he was dangerous, he’s better off dead!
He looked at his son.
I didn’t asked to be born!
He looked at his son, stared at his eyes and smiled 3 month old Oliver seemed to smile back, that made Daniel feel good.
‘’ you aint going to turn out like me are you son, you aint going to have men in black chasing after you, no you’re a good boy a normal boy.”
He looked at his son and his son said,
“No dad I’m going to be just like Todd!”
Then Daniel knew it, he knew he had sired a monster, a 3 month old baby who spoke perfect English. His son just stared and smiled at his father and his father smiled back and that was the last thing Baby Oliver saw, as his father put a pillow over his head and pressed as hard as he could until the last drop of life had been taken from him.
Daniel screamed, he was sweating, he lay in the spare room in just his boxers so as not to disturb Oliver and Becky. He jumped out of bed and screamed again as he burst into the bedroom. Becky woke with a shock and screamed herself, Daniel flung himself over the bed to the cot and picked up his son with such a jolt that Oliver immediately woke and started crying.
“What’s up?” Becky screamed as she went to take Oliver off Daniel, but Daniel wouldn’t let him go, he just cuddled him, he felt like he would never let him go again, Becky grew scared.
“Was it another nightmare?”
Daniel looked at her and Becky knew it was.
“I’m sorry babe it was just horrible.”
Becky got up and huddled both him and the baby,
“I’ll go make some coffee, bring him down he’s awake now,”
She turned towards the bedroom door looked back Daniel was still cuddling his son.
“I love you Daniel Felton.”
Daniel looked at her, it was what he wanted to hear at that very moment.
“And I love you to, very much.”
Chapter 13
The Doctor was 36 year old Emily Parsons, everyone knew her as the senior Village doctor, originally they could not get an appointment for two days but when the doctor heard who it was for when Wendy asked to speak to doctor Parsons, the doctor got her in immediately. She had listened for 15 minutes to Katy’s story, but she already knew it, everyone knew it.
“You haven’t got over it!” The doctor had told her “you have pushed it to the back of your mind and pretended everything was all right but it isn’t and it won’t be until you are treated, and you are treated properly.”
Wendy had held her hand as tightly as she could when the doctor told her that she wanted to send her for treatment as an in-patient.
“I don’t want to go to a mental hospital; “she had said “I’m not mental, can’t you just give me a tablet?”
“It’s not a mental hospital and no one will treat you other than a patient who needs a little help coming to terms with what had happened. I want you to go today, they will take you in today. You will be free to leave whenever you want but I strongly advise you to listen what they got to say.”
Katy agreed and at that time both girls broke down crying, the doctor hugged them both gave them the necessary arrangements and told to go home and pack.
“Are you okay Wendy?” asked the doctor just before they left.
“I’m fine,” Wendy said.
“Would you do me a favour and come see me as soon as you get Katy settled, I’ll make sure you get to see me straight away.”
Wendy looked at the Doctor, what harm can it do? She thought.
“Sure I will.”
“Today I’m here until seven, just ring up or just turn up.”
The two girls left the surgery.
“We have got some packing to do and a taxi to order.” Said Wendy.
“Yep I’m a fucking mentalist now;” said Katy, they both laughed but for both of them it wasn’t a comfortable laugh and for a slight moment Wendy felt jealous of Katy, she wished she could go instead.
The bag was packed and a Taxi ordered and in just over an hour they were outside ST. Matthews’s hospital in Caerleon a village just outside of Newport. A village that within walking distance stood a total of 7 pubs, 2 restaurants and a chip shop so if the residents did get bored there was plent
y of places to visit. It was a small hospital stood in small grounds dealing with people with mental health and anxiety problems. They stood outside in the grounds that consisted of mainly a car park, a small garden with shrubs and a smoking area. The double doors into the hospital looked uninviting, they were glass that needed a good clean, wooden frames painted white with the paint peeling, there was a window above the door that had been cracked and now was taped up. It was as if the doors were daring them to enter. Thee who enters may never return, thought Wendy.
“Not exactly the Ritz!” Said Katy as she stood there holding her bag staring at the entrance as if in a trance.
“Maybe it’s better inside,” answered Wendy who was stood looking at the same doors.
They both simultaneously turned and looked at each other and burst out laughing.
“Well at least I won’t have you and your mum moaning at me.” Katy giggled.
They walked through the doors, to their left was a reception and the foyer was quite pleasant with carpeting, seats and potted plants. In front of them was a games room and they could see two people what they assumed were patients playing pool. The games room door was open and they could hear laughing. Towards the left and around the corner were the rooms and canteen. Within 10 seconds someone had approached them, a nurse in her thirties, she seemed to bounce along as she approached them holding out her hand to Katy.
“I’m Amanda, you must be Katy?” She said and shook Katy’s hand, Katy smiled and raised her eyebrows.
“And you must be Wendy her friend?” She held her hand out Wendy accepted it.
“Two ticks,” Amanda said “I’ll just get the paperwork and I’ll show you to your room, you’re still in time for tea hope you’re hungry?”
And with that she opened the reception office door and went into the office, the two girls could see her through the window looking through some papers, they were left just standing there.
The Fenton Saga: Never Say Goodbye / There Was No Body. Page 33