“I’m sorry about tonight. I know that wasn’t the most enjoyable dinner you’ve been forced to endure.”
“There was nothing wrong with dinner, Matt.”
He laughed. “You’re right. The food was excellent. Everything else was strangely familiar to me and shocking to you. I went back and forth about whether I wanted you to meet my dad. He’s not really a part of my life, but he is my father. Does that make sense?”
“Yes, it does. No matter how far apart you two are, there’s a part of you that wants to connect with him.”
“And we are far apart. It’s difficult to undo years of apathy, and I’m still not sure he believes it to be worth the effort.”
“Whatever his faults, he clearly adores Nerina.”
“I wonder how he feels about Eric naming his daughter after our mother. Does it bother him to be constantly reminded of the woman he treated so badly? Or is he just so hardened that it doesn’t even register?”
“It’s probably best not to know the answer. You can’t control or influence another person’s conscience.”
“I just have to live with my own. I have to work tomorrow. That rain on Wednesday got me behind. I meant to tell you earlier that Eric wants to take Julie out on Sunday, but it slipped my mind. That happens frequently when I’m with you.”
“We can’t let it happen when we’re babysitting.”
“Not when Nerina is awake. If she’s sleeping; well, that’s another story. I can’t be expected to go the entire evening treating you like a sister. That’s just setting me up for failure.”
“You’re ridiculous, you know that?”
“I’m a man. It’s kinda how we operate.”
Darcy laughed to herself as she shut off the bathroom light and returned to her bedroom. Matt had demonstrated that concept quite well after walking her to the door. She hadn’t felt like his sister by the time he finished.
* * * * *
During the drive to Eric and Julie’s house, Darcy made sure Matt understood that her role in this babysitting adventure was purely advisory in nature. She knew her limitations and wasn’t prepared to risk having a seizure while holding a five-week-old infant. He assured her that he understood her concerns and not to worry about it.
Eric, looking like a movie star in his black suit and gold tie, let them into the house. “Nerina just went down for a nap,” he said as he led the way to the kitchen. “She’ll sleep at least an hour, maybe more. Here’s the video monitor so you can see and hear her.”
“Where are you taking Julie?” Matt asked.
“I made reservations at the new place that opened in the historic district.”
Matt punched him playfully in the arm. “Going all out, aren’t you? I haven’t seen you this dressed up since your wedding day.”
Eric grinned. “You’re probably right. I’m all about comfort, and suits aren’t made to be comfortable.” He turned to Darcy. “I left our cell numbers and the number for the restaurant on this notepad. Julie will probably call a few times herself just to check on things. That’s her nature and no reflection on you.”
“Why are you telling Darcy all that?”
“Because she’s obviously the brains of this operation.”
Matt put his arm around Darcy’s waist. “I can’t argue with that. She’s also the beauty of this operation.”
“That goes without saying,” Eric added as Julie walked into the room. “Are you ready, sweet thing?”
The playful nickname brought a smile to Darcy’s face. The love and affection between these two was almost palpable.
“Yes, I think so,” Julie said as she joined them. “We appreciate you two giving up your evening to watch Nerina.”
“No problem, Jules,” Matt responded. “And don’t worry about anything here.”
Eric took Julie’s hand and started down the hall toward the door. “We’ll try, but we’re new at this parenting thing. See you later.”
Matt followed them out and relocked the door. When he returned to the kitchen, he asked, “Want something to eat? There’s plenty of food. Julie made sure we wouldn’t starve.”
Darcy ran her hand across the smooth counter. “I’m fine right now.”
“Well, I’m not.” His smile told her they weren’t discussing food. “I want a kiss, preferably in the next five seconds, but I could wait as long as ten.” Without a word, she lifted her face to his. The teasing light receded from his eyes. “So sweet, and so lovely,” he said softly.
His mouth dropped to hers in the gentlest of kisses. He tasted like chocolate, not surprising since she’d seen him eating Hershey’s kisses in the truck when he picked her up. Darcy was unaware that her hands left her sides and crept to his waist as if to keep him close to her. When he would have drawn back, she stood on tiptoe and pressed her lips more firmly to his.
A shudder went through him before he moved to deepen the kiss, his arms sliding around her waist and pulling her against him. The most intoxicating sensations began to build inside her, inducing a sigh just loud enough to be audible. Matt lifted his head and smiled down at her.
“I guess it’s true what they say about quiet girls.”
“Whatever it is, don’t tell me.”
He laughed as he released her and moved to the other side of the kitchen. “Okay, I won’t tell you. Just do me a favor and don’t do that again until we’re done babysitting. It’s hard enough to keep my hands to myself.”
Did he think it was any easier for her? Just the sound of his voice was enough to make her as breathless as if she’d just stepped off a rollercoaster.
“I’ll stay five feet away at all times.”
Matt looked up from pouring water in the coffee maker. “Like that will help. I could close my eyes, and I’d know you were in the room. At first it was vanilla, but you changed recently to something more floral.”
“Do you like it?”
“I think I’ve proven that well enough, don’t you? This thing will make hot chocolate, too. Would you like some?”
“No, thanks.” Darcy leaned down on her elbows to look at the monitor. “This is so cool – being able to watch your baby without having to be in the room.”
“It’s especially convenient when the nursery is located on another floor of the house.”
“Cason set up Stella’s crib in her bedroom for the first few weeks.”
“I think Nerina actually sleeps with Julie and Eric.”
“Can you blame them?”
Matt pushed the button on the coffee maker and came over to join her. “Not at all. I’ll probably be the kind of dad who sleeps on the floor by the crib.”
His words burned a trail of pain deep into her heart. It wouldn’t be her child he slept near. That could never be. All the wishing in the world wasn’t going to make her like other women. The hours they’d spent together, the whispered words they’d exchanged, the kisses that left them both breathless – none of those had changed reality. Nothing could do that.
“You’ll make a good father,” she said quietly.
“I hope to be. I don’t want my kids to feel like I did. I want them to know that they’re loved and that they have an important place in my life.”
“I can’t see you doing anything else.”
“I have to be a husband first.”
“You will be someday.”
“You sound so sure about it. Do you know something I don’t?”
Only that she wished he could be her husband. She felt his hand touching her back and then her hair. Would it have been better not to know what it was like to be close to him? Not to be forever tortured by memories like this?
Movement on the screen caught her eye. “I think Nerina is starting to wake up.”
Matt glanced at his watch. “It’s not time for her to eat.”
Darcy laughed in spite of her somber thoughts. “She probably needs a diaper change.”
He tapped her on the nose. “Only one way to find out.”
* *
* * *
Matt would be the first to admit he wasn’t the most intuitive guy, but he knew something wasn’t right with Darcy. It wasn’t anything he could define or even ask her about. To all outward appearances, she was her normal self. Had he said or done something to upset her?
His glance went to the fussy baby in his arms. Nerina was living up to her reputation of being impatient when she was hungry.
“Here you go,” Darcy said as she handed him the warm bottle. “Sorry it took so long. I had to figure out how to operate the microwave.”
Matt took advantage of Nerina’s open mouth to slip in the bottle. The crying stopped immediately. “She’s a happy girl now.” He glanced up at Darcy who was still standing behind the couch. “We burp her every two ounces, right?”
“That’s right. I remember Cason walking the floor with Stella. That child never wanted to burp.”
“Julie showed me what to do. If I can’t get Nerina to cooperate, you can try.”
“I’m sure you’ll be fine.”
“Come sit down. I like you close by for moral support.”
She did sit down, but not on the couch with him. All was not well in paradise.
“I was thinking we could go see a movie Tuesday night. Would you like that?”
Darcy picked up a magazine from the coffee table and flipped through it. “I’ll have to see how tired I am. I start working at the hospital on Monday.”
He sat the bottle on the table and laid Nerina over his shoulder. “What are your hours going to be?”
“Every afternoon from one until six.”
“Not weekends, I hope.” Before Darcy could respond, the sound of a burp brought a smile to Matt’s face. He kissed the top of Nerina’s head. “Good girl. Now you can have some more of this nasty smelling stuff.”
Once Nerina had been fed, Matt took her upstairs to the nursery. After he laid her on the changing table, he looked over his shoulder at Darcy. “Your turn.”
“I’m not the one who needs the practice,” she said as she moved into the spot he vacated.
He handed her a diaper. “Sure you do. You probably haven’t changed a baby since Stella.”
“You’re right; I haven’t.”
Matt stepped to the side, content to watch. He smiled tenderly when Darcy bent her head to blow kisses on Nerina’s neck and tummy. Whatever was wrong, he was going to find out what it was and deal with it. He’d known this road wouldn’t be easy, but true love was always worth fighting for.
* * * * *
As the evening wore on, the conviction that she’d done Matt a great disservice grew within Darcy. None of this should have happened. Her selfishness along with the mistaken belief that she was the only one who could be hurt had allowed things to reach this precarious point. She’d put herself into the unenviable position of disappointing the person who meant more to her than anyone. The only comfort in this nightmare was she’d caught the runaway train in time.
She was both relieved and alarmed when Julie and Eric returned. She’d gone over the situation with Matt a hundred times. It wasn’t too late. She could fix this. No irretrievable damage had been done - except to her heart - and she’d known that was going to happen. Love wasn’t only about getting the person you want. It was about being willing to let someone go when you couldn’t be what they need.
Without her in the picture, Matt would be free to go back to Sarah. He might be upset at first, but he’d get over Darcy quickly enough. It wasn’t as if he was in love with her.
The trip to her house was mostly silent. She wasn’t so caught up in her own misery that she didn’t sense Matt’s confusion as well as his sideways glances in her direction. The lump in her throat had grown to the point where she wondered if she’d be able to speak at all. When he pulled into the driveway and shut off the engine, she knew she couldn’t delay any longer. It had to be done tonight.
“Don’t get out yet, Matt. I need to talk to you about something.”
His hand fell away from the door handle. “Okay.”
She could just see the outline of his face in the darkness. “I’m not sure this ‘more-than-friends’ thing is working.”
“Really? Why do you think that?”
“I’m not ready for a relationship.”
“With me or with anyone?”
“Does it matter?”
He unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned his arm on the console. “Yes, it matters. I’ve waited a long time for you to be my girlfriend.”
“I can’t be held to something I said nine years ago. Neither of us are the same people we were then. Life has changed us.”
“Life changes everyone. I like to think it’s made me more interesting. I was already good-looking.”
Darcy bit her lip. “And modest, too.”
“Not really. I was arrogant enough to think you liked me.”
“I do like you. I just don’t want anything serious, and we’re heading in that direction.”
He gently stroked the side of her face. “You seemed to like the direction we were heading.”
“Why are you making this so difficult?”
“I’m trying to understand. You’re saying one thing, but your actions say something else.”
“I know, and I’m sorry about that. I never intended for things to go so far.”
A chuckle escaped him. “Isn’t that my line?”
She moved away from him. “This isn’t funny, Matt. There’s no reason we can’t be adults about this.”
“Being adults is exactly what we’re doing.” His hand slid down her arm to clasp her fingers. “I thought you were beginning to trust me.”
“I do trust you. Who wouldn’t trust you? This has to do with looking at things logically instead of with…with our emotions. The threat of seizures will always be with me, overshadowing my life and extending into the life of anyone who gets involved with me. I don’t even want to get into how impossible it is for me to have children. You deserve someone who doesn’t come with all these problems.”
“Isn’t that for me to decide? I want you in my life, and nothing I’ve seen or you’ve said is going to change that.”
Why was he being so hard-headed? Darcy took a deep breath. “You haven’t thought things through. You’ve already got your own physical challenges to deal with. The last thing you need is to have mine thrown on you as well.”
He smiled faintly. “I disagree. It’s because I have my own that I’m in a better position to handle yours. I understand that life isn’t perfect, that you have to make adjustments. I’m willing to do that. Epilepsy doesn’t mean you can’t get married and have children, Darcy. It just changes how you approach them. Should I give up on marriage because I’m missing part of my leg?”
“It’s not the same, Matt.”
“For every reason you give me for why we shouldn’t be together, I can find ten more reasons that we should. No obstacle is too big to overcome when two people care about each other. Love doesn’t see limitations; it sees possibilities.”
Did he really believe that? “What man would want to be stuck with someone who may never be able to drive? Who might burn down the house because she has a seizure while preparing dinner? Who will most likely at some point have a seizure during their most intimate moments? Who he can’t safely leave his children alone with? These are just a few of the complications I bring to a relationship.”
“To the man who loves you, none of that will matter. To the woman who loves me, my leg won’t matter. Love finds a way. It always does. Walking away from what’s happening between us isn’t going to solve anything, and in my case, it’s too late. I’ve been falling in love with you ever since you sold me those pickles.”
She shook her head, unwilling to believe him. “That can’t be. You were in love with Sarah when we met. That’s why I let myself get close to you. I didn’t think anyone would get hurt.”
He wound a lock of her hair around his finger. “It blows my mind that you think so little of yourself
. Did you really believe I could spend time with you and not be attracted to you?”
“Yes, I did. I thought it was only my heart I was risking.” She looked down at her lap. “I’ve fallen in love with you twice now; once as a little girl and again as an adult.”
His fingers lifted her chin so he could look into her eyes. “Then don’t push me away. Let me love you back.”
She wanted to, more than anything. “I’m trying to be sensible and…”
Matt put his finger on her lips. “I know what you’re trying to do. It won’t work.”
She thought he might kiss her, but instead he got out of the truck and came around to open her door. After helping her to the ground, he kept her hand firmly in his as they followed the sidewalk to the porch. As they stood facing each other, he pressed a lingering kiss on the palm of her hand.
“You’re a girl worth waiting for, and I’ll wait as long as it takes for you to believe that.”
Tears were running down Darcy’s cheeks by the time she made it to her room. Her purse slid to the floor as she sank down on the bed and sobbed like a child. Love doesn’t see limitations; it sees possibilities. His words seared her conscience and pierced her heart. Matt hadn’t been guilty of putting a label on her. She’d done it herself.
Maybe it was time to stop running from love and embrace it instead.
* * * * *
Even for a Friday, the line at the bank was long. Matt glanced at his watch for the fifth time in as many seconds and shifted his weight off his prosthesis. If things didn’t start moving, he was going to have to wait until Monday to make his deposit. He knew his impatience had less to do with the number of people in front of him and more to do with his fear that he wouldn’t make it to the hospital before Darcy got off work.
Two weeks had passed since that fateful, but very necessary discussion in the truck. Tonight he had something special planned, something he hoped would remove the last of her doubts.
Twenty minutes later he picked her up at the hospital entrance. Her eyes went to his collared shirt and jeans.
“You look nice. Did you finish early today?”
Only because he’d dragged Eric out of bed and gone without breakfast or lunch. “Yeah. I thought we’d celebrate our eight week anniversary by going to Pelican Point.”
Stealing His Heart: A Sweet Contemporary Romance (Finding Love Book 2) Page 17