“It wasn’t your fault, Camille. Really, I don’t blame you. I just want them to arrest Keith and his cousin, and I’ll be okay.”
I couldn’t believe he wasn’t mad at me.
“You can sit down,” he said, using his hand to motion to the chair next to the bed. “We need to talk anyway,” he added.
The lump in my throat wouldn’t go away. And although I tried, I couldn’t seem to calm my heart.
“I’ve had so much time to think things through in here,” he said.
I pulled the chair closer to his bed and leaned in to him. I wanted to take his hand, but the look on his face stopped me cold.
“Camille, you’re one of the sweetest, prettiest girls I’ve ever known, and I really like you a lot. I mean, I could see us together for a long time,” he said.
“Oh, Walter, I’m so glad to hear that,” I said, breathing a sigh of relief. “I thought for sure this was going to be the end of us.”
“Wait, let me finish,” he said, holding his hand up to stop me. “I like you a lot, but I really think we should just be friends,” he slowly continued. “I think my mom was right about not needing anything to help me lose focus.”
His words knocked me back against the chair. They crushed my heart and made me wonder if I should’ve come in the first place. Had I stayed away, he wouldn’t be breaking up with me.
“It’s not you, or anything. I just really need to start thinking about school and getting ready for Princeton. This could’ve really messed up my chances,” Walter said.
“But you said you weren’t mad at me.”
“I’m not. I just…I don’t know…I just promised my mother….”
I didn’t know what to say. I was desperately trying to fight back tears as I sat there and listened to him tell me all the reasons why we should just be friends instead of boyfriend and girlfriend.
What could I say? If I were him, I wouldn’t want me either. Despite all that stuff about me being nice, the truth was, he had spent weeks in the hospital because of my stupid ex-boyfriend and me. Even if he did want to give me a chance, I’m sure after this, his mother was more adamant than ever about him not seeing me, and I couldn’t blame her.
When the nurse came in to check on him, I eased out of the room without saying good-bye. I waited until I left the parking lot to start crying. I had to pull over to the side of the road, I was crying so hard.
The really sad part of all of this was, I couldn’t call anyone to talk to. Jasmine, Angel, and Alexis had made it very clear that I was no longer welcome in the group or their lives.
I couldn’t remember a time when I felt more alone.
32
Alexis
It wasn’t that I didn’t like them anymore. We had just grown apart. That’s what I told myself as I sat in the back of the room, waiting for Rachel to finish talking to us.
I saw Camille at the store the other day, and I turned and went the other way. And after the way Jasmine played me with Jaquan, I didn’t have a whole lot to say to her either.
And although Angel had sided with Jasmine, I really didn’t have a beef with her. But honestly, she is so wrapped up in her baby, we didn’t talk much anyway. Now it looked like none of us were talking. We just seemed to be drifting apart. It almost seemed like Camille was the glue holding us all together, and now that she was gone, we were falling apart.
After that disaster of a talk show, she’d called all three of us, apologizing again. And although her apology sounded really sincere, I still wasn’t trying to hear it. Everybody and their mama saw that show, and if they didn’t, they’d heard about it. My mom had even heard about it, and she had almost lost her mind that I would get on TV and embarrass her like that. I mean, even Angel was through with Camille. Jasmine went off on her every time she called.
I was just about to stand up to leave when I looked up to see Camille standing in the doorway. She looked like she was unsure whether she should come in. I hoped she wasn’t trying to get the okay from me.
“Hello, Camille,” Rachel said when she noticed her standing there. “Come on in.”
I know me and Jasmine rolled our eyes as she walked in. She sat down in the front row, which was empty.
“Camille, do you have something you’d like to say?” Rachel asked.
“I just wanted to tell everyone I’m sorry,” she replied.
“I have to agree with that,” Jasmine snarled.
“Jasmine!” Rachel snapped.
“No, Miss Rachel,” I jumped in. “Jasmine’s right. Camille was always the one talking about playing fair and square. She’s such a hypocrite.”
“I am not,” Camille softly protested.
“I don’t know what you call it, then,” Angel said. “You were so wrong for what you did.”
“You guys don’t understand. I was under a lot of pressure,” Camille said. She looked like she desperately wanted us to believe her.
“I don’t care what kind of pressure you’re under. You don’t sell out your friends,” Jasmine said.
“And you don’t stab them in the back,” I added.
“I didn’t stab you in the back. They told me I probably would’ve won anyway.”
We all looked at her like she was so full of it.
“But we’ll never know now, will we?” I asked. “Obviously you didn’t have enough faith that you’d get it without cheating. But hey, you got what’s most important to you—your show.”
“I wouldn’t expect you to understand,” Camille told me. “You didn’t even need the money.”
“And? Maybe I wanted the job for reasons other than money. Maybe I wanted to feel good about something I was doing. But I’ll never know now because I chose not to cheat my way into the job.” I was tired of listening to Camille’s lame apologies. I stood up and said, “I’m about to go.”
“Alexis, sit down,” Rachel commanded.
I huffed, but sat back down. Rachel took a deep breath before she started talking about how much all of this was hurting her. By the time Rachel finished her speech about how heartbreaking it was for her to see us this way, all four of us looked like we were fighting back tears, but they were tears of anger more than anything else.
“You guys have done such wonderful things together. If I had any idea this teen show was going to be the end of all our hard work, I would’ve simply told Shereen to find someone else,” Rachel said, looking like she wanted to cry herself.
I couldn’t wait to get out of there, I was getting tired of listening to Rachel go on and on about how we could’ve made such a difference and so forth. Finally, when I couldn’t take it anymore, I stood up again.
“Miss Rachel, thanks for everything you did for us. I really appreciate you helping us out and showing us a better way. But honestly, I think that everyone just got caught up in doing their own thing. I don’t think it’s really anything too personal. We all love you, and we’ll even help out if you need help with the kids, but I just think it’s time we all move on,” I said.
Rachel stared at me a moment, then said, “How many of you feel that way?” Everyone raised their hands.
Rachel let out a long sigh. “I understand, Alexis. Just know that you can still call me anytime you need to talk or whenever you need anything.”
I waved good-bye and left before I started crying. I stood out front for a few minutes, contemplating going back inside to tell everyone, Let’s just make up. But each time I thought about it, I changed my mind. There was no point in me forcing myself onto anyone, especially with them turning out to be friends like they’d proven themselves to be.
Jaquan pulled up as I was walking to my car. Could this day get any worse? I thought as I looked over in his passenger seat. There was a girl with long, golden brown braids and a huge chest, sitting there, a big cheesy grin on her face.
Jaquan was smiling, too. Until he saw me. His smile faded, and I saw him rolling down his window to say something. I took off to my car before he could see me burst
out in tears.
33
Alexis
I was too through. My parents had gone from arguing in the same house to arguing over the phone. Earlier today, I’d spent over an hour eavesdropping on their phone conversation. I know it was wrong, but I heard my mom telling a friend that she and my dad had gone to a marriage counselor after he moved out. So, that had me thinking there was hope that they would work all of this out. That is, until I heard them on the phone, biting each other’s heads off.
They both blamed each other for the downfall of their marriage. At first, I was thinking maybe the counseling would help them, but after hearing them on the phone, I doubted it very seriously.
I was so disgusted after overhearing my parents, that I’d called two of my old friends to go out with.
I hadn’t talked to Angel, Jasmine, or Camille in two weeks. I was trying to forget my troubles and move on with my life. That’s why I’d agreed to go out tonight to Club Coco Loco with Mari and Marlee.
Mari and Marlee were twins. They were brown-skinned, tall, with long hair, and had bodies like models. So needless to say, going out with them meant instant attention, not to mention, most of the time, easy access into the VIP lounges. The problem was you had to be eighteen to get in to Coco Loco. But both of them assured me that they had it covered.
Mari prepared to turn her keys over to the valet, and we stepped out of the car like princesses. I was shocked when she slipped me a fake ID for someone named Jaimi Huff, who looked incredibly like me.
Even the VIP line was snaked around the corner, but the wait was quite entertaining, since Mari and Marlee knew just about everyone in Houston. We didn’t have to wait long, anyway, because the VIP line moved quickly.
“Wanna go to the VIP lounge first?” Mari asked me.
“Sure, let’s do this,” I answered. I was already feeling the music, and we hadn’t been in there a good five minutes. I wanted to get my party on, but I figured we’d go check out the lounge first.
“Girl, I told you, this place was tight,” Mari bragged in my ear as we looked around the room.
We made our way through the crowded club, stopping in the bathroom, which was jam-packed as well. But I didn’t mind—the music was thumping, and I was so ready to get my groove on.
At the entrance to the VIP lounge, a man wider than all three of our bodies put together stepped in front of us. He had a permanent frown across his face. I was getting ready to turn around and head back toward the dance floor, but Marlee eased up to him with confidence.
“What’s up, girls.” He smiled as he realized who they were. He stepped aside and let us in after he checked our names off the list.
“Now let’s really get this party started,” Mari yelled as she led us into the VIP lounge. In there, the music wasn’t as loud, but people were dancing. Some were sitting at tables talking, and others were in dark corners, all up under somebody.
I looked around the room to try and scope out a spot for us, but Mari seemed to have everything under control. We parked at a table, and soon the drinks started flowing. I didn’t really drink and wasn’t sure I was ready to then, but I didn’t want to seem out of place. I ordered some wine, thinking that wouldn’t be too strong.
After about an hour or so of drinking, dancing, and having a really good time, Mari motioned me closer with her finger.
“You having a good time?” she asked.
“Yeah, girl. I need to hang out with y’all more often.” I laughed.
“Good. I was just looking out for you, making sure everything’s cool,” she said.
“Well, yeah, then, I’m good to go,” I said.
When a couple got up from a dark corner in the room, Mari made a beeline for their table. “C’mon over here, Alexis,” she said over her shoulder.
Marlee, who was out on the dance floor, noticed us moving, and she walked right off, leaving the guy looking clueless. When we got over to the corner, Mari dug into her purse and pulled out a freezer bag half full of pills.
At first I didn’t react or anything, just kept swaying to the music and singing along with Lil Jon & the Eastside Boyz.
“What’s up, Alexis?” Marlee giggled.
“Nothing, I’m cool.” The truth was, I was starting to feel a bit light-headed from the wine. I wasn’t used to drinking, and I probably should’ve slowed my roll a bit. And the sight of those pills definitely had me nervous.
“You okay, girl?” Mari asked.
“Yeah, I’m straight, I keep telling y’all,” I said.
“Well, why don’t you have one of these?” She opened her hand, revealing a little blue pill in her palm.
“What’s that?” I asked, knowing full well that was Ecstasy.
“A lil’ sumptin’ sumptin’ to make your troubles go away,” Marlee answered.
I didn’t know a whole lot about drugs, but I did know enough to just say no. “Naw, I’m straight,” I said.
“Girl, you think you having a good time now? Wait until you get this in you. Baby, you ain’t ever partied like this before,” Marlee assured me.
“Naw, I’ma pass.”
Mari snatched a glass of something from another table. “Party pooper,” she said as she popped the pill in her mouth. She handed one to her sister, who popped a pill in her mouth as well.
Mari rolled her eyes at me as she jumped up and bounced onto the dance floor. Marlee followed her, leaving me standing off to the side, looking lost.
I sat there for a few minutes looking around the club. What was I doing here? This wasn’t even my scene. I missed my girls, and as much fun as I was trying to tell myself I was having, this just wasn’t cutting it.
The music was loud, and people were all over each other. Mari finally walked back over to me. She was sweating like crazy and walking like she was about to fall over.
“Alexis…,” she said, reaching for my arm. “Call…for…help. I…can’t breathe. Wh—where’s Marlee?”
Before I could respond, Mari collapsed to the floor. I stood there, stunned as several people started screaming.
34
Camille
Angel, please stop crying, I can’t understand a word you’re saying. Please, tell me what happened.”
I was sleeping in Saturday morning when the ringing phone woke me up. I wondered why my mom didn’t get it, but realized it was seven-thirty in the morning, and she left for work at six.
“Now who is in the hospital, and what happened?” I asked, trying to wipe the sleep from my eyes. Angel was crying so hard I could barely understand her. But since I hadn’t talked to her in almost three weeks, I knew this had to be major. “Calm down before you have an asthma attack. And tell me what’s going on.”
“It’s Alexis,” Angel said, trying to catch her breath. “She overdosed. We all need to go to the hospital. You’ve got to come. Camille, I don’t care what problems we have with each other, we need to support her.”
“Overdose? Since when did Alexis start taking drugs?” I screamed into the phone as I jumped up from my bed. I know I hadn’t seen or talked to any of the Good Girlz lately, but dang, drugs? That didn’t even make sense.
“You know Tilly, from school?”
“Yeah, what about her?” I said.
“She called me this morning and said she was at Coco Loco last night when she saw Alexis overdose. She said they rushed her to the hospital and everything. Tilly asked the bouncer, and he said they took her to Memorial Herman off fifty-nine. She knew we hung out with Alexis, so she called me. I tried to call Alexis’s mom, but I can’t get her. Hurry and get there,” Angel said, rushing the words out. “My mom is going to drop me off.”
I hung up the phone without even saying ’bye. I raced to the shower and said a silent prayer that Alexis was okay. We might not be talking to each other, but I didn’t want anything to happen to her. Shoot, I didn’t want anything happening to any of them. I still loved them like they were my sisters. My tears mixed with the hot water in the shower as I
kept telling myself this must be some kind of mistake. We don’t do drugs. I caught myself. There was no “we” anymore.
I was dressed and out the door in ten minutes. I stopped only briefly to leave my mom a note, since I couldn’t call her at her job. I then drove like crazy to the hospital, making it in record time
I raced to the emergency room nurse’s station. “Excuse me, I’m looking for an Alexis Lansing,” I said, half out of breath.
“You and everybody else,” the nurse said, shaking her head. She pointed over to the waiting area. Angel, Jasmine, Rachel, Angel’s mother, and even Tameka were standing in a small circle, talking. I immediately feared the worst.
“What’s going on?” I asked as I made my way over to them. “Is Alexis going to be all right?”
Rachel must’ve sensed the fear I felt because she immediately took my hand. I jerked my hand away. “Alexis is all right, right?”
Rachel shook her head. “No, no. It looks like there’s been some misunderstanding.”
I looked at Angel. Rachel wasn’t making sense.
Angel wrung her hands together. “It wasn’t Alexis who overdosed.”
“Well, who was it, then?” I said, looking to Rachel for answers.
Jasmine was the one who answered. “She started hanging back out with those uppity girls from her school. It was one of them.”
“Alexis and her mother were gone by the time we arrived, but Mari’s mother—that’s the girl Alexis was with—explained everything,” Rachel added.
“Was Alexis doing drugs?” Tameka asked. We all looked at her as if to say, What was she doing here anyway?
“What?” Tameka said, shooting us a look back. “So I can’t be concerned about Alexis?”
“We thought you weren’t concerned with anyone but yourself,” Jasmine snapped.
“I didn’t come here for you—” Tameka began.
Rachel immediately cut them off. “Don’t you two start. Jasmine, are you Alexis’s friend?”
Jasmine looked at Rachel like that was a dumb question. “Well, yeah.”
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