by Lynda Chance
At first, she’d thought her feelings were one-sided. Sure, there had been that crazy kiss on her eighteenth birthday, but at the time, she hadn’t had a clue what had prompted it. Maybe it had been mere sympathy on his part or simply a fluke; maybe he’d been thinking of someone else. The only thing she’d understood at the time was that he cared for her somewhat, in a way she couldn’t possibly figure out, but she knew it wasn’t the same way that she was beginning to care for him.
After her birthday was over, he’d gone back to ignoring her as a member of the female population, just as he’d done before, only treating her in a semi-friendly way, when he deigned to notice her at all. So she’d done her best to put him from her mind and go on with rebuilding her life as she’d been trying to do since she’d arrived in St. Louis.
Her last year of high school had been nothing but a test of perseverance. After her parents had died in the car wreck, Mrs. Rule had transferred Courtney from her prestigious, all-girls school in Florida to an even more prestigious one in the suburbs of St. Louis.
Once she’d graduated from high school, Courtney couldn’t find the desire or fortitude to go away to college. It was in the back of her mind to return to Florida and rejoin her friends there, but she’d felt ambivalent, almost scared about uprooting her life again. So her first two years after high school were spent in a small community college on the outskirts of St. Louis, both to get her feet wet academically, and so she wouldn’t have to leave Justine, who’d become a surrogate mother to her.
Nick had all but ignored Courtney during the time she’d attended the small college and her pride had demanded that she ignore him as well. It had been extremely difficult after his insane kiss, though she tried to manage it as well as she could. But sometimes she couldn’t help feeling hurt. He’d smile at her but it felt forced. He’d look straight past her, as if she were a nuisance he had to put up with.
It had been impossible, even back then, not to realize that Nick treated her differently than the rest of the family did. But when had she begun to understand that it was because he was attracted to her and that he was trying to keep himself in check? It was undoubtedly once she’d been at college in Florida for a while; after a time, there’d been little question of his true feelings. But looking back, she realized there had been clues even before she’d left St. Louis, although she hadn’t recognized them at the time. She thought back as the memories began to wash over her.
****
Academically, her two years at the community college had been a piece of cake. Luckily, making high grades had always come easily for her and during those two years, when the warm months finally arrived, Courtney found herself spending a lot of time in the backyard swimming pool. She enjoyed the subtle glow of a tan on her skin, and lying for an hour or so on a float here and there was incredibly peaceful to her.
By this time, Garrett had come home from graduate school. While looking for a place to live, he’d temporarily moved back into his old bedroom, and Courtney finally had a chance to really get to know him. The few times he’d been back for holidays hadn’t been enough to even scratch the surface of his personality. Even though he was only a year or so younger than Nick, Courtney found him to be more approachable than either of his brothers. Maybe that was because he was younger than Damian, and certainly Garret had never grabbed her and kissed her as Nick had done. But because she did feel more comfortable with the youngest Rule brother, a deep camaraderie developed between them that she was only now beginning to experience with Erin.
It was as if she finally had a brother, but in a very adult kind of way, and during the three weeks he’d been settling in before assuming his full mantle of responsibility at the Rule Corporation, the two of them had become close. They’d enjoyed any number of deep, philosophical discussions. They talked about movies and television and debated the impact of digital technology on literature. They discussed world politics, religion, the scope of the universe, and whether or not any other beings were ‘out there’. Garrett had shared confidences with her that she didn’t think he’d even told his brothers. They laughed and they argued, but never once did Courtney feel anything for Garrett other than a deep, familial type friendship and respect … and never once did she feel anything other than a sibling-like relationship being returned.
That truth was underlined one day when Erin came by and all three of them spent some time together. It didn’t escape Courtney’s notice that Garret seemed to treat her exactly as he treated his sister. That realization didn’t upset Courtney in the least; it had the opposite effect, it made her feel more grounded within the family fold. She was becoming rooted, and the knowledge enveloped her in a sense of contentment that she hadn’t felt in a long time.
With Garrett seemingly unaware that she was an unrelated female, the two of them were floating in the pool one evening when the sun was just beginning to sink after she’d spent the morning helping him move the first of his boxes into his new apartment. Justine had been sitting under an umbrella chatting with them, but she’d walked into the house only minutes before to check on supper.
When his mother had walked away, Garrett had pulled Courtney’s float to his so that their heads were close together. Lying on their stomachs, he anchored her float with his arms, and glanced at the house to make sure his mother was inside. Looking back to Courtney, he said, “The DNA test came back. The bitch lied.”
“Oh, thank God,” Courtney said as a bolt of relief shot through her.
“Yeah. She’s nothing more than a c— a whore. I fucking hate women,” he swore vehemently. “Every fucking one of ‘em. Out for nothing but a free ride with a rich man. Swear to God, Courtney, I’ll never trust a woman again.”
The fury in his voice was so deep that it worried her. It seemed as if she should hear pain in his voice, but she didn’t. His tone was laced with fury. Grabbing his float on both sides as she lifted her head, she rapidly began trying to calm him down. “It’s just going to take some time, you know? There are good women as well as bad ones … you’ll find a good one.”
“Don’t want one. Don’t fucking need one. No need to get graphic, but let’s just say that I’ll be way more fucking careful in the future.”
At his determined look, Courtney’s heart sank for him. “Garrett—”
“Nah, I’m done,” Garrett said. “I just wanted you to know the outcome. Let’s talk about something else—”
His words were interrupted by a deep, booming voice, “What’s going on?”
Courtney and Garrett both glanced up to see Nick standing by the side of the swimming pool, his legs braced apart, the edges of his mouth cut into irritated, brooding lines.
Obviously not feeling any guilt or awkwardness for being within Courtney’s personal space, Garrett continued to hold on tightly to her float as he answered his brother. “Nothing much, man. Enjoying the day. Get changed and get your ass in here.” Letting go of her float, Garrett attempted to splash Nick. “Come on, the water’s awesome.”
Nick took a step back and the look on his face became completely shuttered. His stance relaxed minutely, but his answer came back forcefully, “No time. Supper’s almost on the table.”
When neither Garrett nor Courtney made a move to leave the pool, Nick changed direction and lazered his gaze on her. “Out of the water, Courtney. You look chilled already,” he ordered in implacable terms.
“The water’s warm. She’s fine—”
Garrett’s argument was cut off as Nick gave his brother a squelching look. “She’s been ill with a bad case of the ‘flu. You want her to relapse?”
Garrett appeared taken aback as he glanced back to Courtney. “When was this?”
She rolled her eyes as if Nick were being ridiculous. “Last month. I’m fine now,” she replied neutrally, refusing to jump to do Nick’s bidding.
Nick cracked his knuckles, a sudden antagonism he hadn’t been showing before rising to the surface as he barked directly at her, “Get your ass out, n
ow.”
As if on cue, Justine strolled through the open French doors. “Darling, Nick’s right, despite his appalling choice of words. It’s getting late and you might catch a chill. Let’s not forget you lost five pounds during your illness and almost developed pneumonia.” Her gaze moved to her youngest son. “Garrett, I realize you didn’t know she’d been sick, but let’s not be a bad example, okay?”
Garrett moved to get out of the pool. “If you guys don’t tell me shit like this, how the hell am I supposed to know?”
Justine tipped her head to one side. “Language, darling,” she rebuked softly, moving to get her son a towel. “Nick, be a sweetie and hand Courtney a towel.”
Courtney swam over to the steps and slowly began to rise from the pool. As Justine turned and went back inside with Garrett following her, making a comment about being starved, Nick watched his mother and brother go inside the house. When they were out of sight, his stance relaxed somewhat. Then he turned back toward her with a towel open and ready, a sudden strain coming over his features as she came to stand in front of him. His large frame seemed to become infinitely still, and suddenly embarrassed to be soaking wet in a skimpy bikini when she hadn’t been the least bit embarrassed before, Courtney lowered her face and her eyes fell from his.
He wrapped the large towel around her until it covered her from shoulders to knees and she grabbed the two ends at her throat to hold it together. Barefoot while he wore shoes, she was very aware of how he towered over her, even more so than usual.
One masculine hand clenching around her shoulder, he lifted her chin with a determined finger. As he leaned in with an intractable posture, Courtney lost the battle and looked into his eyes. “You need to take better care,” he bit out with precision.
She licked her lips, lightheaded from the situation she suddenly found herself in. Nick hadn’t shown her this much attention in months, even if the attention he was giving her was only anger. “I’m fine.”
Letting out a harsh bark of laughter, he lifted a single eyebrow, looking none too happy. “That’s a fact, sweetheart.” Before she had time to digest his meaning, his features turned menacing once again. “And I’m telling you that you need to take care and make sure you don’t have a relapse, understand me?”
Once again, her brain splintering in total confusion because of Nick Rule, she nodded her head, too tongue-tied to even begin to think of arguing with him.
“Go get dressed,” he snapped.
She watched him for only a couple of seconds, totally confused by his mood swings, and then she’d turned and fled …
Courtney emerged from her reminiscing. After the swimming pool episode, Nick had stayed away from the house for several long weeks. When he’d finally started visiting again, it was sporadically at best, and he’d paid her little attention. But then another memory hit her. This occurrence had happened many months after the first; she’d been twenty years old at the time.
Courtney had made casual friends in St. Louis, but none like the life-long friends she’d left in Florida. Jill and Trish were roommates at The University of Florida. They’d been begging Courtney to apply to the college and come home, and when their third roommate had dropped out of school unexpectedly, leaving an unoccupied bedroom in their apartment, the two girls intensified their campaign to get Courtney to join them.
It had made Courtney feel a sense of belonging again, of having her friends back, and unexpectedly, she found herself becoming excited for the first time since losing her parents. It had taken years, but finally, she began caring about her future. She wanted to go to Florida.
With Justine’s blessing and a promise of financial help, Courtney had applied and been accepted as a transfer student. The very next evening after she’d opened the acceptance letter and excitedly told her godmother the good news, she’d overheard an argument coming from the downstairs study. The voices had been so loud that she’d frozen in place.
Justine had been out shopping with friends and evidently, Nick and Damian had arrived before their mother had made it home. Courtney easily recognized their voices, the heated exchange between the brothers halting her in her tracks as she walked past the door that stood only a few inches ajar.
Nick’s was the first voice that Courtney recognized and it was filled with such fury that her feet had immediately faltered.
“Bullshit.”
“What the hell is wrong with you, Nick?” Damian had challenged.
“Nothing. There’s not a goddamn thing wrong with me. What the fuck is wrong with you that you think it’s acceptable for Courtney to go running off across the country?” At the sound of her name, Courtney had given up any pretense of not listening and leaned against the wall with her palms plastered to the wainscoting.
“She’s twenty-years old,” Damian continued to argue. “We let Erin leave when she was only eighteen.”
“Erin stayed in state,” Nick all but yelled. “Only a couple of hours away. This is totally different.”
“Nick. Calm the fuck down and think this through. Garrett went to school in Texas and you didn’t have a problem with that.”
“I was too young to care … I was still in school myself. Besides, Garrett’s a guy. Not the same thing.”
As Courtney leaned against the wall, she actually heard Damian’s sigh before he spoke. “So this is because she’s a girl? It’s a double standard?”
“Fuck, yes, it’s a double standard.”
“How are you going to explain that to her?” Damian demanded to know. “Because I’m sure as shit not going to tell her she can’t go.”
“I’m not explaining crap,” Nick spit out. “I’m telling you that we’re not paying for her tuition, not if she wants to go all the way to Florida. Not happening, end of fucking conversation.”
There was a long moment of silence before Damian responded, “You’re being unreasonable and I’m going to pretend that statement didn’t just come from your mouth. The girl has been nothing but miserable for the past three years. You know it’s true, it’s plain for anyone to see.” There was more silence while Courtney held her breath and waited before Damian continued, “This isn’t a normal situation, Nick. Courtney wants to go back to Florida to be with her friends. Why in the hell wouldn’t you want to give her a chance for happiness? She’s a sweet girl, she deserves better in life than what she’s been dealt.”
“That’s right, Damian,” Nick hissed. “You think about it. She is a sweet girl.”
The flow of words stopped and Courtney heard nothing for a moment.
“What are you doing?” Damian asked.
“I’m doing a search. University of Florida, right? That’s the one? In Gainesville?”
“Yeah,” Damian bit back.
It took several seconds and Courtney realized that Nick was looking the school up on the Internet. When he next spoke, he sounded even angrier than before. “No fucking way.”
“What?” Damian asked resignedly.
“Goddamn fifty-thousand students. Fifty-thousand,” Nick reiterated with heat. “You want to tell me how Courtney is going to fit in with so many people when she’s used to nothing but a tiny community college and before that, private, all-girls schools?
“Nick. Let’s fix a drink and sit down and talk about this more rationally.”
“There’s nothing to talk about and I don’t want a fucking drink.”
“What do you want, exactly?” Damian asked. “Mother’s not going to believe we don’t have enough money for the tuition. It’s a trivial amount for us and mom knows it. What are you going to say to her?”
“I’m going to tell her the same damn thing that I’m saying to you. Courtney isn’t ready for a school of that size. She’s not ready to live that far from home—”
“Goddamnit, Nick. Florida is her home. You can act like she’s your little sister all you want but that still doesn’t give you the right—”
“She’s not my fucking sister.” The sudden venom in Nick’s v
oice made Courtney reel back. She continued to listen in frozen shock as he continued, “She’s an innocent girl and you don’t seem to have a problem with throwing her into the deep-end. All I’m trying to do is protect her.”
There was a sudden silence and in her imagination, Courtney saw the two men standing off and staring at each other.
“I need a drink,” Damian said, a few seconds before Courtney heard footsteps. Quickly, she stood to her full height, away from the wall, bracing herself, her heart hammering in her chest. The study door was pushed open and Damian’s steps faltered when he saw her loitering in the hallway. He walked up to her and looked her over, his face set in lines of tension. “You heard?”
She nodded her head while she tried to get her vocal chords to function. “Some of it,” she finally answered.
Damian gave her a look of commiseration. “Don’t worry about Nick. I’ll get him to agree eventually,” he reassured. “We’ve got you covered on your expenses, okay?”
She shifted uncomfortably but tried to smile. “Thanks. I’ll pay you back,” she answered earnestly.
Damian gave her a penetrating look and then a half-smile. “No, you won’t and don’t even think about it. We look after our own and you’re one of us now.” Courtney felt a warm glow even as she realized that those were the most words that Damian had ever spoken to her at one time. He shook his head as if to clear it and said, “I’m going to leave him to stew a bit while I fix a drink. You want something?”
“No, thanks. I think I’m going to try to calm him down.” She motioned toward the study with a tilt of her head.
Damian looked taken aback. “Be careful. He’s not happy about this. I don’t know why he thinks your future is his prerogative to decide, but by all evidence, he does.”
Courtney gave him a shaky smile. “Thanks for the warning.”
Damian walked away and taking a deep breath, Courtney went into the study and closed the door behind her. She leaned against it and waited for Nick to notice her.
He faced the window, staring out, and the muscles in his broad shoulders visibly tensed as if anticipating another confrontation with his brother. As he slowly began to turn away from the window, he braced his legs apart as if ready for attack. “You’re not changing my mind.” His jaw was clenched and his voice dripped with intimidating determination, “There is no goddamn way she’s—”